Do I Have to Give Presentations?

I received the following email this week from a reader:

I'm writing to get some advice from you and your readers on a small issue I'm having at work. I work at a large university in the enrollment division. I am a content writer, in charge of content marketing for the departments in my division. I update websites, write press releases, create newsy blog posts, write emails to prospective students, and write and review hard copy publications like brochures. I do not actively recruit students for the university. I am behind the scenes. This type of work pretty much exactly suits my personality. I'm an introvert. Shy in some situations, but not all. I like to write. I do not like leading meetings, but will if I have to, and I do a good job of seeming personable. My problem is that some of the people in my department are on call to give presentations to visiting prospective students from time to time (when there are no admission counselors available to give them). My boss has hinted twice (but not outright asked or told me) that she'd like me to give a presentation once in a while. Which terrifies me because I am not a confident public speaker. Especially when I'm essentially pitching the university (like a sales pitch). Should I ask her if she'd like me to start giving presentations and, if so, voice my concerns to her? Or should I continue to do my job per my job description and hope she stops hinting?
Dear Reader:

I too am an introvert. Growing up I was also painfully shy. So much so, that when I ran into an old classmate from high school he said the thing he remembered most about me was how shy I had been. During my entire 12 years of undergraduate education and most likely my entire college education too, I never once spoke voluntarily in a class setting. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to overcome this shyness and reluctance to speak in public. Now I routinely share my ideas in meetings and ask questions during seminars and presentations, but I still am and always will be an introvert. Please see my post Why Can't I Think on My Feet? Also, if you haven’t read Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking read it now.

 

How did I overcome my reluctance to speak in public?

I became active in my professional organization. For three years, I introduced the speakers at our monthly meetings. The first few times, I dreaded those introductions and had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach just like I did during my former public speaking classes in high school and college. Then I realized that by practicing – for me five times was key – I felt prepared enough to make it through the introductions without embarrassing myself. Slowly I started asking questions during the presentations and during our meetings. The more successes I had the more confident I became.

Your boss is a weakling:
I actually think your boss is at fault for not being more frank. Hinting or guilting an employee into doing something they could be afraid to do is not a healthy management strategy. Meeting with prospective students should have been part of your job description. Since it was not, she should have formally discussed this with you. Since she did not…

What should you do?
I think you should bring this up with your boss sooner rather than later. Another thing I’ve learned over the years is to not spend a lot of time worrying about things my boss may want me to do. I now come right out and ask him – “do you want me to do X?” You could wait until you have a formal performance review or bring it up during a discussion about your work load or your job duties, but I wouldn’t wait too long or lose too much sleep over this one.

If your boss insists this is something she would like you to do, I would provide your reservations and tell her you don’t think quick on your feet. Ask to practice first. See if you can observe the admissions department give a tour, have them observe you during a presentation and interject if you struggle. At the very least she should be providing you with a sample script you could read through ahead of time. She can’t just spring this on you and expect you to do a good job and not be flustered.

It is also possible once she hears your reservations she may say you don’t have to do give these presentations. There have been board members in my organization who never give a speech at a major event. They are not comfortable speaking in public and since we want to give a good impression we have a more seasoned speaker fill in for them. There is also a manager at my company who had a panic attack a few days before a presentation that resulted in a visit to the emergency room. His presentation ended up going very well and he and our company received industry recognition for it. Afterwards when our President heard about the emergency room incident he said despite the good results he would never “insist” my co-worker give a presentation again.

Readers – what do you think? Should our reader talk to her boss or continue to hope she stops hinting?

Please note I am an Amazon affiliate.

Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate Them

After last week’s episode with my company's HR Manager, I was taken by surprise to hear she had told another employee he needed to buck-up and be more like Savvy.* She told him, "She’s been doing both her job and the CFO’s since he’s been out and you don’t hear her complaining.” She even said something to the effect that I was doing a good job. I couldn’t believe it. My body immediately relaxed, I became calmer, more energized and more motivated. I was surprised after all these weeks of feeling stressed and as if I wasn’t measuring up my company’s management felt otherwise and by how much I needed to hear it.

Thursday our CFO returned. When he walked in the door I started cheering and our entire staff clapped. He said he hadn’t received this big of a welcome from his family when he returned home the previous day. I told him the old saying “Everyone is replaceable” did not apply to him.

Then on Friday, my big 50th birthday, I arrived to an office decorated in black and a little party that included a cake. The employees who work for me and one of our owners were laughing (something I haven’t seen in a long time) and making jokes. They posted neon green post-its with the number 50 on them all over the office (so I wouldn’t forget how old I am). We haven’t celebrated anyone’s birthday in the office in years.

In the midst of all this I accomplished more work than I had in a long time. When I left Friday night I was almost caught up. This was quite an accomplishment considering the previous week I had left the office fearing I may never be caught up again. I honestly think feeling appreciated made all the difference.

I try to make an effort to publicly thank or show appreciation for employees when the opportunity arises. It is easy to do if you are paying attention. Recently I have done the following:

• I publicly gave credit to an employee for providing new information on a manufacturer’s policy change to all employees via email. (As opposed to our HR Manager who recently touted this same employee’s idea as her own)
• Via email, I thanked an employee in another department for assisting me with an audit when I was in a bind. I cc’d her boss who later told me how much my email had meant to this employee.

*This comment which was so helpful to me was deflating to the employee who is supposed to buck-up. He was absent the next day, isn’t as sharp as he usually is and seems depressed. Telling someone to buck-up and be like someone else is probably some of the worst advice you can give an employee.

Speaking of advice, the comments I received on I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet may be the most helpful comments I’ve ever received on this blog. I sincerely thank and appreciate every one of my commenters.

How about you? Does your employer let you know they appreciate you?

The Problem with Recruiting Companies

When my employee resigned resigned last year, our human resource manager decided to use a staffing agency to replace her.   She went with a prominent agency who sold us on temp-to-perm. The perfect candidate had just walked through their door and could start the next day. We wouldn’t even have to interview her. Instead, we’d conduct a working interview – evaluate her work for one full day for free.  If we felt she was a good fit we’d keep her, if not they would provide a new candidate. 

I reviewed the candidate’s resume which looked promising.  She had 7-years of solid accounts payable experience. She had left the payables job a year ago after a management change. Since her degree had been in marketing, she had decided to try to get into her field by taking a job in retail.  After a year of working retail she now thought she had made a mistake and wanted to get back into accounting.  I agreed to the working interview.

My current employee had two weeks remaining of her 3-week notice. I wanted her replacement to get as much training with her as possible. When the temp she showed up the next day – five minutes late – I introduced her to my current employee who immediately began the training process.

At the end of the day I met with the temp.  We talked about her accounting background. She provided some great ideas to improve the efficiencies of our payable systems.  Of course I was impressed.  She did say she would have a hard time making our 8:00 start time because she needed to wait until after her daughter was on the bus.  We agreed to an 8:15 start time. After working for us 90-days, if all went well I told her we would offer her a permanent position.

She was a great employee for about a month.  Then the 8:15 became 8:30.  Sometimes it was 9:00 and even 10:00.  There was always an excuse and most of the time she called in: she had a tooth ache, she needed emergency dental surgery, her daughter missed the bus, she was sick, her daughter was sick, her car wouldn’t start, her sister needed a ride, her car wouldn’t start again and lastly she had forgotten to take out the garbage. I’d had enough.  I gave her a warning.  She needed to be at work every day on or before 8:00 for the next 3-weeks, not 8:15, but 8:00 or I was not going to make her a permanent employee.  I also gave her work related goals.  Forget about all those great ideas she had; she wasn’t coming close to keeping up with the daily work. 

The next day she was 5 minutes late. She continued to be 5 – 10 minutes late every day for about two weeks.  Then she woke up with a stomach ache and called in saying she would be a couple of hours late.  I was done. My boss didn’t even get a vote – he still liked her ideas.  I called the agency requesting a new candidate.  The agency provided a new temp in two days.

The funny thing is in follow up conversations with the agency they told me there was a note in my previous temp’s file:

She had called 2 weeks earlier (the day I had given her the warning) and asked the agency to reassign her.  She didn’t like our processes and didn’t want to work for me.

No one at the agency had bothered to let us know. 

We were offered discounts for our new temp.  They also performed a background and reference check on our previous temp. Based on their discoveries, which they wouldn’t share, they weren’t going to use her again.

My new temp worked is a gem and after 90 days she became a permanent employee. 

One day shortly after my new temp became permanent she shared her experience working with this employment agency. Her job with my company had not been her first temp-to-perm position. She had been with a different company previous to ours.  This company offered her a permanent position.  She told the agency she didn’t want the job.  She didn’t like the work and her office was in the basement.  It reminded her of the mailroom in the movie Elf.

http://www.simblissitycottage.com/2014/03/transitioning.html

The agency wouldn’t take no for an answer telling her to think about it.  They called her a few days later and gave her one of the strongest sales pitches she has ever been subjected to, but she stayed firm and said no.

Now I know why the agency never told me us my previous temp had asked to be reassigned:

They were trying to change her mind.

The problem with recruiting agencies (or at least this one) is that they are only concerned with the sale. They don’t seem to care about the companies they are working for or their recruits.  They just want to earn a commission.  And what is up with not performing background and reference checks prior to a permanent offer?  I was told this is standard policy. I can’t help but wonder if our HR manager would have recruited this candidate instead of the agency we would have spotted something and not wasted almost three months of training time.

Have you had a bad experience with a recruiting company?

How to Get Paid on Time

Stefanie O'Connell, a small business owner, recently wrote about depleting her emergency fund in The Growing Pains of Business Ownership. She writes:

Though my earnings have climbed exponentially over the past two years, I found myself this Friday transferring the last of my emergency fund savings into my checking account – just enough to cover my near-term expenses. Despite successfully maintaining my savings through the financial crisis, unemployment and years as a part-time actress, part-time babysitter, my back-up balances have now dwindled down to nothing.

Invoices are out, but payments have yet to come in. Meanwhile, bills are still due at their usual times and my expenses are up in order to maintain my new business growth.

Since I have worked with accounts payable in some format during my entire career as an accountant, I’ve decided to provide a few tips to help Stefanie and others like her get their invoices paid on time.

First, you need to understand your client’s payment processes. Here is how invoices are paid at my company:

Every invoice must be approved by a department manager before it can be paid.
The payment process at my company is sped up substantially if you can get your invoice into the hands of the person authorized to approve it as quickly as possible. If it arrives in accounting without a purchase order number listed or a name or the location of the person who ordered your product or service it could sit in accounting for days until we determine who needs to approve it.

Securing a purchase order number is not required but is important:
Not only does a purchase order number help identify who placed the order, but having one means your service or product was pre-approved. If the invoice price matches the purchase order price the department manager should easily be able to approve your invoice and forward it to accounting.

We pay in 60 days:
Yes that is correct - 60 days. Regardless of your terms, unless you are a phone or utility company, charge us late fees or interest, offer a discount for early payment, won’t ship future product unless we comply with your terms, or are one of our top six major vendors your invoice won’t be paid for 60 days. (During the recession it was 90 days. Currently our owner would like it to be 45, but at the moment we don’t have the staff to process fast enough). We do make exceptions for freelancers and sub-contractors which we pay within 30 days. We also honor progress payment deadlines for major purchases and projects if we have approved invoices.

Who determines when an invoice is paid?
In my company it is the controller.  The person who ordered your service can request we pay you quicker, but he has no authority to make that happen and has been instructed not to make promises or negotiate with you.  They can try to go around the controller to our President, but the President almost always sends them back to the controller.  Neither the President nor the person who contracted with you know what other financial commitments and obligations are pressing.

We haven’t paid you because our customer hasn’t paid us:
For large products or services we resell to our customers we don’t pay you until we are paid. If we are slow invoicing our customer or receiving payment from them this could be what is holding up your payment. Many companies do this – it is called managing cash flow.

A friend who owns her own business refuses to work with a large company in our area because they utilize this practice when paying their subs. She wasn’t getting paid for 60-90 days, but still needed to pay her employees their weekly payroll check. Once her business was well established, she stopped working for this company.

We require a W-9 form be completed before we will issue a check.
This is an IRS form we need on file to prepare your 1099 at the end of the year. We have discovered if our vendors don’t fill this form out prior to us issuing them a check we struggle to get them. If you don’t know how to fill it out yourself have your accountant provide an unsigned master copy. Then make photo copies of it, sign and submit to clients as needed.

When checking our credit references you should hear good things about us:
Remember those six major vendors we pay in 30 days, they are who we list as references on our credit report along with a company whose owner was once an employee of our company. We pay him in 70 days, but when contacted about payment (especially during the recession when we stretched payment to everyone) he always said good things about us. If we get feedback that a vendor has indicated we are a slow payer we remove them from the list. To get a more accurate indication of our payments check our Dun and Bradstreet report.

Also on a side note, our credit manager does not respond to 95% of the requests he receives on behalf of our customers. He doesn’t want to be put in the situation of angering or lying for a customer, so instead says nothing.

If we haven’t paid you in 60 days we most likely don’t have your invoice.
Send statements. I recommend sending one to the person you contracted with and to accounting. If accounting doesn't have your invoice we will request a copy. We then follow up with the department manager. Occasionally they are holding your invoice because they are not satisfied with your work, but most likely your invoice was lost.

Make sure your contact information is on your invoice:
Include your company name, email address and phone number on your invoice, you would be surprised how often this information is not included.  Also, have clear instructions on who the check should be made out to and the remittance address.

Submit a new invoice for each progress payment:
Don’t assume someone at our company is keeping track of your progress payments. Maybe the employee you contracted with is, but most likely they are not and I can guarantee accounting is not. 

Offer a discount:
Unless we are cash-strapped we always take advantage of cash discounts for early payment. Either 1 or 2% off the invoice price is the most frequent discount offered, but I have seen 3%. (My company does not offer pre-payment discounts to our customers. We don’t want them to get used to paying less and then expect it).

Other tips

Call to ask about payment three or four days after payment was due:
The longer your bill goes unpaid the harder it will be to collect. Good luck getting an invoice paid if the person you contracted with is no longer at the company and the company has no record of the order. And speaking of due dates make sure you’ve indicated your terms on the invoice.

Be nice:
The person in accounting who takes your collection call does not need to be berated or to hear what a low-life scum they are. It is almost never their fault your invoice hasn’t been paid. If you are nice to them or befriend them they may look out for you and your invoices in the future.

Ask for an exception:
In a major cash crunch like the one Stefanie is experiencing above, ask if your invoice could be paid earlier than the terms agreed upon. Only do this if your project is on schedule and the company is happy with your work. Offer to pick up the check or have it mailed to you overnight at your cost. Offer additional discounts above what is stated on the invoice. We have been offered as much as 5%. Give a deadline – by the end of the week or by the end of the month; you don’t want them to take their good old time and still take the 5%. This is also where befriending the accounts payable person comes in handy. More than once my A/P person has asked if she could pay a bill early at a vendor’s request. She will tell me how nice they were, that they are just a small business, that they are in a bind etc. If we have the money, I always say yes.

You could also ask to have the money wired into your bank account.  You would then have your money the same day.  At my company this is a hassle because it involves additional steps and layer of approval.  I usually say no to these requests.

Don’t forget about credit card processing fees:
If you accept credit card payments you most likely are charged a fee by your credit card processing company. My company pays 2.5% on customer credit card receipts. We pass this fee on to our customers for sales larger than $25,000. On a personal level, I have worked with more than one contractor who charges extra if I want to pay with a credit card.

Have your customer sign a contract:
If you are large enough, have your contract verbiage reviewed and/or written by your legal consul.

Did I miss anything? What do you do to insure your invoices are paid on time?

*Part of Financially Savvy Saturdays on brokeGIRLrich,

Was My Neighbor Entitled to a Referral Discount?

My husband recently received an estimate from a tree service contractor to remove a dead tree from our yard.  Apprehensive of the low quote, he asked for local references.  The contractor had plenty; not only had he removed and pruned trees for one of our neighbors, but a second neighbor had hired him after observing his work.

There was a minor glitch to this story:

After the first neighbor* witnessed the contractor working on the second neighbor’s property he demanded a huge referral discount be applied to his bill.  The contractor refused stating the discount was too deep and he’d lose money on the job. Our neighbor then withheld payment for three months until the contractor finally agreed to a discount – not as much as the neighbor initially asked for, but still excessive according to the contractor.         

Did my neighbor deserve a referral discount?

I’m going to side with the contractor on this one.  My neighbor never actually did anything other than hire the contractor to work on his own property.  He didn’t give the second neighbor the contractor’s name or provide a reference.  The second neighbor approached the contractor while observing his work on the first neighbor’s property.  In my opinion, I don't think he deserved a discount.

My husband thinks the contractor should have demanded payment immediately upon completion of the work rather than giving our neighbor terms. After receiving payment, he should have told him he was going to be working for his neighbor and handed him a token $10 Starbucks or Home Depot gift card as a courtesy. 

*On a side note, this isn’t the first story I've heard about this neighbor refusing to pay a bill.

How about you – do you think my neighbor deserved a referral discount?  Have you ever received a referral discount or finder's fee? If so, what was the situation?

How to Compete With a Bully

It’s been awhile since I've written about the human resource manager (and family friend of our company's owners) who personally attacked me at work:

I had run into her as she was walking out of a heated meeting with my boss. Upon seeing me she went into a tirade about how I was the worst manager my company had. This incident along with continued difficulties working with her have plagued my career and self-esteem ever since. This was also the impetus behind my be strong challenge a couple of years ago.

As for the manager herself, she has slowly lost power in my company. After she recommended two of my employees be fired during last year's salary review I went to our President and complained. I learned she’d already informed him my employees weren't up to her expectations and he was now furious. He had told her he would never allow her to fire them and neither would his father or brother. He was angry she was still talking about this. From now on he wanted her focusing on the projects he assigned her and to stop causing trouble in my department. He must have talked to her because she avoided me for at least a month afterwards and hasn't complained about my employees since. I still find it difficult working with her and have to remain on guard or I am blind-sighted when she does whatever it takes including lying to make sure she looks good.

Then a couple of days ago we were both in the restroom at the same time. She told me she had injured her knee in a boot camp exercise program and could now barely walk. Looking at herself in the mirror she burst into tears. She said she never felt this frumpy before in her life. She asked if I ever felt frumpy. Careful not to provide details, I truthfully responded with yes - every day. She pointed out how my hair was not grey while hers, according to her son, could use a good coloring. We then had a real conversation about aging (we both turn 52 this year), dieting and exercise. I ended up recommending she make an appointment with my orthopedic.   

She is now visiting my office regularly giving me updates on her knee. I started thinking this is nice, if she were like this all the time I might actually be able to work with her. Then all of a sudden I was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. I’ve felt this way before. Growing up my parents used to fight every day. Eventually it would get so bad something big would happen – there would be a big scene, my mother would seriously threaten to leave or would leave. Then they would make up and life at home was calm. I would think this is nice, I wish it would stay like this. Of course it never did and I’d eventually wake up to the screaming again.  I then realized it won’t be long before this manager is back to her previous shenanigans.

I thought about her telling me how she was competing with the other members of her boot camp class when she hurt herself. I thought about all the conversations we've had over the years and realized most of them included a competition –  a competition where she did or said everything she could to come out on top.

I was thinking about this today as I read Carolyn Hax’s advice in her column Dad Can't Stop Daughter From Measuring Herself Against Sister. Carolyn responds with:

The only reasonable path Younger sister can take to feeling good about herself is to do the best job she can at being Younger. Using anything or anyone else as a point of reference is bound to fail. 

And so I decide how I’m going to compete with the HR Manager in the future - I am not. I’m going to work on being the best me (a 52-year old accounting manager) can be and not worry about her. She has her own demons to wrestle with. If I’m content with myself and my work she will not be able to rattle me. 
Have you ever competed with a bully at work?

The Professional Woman’s Guide to Managing Men Book Review and Giveaway

I first became acquainted with Anna Runyan, when she included my post 50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read in a Monday motivation roundup on her website ClassyCareerGirl.com. Since then I’ve participated in her networking challenge and watched her evolve into a successful leadership coach and now an author. It is only fitting that I would become part of the launch team for her new book The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men.

What is this book about?
Anna Runyan spent seven years working with and managing men as a consultant for the U.S. Navy.

She writes:

“I have managed men who were shocked to have a woman in charge, which wasn’t always easy. It took me a while to figure out how to best work with and manage men. There were many times that I had no idea what to do and tried many different things to see what worked. I treated men I managed in the same way I thought a man would treat them. That didn’t work. Then, I treated them how I treated other women. That didn’t work either. It wasn’t until I started to just be myself and lean on my own female leadership strengths that I began to successfully start gaining trust and respect from the men I managed.”

The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men is a compilation of what Anna has learned about managing men. It is written as a “how-to” guidebook and includes specific action steps you can take while reading.

The book is divided into five chapters:

Focus on you first
How to be a confident female manager
How to help the men on your team thrive
What not to do when managing men
Handling common management situations

Each chapter concludes with a self-evaluation.

My thoughts:
Anna Runyan has written a comprehensive, useful, well-written guide to working with and managing men. I’ve worked with men in male-dominated industries for over 20+ years. Many of the lessons Anna includes in this book I learned the hard way. In addition, I acquired several new insights and techniques from the book. For example, who knew having a sense of humor is an important factor in managing men. I even discovered a couple of new strategies to better manage my female staff. 

Bottom line:
I recommend reading this book if you are already in a career managing men, preparing yourself to work with men or work in a male-dominated industry. This book which warrants further discussion is a strong contender for a future Savvy Reader Book Club selection. 

Want to read it?
I have one eBook copy to give away. Simply share on Facebook, Twitter, G+ or Instagram and then post here on the blog that you did so. Feel free in include your biggest gripe of problem managing or working with men. Each share and comment gets you an entry. I’ll draw the name of the winner one week from today!

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Why I can’t think on my feet?

In my post I'm 50 Year's Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet I wrote about how I was approaching 50 and still unable to think on my feet. I had recently been called into a meeting with another manager concerning a possible mistake one of my employees had made. Instead of standing up for this employee or articulating my thoughts on the spot, I had to go back to my office, research the issue and return to make my point. I was so disappointed with my response time I created a challenge for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year.

As part of my "Be Strong" project, I’ve been reading one book a month that deals with an aspect of inner strength.  My latest read was Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Never has a book summed up who I am more than this book.

I now understand why I don’t have the gift of gab, why words don’t magically roll off my tongue helping me through the tough conversations. I remember the countless closed door meetings I was called into with my company’s former VP of Sales. He would point to a number on one of my spreadsheets and ask why. Why was this number not what he had anticipated? Instead of coming up with the answer, my brain would freeze; I'd assume I had made a mistake and offer to look into it. It was only after I'd left his office and was returning to my own that the answer would come to me. Why wasn't I able to think on my feet?

I AM AN INTROVERT

 

Susan Cain describes introversion as a person’s response to stimulation, including social stimulation. Introverts prefer lower-stimulation environments, where they feel their most alive. Whereas extroverts crave stimulation in order to feel at their best.

Every personality test I've ever taken has pegged me as an introvert, but it wasn't until I read this book that I truly understood what being an introvert meant to my daily life.  When I'm put on the spot I need time, usually alone, to think through my answer. I like to methodically formulate a response, weigh all of my options making sure I give the best or most accurate response.  I need down time to replenish my energy after overstimulation.  I think of all the conferences I’ve attended where after a long day I've been tempted to skip the social mixer so I could go back to my room to read and decompress.

I've often been embarrassed by introverted personality:
For example, in my post Discovering My Strengths here are my thoughts upon initially learning of my five strengths:

I was not pleased with the results of my assessment. My first reaction was "I thought this assessment was going to teach me something I didn’t know." I was hoping my strengths would be a little more glamorous. The above so called talents were the same traits I’ve been trying to overcome since I was the geeky uncool nerd in high school. I shut my computer off in disgust.

We live in a world that values extroverts:
According to Susan Cain:

It makes sense that so many introverts hide from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal - the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to head-talking, certainty to doubt. He prefers quick decisions at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. (Pg. 4)

The Communication Gap:
Then there was the time my company's HR Manager attacked my management skills.  She told me I was the weakest manager our company had and that my career was going nowhere.  Now in hindsight I realize she is an extrovert who doesn't understand or respect the introverted personality. She considered my quiet manner weak and not management material.

In the book Susan, also an introvert writes about the first time she had to negotiate a deal for her client while working as a Wall Street lawyer:

Then she remembered what I'd told her again and again: she was an introvert and as such had unique powers in negotiation - perhaps less obvious but no less formidable.  She's probably prepared more than everyone else.  She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions - lots of them. And actually listen to the answers, which no matter what your personality, is crucial to strong negotiation. (Pg. 8)

Pretending to be an extrovert:
Now that I have a better understanding of who I am and what it means to be an introvert how can I reframe my strengths to shine in a world that values extroverts?

Pretend to be more confident:
When Susan was in law school she would force herself early on in class to raise her hand and say something.  Other people would sometimes refer to what she said giving her a greater presence in the classroom without her having to say much.  (I really could have used this tip when I was in college.)

Smile.

Be Prepared:
When in the classroom or work meetings figure out what you are going to say and say it early.

Look for opportunities to have one-on-one conversations.

Ask questions. Lots of them. Listen to the answers.

Carve out restorative niches into throughout your day:
Leave the office during lunch.  Find a quiet spot to read and reflect.

Manage your energy.

Get thru it - you will come out a little stronger:

Shortly after reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking I had to facilitate an eight hour training session at my organization. Twelve employees were in attendance including our President and VP of Operations both of which are extroverts.  I was the speaker for four of the eight hours. It was held two hours away and I was one of the drivers. Three employees piled into my car the morning of, so I did not have an opportunity to decompress before the training.  

I prepared for two full days prior to the training; practicing what I was going to say, preparing handouts and packets for everyone to review as I presented the information.  Despite my preparation my brain still froze a couple of times during my presentation. When I wasn't able to think of the interest term our vendor uses when we don't follow one of their procedures, our extroverted President jumped in and volunteered "exorbitant." Then the phrase came to me "past due." I asked lots of questions giving me a break from speaking and allowing everyone to provide input and learn from each other.  The training was deemed a success and our President has asked me to organize another one for October.

What is next?
So now I realize, "thinking on my feet" is never going to come natural to me and I will always have to work at it. I am now going to change the focus of my Be Strong" project to incorporating Susan's faking-it strategies into my life.

Are you an introvert?  Do you pretend to be an extrovert?  Do you have suggestions for carving out restorative niches or for helping me maintain my energy during the workday?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

 

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Are You Wearing Jeans Today?

Today is International Denim Day:

This is a day in which people around the world wear denim in honor of those who have been raped and to educate society about rape.  This campaign came about after an 18-year old girl in Italy was raped by her 45-year old driving instructor in the 1990’s.  Her rapist was initially arrested, prosecuted, convicted and sentenced to jail, but his conviction was overturned on appeal.  Why? Because the woman was wearing really tight jeans! The Italian Supreme Court presumed since the woman’s jeans were tight she must have assisted him with their removal concluding their sexual encounter had to have been consensual. Enraged by this verdict, the women of the Italian Parliament protested that very day by wearing jeans to work.  This protest evolved into the first Denim Day in LA in April 1999 and has continued every year since.

I only recently became aware of Denim Day:

I learned of it when reading, Student McKenna Nerone is generating support for rape victims through Denim Day, an article on JS Online about McKenna Nerone’s project Share a Pair. Nerone, a high school senior, created Share a Pair as a project for a senior’s honors seminar. Her goal is to raise awareness of sexual assault and the dangers of blaming victims. She hopes to collect 1,050 pairs of jeans for Denim Day.

Why 1,050 pairs of jeans?
Nerone calculated during the time she spends each week in class 1,050 individuals are sexually assaulted. According to denimdayusa.org, every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

Nobody wants to talk about rape:
Not everyone was in favor of Nerone’s project.  She encountered objectors who felt rape was a taboo topic.  This taboo is precisely why Nerone went ahead with her project. She feels it will benefit both her high school and the greater community.  She is quoted in the article as saying:

“I want to make people start talking about it. Nobody wants to talk about rape.”

The topic of rape and sexual assault is rarely addressed in school, Nerone said and she wants to change that, along with a common misconception.

“Many people think that if you’re going to be raped you need to have this criteria,” she said listing weight, physical attributes and tight jeans. “But no that is just not true.”

Thank you McKenna for making me aware of International Denim Day and for the awareness you have created. Knowledge and education is the first step in fighting the rape culture that continues to be prevalent in our society.

McKenna Nerone is donating all of the jeans she collects to Pathfinders, a local nonprofit that helps youths and young adults who are survivors of sexual assault, homelessness and mental illness.

I’m wearing jeans today.  Are you?

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My Co-worker Won’t Stop Talking About Sex

I have this annoying co-worker, who over the years has shared too much information about his personal life. For the most part he’s harmless, but when he starts talking about his sex life I get uncomfortable. 

Early on when he began working for our company, he would look me up and down then ask me my dress size, overly compliment my wardrobe then tell me stories about how his wife wouldn’t have sex with him. One day when he started telling me about a dream he’d had about me the night before I lost it. I cut him off mid-sentence, rudely told him I didn’t want to hear about his dream, that I didn’t want him to ask me my dress size anymore and to stop talking to me about his sex life. I also told him some women would consider these actions sexual harassment. Looking back, his dream may not have been sexual, but at the time I didn’t want to risk hearing about it.

My co-worker didn’t talk to me again for almost a year which didn’t bother me a bit. Then slowly he began initiating conversation and before I knew it he was back to talking about sex again. Recently he’s added sexual jokes and comments about other employee’s sex lives to his topics of conversation.

At a recent going away party this employee made a joke about our President’s sex life in front of everyone including our President’s 70-year old father and our human resource manager. No one acknowledged the joke or laughed. Instead, someone quickly changed the subject.

It baffles me that no one sits this employee down and tells him to knock it off. Not only does he talk about sex with me, but when he thinks he has a funny story or joke he walks around the office sharing it with everyone.

Friday morning he was at it again, making the rounds telling his latest joke about our President’s sex life when I decided I’d had enough. I turned to him and said, “Fred, this isn’t appropriate conversation for the workplace.” He looked at me and repeated my comment, “This isn’t appropriate conversation for the workplace?” I think he got my message, but I’m sure he will be back at it in a few weeks. I’ve decided from now on every time I hear him talking about sex I’m going to repeat my previous comment or tell him he is being unprofessional.

And for those of you who talk about sex at work:

Doing so diminishes your credibility. This goes for women too:
There is this story about one of our female employees who traveled with a male co-worker to an out of state conference many years ago. According to the male co-worker, she talked about her favorite sexual positions the entire length of the trip. To this day, when this female employee’s name comes up for promotion her male co-worker who is now a VP shares this story along with his opinion this employee is not professional.

Not everyone will find your joke funny:
Not everyone has the same sense of humor. When you joke or talk about sex you always run the risk of offending someone. Plus, someone who laughed at your jokes last week may for no obvious reason find them offensive or not funny this week. I once worked with a guy who liked to tell a couple of his female co-workers he’d like to see their lips around a Pepsi bottle or a banana. Sure enough, he made this comment to a new temporary employee and she reported him to HR for sexual harassment.

You are a disruption:
Your jokes and stories are unproductive and disruptive. They stop work- flow and provide fodder for employee gossip. See next topic:

You are drawing unwanted attention to your appearance:
When talking about your sex life you may be providing a visual image to your co-workers they do not want to see. Let’s face it you may not actually be a “ten” and your co-workers may find these visual images repulsive.

Do your career a favor and remember conversations about sex are not appropriate for the workplace.

Have you had a co-worker who talked about sex in the workplace? How did you handle it?

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Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Since Darlene works as a Human Resource Manager I wanted to be sure to cover how to deal with bullies at work. One of my most damaging conversations (and probably the impetus behind my strength challenge) occurred when a fellow manager told me I was the weakest manager my company had. Here is what Darlene had to say:

Do you have any tips for dealing with a bully at work?
In Ontario it is the law to have a “Workplace Violence and Harassment” policy and procedures. In that event you should follow protocol as outlined by the company you are working for.

That’s probably not the answer you were looking for. 

Let’s try it from a different perspective. Is this bully your superior? Coworker? Subordinate? Are you comfortable speaking to the bully in order to resolve the conflict? Or perhaps to your superior?

You need to talk to someone at work. If you can’t say it, write it.
You have the right to go to work and be treated with dignity and respect.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

Do you have any additional tips for dealing with bullies in the workplace?

Tune in tomorrow to learn how Darlene maintains a high energy level at work.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2

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My husband forbids me from going gray

Ever since I wrote a blog post about Anne Kreamer’s book Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters, search terms relating to gray hair began appearing in my blog stats. Recently the following showed up in my keyword history:

My husband forbids me from going gray

I wanted to help this person and others like her formulate a response. Who better than Anne Kreamer herself to answer this query? I sent Anne an email asking how to respond.  Here is her reply:   

There's no question the decision to dye or not dye is timeless and universal. As to your husband, what does he say? Why does he forbid you? Because he thinks you'll look old? He'll look old? You have bad hair? I'd want to know with real detail what his issue is. Then I guess I'd ask him what is it that he fears will happen if you have your natural hair color. Will you not have sex? Is he worried about what others will think?

I'm not sure how long you guys have been together nor how old you are, but ask him does he want you to love him if he goes bald? Would he wear a toupee or dye his hair?

Good luck!

Thank you Anne - I was hoping your response would come from a position of strength.  I was not disappointed.  

Has your spouse or partner ever forbidden you from changing some aspect of your appearance? Or have they demanded you change an aspect of your appearance?  How did you respond?

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Not Understanding Hertz Refueling Policy is a Costly Lesson

We received an excellent deal on a car rental booked thru priceline.com for our recent trip to California.  Hertz accepted our bid for a full-sized sedan at $30 a day with unlimited mileage.

When we arrived at San Francisco’s SFO airport the Hertz rental counter was crazy busy. After waiting in line for at least 30 minutes, our Hertz representative was courteous and attentive.  She recommended we sign up for the Fuel Purchase Option (FPO) which she felt was the best refueling deal. We would purchase a full tank from Hertz at a price competitive with local fuel stations (currently around $4.49 a gallon) at rental.  When we returned the car the fuel tank should be as close to empty as possible, since we’d already pre-purchased a full tank of gas. Despite Clark Howard's advice to never prepay for fuel, the thought of not having the hassle of refueling before our return flight was appealing. Yes we both agreed, sign us up for that.  We were told our vehicle, which had been upgraded to a Jeep Liberty, would be ready in about an hour and we would be asked if we wanted the FPO option at that time.

After only 10 minutes, our vehicle was ready.  We were handed our Hertz contract along with the keys to the Jeep Liberty and were whisked off to the stall where our rental awaited us.  It was only after we had left the airport that I realized we were not asked about the FPO option.  Perhaps that nice Hertz representative had automatically signed us up for it.  Our rental contract said something about fuel and services at $9.29 a gallon. Something was not right, we would have to call and get clarification the next day.

Unfortunately Consumer Cellular, my cell phone carrier, does not have coverage in northern California.  I thought for sure I had checked into this before we left, but after losing cell phone coverage shortly after leaving San Francisco I realized I had not.  We decided to operate as if we had purchased the FPO option and talk to Hertz about the incorrect fuel price in our contract when we returned the car.

We filled up our Jeep Liberty's fuel tank the day before our vacation ended.  We had one final day of sight-seeing in addition to the two hour drive from our inn in Cloverdale to the airport.  We would attempt to return the vehicle with an empty fuel tank.

Traffic through downtown San Francisco on our return trip to the airport was terrible.  Plus, our GPS did not recognize streets that were closed due to construction or those that did not allow for left turns between 7:00 am and 7:00 pm on weekdays. After many GPS recalculations, we arrived at SFO’s Hertz car return with no time to spare.  My husband did a quick check-in as I grabbed our bags.  We reviewed our final Hertz bill as we ran to our terminal.  We were charged an additional $9.29 a gallon for 9.75 gallons of fuel totaling $104.66.  

We barely made our flight.  If we had stopped to refuel the rental car, we would have surely missed it.

Obviously the exorbitant refueling charge is mostly our fault for not understanding Hertz’s policy, but I feel Hertz should have verbally informed us of the refueling option stated in our contract when they gave it to us.  With each trip we take my husband complains more about the “travel” part of traveling and how he doesn’t want the hassle any more. Hertz you are not helping my case.

How about you?  Have you ever misunderstood a vehicle rental company’s refueling policy? Or do you follow Clark Howard's advice and always return your rental with a full tank of gas?

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Be Strong Challenge: September Update

On my 50th birthday I challenged myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year. This challenge got off to a slow start due to a bout with insomnia, but I think I made up for it in September. Here is a roundup of my progress:
 

Be Strong:

I named my challenge Be Strong and set a few goals:

1 - To continue to work on knowing myself.
2 - To work on both my physical and mental strength.
3 - Each month I need to come up with one activity or challenge that leads to more effective communication, since becoming a better communicator is my ultimate goal.

I realize I have to start with baby steps. If I step too far out of my comfort zone too soon – with a public speaking class or by joining toastmasters - I know myself well enough to know I will abandon this project altogether.

 

Push-up challenge:

I joined a push-up challenge. Each day I am to do 1 more push up than I did the day before. I’ve split them into two sessions and am now up to 17 at one time, with a total of 25 in one day. This is more push-ups than I’ve ever done before in one day. A couple of years ago I stopped working out my upper body entirely when I injured my shoulder. After the shoulder pain subsided I experienced a clicking sound and pain in my elbows while working out with resistance bands, so I was leery of push-ups. My elbows do click occasionally while doing push-ups, but there is no pain and since I began this challenge my elbows no longer click when working out with resistance bands.

 

Clean my desk challenge:

I challenged myself to clean my desk at work. My desk is still not perfectly clean and organized, but I have made progress. I completed several outstanding projects and now spend time each day tackling new paperwork so it doesn’t pile up. I also organize my desk before leaving on Fridays which has done wonders for my Monday morning mood. Thanks to all who left comments and suggestions on my post, you’ve helped keep me motivated.

 

I attended a seminar on assertive communication:

The seminar’s presenter teaches this course at a local college, so she attempted to pack an entire semester’s worth of knowledge into one hour. She did an excellent job of describing the six different types of motivators (a positive or negative need for power, achievement or affiliation) and how to communicate with each type. I referred to one of these communication techniques in my post Do I listen to my manager or the boss. For further study on communication between the sexes, she suggests reading Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships and Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work.
 

I read inspiring blog posts:

I read Always the Planner's post What Kind of Life do I Want? where she recommended viewing a TEDx video by Priya Parker and watched Marie Forleo’s video How to Reprogram your Subconscious Mind to Get What You Really Want on the same day. Both helped my realize the one thing I want is to be as physically active in my life for as long as possible; not being able to walk or wear shoes will severely impact that life. Lately, I’ve experiencing foot pain during most physical activity including walking and while wearing shoes. I decided it was time I considered foot surgery, so I made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon the very next day.

 

I visited an orthopedic surgeon to inquire about bunion surgery:

I learned the bunion on my right foot is between moderate and severe and the left one isn’t too bad. The surgeon doesn’t feel I need immediate surgery, but made it clear my foot will never get any better. Recovery from this surgery will require me to be on crutches for 5-6 weeks, which rules out having the surgery in winter. The last thing I need is to walk with crutches down a hill to my unattached garage on snow and ice. If possible I'd like to put off surgery until fall of next year.  In the mean time I’ve been wearing the flattest, widest shoes I own and modifying workout activities (especially lunges) that bother my feet.

 

I have added one small challenge for October:

I have challenged myself to stop eating the popcorn from my company’s popcorn machine. First, the popcorn is really for customers not employees. Second, it is covered in salt and is most likely made with the cheapest, unhealthiest oil they can buy. For the rest of this year I am challenging myself to not eat anymore of this popcorn.

That is it for September. October is going to be a short month, since my husband and I are traveling to California for a ten day vacation. This will be the longest vacation I’ve taken, since I began work in 1986. I am not sure how active I will be on this blog or if I will be able to maintain a clean desk during October – perhaps that will be the ultimate challenge.

What makes you feel strong?
If you have a Be Strong suggestion or are interested in writing a guest post about how you've achieved greater strength please leave a comment below or email me at savvyworkinggal@gmail.com.

Coco Chanel: The Legend and The Life

Motivation for reading:
Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life was Brava Magazine's September pick for their book and wine club:

While Coco Chanel’s legacy is an impressive empire, Gabrielle Chanel’s life wasn’t always so divine. Delve into a rags-to-riches tale to find how Chanel made herself into a style legend, and discover what she had to hide along the way to ascend to the top.

Since Coco Chanel was one of the women I wanted to study for my Be Strong Challenge I decided it was time I read this book.

My Thoughts:
Prior to reading Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life, I knew little about Chanel’s life other than she was the famous French fashion designer who gave us the little black dress and Chanel No. 5 perfume. Her life is actually a fascinating study of a woman born poor, illegitimate and raised in an orphanage who transformed herself into one of the most powerful fashion designers of the 20th century.

Telling Chanel’s story though was not an easy task. As part of Chanel’s transformation she covered up much of her past and told enormous lies about her life. She even changed her birth date on her passport. Picardie sorted through personal observations and interviews with surviving friends, employees and relatives; Chanel’s abandoned memoirs and tabloid rumors to give us an accurate portrayal of Coco Chanel’s life. When in doubt Picardie presents all of the known facts along with the rumors then gives her interpretation of the truth.

Coco Chanel could be both impulsive and reckless, but nothing could stop her from going after what she wanted. In addition to being a talented creator she was also a savvy business woman. Take note of her strengths, other than sheer talent, I feel attributed to her success:

She understood the relationship between money and independence:
After learning her lover Boy Capel had deposited bank securities as a guarantee for her business and overdrafts she told her head seamstress:

“I am not here to have fun, or to spend money like water, I am here to make a fortune.” A year later, Chanel was earning sufficient money to have no more need of Capel’s financial support, and she rejoiced in her independence. (Pg. 74)

She had a hard-headed business sense:
Here are the final snippets of an argument Chanel had with Mme Bataille, the woman who did the embroidery for the house, over price on the finished pieces of a crimson crepe de Chine blouse:

“The blouse is embroidered with real Chinese silk, one kilo of which costs at present…”

“I don’t care what kind of silk you use – real or artificial,” continued Mlle Chanel; “it is none of my business. What I want is to sell the blouse. As it is, it is too expensive; therefore you must charge less for it. That’s all.” (Pg. 140)

She understood the importance of a network:
Chanel was well-connected listing Winston Churchill and Pablo Picasso as friends.

Vera Bate, a friend of Bendor the 2nd Duke of Westminster’s and others in the small world of the British aristocracy, who was working for Chanel less as a model (though she was a handsome, statuesque figure in her Chanel outfits) than as a facilitator whose social connections were invaluable. I have employed society people, not to indulge my vanity or to humiliate them (I would take other forms of revenge, suppose I was seeking them), but … because they were useful to me and they got around Paris working on my behalf. (Pg. 162) 

She had a talent for friendship, in spite of her occasional flashes of malice. (Pg. 206)

She was an adept conversationalist:
I marveled at Chanel’s ability to think on her feet while dining with Malcolm Muggeridge, a British intelligence officer in Paris after France’s WWII liberation. Chanel had had a relationship with Hans Gunther von Dincklage, a German Nazi military officer during the war and was suspected of collaboration. The dinner was a combination of social visit and intelligence gathering for MI6:

Afterword’s, Muggeridge tried to draft some sort of report on Chanel, but realized that there was nothing to say. As he reflected upon his evening, he wondered whether a more rigorous agent might have discovered further details: ‘how she managed to get to and from Spain during the occupation, whether she also offered free scent to the German troops, who were her clients, associates and intimates during those years. Alas, all I had done was to listen; fascinated and even a little awed, at the masterly way she skinned and harpooned the braided F (the MI6).” (Pg. 267)

Vanity Fair sums up Chanel’s strengths perfectly when they nominated her to their 1931 Hall of Fame:

The magazine declared its reasons for doing so in a brief yet trenchant paragraph: Because she was the first to apply the principles of modernism to dressmaking; because she numbers among her friends the most famous men of France; because she combines a shrewd business sense with enormous personal prodigality and a genuine if erratic enthusiasm for the arts; and finally because she came to America to make a laudable attempt to introduce chic to Hollywood. (Pg. 213)

In the end Chanel’s life was sad and lonely. She took morphine to help her fall asleep. She never married and bore no children of her own (unless you believe the rumor that her nephew Andre Palasse was actually her son). Here is a conversation Gabrielle Labrunie Chanel’s niece recalls with her Aunt:

‘A, simple life, with a husband and children – a life with the people you love – that is the real life.’ And yet Gabrielle could also see the manner in which Chanel had cut her own familial ties, to set herself free. ‘She battled for her freedom – to be free to drive your car, to ride a bicycle, to walk to work, you had to be able to forget about what you are wearing. Forgetting is part of freedom – and so she was free to forget her past. And even if she did not forget it, she put her memories somewhere where they did not weigh too heavily on her – just like the clothes she made, that were so light that they seemed to weigh nothing at all.’ (Pg. 315)

Bottom line:
I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about Coco Chanel’s life and career. I did find the book frustrating at times when the truth of particular details of Chanel’s life remained unclear – this is not the fault of Justine Picardie, but of Chanel herself who lied and covered up so much of her life. I felt Picardie did an excellent job of researching the truth and presenting only the facts. I also enjoyed the book's numerous photos. If you have an interest in Coco Chanel, her life, her career or her creations I highly recommend reading this book. And in case you are curious:

Karen Eigenberger of Steve’s Wine-Beer-Spirits paired Clos du Moulin Aux Moines Bourgogne Pinot Noir as the wine to sip while reading Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life:

A toast to Coco Chanel! Perhaps thanks to her formative years in the Auvergne region of France, Coco Chanel's favorite food was fresh caviar with red wine; she it ate it a few times almost every day. In keeping with the style of wines from this region, raise a glass of Clos du Moulin Aux Moines Bourgogne Pinot Noir from the Burgundy region of France. Silky, complex, refined and elegant, much like the fashion icon herself. ($24)

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