Are You Wearing Jeans Today?

Today is International Denim Day:

This is a day in which people around the world wear denim in honor of those who have been raped and to educate society about rape.  This campaign came about after an 18-year old girl in Italy was raped by her 45-year old driving instructor in the 1990’s.  Her rapist was initially arrested, prosecuted, convicted and sentenced to jail, but his conviction was overturned on appeal.  Why? Because the woman was wearing really tight jeans! The Italian Supreme Court presumed since the woman’s jeans were tight she must have assisted him with their removal concluding their sexual encounter had to have been consensual. Enraged by this verdict, the women of the Italian Parliament protested that very day by wearing jeans to work.  This protest evolved into the first Denim Day in LA in April 1999 and has continued every year since.

I only recently became aware of Denim Day:

I learned of it when reading, Student McKenna Nerone is generating support for rape victims through Denim Day, an article on JS Online about McKenna Nerone’s project Share a Pair. Nerone, a high school senior, created Share a Pair as a project for a senior’s honors seminar. Her goal is to raise awareness of sexual assault and the dangers of blaming victims. She hopes to collect 1,050 pairs of jeans for Denim Day.

Why 1,050 pairs of jeans?
Nerone calculated during the time she spends each week in class 1,050 individuals are sexually assaulted. According to denimdayusa.org, every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

Nobody wants to talk about rape:
Not everyone was in favor of Nerone’s project.  She encountered objectors who felt rape was a taboo topic.  This taboo is precisely why Nerone went ahead with her project. She feels it will benefit both her high school and the greater community.  She is quoted in the article as saying:

“I want to make people start talking about it. Nobody wants to talk about rape.”

The topic of rape and sexual assault is rarely addressed in school, Nerone said and she wants to change that, along with a common misconception.

“Many people think that if you’re going to be raped you need to have this criteria,” she said listing weight, physical attributes and tight jeans. “But no that is just not true.”

Thank you McKenna for making me aware of International Denim Day and for the awareness you have created. Knowledge and education is the first step in fighting the rape culture that continues to be prevalent in our society.

McKenna Nerone is donating all of the jeans she collects to Pathfinders, a local nonprofit that helps youths and young adults who are survivors of sexual assault, homelessness and mental illness.

I’m wearing jeans today.  Are you?

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Continuing to Struggle with Work-Life Balance in 2012

While reflecting on 2012, I reviewed my post What Worked in 2011: Learning to Slow Down and Take Care of Myself and was surprised by my final paragraph:

I want to continue discovering who I am. Hey I turn 50 this year it is about time. I had another bad week at work then was strongly encouraged to go in on Saturday (its year-end). While sitting in my office feeling miserable, I decided it is time I get serious about figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I had a similar experience this year. I am losing three vacation days I never got around to using, my boss expected me to work yesterday (Saturday), and told me I would work on Christmas Eve day (a company holiday) if he told me to do so. My co-worker who overheard this conversation thought my boss had been joking, but it left me feeling disgruntled and guilty for not working more. When I stumbled upon my post from last year I realized nothing has changed in a year and my work-life balance may actually be a little worse.

Here are a few of the work struggles I faced this year:

Making a "Big Mistake" at Work

SWG Coffee Social: Job Disillusionment

How not to Lose Your Cool While Your Manager Screams at You

I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think on My Feet

I did have a couple of positive experiences:

How to Be More Confident at Work

Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate them

And I attempted to make improvements:

Joining Classy Career Girl's Networking Challenge

"Be Strong!" Challenge

Why I am Cleaning My Desk

Be Strong Challenge: September Update

Unfortunately all of my challenges ended in failure:

Networking Challenge:
I gave up on the Networking Challenge after I was stood up for an interview and received a couple of rejections.  I am bringing this one back in 2013 with a new focus. 
 
Push-up challenge:
I have tendinitis in my elbow and had to stop doing push-ups.  I am now experiencing so much pain I can barely lift a coffee pot.  It is disappointing to accept the fact I will never have a strong upper body, but after hurting myself for the 4th time I think I have finally learnt my lesson.  For 2013 I will listen to my body and stick with exercise routines my body can handle - Zumba and Turbo Kick.

Cleaning my desk:
Fail.  I had a clean desk until I went on vacation in October. I came back to a mess and it has remained that way ever since.  I have started a new routine - going in early which has helped.  It is nice to be in before others are there to bother me and I am not nearly as tired as when I work late.

Stopping the snacking:
This is a fail.  Once I am tired and under stress I lose all self-control and have actually gained five pounds since I went on vacation in October.  All I can do is start eating better again in January.

In 2012 I did say no more often, but the things I said no to - spending time with friends, going to the gym and volunteering - are all things I enjoy and help contribute to my work-life balance.

What should I do?
Working too many hours has been my company's culture for over 50 years.  My predecessor who retired after 35 years used to work both Saturdays and Sundays.  She was widowed at a young age and needed to support her family of five. (She was also incredibly underpaid.)  My boss has always worked too many hours and never uses all of his vacation time, so he expects his employees to do the same. 

I was "networking" with a colleague who started her own business ten years ago.  She feels her biggest career mistake was staying at a company too long.  Once you earn a reputation with a company it is almost impossible to break out of it without leaving and starting over somewhere else.  She earned the reputation (single with no children) as the employee who was available to travel and spent the majority of her time on the road.  By starting her business she can now set her own schedule and choose the clients she wants to work for.  She wishes she would have had the courage to start her business two years earlier than she did.  She suggests I start over at a new company that has a culture more in tuned to work-life balance.

I am still not too keen on continuing to work in accounting, but for the time being it does pay the bills.  I do know I will be bringing back my "Be Strong!" Challenge in 2013 with a vengeance. Other than that I am pretty sure I will still be working too many hours at my current company next year at this time.

How do you maintain a work-life balance? Do you have any suggestions for me?

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How to find work when you don’t have experience?

Kelly writes:

I am a college student working towards an accounting degree. Without job experience in accounting, how do I get ahead in this field? Where do I look for entry-level positions? Don’t recommend that I check into internships. I’ve already done so and all of the ones I’ve seen are for students in traditional schools. I am a non-traditional student and I don't have many contacts. I also have children, so I need to work to live. If you know of any alternatives or how to network being a non-traditional student please let me know. Any advice would be appreciated.

Your question is such a catch-22; no one will hire you because you don't have experience, but how are you supposed to gain experience if no one will hire you? Years ago when I was starting out, the only work I could find was typing. After I typed checks I added accounts payable to my resume. After typing invoices I added accounts receivable. My first real job was working in an accounting department entering work order data into an accounts receivable database. From there I was hired as a staff accountant at a brokerage firm. Unless you are lucky or have contacts you usually have to start at the bottom.

I recommend:
Apply for any type of administrative job at an accounting firm or in accounting department to get your foot in the door. I know someone who spent a summer scanning client work papers into an accounting firm’s computer system when the firm went paperless. She now works at the same firm as a full-time tax accountant.

Apply for jobs working with accounts payable and accounts receivable.

Don’t discount jobs with low pay:
You will most likely have to take very low pay for at least 6 months or until you prove yourself.

Sign up with every temporary job search firm in your area:
Go through their registration/interview process. Some firms will offer free on-line training. Take advantage of these programs especially if they provide training in Excel. Also, many firms offer benefits after you have worked a certain number of billable hours. Working for temporary firms is an excellent way to build your resume while gaining experience and discovering what type of work/industry you enjoy.

Work hard, be likable and have a positive attitude:
If a company likes you they will request your services when they have future work and may offer you a permanent position when one becomes available.

Join one or two of the professional organizations in your area:
Most professional organizations will offer reduced annual dues and subsidized meal costs for students. Some may even sponsor student dues and/or cover the cost of a dinner or two. Really network with these people. Let them know you are looking for entry level work. Dress professionally; a nice pair of dress pants and a sweater or blouse would be perfect. Act interested and engaged. Ask questions. (At a recent professional organization meeting, I witnessed a student looking extremely bored as a member discussed the death of her father. Two other students rolled their eyes as we discussed the qualifications of an upcoming speaker.) We do notice this behavior and will not recommend someone we think has a bad attitude. Our reputation is more important than helping you find a job.

Do volunteer for tax preparation work:
Seek out local tax preparers. Offer to complete basic returns and to help keep the tax preparer organized during tax season for free. Next year offer to help again, only this time ask if you could be paid.

Do not lie or exaggerate on your resume or during an interview:
Your reputation is on the line. Nothing will get your new job off on a worse note than asking your employer how to make a basic change to an excel spreadsheet after you've told them you were an excel expert during the interview. To read more on this topic see Anita Bruzzese's post Is it okay to fudge the truth on a resume?

Good luck to you.  If you are persistent, I am confident you will eventually get the job experience you are looking for. Do keep working towards your degree though.  I was a non-traditional student myself and I know how hard it is to work full-time while taking classes. Once you've earned your degree, you will have more opportunities available to you.

Readers - How did you get that first job in your field? Do you have any additional advice for Kelly?

If you liked this post, you may also like:  Do you type? where I wrote about my career as a typist.

Remembering: A Lesson in Community

If you are a regular follower of my blog you may have noticed I usually post on Sundays. With today being September 11, 2011 my first thought was to not acknowledge the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and schedule my weekly blog post for Monday.

Then my brother who lives in NYC sent me this photo he took of the 9/11 memorial:

I found it so moving, I decided to include it in a post and write about how important it is to never forget what happened on 9/11. To include my own memories; where I was, who I was with, how I remembered the crisp air of that September day and what I had been wearing.

Then this morning I read a post on Florinda's blog The 3 R's. She writes about community, reminding us September 11, 2001 was a day that brought people together, no matter where they were.
She writes:

We haven't always consistently maintained that sense of community and connectedness throughout the last decade, but it's important to remember how important it is.

I put off writing this post and went outside to read the Sunday paper with my dogs. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my reading. I kept thinking about Florinda’s post and how unconnected I have become in the past ten years in my own community.

I thought back to the days immediately following 09/11/01. How time seemed to stand still as I mourned with friends, family, co-workers and even with strangers at the gym. We put our politics aside and banded together to raise money, share news or to just say hello. I thought about bipartisan politics and how divided we as a nation have become over the past ten years. About the long winter of protests here in Wisconsin, recall elections and families who are now divided between those who are union members and those who are not.

I thought of my own neighbors who before yesterday I hadn’t talked to in over a year. This past year the neighbors on my block joined together to create and pay for a neighborhood improvement project. My home’s property is located just outside of the project line, so I didn’t attend the planning meetings. Plus, their meetings conflicted with my favorite aerobic class; my husband did attend and kept me informed as to what was going on. Yesterday I walked down the block to take a couple of photos of the project.

I came home two hours later with a bag of flower seeds, freshly picked vegetables, new gardening tips, my photos of the project and a years worth of neighborhood gossip. Most of my neighbors were outside. They invited me into their yards and gave me tours of their gardens. I apologized for not attending their parties. I told one of them I still wanted to volunteer with a gardening group she works with and that I still planned on becoming a master gardener. Because these activities either occur while I am working or are too time consuming, my involvement would have to wait until I am retired - in ten years. She was flabbergasted - ten years.

My work is demanding, stressful and not community oriented. I learned earlier this year I had to say no to outside engagements for my own sanity. For the first time in eleven years, I am not on the board of an organization I am involved with and I must say I miss the community.

My current community involvement consists of on-line activity, going to work and to the gym. I have made several friends at the gym so when I do work out I feel as though I am taking care of myself and engaging in the community. Work is another story I will save for a future post.

My husband would say I spend too much time on-line. I do spend a lot of time reading other blogs, but I don’t comment or write posts as often as I should. I consider my blog’s regular commenter's my friends. Recently one of them experienced a health scare in her family then her home was threatened by Hurricane Irene. I found myself wishing I could call her to see if there was anything I could do and to offer my support.

In the end, I decided who cares where I was on 9/11/2001. I used this day and this post to reflect on my community involvement. My neighbor has a point; I can't wait another ten years to get involved. I have to figure out how to realign my life to include more community participation. I encourage all of you to reflect on your own community involvement. In addition to never forgetting what happened on September 11, 2001, it is important for all of us to consider how we can achieve our own sense of community and connectedness.

Know your limits and learn to say “NO”

If I were to write “A letter to my 18 year old self” I would need to include:

Know your limits and learn to say “NO”

Last summer, my friend Jess asked if I would help her run a charity event to be held in February. She had received a tip for a cheaper venue and was certain her company would sponsor the event. We came up with some great ideas to “change it up” and attract a larger crowd. Typically, January is a busy month for me; I work as an accountant and have spent many Januarys working 50+ hours a week closing the books and preparing for the year-end audit. Jess was persuasive and I agreed thinking I’ll find a way to make it all work.

The venue fell through; Jess’s company waited ‘til the last possible minute to commit to the sponsorship forcing us to hold off publicity ‘til early February. Everything was more work than anticipated. My year-end audit was a week earlier than usual, a co-worker became seriously ill and I had to cover for her. Much of the communication regarding the event needed to be completed during work hours. My manager pointed out volunteer work pays the same regardless of contribution. I ended up telling Jess I had to scale back my participation during the month of January. I know she was perturbed and I was overwhelmed with guilt.

The event wasn’t well attended and despite making money we don’t consider it a success. My relationship with Jess has changed and all I keep thinking is why did I say yes. I knew last summer working on an event in January would be difficult in the best of years. If only I had realized my limits and learned to say no back when I was 18 imagine how much aggravation I would have saved myself over the years.

I had always thought learning to say “NO” was a “woman” problem or a problem for young adults. Then I came across this post on Satisfying Retirement's blog. One of the things he has learned after a decade of retirement is he is Much Better at Saying "No." His lesson is so good I have to include it in its entirety. He writes:

When someone first retires there is often a rush of requests for that person's time. Volunteering for this or that, heading a committee, helping with the Boy Scout meeting..... the lack of a full time job must mean you are constantly available to help others. But, as the years pass by the ability to filter out the things you don't want to do becomes greater. The ability to say "No" to everything comes more easily. You find the strength to say "Yes" to the things that are meaningful to you and most helpful to others.

Surprisingly, this adjustment has been as difficult as any. Saying "no" is not part of our nature. We all want to be needed, liked, appreciated, and desired. The more things you are asked to help with the more you are validated. To turn someone down is to risk being seen as standoffish or aloof or selfish.

But, just as an awareness of the passage of time grows as you age, so does the understanding of protecting yourself. Spread too thin, saying "yes" too many times, and you will drown in all that validation. By becoming more selective you will do a better job at whatever you do agree to do, and be happier in the process.

As for me, I feel as I did at the end of a semester when I was attending college while working full-time. I need to take some time to kick back and take care of myself for awhile. In the future I will consider my limits before committing to volunteer work and I will never volunteer for anything that requires me to work during the month of January again.