How not to lose your cool while manager screams at you

The owner of my company has an intense type “A” personality.  He’s in his seventies and currently holds the position of CEO.  Over the years I’ve seen him lose his temper many, many times reducing his targets to jellyfish. Recently I experienced his anger first hand:

I was busy working on a project due in a couple of hours when our CEO interrupted me asking if I’d notarize some personal papers for him. He said something about where I should notarize as I searched for my notary stamp.  I took the forms and began filling in the date when I realized I was about to notarize someone else’s signature. I said this is for Mr. Smith?  He grabbed the forms and began screaming at me, “WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN.”  That is my brother’s section. I told you to notarize here.

I managed to keep my cool as I completed his request.  He did say, “How did you like being yelled at?” (Which was probably his way of apologizing) as I notarized. I responded with “I’ve been yelled at before.”      

How did I manage to keep my cool?

I was able to put his anger into perspective. Fortunately I had been reading Anne Kreamer's book It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace.  A couple of days earlier I had read the following paragraph:

Anger in response to frustrations encountered on the job is one of the most pervasive kinds, with 69% of our survey respondents reporting having been frustrated during the past year. This sort of anger lets off steam and relieves stress and almost half the people surveyed cited the perception of coworkers not doing their job properly as prime motivator for frustration – driven anger. (Pg. 58)

As the CEO was screaming at me I realized he was lashing out due to his frustration with my lousy listening skills.  Imagining where his anger was coming from shifted my focus from being yelled at to feeling guilty for not listening.

Another common technique given to change perspective is to imagine your opponent as a two-year old having a tantrum while wearing a diaper.

I kept breathing:

I discovered why breathing helps us remain calm in Penelope Trunk’s book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success.  Practicing deep breathing was one of the techniques Lindy Amos, a consultant who teaches people build connections through authenticity, gave Penelope to practice at home: Penelope writes:

Lindy told me an American Indian proverb: “The difference between fear and excitement is breathing.” She said, “Fear causes your breathing to become shallow, your muscles to tense, and your brain to go blank.  We communicate to have impact. If we’re not breathing, we’re not even present. There is no chance of having impact if you aren’t even present.  Deep breaths free your constricted chest, oxygenate your blood, and put you in charge of your brain again.” (Pg. 108)

Perhaps most important I have learned something from all of this.  In the days that followed instead of brooding over being yelled at I made a conscious effort to really listen to others.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve my listening skills? Have any of you been yelled at in the workplace? How did you manage to stay calm?

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