Today I would like to talk about receiving a job or promotion because you are a woman.
When Sheryl was named the Treasury Department's chief of Staff in 1999, several people remarked to her:
"It must have helped that you were a woman." (Pg. 144)
Note there was no affirmative action for woman at the Treasury.
Oh my gosh! People have said something similar to me. When I was in school studying to be a CPA more than one person told me I would have no trouble finding a job when I finished because "I was a woman."
Not even two weeks ago, a male I know who works for a fortune 500 company, told me the only way you can be promoted today in his division was to be a minority female. Seriously, I can't imagine promotions are awarded to minority females over men just because of gender or race.
It was conversations like these that inspired Sheryl to begin talking about women in the workplace. Here is a quote from her very first talk on this subject:
I began my talk by explaining that in business we are taught to fit in, but that I was starting to think this might not be the right approach. I said out loud that there are differences between men and women both in their behavior and in the way their behavior is perceived by others. I admitted that I could see these dynamics playing out in the workforce, and that, in order to fix the problems, we needed to be able to talk about gender without people thinking we were crying for help, asking for special treatment, or about to sue. (Pg. 145)
Have you ever been told you or someone else received a job or promotion because of gender? How do you think we can change these stereotypes?
You will love it as it definitely fits in with your theme of empowering women. Catherine was one amazing woman.
What is Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman about?
At almost 600 pages, Massie has written an all-encompassing biography of Catherine the Great beginning with her childhood in Germany and ending with her death at the age of 67.
My thoughts:
Since the book is so long, the thought of reading it seemed daunting, but Massie created such an engaging story I had no trouble finishing it. Prior to reading this book, I knew almost nothing about Catherine the Great or Russian history. I found every page to be fascinating – including the historical events and the politics of the time. Catherine’s story is remarkable:
If this book would have been fiction I’d have set it aside thinking it was implausible:
Catherine, an obscure Russian princess, travels from her home in Germany to Russia with the intention of marrying Peter, the Russian heir to the throne. After their wedding her primary role was to produce a male heir. This ends up being impossible since her new husband refuses to touch her, preferring to play with his toy soldiers in their bed. This scenario continues for nine years. Finally, in order to produce an heir, Catherine has an affair with another man. Catherine bears a son whom the Empress names Paul. She then has the new baby taken from his mother and raises him as if he is her own. Once Peter becomes Emperor he ends the popular war with Prussia and institutes domestic policies that infuriate the military, the Orthodox Church and the Russian people. Catherine along with her current lover and his friends are able to overthrow Peter and Catherine becomes Empress. She reins until her death 34 years later.
Why Catherine deserved the title of "Great:"
Elizabeth I of England was the only woman equal to Catherine on a European throne. In Russia's history, Catherine and Peter the Great tower in ability and achievement over all the other tsars and empresses of the Romanov dynasty. Catherine's accomplishments include two successful wars against the Ottoman Empire expanding Russia’s borders to the Black Sea and Central Europe. She was the first person in Russia to be inoculated against smallpox then persuaded others to do so. She imported European moral, political, judicial philosophy, literature, art, architecture, sculpture, medicine, and education. She assembled the greatest art gallery in Europe, hospitals, schools, and orphanages. Peter made Russia a great power. Catherine magnified this power and advanced the nation toward a culture that during the century that followed produced many of the artistic masters Russia is known for today.
What was her secret? How was she able to accomplish so much?
She was able to conceal her pride:
Her mother, not wanting her daughter to be arrogant or rebellious decided “to drive the devil of pride out of her.”
She was repeatedly told she was ugly and impertinent, forbidden to speak unless spoken to and made to kiss the hem of the skirts of all visiting women of rank. Later, concealment of pride in humility came to be recognized as a deliberate and useful tactic which Catherine used when confronting crisis and danger. (Pg. 9)
She used every opportunity to improve herself and her situation:
It did not take Catherine long to understand two underlying facts about her position in Russia:
First, that it was Elizabeth, not Peter whom she had to please: and, second if she wanted to succeed in this country she must learn its language and practice its religious faith. (Pg. 52)
During the 17 years Catherine spent in Russia prior to Empress Elizabeth’s death, she spent her time reading. Assigned with the task of producing a male heir she spent much of this time ignored by or bored by her husband: books were her refuge. She always kept a book in her room and carried another in her pocket. She studied the great philosophers. Guided by her own curiosity, gradually she acquired a superior education. (Pg. 145)
She aligned herself with the right people:
Over the years Catherine made herself more popular than Peter with the Russian Courtiers and the Russian people. With the help of her lover Gregory Orlov and his brother Alexis, she won over the allegiance of the Russian Army giving her the support of the military. She made calculated moves when determining which countries to form alliances with and to support and which to not. I thought it interesting that she choose not to aid Great Britain in their war with the American colonies.
She understood who held the real power:
In a conversation V.S. Popov had with the Empress she explains the blind obedience with which her will was fulfilled everywhere, of the eagerness and zeal with which all tried to please her.
It is not as easy as you think.” She replied. In the first place, my orders would not be carried out unless they were the kind of orders which could be carried out. You know with what prudence and circumspection I act in the promulgation of my laws. I examine the circumstanced, I take advice. I consult the enlightened part of the people, and in this way I find out what sort of effect my laws will have. And when I am already convinced in advance of good approval, then I issue my orders and have the pleasure of observing what you call blind obedience.
That is the foundation of unlimited power. But, believe me; they will not obey blindly when orders are not adapted to the opinion of the people.” (Pgs. 172-173)
Despite being a "great" ruler she was held to a double standard:
According to Massie, Catherine had 12 lovers during her reign who were referred to as favorites. What shocked her contemporaries was not the number, but the age difference between Catherine and her lovers. She preferred increasingly younger men. She wanted assurance she could still attract and keep a man's love. In return the young men sought ambition, desire for prestige, wealth and power. Hmm...weren't kings and their mistresses doing this exact thing for centuries?
Book club recommendation:
Massie informs us Elizabeth I of England used virginity and abstinence as prizes to tempt and manipulate powerful men. Wouldn't reading a biography of Elizabeth make an excellent companion read?
Bottom Line:
I highly recommend Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman to anyone who wants to learn more about Catherine the Great, Russian history or to just read about an amazing self-built woman who was truly Great.
When I began my career in the late
80’s it was easy to dress “strong” at work. I would wear an expensive freshly
dry-cleaned power suit, a pair of tan colored nylons, along with matching pumps
and I was out the door. Whether I was at work, lunching with my co-workers or
running errands after work I always felt strong in this outfit. Then along came
the 90’s when many companies adopted relaxed workplace dress-codes. Currently, it
is not unusual to see jeans, capris or even flip flops at the office. The problem
with this relaxed-style is I no longer feel “strong” as I walk into meetings
wearing a polo shirt, khakis and flats.
For suggestions on power dressing in
a business casual environment, I turned to executive styling consultant expert
Catherine Storing who agreed to be interviewed on this topic. Catherine Storing can be
found at http://catherinestoring.com/.
Several years ago, I attended a two-week
workshop covering communication skills for women. The first week I wore a
purple suit, the second a pink one. After the last session, the instructor pulled
me aside and told me I dressed too pretty. She recommended I wear grey or black
if I wanted to be taken seriously in the workplace. Ironically, just prior to my
interview with Catherine I came across a photo of myself wearing a lavender
jacket and tan slacks at a work function. I sent the photo to Catherine asking her
to critique my outfit:
Catherine was much kinder than my
former instructor instead of blurting out my outfit was all wrong she complimented
my smile and offered the following suggestions:
You want to
stand out.
You want to be
the first thing people see when they walk into the room.
Don’t be afraid to wear color.The lavender jacket I was wearing in the
photo muted my appearance. She recommended I not wear pastels unless I
contrasted them with color.
Here is more of my interview with
Catherine Storing:
Do
you have any recommendations for dressing casual at the office? Business casual was meant to relax
corporate dressing and give employees a little more freedom to express
themselves through their clothing.Business casual should be professional only a little more relaxed. My
motto is comfortable = confident. Clothes should be loose and comfortable; they
should fit well and be designed for your body type. If an article of clothing
bothers you when you put it on, take it off.It will bother you all day.
Here is an example of appropriate
business casual attire:
Just because your office has a
business casual dress code, it doesn’t mean you have to adhere to it, at least
not completely. If you’re looking to get promoted, you need to dress seriously.
And you have to dress the part-as if you already have the part you want and
have earned.
Suits are very important. If you own
two suits including a jacket, skirt and pants you should be able to create ten
different outfits. Wear them with a colorful funky blouse that is form fitting.
The jacket should hit right below your waist and shouldn't cover your butt
completely.
Purchase one or two charcoal
separates because they are so easy to pair with something else.
Dresses are also a good choice
because they eliminate the need to find a matching blouse to wear with them as
you would with a skirt or pants.They can
also be dressed up or down.
What
about accessories?
When done right accessories
compliment and elevate corporate attire. Just remember you are going to work
and not to a party.
Earrings are a good choice because
they frame the face. Wear small hoops.Over-sized hoops do not belong in the office.
Necklaces – layer medium size
bangles of like colors and textures.
Watch – every career woman needs a
good timepiece.No girlie watches and never
one with rhinestones. She recommends Michael Kors for affordable style.
Rings – wear one or two that
compliment your outfit.
Here is a photo of Catherine having fun with accessories. Also, I love her shoes:
Speaking
of shoes, can I wear high heels to the office?
It is fine to wear 3-1/2 inch heels,
but don't wear black and never skinny. Wedges are easier on your feet, as are platform
boots. I recommend wearing heels because you want to be at eye level to be seen
and heard. For comfort I like Naturalizer and Rockport.
What
current trends do you recommend?
Color - I prefer solids. If you want
to wear a pattern make sure the pattern is small.
Leggings
Awesome wrap around sweaters
Jeans - trousers are amazing. Wear
them with a little top for a polished look.
Capris are fine as long as they are
form-fitting. They shouldn’t be short.
Banana Republic – for pants. They
also have a great selection for petites.
TJ Maxx – for accessories especially
watches. Also, good for undergarments, tights and socks.
Make
sure your style is age-appropriate:
For the 30 – 50+ crowd you should
not wear low riser jeans. Do not show your stomach or wear really tight
clothes.When I talk about form-fitting
clothes I mean tailored to you, not tight.Forever 21 is a store for teen girls, not for adult women. What
are some of your business casual don’ts? No flip flops ever.
No sweats.
Never go sleeveless.
No cleavage. You want people to notice
the color the color of your eyes.
No miniskirts. Your skirt should fall
either right below or above the knee.
Never wear nude nylons. Unless
nylons are the right color they don't look natural. Instead she recommends
shaving and not showing too much skin.
What should a woman wear to a
meeting where she is the only woman in attendance?
She should wear her favorite outfit
or power suit, the one that fits her well and is comfortable. This is not the time to go out and buy
something new.
What should a woman wear to a
conference attended almost entirely by men (all wearing blue oxford shirts and
khakis)? A dress and don’t be afraid to wear
red. She should also wear make-up.
What
should I wear when I need to make a quick run to the store? More than once,
I’ve run into a colleague wearing sweats and no makeup.
Wear a trench coat. Close it and it automatically
dresses up whatever you are wearing. Also be sure to wear a bra.
How
should I dress for my body type which is athletic?
By athletic do you mean flat
chested?
Yes,
that is what I mean?
For
the athletic body type:
Your look should be feminine. You
should wear dresses and skirts. Wear necklaces and scarves to draw attention
away from a smaller bust.Opt for fitted
clothing over clothes that are loose.Make sure your bra maximizes whatever there is. You do not want your bra to separate, but to lift.
What
do you know now that you wish you’d have known when you were 18?
What I wanted at 18 will change over
time and that is okay. Study what you want in college don't care what your
major is. Go for what you love.
What
is the most important advice you give to clients?
I believe I am an amazing person and
everyone else is too. Everyone is so judgmental about what they look like and
can't take a compliment. Just say thank you.
Is
there anything else we should know about you?
We are a work in progress. and Where we are is where we need to be.
Thank you, Catherine Storing for an enjoyable and informative
interview. In addition to Catherine Storing's website, She can be found on twitter and pinterest.To learn more
about Catherine's services, please visit:
Your daughter’s story is an excellent cautionary tale of why someone shouldn’t work for their boyfriend, but her situation has turned serious and needs to be treated as such. Has your daughter’s ex-boyfriend threatened to harm her? If he has she needs to alert legal authorities immediately. Also, I suggest she contact the domestic violence shelter in her area. To find the nearest shelter please see: WomensLaw.org.
According to the WomensLaw.Org website, shelters provide many services other than shelter. Most have support groups, crisis counseling, and safety planning assistance. Many also provide legal support (and sometimes representation), help getting back on your feet with government benefits like food stamps and housing, job training referrals, child care, and more.
Your daughter should ask for assistance in working through her denied unemployment compensation claim and for help getting reestablished in the job market.
If the organization nearest you isn't helpful, try calling another one. If you do not find what you need in your community, you may also call these national organizations:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline -- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
- National Sexual Assault Hotline -- (800) 656-HOPE
- Stalking Resource Center -- 1-800-FYI-CALL, M-F 8:30 AM - 8:30 PM EST, or email gethelp@ncvc.org
There have been far too many stories in the news lately of women being harmed by an angry ex. In this case, your daughter’s boyfriend no longer has control and power over her and is fighting to keep it. She needs to seek assistance from others in her community to help keep her safe and strong as she recaptures control over her life.
Do any of you know of additional resources or have advice to help this woman?
Last year around this time I read a little book by Susan Bulkeley Butler called Women Count: A Guide to Changing the World. I was so inspired by the book's message (Butler re-assesses how far we’ve come – and how far we have to go) that I made it my 2011 blog goal to Make Women Count. Looking back on my blog postings throughout the year I have to admit many of them were down right depressing. Here is a sampling:
Shadeism: I discover that discrimination still exists between lighter-skinned and darker-skinned members in the same community. Mothers along with their daughters, some as young as six, continue to use potentially harmful skin lightening creams. The question has to be asked, "Don't women already have enough to deal with?"
I am Guilty of Gender Bias - In the midst of my Making Women Count Project, I am disappointed with myself when I automatically and wrongly assume a woman I was introduced to is the subordinate and the man she is with the manager.
Should Employee Report Sexual Harassment - In this true story, both the female employee and her female manager are afraid to report sexual harassment for fear of retaliation while their male manager continues to grope, intimidate and harass them.
The Body Project - In Joan Jacobs Brumberg's book The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls I read increasingly since the early 1900s middle-class adolescent girls and women went from developing their inner beauty to working on their body; so much so that their bodies have become a project.
Lisa Bloom Preaches to the Choir - In Lisa Bloom's book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World I learn twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize and that twenty-three percent would rather lose their ability to read than their figures. Come on ladies please stop spending so much time watching reality TV and start spending more time reading.
Then last night I viewed this enlightening video:
In the video Sheryl Sandberg informs us we still have a real problem:
Women became 50 percent of the college graduates in the United States in 1981. Since then, we have slowly and steadily made progress, earning increasingly more of the college degrees, taking more of the entry-level jobs, going into previously male-dominated fields, moving up each step of the ladder. But there is one big exception to this improvement -- the top jobs. Thirty years later, we have not come close to holding our proportional share of positions of power in any industry.
More alarmingly, the numbers at the top are no longer improving. In the 2008 election, women lost seats in Congress for the first time in three decades. Across the corporate sector, women have held 15 to 16 percent of the C-level jobs and Board seats since 2002. Globally, only nine of 190 countries are led by women. So even as people worry about boys falling behind girls in education and write articles with headlines like "The End of Men," we have to acknowledge that men still run the world. Our revolution has stalled.
For me the lowest point of the video was Sheryl's revelation that:
My generation really sadly is not going to change the numbers at the top. They are just not moving. We are not going to get to 50% of the population. In my generation we are not going to get to the 50% of women at the top in any industry.
What generation is Sheryl talking about? Sheryl Sandberg was born August 28, 1969 and is seven years younger than me. She is right though; my generation and those of you who are a few years younger are not going to achieve this. We had too far to go:
I remember my female dorm mate back in 1981, a civil engineering major whose professor advised her to change her major because women were not qualified to be engineers. She stuck it out though, coming home in tears more than once after being publicly ridiculed in class. He gave her a "D." She graduated five years later with a B.S. in Engineering. I haven't kept up with her, so I don't know where she is now, but I do know she struggled to even become an engineer.
Which brings me to Rebecca Traister's book Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women one of my last reads of 2011 recommended by Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness. I don't particularly enjoy politics, so I really struggled to finish this one; especially the chapters covering the contest between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Since Kim mentioned she enjoyed the chapters after Hillary was out of the race a little bit better I forced myself to soldier on. In the end Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary, and became the first woman ever to win a presidential primary contest - a fact down played by the media Though with her loss to Barack Obama, many first wave feminists also lost hope of seeing a woman elected president in their lifetime.
The book brought home the realization that both sexism and racism still exist in America and played a role in the 2008 election. Both Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin were victims of sexism. Plus, feminists questioned whether a Sarah Palin win would actually be harmful for feminism. Here is what Lafferty had to say about Sarah Palin in the Daily Beast:
Not believing in abortion personally was one thing. But preventing other women from exerting full control over their bodies and health, assessing their value as lesser than the value of the fetuses they carried, was, it seemed to me and many others, fundamentally anti-feminist and anti-female.
Other interesting tidbits:
Michelle Obama has been forced to tone down her power and brain to better suit the media's demand for a more subdued and traditional first lady.
And as to Hillary – it was easier to embrace this woman in a state of diminished power, once she had lost the big prize, when she was no longer threatening the chances of the cool guy.
In conclusion:
As the title of this blog post indicates my Making Women Count project is ending the year on a low note, although I am energized to hear Sheryl Sandberg state she is hopeful that future generations can achieve the 50%. While revisiting my initial Making Women Count post, I realized that despite the depressing revelations and disappointing results Making Women Count continues to be important goal for me. I have decided to continue with the project in 2012.
Today in history, Freda du Faur climbed Mount Cook in New Zealand in a record six hours. She was the first woman to scale the peak and the first unmarried woman to climb in New Zealand. NOTICE SHE IS WEARING A SKIRT although according to Wikipedia she had on knickerbockers and long puttees underneath.
Thanks to Webb From the Garden Bench for bringing the issue of shadeism to my attention. In my post My 2011 blog project, I mentioned a six year old girl who felt she wasn't pretty because she didn't curl her hair or wear lip gloss. In the above documentary a four year old girl already believes white skin is beautiful and is unsatisfied with her own brown skin. The video was originally posted on Vimeo:
It is an introduction to the issue of shadeism, the discrimination that exists between the lighter-skinned and darker-skinned members of the same community. This documentary short looks specifically at how it affects young women within the African, Caribbean, and South Asian diasporas. Through the eyes and words of 5 young women and 1 little girl - all females of colour - the film takes us into the thoughts and experiences of each. Overall, 'Shadeism' explores where shadeism comes from, how it directly affects us as womyn of colour, and ultimately, begins to explore how we can move forward through dialogue and discussion.
The concept of shadeism isn't new to me. I remember reading about colonialism in the Caribbean and how afterwards lighter-skinned people were rewarded with better employment while those with darker skin had to work in the sugar cane fields. It is even mentioned in my most recent read When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins:
It was hard to avoid noticing that Spelman girls were not only extremely well-behaved; they were also, in general, extremely light-skinned. “The best of all possible worlds is that you are light as you can be, you have green eyes, or light brown, and you have long straight hair,” said Gwen Robinson, who was dark-skinned and who found that the male students from neighboring colleges were cruelly dismissive. (Pg. 136)
I even remember my own paternal grandmother preferring her blond fair-skinned grandchildren over her brown-haired olive skinned grandkids. At the time, I thought it was because the fairer children looked more like her side of the family, but now I believe her preference was due to skin color.She preferred those who looked German over those who looked French. I also remember her telling me to stay out of the sun; don't tan your beautiful white skin.
In another disturbing video, A Girl Like Me, a mother and her two daughters eleven and six all use skin lightening creams. As pointed out in the above documentary skin bleaching creams are harmful not only to a person's identity, but their skin. Please see the health threats of unapproved bleaching creams which describes the health and skin problems that may result from using these creams. And most importantly tells us:
The best approach to be able to avoid the unwanted effects of bleaching creams is actually not to use them when it is not essential. Skin whitening ought to be used solely for skin issues.
How do we move forward?
In Shadeism part 2, Nayani Thiyagarajah suggests the first step is coming together and asking questions along with:
- Sharing stories
- Challenging what has been taught
- Changing our way of thinking
And most importantly:
There is strength in each of us our skin tones included and after centuries of trying to change ourselves, trying to blend in and trying to be accepted the time has come to collectively challenge the idea that beauty comes in only one form.
Also, please see Vivianne's post Shadeism - Unraveling the Color Barrier and read about her experience with shadeism. She asks, "Why do we do this to ourselves and our children? Isn't there enough to battle against already?" and "Let's stop this now and cut the crap out."
This month The
Savvy Reader Book Club is reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean
In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Today is the forth in a series of
posts I am writing though out the month inspired by Lean in. Previous posts
discussed What
does "lean-in" mean for you?, When Taking a Pay-Cut is a Good Career Move and Sheryl Sandberg's Advice on How to Get Hired.
Motivation for Reading:
. Gretchen is a mom and business owner who promotes balance and forgiving
yourself for not getting it right.
by 
one of my last reads of 2011 
.
by Gail Collins: