Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

Motivation for Reading:
Cheryl Strayed’s book Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail has been on my reading list since Oprah selected it for her revamped book club.

At 26 Cheryl Strayed was by her own admission a mess. She had lost her mother to cancer, was divorced from her young husband, dating a junkie and on her way to becoming an addict herself. Feeling lost she quits her waitressing job and sets out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The purpose for her journey according to Cheryl:

I had to change. I had to change was the thought that drove me in those months of planning. Not into a different person, but back to the person I used to be – strong and responsible, clear-eyed and driven, ethical and good. And the PCT would make me that way. There, I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. (pg. 57)

What better book to read for my Be Strong reading project - a reading challenge I created for myself to read one book about strength each month.

My thoughts:
I am glad I read Cheryl Strayed’s book Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, a book I had loved, prior to reading this one. If I hadn’t already been familiar with Cheryl’s work I doubt I'd have finished this book. I found Cheryl’s lack of adequate preparation for her hike (no backpacking experience to speak of, too heavy of a pack, one-size too small shoes, not enough money, etc.) irresponsible and dangerous. Also, I kept comparing this book to Bill Bryson’s book A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail about hiking the Appalachian Trail which I found funnier and thought he did a better job of actually writing about the trail. Once I stopped judging Cheryl and accepted this book for what it was – Cheryl’s journey - I began enjoying it. I realized Cheryl’s writing is just as beautiful as it was in Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar and I had to give her credit; she was no quitter.  She achieves both her goals to hike the Pacific Crest Trail and to find her strength.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

The father's job is to teach his children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse to ride into battle when it's necessary to do so. If you don't get that from your father, you have to teach yourself.

 And:

What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do?...What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?

Also, there is an excellent scene in the book where Cheryl uses the intuition skills Gavin de Becker writes about in his book The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence.  When approached by a suspicious pair of hunters on the trail and though tired and hungry Cheryl runs ‘til she can’t run anymore out of fear one of them will come back to find her.

Bottom Line:
If you are looking for a well-written memoir about a lost soul who embarks on a journey to find herself along the PCT this is a good book for you. If you are looking for a book about the trail itself, a professional guide to backpacking or a book about getting back to nature you probably will not enjoy this book. 

Have you read this book?  If so, what were your thoughts?

If you enjoyed this book you may also like:
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love From Dear Sugar
How Did You Get Into Nonfiction?
Nonfiction You Can't Put Down

Please Note I am an Amazon affiliate.

Strength Interview with Ran Zilca of 'Ride of Your Life'

Last summer, while researching inner-strength for my BE Strong Challenge –  a challenge I created for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year - I discovered a fantastic article on Building Inner Strength by Ran Zilca on Psychology Today. This article remains the best article I’ve read to-date on inner-strength, so you can imagine how excited I was to learn Ran is writing a book about his journey towards inner peace. I recently had the opportunity to interview Ran for my strength challenge:

What is your book - A coast to Coast Journey to Inner Peace about? And when will it be released?
The book is a guide to inner peace, composed over a 6,000 mile, coast-to-coast solo motorcycle ride I took in 2010. I started in New York and rode to California and then down the California coast line. On my way I interviewed different scientists and authors like Deepak Chopra, Phil Zimbardo, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and Byron Katie. The collective wisdom of these experts and of the many people I met on the road, along with the meditative experience of riding in solitude each day, yielded very interesting insights that form the guide.

I am running a Kickstarter Campaign (see below). If it’s successful the book will come out for the new year.

What motivated you to undertake this journey?
I was just turning 40, and being very successful in business and in my personal life, but unsure as to who I really am. I think that many people experience this type of feeling in midlife, where they know what they do and where they live, but not exactly sure who they are. It made me feel restless, so I went out to rediscover my identity, quiet the restlessness, and regain my inner peace.

What makes you feel strong?
When you lift weights you put a strain on your muscles, and in turn that builds muscle mass. Mental strength is built in the exact same way – by facing and meeting challenges, and going outside your comfort zone. I got my motorcycle license only a year before going on the road, and it was very hard for me to learn how to ride, and become good at it. It was also very hard, in many different ways, to go on the road and leave home for 5 weeks. I missed my wife and my kids, and even though my wife was very supportive of the project, it was very hard on her as well. I also did not have much riding experience, and most days were filled with risks. For that very reason though, the pride of actually doing it made me feel much stronger in a very profound way.

What detracts from your strength or what do you see others doing that detract from their strength?
All of us have known energy-drains. It could be the interaction with certain people, being in certain situations, or worries and thoughts. To remain strong, it’s crucial to identify those, so you can keep the drain of strength to a minimum. 

What do you know now that you did not know when you were 18?
At 18 my identity was still forming, and today I know who I am and how to make decisions irrespective of what may be good for others. At the same time, I would never want to lose my perspective at 18, where anything was possible, and everything was starting to happen and materialize. The sense of strength in youth can be tremendous. 

Do you have any lessons that you’ve learned from your journey that may help me in my strength challenge?To do one thing each day that scares you and makes you feel uncomfortable, to live life in service of others, to give others credit before they act, and forgive them when they default on that credit. The biggest hurdle on the way to happiness and inner strength is one’s ego and a sense of self-importance.

Are there any books that have influenced you or that you find yourself always recommending to others?
Many :) Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want The How of Happiness, and Barbara Fredrickson’s Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life (both authors that I was fortunate to interview) are great positive psychology guides for life. Deepak Chopra’s The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment The Ultimate Happiness Prescription is also a great read that is very practical. When I was on the road I read John’s Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, which is both a great travel story and a thought-provoker. But mostly – I find The Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching to be an executive summary of many texts on human happiness.

As I enter the second year of my challenge what should I focus on? I spent most of my first year gaining a better understanding of who I am.  
Here’s my advice: Make a list of things you want to do but feel uncomfortable doing, and start doing them! It could be small, daily things too. The pride you will feel will be a tremendous source of strength.

Tell me about your Kickstarter Project?
The Kickstarter Campaign allows everyone to pre-order the book, and also participate in its creation (!) by sending questions to the different experts. You can also get signed and dedicated copies, a coaching package, and other special rewards. The funding from the pre-orders will be then used to pay for the book’s production, but only if enough pre-orders are made.  

Is there anything else we should know about you?
Even though there’s some dose of adventure in my life, I live very normatively – house in the suburbs, take the kids to school and activities, etc. I love family life and the daily routine that comes with it.

Ran Zilca can be found at http://www.rideofyourlife.com/ and his Kickstarter Project can be found here.

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

The Biggest Money Mistake Women Make

I’ve recently read several articles revealing women’s money mistakes; not saving enough for retirement, incurring too much debt, giving money to family members, taking on children’s debts by co-signing their loans, and relying on the men in their lives to handle finances and investments. While spending too much on handbags and not knowing how much your husband’s 401(k) is worth are not smart money practices, I feel the biggest money mistake a woman can make is:

Not negotiating a higher salary
 

According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in their book Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change:

By not negotiating a first salary, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60—and men are more than four times as likely as women to negotiate a first salary.

$500,000 could have bought a lot of overpriced handbags over the course of a women’s life. In addition to earning less in wages, not negotiating a higher salary leads to women contributing less to their 401(k) plans, receiving smaller 401(k) matching contributions and earning smaller social security credits.

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever also reveal:

• Many women are so grateful to be offered a job that they accept what they are offered and don't negotiate their salaries.
• Women often don't know the market value of their work: Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs; men expect to earn 13 percent more than women during their first year of full-time work and 32 percent more at their career peaks.

This was certainly true in my case. I’ve never negotiated for a higher salary not once. When I started out in my career I had no idea what I was worth – my confidence was so low upon graduating from college I actually thought I was unemployable. When I was offered my first real job at $6.29 an hour in 1986 I was happy to just be employed.

 

I wasn’t the only woman not negotiating:

My second job a year later paid $14,500 a year. I thought this was low until my female co-worker hired a few months prior with similar qualifications disclosed she was earning even less.
 

As my career progressed I continued to avoid negotiating salary:

Once I became a CPA in the late 90’s, I relied on my credentials to ensure I was paid a fair wage. I was working at an engineering firm when I obtained my CPA license.  Shortly afterwards my employer fired my manager who they thought was lazy and offered me his job. My new annual salary would be $35,000, a 9% increase over my current salary of $32,000. My former lazy manager had been making $75,000 a year. I accepted this position without questioning my new salary, researching the market or negotiating for more.

 

Other attitudes at the time:

One of my female co-workers, ten years my senior and our company’s office manager offered the following advice:

She felt it was preferable to make a lower salary than what you were worth because in doing so you were insuring employment. Throughout her career she had witnessed numerous individuals who were underpaid be the first to be hired and the last to be let go when layoffs came around. In her opinion, the highest paid employee was always the first one fired.

Why this advice is so horrible?

Unfortunately, I think she mistook highest paid for overpaid. In the recent economic downturn, in addition to down-sizing every employee who wasn’t absolutely necessary many employers reduced the salaries of their remaining employees. Now an underpaid employee was earning even less. Salary-cuts at my current company remained in effect for three years. I lost $15,000 in gross wages. Already on the low end of the salary scale, during the salary reduction years I was substantially underpaid for my position and work experience.

 

Men in my circles do negotiate more often:

Last year my husband received the standard cost-of-living raise during his salary review. At the end of his meeting he expressed displeasure with his raise, reiterated his yearly accomplishments and told his manager he had been expecting more. His manager agreed to think over his decision and get back to him. I was astonished. Never in my life would I have asked for more money. His company was still struggling, despite my husband’s project going well; how could he expect more money. My husband felt differently. He was working on one of the most important projects of his career at this company. There was never a better time to ask for more money besides what did he have to lose. He was right and ended up receiving the raise he had been expecting.

 

While raises have been frozen at my company for four years:

Three male managers I know of have asked for more money. One was flat-out refused – he handled the negotiations so poorly he eventually was demoted; one was denied then given a surprise year-end bonus of $10,000 and the third received exactly what he asked for.

 

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever make the point that the male approach to negotiating isn’t actually superior to women’s:

Men are not better negotiators than women. Women more often than men take a "collaborative" or cooperative approach to negotiation that has been shown to produce agreements that are better for both sides. Women are more likely than men to listen to the needs and concerns of the other side, communicate their own priorities and pressures, and try to find solutions that benefit all parties—to find the win/win solutions. This approach not only leads to better outcomes for everyone, it often produces creative solutions to problems that might have been overlooked by men taking a more competitive or adversarial approach. Also, by looking for those win/win solutions, women tend to preserve and enhance long-term business relationships—they don't burn as many bridges as men who focus on short-term gains.

It is also important to note:

 

Failing to negotiate is not just a boomer problem:

Younger women may assume that things have changed far more than they have, but according to Babcock and Laschever studies among men and women in their 20s and early 30s, men are much more likely to initiate negotiations than women.

  

Don’t forget to negotiate your bonus:

In addition to negotiating salary, many jobs now come with a pre-negotiated bonus plan. Women may think they are being paid a fair salary, but are  unaware their male counterparts negotiated and are earning a much higher year-end bonus. While researching salaries with your networks don’t forget to collect information on bonus plans. 

 

Have you ever attempted to negotiate a higher salary? What was the result? What do you feel is the biggest money mistake women make?

 

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

Non-Fiction Books Every Woman Should Read

How does your pay stack up against the salary guides?

Gender Wealth Gap is the Greater Problem
Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note

How to become more courageous?

Last year I joined Classy Career Girl's Networking Challenge. To be honest I didn’t stick with the challenge for very long. My goal was to contact other bloggers and interview them about their careers for this blog. A couple of bloggers agreed to be interviewed then never responded to my questionnaire. After I was stood-up for a phone interview, I lost interest in the project altogether.

For my 2013 "Be Strong" project I would like to include a networking challenge, but if it is to be successful I have to figure out how to deal with rejection.
 

In Penelope Trunk's audio interview with the yoga teacher, Penelope tells her she acted courageously when she called Penelope. All of the things she does in yoga gives her the ability to deal with the feelings of hurt and crushed ego she may experience when calling someone who was known to rip off the heads of her interviewers. See my post Penelope Trunk gives wake-up call.
 

Penelope recommends everyone send an email every day to someone they think may not respond for an entire year. At the end of 365 days if you have two responses from two amazing people you will then have something to feel amazing about.  

After the audio interview Bettina (the yoga teacher) came up with the following courage challenge:
 

ACTION STEPS TO BEING COURAGEOUS:  

Do yoga to feel strong inside.

Take a risk like sending an email to someone you admire.

Forget about that email.

Repeat every day for an entire year.

Let me know what happens as a result.

I’ve already begun this challenge and have had some success. Not dwelling on whether the recipient will respond to my email has helped immensely. Please see my posts Three amazing books I read in 2012 along with Lisa Bloom's favorites and How to dress "strong" at work.

Also hearing how helpful yoga is in attaining courage I think 2013 will be the year I start practicing yoga.

In Anna Runyan’s post The Top 10 Networking Questions at Classycareergirl.com I gained insight into why I did not receive a response to my interview emails. Anna writes:

The other thing you might want to do is go back to the informational request email and examine if there might be something turning these people off. Is it too long? Does it say you only want 15 minutes of their time? Is the email specifically directed to them or their company and did you include some type of compliment or statement so they know it isn’t just a generic email you send to everyone?

Will you join me in Bettina's courage challenge?  What has helped you become more courageous?