Is it me or is it the Crate & Barrel Table Runner?

I will be the first to admit my interior decorating/housekeeping skills are not exactly on par with Martha Stewarts, but I can’t help wondering if this latest episode is entirely the result of my inadequacy. Last year, I received a gift of hand painted candle holders and have been searching for a table decoration to display them with ever since. A few weeks ago, I found this table runner at Crate & Barrel. The flowered pattern is a perfect match.

After removing the runner from its tightly wrapped plastic packaging, I noticed it was deeply creased. The label indicated the runner was made of cotton; its embroidery made of rayon, so I set my iron on low and began ironing. It wasn’t long before little iron marks started appearing in addition to the creases. Thinking I was ruining my new table runner, I searched the internet for: “How to iron rayon"

On the purse blog I found:

Never iron rayon right side out without a pressing cloth to protect it. Rayon will gain a shine to it if you iron it directly. Either iron the inside of the garment or use a pressing cloth on the outside.

I then ironed the runner from its back side and placed a cloth on its right side while ironing the top. After about twenty minutes the creases remained as well as the little iron marks, only now the runner also refused to lay flat. I quit. Even my husband thought it looked worse than before I had started.

I complained to my more domestic friends, asking if I should take the runner to the dry cleaners. They recommended I steam it or better yet take it back to Crate and Barrel and have them steam it.

Since I don’t own a steamer, I called the store where I had purchased the runner explaining the crease problem. The sales associate’s first comment was all of our table runners are packaged like that (I hadn’t asked; apparently she has had this complaint before). She suggested I wash it then iron it. When I politely asked if by chance the store could steam it for me she responded with:

"Well, you can’t come in today we are too busy (I hadn't intended on going in today). We need to focus on our in-store customers."

And

“If you give us your phone number we'll call you when it is a good time."

Hello. Aren’t I a customer? Although, I am seriously considering never being one again. Also, I work full time and can’t exactly run to the mall when it is convenient for them. And finally, was it really necessary to package the table runner tightly in fancy plastic packaging (which I’m sure cost me at least an extra five bucks). I can't imagine too many customers appreciating the extra work.

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Happens Every Day: An All-Too-True Story

As part of my 2009 goal “Getting my Ducks in a Row,” I’ve been reading quite a few memoirs in search of inspiration to continue moving forward with those baby steps. In doing so, I’ve come to the conclusion Sarah Statz Cords had a valid point when she wrote on her blog Citizen Reader:

For a long time, I wasn't up to reading memoirs. They're almost like fiction for me in that there's so many of them available; I'm bound not to like the majority of them.

I was looking forward to Isabel Gillies book Happens Every Day: An All-Too-True Story; not all change or reinvention is the result of our own choice i.e. divorce, job loss, or loss of a loved one. In Gillies case, her life is turned upside down after her husband develops a crush on a fellow teacher and announces he is done with their marriage.

I first heard of this book on Gretchen Rubin’s blog The Happiness Project when she interviewed the author, Isabel Gillies. Isabel has done some soul searching on happiness and gave an inspiring somewhat introspective interview. I love this line:

"I think what one may want to achieve is not so much happiness but peace?"

The problem with the book is what the title states, "Happens Every Day" there just isn’t anything new here; Isabel meets boy, gets married, has two kids, relocates for his career, he has an affair, they break up. The story would make a great "Lifetime" movie complete with the requisite box of Kleenex.

I was hoping for more introspection from Gillies including what inspired her to move on after her marriage ended and the steps she took to rebuild her life. Unfortunately, she had given the major points of her introspection in the interview she gave Gretchen which I had previously read.

She did, however, offer two good pieces of advice for couples splitting up:

1. The first step for moving on is to get a really good lawyer.

2. My lawyer from Cleveland gave me a good piece of advice. He said we should come up with a separation agreement fast. If you are close to the marriage you remember what the good parts felt like. In the beginning you both will want to treat each other well, or at least fairly. The farther you get from the marriage, the more lawyers involved, the more he turns into an asshole he never really was before and she turns into an incredible bitch she wasn’t before. Don’t let lawyers talk for you because everyone will lose. Everyone losses anyway in a divorce. Both sides always have to give a little bit more than they want and lose a little bit more than they want. There are no winners.

Enough Said.

Taking personal responsibility for your life

At a recent seminar, one of the speakers made a casual comment linking Generation Y to the culture of irresponsibility. I have never been one to put much credence in generational generalizations or a one-size-fits-all approach. My opinion was only reinforced, while perusing the blog, “Hustleup.” Hustler, who appears to be a member of generation Y, has an impressive list of goals. Does she sound irresponsible to you?

As I look back on my early twenties, I wouldn’t describe myself as responsible. I was serious about my job and worked hard, but was more about having fun and just letting things happen than being responsible. I knew what I was supposed to do; live below my means, stop using my resources (money, time and energy) trying to impress people, and to end relationships that were bad for me or weren't working, but I didn't take the necessary steps to do so.

I remember the day I had a revelation similar to the one Trent had here on September 23, 2005. I was 28; had finally broken up with my boyfriend of seven years, a bad relationship I had allowed to continue way too long, was working full time and taking accounting courses at night. On this particular day, I was late for class and frantically searching for a parking place. Frustrated and angry I began blaming my parents and ex-boyfriend for the sorry state of my life. Suddenly, I realized none of them were magically going to appear and help me find a parking space. Nor, were they going to pay off my credit card debt, study for my exams or help me achieve any of my other goals. It was up to me. I realized at that moment I needed to take care of myself and accept responsibility for my own actions, decisions and goals. From that day forward, I began making the sacrifices necessary to achieve my goals. I used vacation time to study for exams. I stopped frivolous shopping and dining out; finally living below my means. Eventually, I finished my accounting courses and passed the CPA exam. I got control of my finances, paid off my car loan and credit card debt. I even put some money aside in case of an emergency.

Some additional great advice on becoming accountable comes from Danielle LaPorte's blog White Hot Truth. In her post, for rage babes flakes and tyrants get over it she writes:

Decide to just get over it. Let it be that simple. For most of us who had normally dysfunctional upbringings (I’m not talking about suffering exceptional atrocities or repetitive abuses,) our past is no excuse to continue being a flake, a tyrant, obnoxiously needy, or a rage-babe. Look, we’re all terrific for going to therapy, for having past life insights, and reading Wayne Dyer. Yeah for the New Age. Really. But knowing why you’re so screwed up is only half the journey. Choose to let it be done.

And from her comments:
I don't remember who said it but it's true that we need to spend only 10% of our time, thoughts, and energy talking about the problem and the other 90% working on a solution, a strategy, a plan.

Another commenter writes:
A friend of mine was whining to our small meet-for-coffee gathering about her life being screwed up because her parents, yada, yada, yada. One of the guys looked at her and said: "After 35, everybody needs a new excuse." It stopped her cold.

"After 35, everybody needs a new excuse." ~ I love that. I also think there should be an expiration date on blaming your ex-husband, boyfriend or even your current husband for your life’s circumstances. I was recently at a party where a woman was blaming her ex-husband for her unhappy life. She listed such undesirable factors as he liked dogs while she liked cats. She spoke with such venom and anger I had to ask how long it had been since she divorced. Her reply: Ten years ago.

I hate to see loved ones struggle and make the same mistakes I did, but sometimes failure is necessary before growth, and advice falls on deaf ears. Deciding to take responsibility for your life doesn’t seem to occur at any one particular age, but is a necessary step towards creating the life you want.

For more information on the subject of responsibility, read Henrik Edberg's post 7-timeless-thoughts-on-taking-responsibility-for-your-life.

MSO employees donate $1,000,000 to orchestra

The following announcement was made prior to a recent MSO performance:

"The Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, currently in its 50th season, plans on being around for at least another 50 years despite the current economic slow down. How is this possible? It is because the MSO’s musicians and staff employees recently made a $1,000,000 donation to the preservation of the MSO."

Actually this “donation” is really a pay cut the musicians agreed to as part of their new contract which goes into effect in August. The 9% salary reduction and reduced pension fund contributions along with the staff cuts removes $960,000 from the 2009-'10 budget.

After hearing this, I’ve been thinking more about my own company’s salary and expense reductions. Like the MSO, my company which has been in business since 1944, has had to go into survival mode. The expense cuts were absolutely necessary to save 115 jobs plus attempt to guarantee our company will also be around for at least another 50 years.

The economy continues to suck for workers!

A reader left a comment on my blog post "A One Word Explanation" offering their own word to describe the economy: “sucks!” I must say after a particularly dismal couple of months, I have to agree the economy does suck, especially for workers. Just about everyone I know myself included has been affected by this recession:

-Heard at my niece’s college graduation party: only 25% of college graduates have job offers (actually 25% is too high, Alison Green of Ask a Manager linked to this article the other day, showing that only 19% of recent grads have found work so far). One partygoer, a grad majoring in computer engineering, had a job offer only to have it rescinded when the company announced it was to be sold. Another grad, an accounting major, had the start date for her new job at an accounting firm postponed from September 1st to January 1st of next year.

- Neighbors and friends have lost their jobs. Amidst struggles to make ends meet, at least one of the several homes in my neighborhood that have gone up for sale is due to a job loss.

- The company I work for had a horrific April. Rumor has it our bank threatened not to renew our line of credit unless major expense cutting took place. Effective June 1st, five employees were laid-off, all exempt employees including myself received an 8% salary reduction, hours were reduced for most non-exempt employees, employee's share of health insurance premiums were increased along with deductibles and out of pocket expenses and the 401(k) company match was suspended. My company anticipates these cuts will remain in effect for at least one year.

- The same week my company announced cutbacks, my husband received a notice from his employer that his 401(k) company match would be suspended effective June 1st.

-Feeling an 8% salary reduction was a little steep; I decided to take action and look for a new job. I spent close to two hours applying for one job opening I found on career builder. I was positive I was a perfect fit. Unfortunately, I received a rejection notice via email first thing the next morning. This was the fastest job rejection I have ever received and the first rejection notice I’ve received via email.

-A friend who owns his own business has also been forced to reduce his employee's wages. He currently has two job openings, but refuses to pay candidates more than what his loyal employees make. He tells potential candidates he can only pay them what the market will bear.

According to Sudeep Reddy in her article in the Wall Street Journal, "A turnaround in the overall economy won't translate into a full turnaround for workers. Most forecasters expect employers to slash more jobs than they're adding at least through the end of the year. The huge job losses may end, but they won't turn into meaningful job gains until sometime in 2010."

How are employees coping? This is what I'm hearing from my co-workers around the water cooler:

I’m not going to make any major purchases I may regret later. There are fears the cuts our company made were not deep enough and additional cuts will be made in the future.

I’m okay with doing Susie’s job in addition to my own because I’m happy to still have a job, but I do plan on asking for a new promotional title that incorporates my new responsibilities. A promotion will look good on my resume.

My boss admits the company decided on salary reductions for exempt employees instead of time-off without pay to prevent employees from using the additional time off to look for a new job. Most employees are at least talking about looking for a new job.

While filling out on-line applications one employee realized she needs Microsoft Access experience. She’s planning on taking a class and incorporating what she learns into her current job.

We need to beef up our networking. The latest networking tool everyone us getting involved with is LinkedIn. Let's check it out on our lunch hour.

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours." ~Harry S. Truman

Early Retiree Laments, “Was it all worth it.”

The last time I saw Ron and Cindy, they were both miserable. Both had been working long hours in jobs they could barely tolerate. Ron’s company had undergone a complete management overhaul. He was having difficulty adapting to his company's new culture and his ever increasing job demands. He had gained weight and was suffering from depression. Cindy, who was a special needs teacher, had just finished the most difficult year of her 32-year teaching career. After much soul searching and a little financial planning, they both decided to retire early at the age of 56. That was two years ago.

Here are their thoughts this past weekend on early retirement:

Ron looks fantastic; he has lost weight, is more relaxed and is happier in retirement than he has been in years. He spends his time reading, relaxing and puttering around the house. His current project is painting the outdoor shutters. He feels early retirement is the best thing he ever did.

Cindy is another story; she can't help but wonder if it's all been worth it. First, there was the process of finding a new job. After ending her teaching career, Cindy who is a very social person, decided she still wanted to work, but in a less stressful, part-time capacity. She found a job working as a cashier for the local pharmacy. She soon realized working with the public can be trying. Also, mastering the pharmacy’s cash register was not an easy task. Despite working fewer hours, she still finds herself working with difficult people and dealing with work-place politics, only now she makes less money and has no benefits. She thinks she may have been better off staying where she was at. “I knew that job like the back of my hand.” She has accepted a part-time teaching job at her old school for the summer.

Then there was the market turn-down last fall. Their portfolio lost 50% of its value. To continue to make ends meet, they had to adjust their budget by curtailing eating out and canceling all travel plans. They both acknowledge if they hadn’t retired before the downturn they would probably both still be working.

What is the moral of this story? I have dreamed of retiring early for years, actually since the late 90’s when my 401(k) was earning double digit returns. This fantasy usually includes a little part-time job, maybe in retail, just to get out of the house. After talking to Cindy, I realize work is just that – work. If I can’t afford to or don’t want to retire completely, I may be better off staying where I’m at until I can.

A second mammogram required; questions answered

Pleased to have this task completed in less than 15 minutes after arrival; I was feeling pretty cheeky as I left the clinic this year after my annual mammogram. Unfortunately, I would receive a call later that day informing me additional images were needed. I would undergo a second mammogram and ultimately a biopsy. To my relief, I ended up having a benign breast calcification, not cancer. As I look back on this experience, which was pretty surreal, I realize I had quite a few questions throughout the process. I will now attempt to answer those questions with the intention of helping others in a similar situation.

How common is it to be called back for a second image?
About one in ten mammogram screenings result in a patient being called back for further testing. Most likely this call back is not due to a bad image, but because the radiologist saw something that looked suspicious and wants a better view. The second screening is a magnification or a compression view where they zone in on a specific area or an ultrasound that will give information like is it a solid area or just a more dense area of tissue or if it's a cyst.

What was seen on my second diagnostic image?
The radiologist saw a calcification on my left breast that had not been present on prior images.

What are breast calcifications?
They are deposits of calcium in some areas of the breast tissue that show up as white spots on a mammogram. They cannot be felt, and are only detected on a breast mammogram. They are very common and in most cases harmless.

There are two types:
Macro-calcifications are usually larger, fewer in number, widely dispersed, and round. They are harmless and need no treatment or monitoring.

Micro-calcifications are specks of calcium that may be found in an area of rapidly dividing cells. When many are seen in a cluster, they may indicate a small cancer. About half the cancers detected appear as these clusters.

What causes breast calcifications?
Calcium can be deposited in breast tissue for a variety of reasons, many of which are not related to cancer. Some benign causes of breast calcifications include inflammation from a breast infection, and injury or trauma to the breast. Calcium deposits may also be included in a benign breast cyst or a benign breast growth like a fibroadenoma. Taking calcium pills does not cause them. Also, there is no known link between calcium intake in diet and the formation of breast calcifications. Nor has a correlation been found between post-menopausal hormone replacement therapy and the development of breast calcifications. Calcifications in breast tissue occur most commonly as a natural process of aging. As we age, there is some degeneration of tissues and this can cause calcifications. Hence most women develop calcifications as they grow older. The cause which worries women the most is of course cancer. But cancer as a cause of breast calcification is quite uncommon compared to the high proportion of calcifications seen due to other causes. Cancer is suspected only in some specific patterns of calcification.

Why a biopsy?
The way these calcifications are positioned within the breast and their number and shape can provide the radiologist with an idea of whether these should be left alone or further examined for invasive or preinvasive disease.

My radiologist explained there are three possible determinations he makes based on the shape of the calcification:
1. A mass that is star-shaped or irregular is serious.
2. A round or smooth-edged mass is more likely to be a fluid-filled cyst and not serious.
3. Calcifications that are hard-to-tell he deems indeterminate. Of course, mine was indeterminate.

There are two approaches to dealing with indeterminate calcifications:

A wait and see approach ~ I would return in six months for a follow-up mammogram to see if the calcifications have changed - a sign that a cancer could be growing.

Perform a biopsy ~ This is the only way to be absolutely certain the calcification is benign. Whether or not to do a biopsy depends on the radiologist's level of suspicion. When suspicious micro-calcifications appear on a mammogram, but no lump is felt, a needle localization biopsy is recommended, so that breast tissue can be removed and examined under a microscope by a pathologist. Some radiologists recommend the aggressive approach when dealing with indeterminate calcifications, recommending a needle-localization biopsy to see whether malignancy is present.

Because the deposit had not been present on prior mammograms along with the indeterminate positioning of the calcifications my radiologist strongly recommended a biopsy.

What actually takes place during the biopsy which is called a stereotactic core needle biopsy?
The radiologist removes small slivers of tissue containing the “suspicious” calcifications through a thin, hollow needle. This procedure is done using a special table and computer guidance device. A stereotactic core needle biopsy requires only local anesthesia (the patient is awake and alert) and the tissue can be sent to the laboratory for analysis without surgery.

My biopsy went well; the radiologist was able to remove the entire mass of calcifications. Afterward, he indicated he would be surprised if the biopsy results did not come back benign. Also, he was pleased to have been able to remove the entire deposit.

What percentages of biopsies are benign?
Around 85%. Calcifications themselves are not cancer but may be present in the midst of a cancer. Clustered small calcifications alone are associated with about a 25 percent risk of cancer.

Final thoughts on the ordeal:
~I didn’t get rattled, but I was anxious. To help ease the anxiety, I rescheduled both appointments to earlier dates as cancelled appointments became available. If something was seriously wrong I wanted to know as soon as possible.

~ I asked as many questions as I could of family and friends who had undergone the same procedure to give myself some idea of what to expect.

~ My sister, who is a radiologic technologist, gave me the following advice which did wonders to reassure me everything was going to be fine even if the calcs were malignant:
Calcium deposits also called micro-calcifications can be a very early sign of a cancer called ductal carcinoma in situ. If this is the case, would be easily treatable since it is so early.

~ Now that the bills are coming in (this procedure cost close to $5,000, of which my insurance company will pay 90% after I meet my deductible), I can't help wonder if I should have gone with the wait-and-see approach. My sister strongly disagrees with this statement insisting I did the right thing following the radiologist's recommendation.

~ You can’t take aspirin seven days prior to the biopsy and for three days following, but you can take Tylenol. I wasn't informed of the Tylenol option until after I developed an incredible migraine and pleaded with my breast care coordinator to allow me to take some type of pain reliever.

~What do you wear to a biopsy?
As I prepared for my biopsy, I couldn’t help think what does one wear to a biopsy; do you go for style or cheering up? I ended up going with worn and comfortable. I thought this was kind of weird thing to think about until I read in his book Chasing Daylight;Eugene O’Kelly wore golf clothes to his radiation appointments to get in a good mood as if he were going to play a round.

~During the procedure, the breast care coordinator stood next to me talking me through the procedure. I appreciated this diversion.

~The biopsy itself hurt. My back and neck got stiff. Also, the recovery wasn’t pleasant for the first couple of days. I had to ice the area every four hours and could lift nothing heavier than a jug of milk. Even moderate activity produced bleeding. Plus, I am still black and blue and the procedure was three weeks ago.

~Despite all of the favorable assurances I received, it was an incredible relief to know for sure it wasn't cancer.

~ And lastly, if you need to let a patient know their lab results are going to take longer than anticipated do not start the conversation with: “I HAVE BAD NEWS.”