Life of the Party by Bob Kealing

I have to admit I had never heard of Brownie Wise prior to reading about Bob Kealing’s book Life of the Party: The Remarkable Story of How Brownie Wise Built, and Lost, a Tupperware Party Empire on Blogging for Books.

What is this book about?

Long before Martha Stewart, Mary Kay and other celebrated mavens of domesticity, there was Wise, the face and genius behind the iconic Tupperware Party. In “Life of the Party: The Remarkable Story of How Brownie Wise Built, and Lost, a Tupperware Party Empire,” we learn the remarkable story of how she built — and abruptly lost — a Tupperware Party empire.

My Thoughts:

I love a good historical business book and Life of the Party is a good one. It begins a little slow as we learn about Earl Tupper (Tupperware’s inventor), Wise’s early years and her life before she was promoted to sales manager. Once Wise moves to Florida the story becomes more interesting and I found the last half of the book which includes her rapid rise as the face of Tupperware and her eventual demise fascinating.

I also thought it was interesting to learn Tupperware’s home party division made their home in the Kissimmee/Orlando area of Florida long before Disney moved in. Florida was still quite racially-segregated in 1951, but land was cheap and it was thought it would be easier to convince salesman to combine family vacations with business seminars saving the company money.

Brownie Wise was an astute business woman ahead of her time, but if you are looking for a how did she do it type of book you will most likely be disappointed. This book is more of a “what she did” type of book than a “how-to.” Though there are snippets of business and marketing lessons scattered though-out.

I like this one on recruiting that could still be used today:

If she (a potential Tupperware dealer) isn’t eager to devote enough time to her first training, you should not appoint her. Beware of the applicant who thinks she doesn’t need thorough training. The odds against her are huge. (Pg. 76.)

Bottom Line:

I recommend if you are interested in business history, reading about business and career women, the 1950’s, trends in business and of course Tupperware and the home party concept.

Life of the Party: The Remarkable Story of How Brownie Wise Built, and Lost, a Tupperware Party Empire would also make a good selection for a business book club.  Bob Kealing remained unbiased when he described what happened to Brownie Wise, which in my opinion could lead to a great discussion.

Have you heard of Brownie Wise? If you've read this book, what did you think?


"I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review."

Note, some of the links included in this post are affiliate links.

Portia De Rossi Admits Falling For It

Motivation for reading:
I decided to read Portia De Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gainafter seeing it on a list of books about self-acceptance. One of my 2015 goals for this blog is to promote self-acceptance.

What is Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain about?
Portia De Rossi is a model and actress who stared in the popular TV shows Ally McBeal and Arrested Development. In this book she shares her personal struggle with eating disorders. Beginning at age 12 she began practicing excessive dieting and bulimic behaviors to stay thin for her modeling career. After feeling shamed by her size 8 body during a photo shoot for L’Oréal she takes her diet and fitness obsessions to a new level and becomes anorexic. Weighing only 82 lbs. she collapses. Doctors inform her she has osteoporosis and her organs were shutting down, but it wasn’t until she realizes she "fell for it" while reading Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Mythdoes she begin a turn-around:

I remember feeling ashamed for calling myself a feminist when I had blatantly succumbed to the oppression of the mass media telling me what was beautiful, how to look and what to weigh. I had always prided myself on the fact that I was smart, analytical, and someone who didn’t “fall for it.” By starving myself into society’s beauty ideal, I had compromised my success, my independence, and my quality of life. The stick-thin prepubescent girls never should have had power over me. I should’ve had my sights set on successful businesswomen and successful female artists, authors and politicians to emulate. Instead I stupidly and pointlessly just wanted to be considered pretty. I squandered my brain and my talent to squeeze into a size 2 dress while my male counterparts went to work on making money, making policy, making a difference. (Pg. 287)

My Thoughts:
This is a book about De Rossi and the conversations she has with herself about food, body image and her lack of self-acceptance. She mentions only in passing Ellen DeGeneres and a few of her co-stars from Ally McBeal. I was struck by how lonely she was and how she feared she would lose her career if her true sexual orientation was discovered. Her detailed account of eating rituals and obsessive workouts are truly scary.

Another interesting point, even at 82 pounds De Rossi still saw herself as fat. It wasn’t until after her health scare that she realized dieting wasn’t going to change her body’s proportions:

I saw a round face, thin arms, a body rib cage, a thick waist, and big thick legs. It was the same body I had always seen, only smaller. The proportions were the same. (Pg. 272)

Bottom Line:
If you know someone with an eating disorder and are interested in learning more about their rituals and how they think I recommend this book. I don’t recommend it for someone with an eating disorder. Professionals feel it is too much of a how-to guide for those prone to eating disorders and they may get additional ideas. It also glosses over the recovery process.

I do recommend it for a self-acceptance book club. It could lead to an interesting discussion.

As for me, I too fell for it. I’ve written before about how I spent most of my free time in my teens and early twenties shopping for the perfect outfit, styling my hair and experimenting with beauty regiments. My husband, on the other hand, at the same age was participating in sports, learning new things, working and traveling. I am also adding Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth to my reading list since I’ve never read it in its entirety.

Have you fell for society’s definition of the beauty ideal? What books would you recommend for a self-acceptance book club?

What Are You Reading for Women’s History Month?

For the past few years in honor of Women's History Month, I’ve been reading a book covering women’s history or a biography of a famous woman during March. Last year I read Robert Massie's book Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman. In my review I noted that Robert Massie had written Elizabeth I of England used virginity and abstinence as prizes to tempt and manipulate powerful men. This was in contrast to Catherine the Great who had numerous lovers during her rein. I then suggested a biography on Elizabeth I would make an excellent companion read to Massie’s book.

As a result, I am choosing Alison Weir’s book The Life of Elizabeth Ias my read this year for women’s history month:

I discovered this book on Deb of Urban Moo-Cow’s list of her top ten non-fiction reads. She wrote:

I am an unabashed Anglophile. I have read so many books about Tudor-era England, both fiction and non-fiction, it is almost embarrassing. But Weir is special: an amazing writer and historian. You feel like you are reading a story, not a history book, yet every word is meticulously researched.

 Since this book is 488 pages long, I’ve decided not to select it for The Savvy Reader Book Club - book club selections are supposed to be 300 pages or less. Instead of selecting a book this month:

I am challenging you to read one book of your own choosing for Women’s History Month

If you need ideas here are a few books I recommend from my book archives:

This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer by Kay Mills:
In addition to being an excellent choice for Women’s History Month, this book provides a study of the civil rights movement, the history, culture and politics of Mississippi, and the economic programs and human rights Fannie Lou fought so tirelessly for.

When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins:
This is a well-researched comprehensive history of what has happened in every realm of women’s lives from 1960 to the present including Hillary Clinton’s historic presidential campaign.

Coco Chanel: The Legend and The Life by Justine Picardie:
An informative biography of the famous fashion designer Coco Chanel. This is a rags-to-riches tale describing how Chanel made herself into a style legend and what she had to hide along the way in order to ascend to the top.

In the Name of Honor: A Memoir by Mukhtar Mai:
This is the story of Muktar Mai, a poor, uneducated peasant woman from the small village of Meerwala, Pakistan. Her life is turned upside down when she is gang-raped on the order of a council of elders as punishment for her brother’s alleged affair with a woman of a higher clan. Instead of committing suicide which is the cultural norm she decides to fight for justice.

Loving Frank: A Novel by Nancy Horan:
This book is a fictional account of the real life story of Frank Lloyd Wright’s affair with one of his clients, Mamah Borthwick Cheney in the early 1900’s. Mamah who lived life on her own terms provides a glimpse into what life was like for a woman who leaves her husband and children for another man prior to the women’s movement.

Mighty Be Our Powers by Leymeah Gbowee:
Leymah won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize for helping to lead the women's protests that toppled Liberia's dictator. This book is her courageous story.

Marie Antoinette: The Journey by Antonia Fraser:
This book along with Caroline Weber’s Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution are both excellent biographies of Marie Antoinette’s life.

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan:
This is Betty Friedan’s classic book that ignited the feminist movement. It can be a bit dry and repetitive at times, but is still a worthwhile read.

My Life in France by Julia Child:
This book which is based on the letters Julia Child and her husband Paul wrote to family and friends while living in Europe is a delightful read about a woman discovering her passion later in life.

For more book recommendations see these book lists from around the web:

Books and Bassets provides an interesting list.

The Book Wheel's 30 Inspiring Books For Women, By Women - I can't you believe I've only finished four of these.

The Invisible Mentor shares a list of classic books written by women. She is celebrating the month by reading 7 or 8.

What are you reading for women’s history month?

The Professional Woman’s Guide to Managing Men Book Review and Giveaway

I first became acquainted with Anna Runyan, when she included my post 50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read in a Monday motivation roundup on her website ClassyCareerGirl.com. Since then I’ve participated in her networking challenge and watched her evolve into a successful leadership coach and now an author. It is only fitting that I would become part of the launch team for her new book The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men.

What is this book about?
Anna Runyan spent seven years working with and managing men as a consultant for the U.S. Navy.

She writes:

“I have managed men who were shocked to have a woman in charge, which wasn’t always easy. It took me a while to figure out how to best work with and manage men. There were many times that I had no idea what to do and tried many different things to see what worked. I treated men I managed in the same way I thought a man would treat them. That didn’t work. Then, I treated them how I treated other women. That didn’t work either. It wasn’t until I started to just be myself and lean on my own female leadership strengths that I began to successfully start gaining trust and respect from the men I managed.”

The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men is a compilation of what Anna has learned about managing men. It is written as a “how-to” guidebook and includes specific action steps you can take while reading.

The book is divided into five chapters:

Focus on you first
How to be a confident female manager
How to help the men on your team thrive
What not to do when managing men
Handling common management situations

Each chapter concludes with a self-evaluation.

My thoughts:
Anna Runyan has written a comprehensive, useful, well-written guide to working with and managing men. I’ve worked with men in male-dominated industries for over 20+ years. Many of the lessons Anna includes in this book I learned the hard way. In addition, I acquired several new insights and techniques from the book. For example, who knew having a sense of humor is an important factor in managing men. I even discovered a couple of new strategies to better manage my female staff. 

Bottom line:
I recommend reading this book if you are already in a career managing men, preparing yourself to work with men or work in a male-dominated industry. This book which warrants further discussion is a strong contender for a future Savvy Reader Book Club selection. 

Want to read it?
I have one eBook copy to give away. Simply share on Facebook, Twitter, G+ or Instagram and then post here on the blog that you did so. Feel free in include your biggest gripe of problem managing or working with men. Each share and comment gets you an entry. I’ll draw the name of the winner one week from today!

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

The Savvy Reader Book Gift List

As I was contemplating what to buy friends and family this holiday season I realized many of my favorite reads of 2013 would make excellent gifts. Here is my hypothetical gift list:

For my friend and colleague Kate:

Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. This is the best career book I‘ve read in years and one that I wish I’d read earlier in my career. I recommend this book for any woman who is looking to re-charge her career.

As a companion read I would include:

Debora L. Spar’s Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection.Spar is the president of Barnard College and has written a book about how our culture has evolved in the last 50-years. She details how women struggled to gain power, but instead ended up caught in an endless quest for perfection. I found myself nodding in agreement as Spar describes how women today try to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother and the perfect career person. 

For my sister who is the mother of three children under the age of eight:

Crystal Ponti's The Mother of All Meltdowns: Real Stories of Moms' Finest (Worst, Completely Awful) Moments. When I saw the look on my sister’s face as her 4-year old kept insisting he wasn’t wearing pants or shoes on our outing I realized perhaps motherhood is much harder than I realized. After reading the melt-down moments the authors share in this book I hope my sister learns she is not alone and that there is no such thing as a perfect mom or child. Please see Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection from above.

For my niece who will be moving to Santa Monica by herself next year:

Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence. This book explores how fear is a gift that can be used to keep us safe and explains how we can spot even subtle signs of danger—before it’s too late. Gavin teaches us how to listen to and trust our intuition. I recommend this book to anyone who will be living on their own for the first time.

For the niece who is graduating from college this December and has nothing constructive to do until grad school begins next fall:

Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar. It could be a coincidence, but after reading this book I snapped out of the funk I had been in for almost a year. I recommend this book - a compilation of Strayed’s Dear Sugar advice columns - to any young adult approaching their quarter-life crises.

For my non-fiction loving friend who read and enjoyed Robert K. Massie's Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman after learning of it from this blog post:

George Parker's The Unwinding: An Inner History of the New America. I am currently reading this book and am amazed by how comprehensive it is. Packer follows the lives of several Americans over the past three decades. In doing so he describes how America which was once a super power is beginning to become undone. I recommend this book for anyone who likes to read about current events or who is interested in the increasing disparity between the rich and poor.

 

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

What was your favorite reads of the year? Would you give them as gifts?

Leymeah Gbowee’s Lessons on Domestic Abuse

Last month The Savvy Reader Book Club read Leymah Gbowee's book Mighty Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War.

There are so many lessons to be gleaned from this book. The very first being:

Life seldom goes according to plan:

When Leymah Gbowee was a young girl in Liberia she dreamed of becoming a doctor. Her plan was to study, work, marry, have children, and maybe someday live in one of the sprawling brick air-conditioned mansions that lined Payne Avenue. Six months after graduating from High School all of her dreams would be gone. By age 19 she found herself pregnant and in an abusive relationship with an older married man.

Gbowee is not afraid to write about her flaws and the mistakes she made in her early life. In doing so she shares important lessons she learned about domestic abuse. 20 years after meeting the father of her children she still has hard time thinking or talking about him. He almost destroyed her. She was never in love with him.

Why did she make such a bad choice?

• Financial security – At a time when almost everyone she knew was out of work and struggling from day to day, Daniel made eight hundred US dollars a month- the equivalent of tens of thousands of Liberian dollars – working as a logistics officer at the American embassy complex, and he freely spend money on her: gifts of jewelry and perfume from the Lebanese merchants, meals at Angel’s, his favorite restaurant. (Pg. 42)
• Intense and passionate sex.
• The war – without it she would have been in school and living at home. Rebellion – She was tired of being the good girl who took care of her parents’ house when relatives crowded in, who went out into dangerous streets to look for food so everyone could eat, and carried hungry kids on her back. She’d seen so much destruction and death, felt so much rage and misery. (Pg. 43) 
• She was only nineteen and wanted to have a little fun.

She shares what she has since learned about domestic abuse:

• Pregnancy never solves anything, and more often it makes things worse. Now that I was “his,” Daniel’s need for control tightened. He didn’t like my friends visiting. Which Boyfriend are they bringing a message from?” If we needed food, he had me wait for him to come home from work so we could shop together. A moment of rebellion, and now I was caught. It’s hard to explain. You start with fantastic sex; you give another person that power over your body, then gradually, you give him other powers, too. I’d always vowed never to be like some of the women I’d seen when I was growing up, who had babies with multiple fathers. The father of my children would be my husband, and I would stay with him. (Pg. 44)  
•  Men like him always want you to believe no one else wants you. (Pg. 47)

While still in her abusive relationship Gbowee enrolled in a program run by UNICEF training people to become social workers. She learns the following in a class on marriage and social life:
 

The Cycle of Domestic Violence:

In an abusive relationship there is a romantic honeymoon period followed by hitting, which led to apology and making up and another honeymoon period.

While working as a social worker with Sierra Leone refuges Gbowee meets women with troubles much worse than her own. Slowly she is able to build up her resolve; while pregnant with her fourth child she leaves her abuser for good.

 

Leymeh Gbowee's story provides an inspirational account of someone who was able to tap into her inner strength leave her abuser and go on to achieve great things.

Have you read this book? If so, what were your thoughts?

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

 

The Gift of Fear

As part of my "Be Strong" project, I’ve challenged myself to read at least one book a month dealing with an aspect of inner strength such as confidence, communication skills, working with difficult people, self-knowledge, willpower, etc. My February read was Gavin De Becker’s book The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence. I chose this book after Maria of Redirecting Chaos recommended reading it in the comments of previous posts not once, but twice. 

What is The Gift of Fear about?
Gavin de Becker, a security specialist based in Los Angeles and the founder of Gavin de Becker and Associates a private security firm whose clients includes Hollywood stars and government agencies, has written a book exploring how fear is a gift that can be used to keep us safe. The book explains how we can spot even subtle signs of danger—before it’s too late.

My Thoughts:
Gavin de Becker’s intention in writing the book was to share factors his company considers when identifying and predicting violent people and their behaviors in simple to understand terms. He achieves this by including powerful real life stories that left me chilled knowing these examples actually occurred.

I am highlighting some of the major lessons I learned from this book:

He provides potential warning signs to watch for when confronted by a stranger or manipulative person. He calls these survival signals:

• Forced Teaming. Shown through the use of the word “we” a person tries to pretend he has something in common with you and that you are both in the same predicament when it isn’t really true.
• Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a person in order to manipulate them. Niceness does not equal goodness.
• Too many details. When people lie, even if what they say sounds credible, it doesn’t sound credible to them, so they keep talking.
• Typecasting. Always involves a slight insult and usually one that is easy to refute. For example: “You are probably too snobbish to talk to the likes of me.”
• Loan Sharking. Offers assistance, but is always calculating the debt. The fact that you owe a person something makes it harder to ask them to leave you alone.
• The Unsolicited Promise. This is one of the most reliable signals. It shows nothing more than the speaker’s desire to convince you of something. Ask yourself why does this person need to convince me? For example” “I’ll just put this stuff down and go. I promise.”
• Discounting the Word “No”. Refusing to accept the word no.

“No” is a word that must never be negotiated and was the most important lesson I took from this book. The person who chooses not to hear the word “no” is trying to control you. Don’t trust them. If you let someone talk you out of the word “no” you might as well wear a sign that reads, “You are in charge.” (Pg. 62)

A woman alone who needs assistance is actually far better off choosing someone and asking for help, as opposed to waiting for an unsolicited approach. The person you choose is nowhere near as likely to bring you hazard as the person who chooses you. (Pg. 63)

Never show fear:
Threats are never spoken from a position of power. Whatever power they have is derived from the fear instilled in the victim, for fear is the currency of the threatener. (Pg. 109)

Persistence only proves persistence:
It does not prove love. The fact that a romantic pursuer is relentless doesn’t mean you are special – it means he is troubled. (Pg. 196)

Women should never explain why they don’t want a relationship:
Mr. Wrong will challenge each reason she offers. Instead women should make it clear they have thought it over, that this is the decision and that they expect the man to respect it. (Pg. 199)

The problem with restraining orders:
Many batterers find intolerable the idea of being under the control of their victims, and with a court order, a woman seeks to control her husband’s conduct, thus turning the tables of their relationship. (Pg. 189)

Worry is the fear we manufacture – it is not authentic. (Pg. 286)

Anxiety, unlike real fear, is always caused by uncertainty. (Pg. 291)

Bottom Line:
The Gift of Fear may be the best self-help book I’ve ever read and is most likely going to be one of the most important reads of my strength challenge. It includes much more than the items I’ve highlighted above i.e. listening to and trusting your intuition. One thing I know for sure, I will never look at a person who challenges my “no” the same way ever again.

Have you read The Gift of Fear?  If so, what were your thoughts? Do you have any future books or topics suggestions for my "BE Strong" Reading Challenge?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Verbal Judo Communication
Learning about self-esteem
How to Avoid Being Conned on a Dating Site

The Biggest Money Mistake Women Make

I’ve recently read several articles revealing women’s money mistakes; not saving enough for retirement, incurring too much debt, giving money to family members, taking on children’s debts by co-signing their loans, and relying on the men in their lives to handle finances and investments. While spending too much on handbags and not knowing how much your husband’s 401(k) is worth are not smart money practices, I feel the biggest money mistake a woman can make is:

Not negotiating a higher salary
 

According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in their book Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change:

By not negotiating a first salary, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60—and men are more than four times as likely as women to negotiate a first salary.

$500,000 could have bought a lot of overpriced handbags over the course of a women’s life. In addition to earning less in wages, not negotiating a higher salary leads to women contributing less to their 401(k) plans, receiving smaller 401(k) matching contributions and earning smaller social security credits.

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever also reveal:

• Many women are so grateful to be offered a job that they accept what they are offered and don't negotiate their salaries.
• Women often don't know the market value of their work: Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs; men expect to earn 13 percent more than women during their first year of full-time work and 32 percent more at their career peaks.

This was certainly true in my case. I’ve never negotiated for a higher salary not once. When I started out in my career I had no idea what I was worth – my confidence was so low upon graduating from college I actually thought I was unemployable. When I was offered my first real job at $6.29 an hour in 1986 I was happy to just be employed.

 

I wasn’t the only woman not negotiating:

My second job a year later paid $14,500 a year. I thought this was low until my female co-worker hired a few months prior with similar qualifications disclosed she was earning even less.
 

As my career progressed I continued to avoid negotiating salary:

Once I became a CPA in the late 90’s, I relied on my credentials to ensure I was paid a fair wage. I was working at an engineering firm when I obtained my CPA license.  Shortly afterwards my employer fired my manager who they thought was lazy and offered me his job. My new annual salary would be $35,000, a 9% increase over my current salary of $32,000. My former lazy manager had been making $75,000 a year. I accepted this position without questioning my new salary, researching the market or negotiating for more.

 

Other attitudes at the time:

One of my female co-workers, ten years my senior and our company’s office manager offered the following advice:

She felt it was preferable to make a lower salary than what you were worth because in doing so you were insuring employment. Throughout her career she had witnessed numerous individuals who were underpaid be the first to be hired and the last to be let go when layoffs came around. In her opinion, the highest paid employee was always the first one fired.

Why this advice is so horrible?

Unfortunately, I think she mistook highest paid for overpaid. In the recent economic downturn, in addition to down-sizing every employee who wasn’t absolutely necessary many employers reduced the salaries of their remaining employees. Now an underpaid employee was earning even less. Salary-cuts at my current company remained in effect for three years. I lost $15,000 in gross wages. Already on the low end of the salary scale, during the salary reduction years I was substantially underpaid for my position and work experience.

 

Men in my circles do negotiate more often:

Last year my husband received the standard cost-of-living raise during his salary review. At the end of his meeting he expressed displeasure with his raise, reiterated his yearly accomplishments and told his manager he had been expecting more. His manager agreed to think over his decision and get back to him. I was astonished. Never in my life would I have asked for more money. His company was still struggling, despite my husband’s project going well; how could he expect more money. My husband felt differently. He was working on one of the most important projects of his career at this company. There was never a better time to ask for more money besides what did he have to lose. He was right and ended up receiving the raise he had been expecting.

 

While raises have been frozen at my company for four years:

Three male managers I know of have asked for more money. One was flat-out refused – he handled the negotiations so poorly he eventually was demoted; one was denied then given a surprise year-end bonus of $10,000 and the third received exactly what he asked for.

 

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever make the point that the male approach to negotiating isn’t actually superior to women’s:

Men are not better negotiators than women. Women more often than men take a "collaborative" or cooperative approach to negotiation that has been shown to produce agreements that are better for both sides. Women are more likely than men to listen to the needs and concerns of the other side, communicate their own priorities and pressures, and try to find solutions that benefit all parties—to find the win/win solutions. This approach not only leads to better outcomes for everyone, it often produces creative solutions to problems that might have been overlooked by men taking a more competitive or adversarial approach. Also, by looking for those win/win solutions, women tend to preserve and enhance long-term business relationships—they don't burn as many bridges as men who focus on short-term gains.

It is also important to note:

 

Failing to negotiate is not just a boomer problem:

Younger women may assume that things have changed far more than they have, but according to Babcock and Laschever studies among men and women in their 20s and early 30s, men are much more likely to initiate negotiations than women.

  

Don’t forget to negotiate your bonus:

In addition to negotiating salary, many jobs now come with a pre-negotiated bonus plan. Women may think they are being paid a fair salary, but are  unaware their male counterparts negotiated and are earning a much higher year-end bonus. While researching salaries with your networks don’t forget to collect information on bonus plans. 

 

Have you ever attempted to negotiate a higher salary? What was the result? What do you feel is the biggest money mistake women make?

 

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

Non-Fiction Books Every Woman Should Read

How does your pay stack up against the salary guides?

Gender Wealth Gap is the Greater Problem
Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note

Enjoy Mad Men check out Mad Women

I first heard of Jane Maas and her book Mad Women: The Other Side of Life on Madison Avenue in the '60s and Beyond when Kim Ukura included it on her list of Nonfiction for the Life and Times of Mad Men on Book Riot. Kim writes:

In this memoir, “real life Peggy Olson” Jane Maas writes about her time as a copywriter the world of advertising in New York. Maas started her career in 1964 at Ogilvy and Mather, eventually becoming the president of an agency in New York. Honestly, who doesn’t want to hear more about what life was like for the Peggy Olsons of the world?

I had recently begun watching Mad Men and was intrigued with show and the character of Peggy Olson. Sex at the office, three-martini lunches, constant cigarette smoking and women treated as second class citizens was this show accurate? Jane Maas using her own experiences along with interviews with her peers provides an insider’s view. I had to read this book.

Is the show accurate?
Mostly yes, though most people Jane knew didn’t drink in the mornings and those who smoke find the smoking on the show phony. Cigarette smokers know that smoking is a habit that smokers aren’t aware of.  The actors on the show make a big production of their smoking.  The details of the sets including the office and apartment furnishings and character attire are right-on except for Peggy; they get an accessory wrong.  I am not going to be a spoiler you will have to read the book to find out what it is.  The show's depiction of sex at the office and women being treated as second class citizens is accurate.

What about Jane? How did her real-life experiences compare with Peggy’s?

Jane confirms women didn’t make the same salary as a man with the same title, didn’t have equal space – the guys got offices with windows, women got cubicles.  There were also accounts women were not allowed to work on such as car advertising. Jane writes: 

Why should men take us seriously as advertising professionals? Women weren’t even taken seriously as consumers. (pg. 55)

Jane did have two advantages over Peggy and most other working women of the time:

She had a supportive, successful well-connected and liberal-minded husband. She also had Mabel her nanny and housekeeper who lived with the family Monday through Friday. Jane admits she would not have been able to devote her life to her career without Mabel who came to the family in 1963 and stayed for thirty-two years.*

Mad Women includes networking and career lessons.  I enjoyed the following:

Sit at the front of the room:
Jane who is short would always sit in the front-row at agency meetings.

It is a huge advantage, because in addition to seeing better, you are also seen. (pg. 35)

Priority setting from Mary Wells, president and founder of Wells Rich Green:

Early on I learned to focus and eliminate from my life anything that didn’t really matter because so much in my life did matter.  I pretty well eliminated a social life except with my clients.  They were as interesting to socialize with as anyone else I knew, so that was easy.  My life was simply my family, Wells Rich Greene, and my clients. (pg. 68)

On the importance of a “network:”
Jane receives an offer from Leona Helmsley, yes “the Queen of Mean” Leona Helmsley of Helmsley Hotels, to market the Helmsley motels. Jane would have her own advertising agency.  Leona offers to help Jane get lots of other clients. 

At home that night Jane asked her husband Michael what he thought.  He said what do you have to lose and she agreed.  End of discussion.  In hindsight:

Few men would make a big decision like changing jobs without checking with their Old Boy network.  Women still don’t have that instinctive reaction, nor do we have as good an Old Girl network.  We’re getting better, but we’re not there yet. (pg. 193)

Bottom Line:

I enjoyed this book especially its author Jane Maas.  Jane is warm, professional and likeable.  She seems honest.  She admits her book Adventures of an Advertising Women was a whitewashed memoir.  As president of a New York advertising agency she wrote the book to help attract new business.  In Mad Women she revisits clients and advertising campaigns mentioned in her previous book writing the truth this time.  She doesn’t come across as bitter even when describing the sexism and challenges she faced. Actually, she says she was having a wonderful time. 

If you watch Mad Men, are interested in advertising, life in the sixties, or successful career women, you may enjoy this book. I’ve left out Jane’s perspective on being a working mother and her take on where women are today, if interested you will have to read the book.

 *This is the third time I’ve read about career women getting help with their housekeeping. First Mary Kay Ash, then Lisa Bloom and now Jane Maas  I am beginning to believe them, a housekeeper is a necessity.

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy:

I've had my fill of Mary Kay Ash
SWG Coffee Social: New Perspectives
Career Book and Recommendations from Frau Tech

Love for Grown-Ups

Motivation for reading:
TLC Book Tours recommended I review the book Love for Grown-ups: The Garter Brides' Guide to Marrying for Life When You've Already Got a Life by Ann Jacobs, Patricia Lampi and Tish Rabe for this blog. Since I write about personal finance, finance for women, relationships, and also do book reviews, I decided to accept a review copy.

What is the book about?
The book offers advice for dating and getting married later in life and includes thoughts about combining finances with prospective partners, enjoying dating, blending families, and more.


Why do the authors call themselves Garter Belt Brides?
Because all three of them got married after the age of thirty-five and each bride wore the same lucky garter at their wedding.

My thoughts:
First off I was pleased the book was better than the fluffy gimmicky “How to find a man in 30 Days” books my old roommate used to read and leave lying all over our apartment.

This book, though, not as in depth as I would have liked did touch on important points and offer good advice.  For example: pay attention to how he treats his mother, be careful of over sharing (too soon), and introduce him to your friends at a large gathering (you can arrive and leave spontaneously). I especially agreed with the advice to read each other’s divorce agreements and to make out new wills before getting married.

I also realized since I married at thirty-five, I too was a garter bride and have to agree with what they say about grown up dating:

Grown up dating is different from dating in your twenties – in a good way! First, you’re a lot wiser about what you want in a relationship. Second, there’s only one rule: It should be fun. Both of you are looking for a new start, so give yourselves one!  (Pg.1)

In addition to advice from the authors, the book also includes anecdotes and experiences from other grown up brides.  I thought this was especially helpful in the chapters pertaining to couples with children; how to meet the kids and blend the families.

The book offered an entertaining look at dating as a grown up. I came away with the following suggestions for a successful relationship: both parties need to have an open mind, talk about their needs, be honest, willing to compromise and willing to change. Overall though I think the book makes "love for grownups" sound easier than it actually is.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
How to Avoid Being Conned on a Dating Site

How to get a promotion?

I feel as though many of the posts I’ve written recently have focused heavily on the obstacles women face in their careers. Take my post job disillusionment where I wrote about women feeling stuck and stalled in their careers. And in the comments of Feel Stuck in your Industry? Four Tips for Getting out Completely  where I wrote:

I attended a seminar last night covering what companies need to know about hiring discrimination and learned many managers continue to “profile” and discriminate when making hiring decisions. They prefer not to hire married women for IT consulting positions that involve travel, so ladies take off your wedding rings before going on these types of interviews. They tend not to hire or promote women who are in their child bearing years. Scariest of all, I learned the over-40 crowd is hugely discriminated against. Companies want to hire employees who are on the up-swing on the bell curve of their careers rather than the down-swing.

It is about time I celebrate a career success story around here. Drum roll....

Revanche of A Gai Shan Life received a promotion earlier this year:
Her new position comes with a new title, a higher level of seniority, more responsibility and visibility, a lot more travel and more money. It is important to note her original job offer with this company was on the low side.  Only after concluding a job, albeit a low paying one was better than no job at all Revanche accepted their offer.

Lesson #1 – You may have to accept a position that is not your dream job to gain experience and get your foot in the door.

Here are some of the things Revanche accomplished over the past year that attributed to her promotion:

She displayed a good attitude:
Revanche turned a negative into a positive. Instead of wallowing in disappointment over her low salary she developed an, "I’ll prove I'm worth it" attitude. Determined to earn a higher salary at her one-year salary review, she channeled all her energies and emotions into working at a high level. (She did receive a substantial increase at this review.)

She established credibility and was visible:
Revanche carried more than her weight and became the go-to person on several fronts. She also worked across departments and with upper management on a regular basis.

She didn’t listen to a naysayer:
One of the most motivating conversations of my career occurred when a co-worker told me I wouldn’t be able to handle taking college courses in addition to working full-time.  Revanche had a similar experience. Here is a phenomenal quote taken from her post Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2:

Someone once said to me, "They won't let women get anywhere near power in this place." I'd laughed and said something random to deflect but I very carefully filed that away. We have women directors aplenty, strong and outspoken, bright and introverted, if you have the eyes to see it. Never let anyone, male or female, faux-befriend and trick you into thinking that the patriarchy is the reason you can't grow and achieve. They may actually be the ones hoping to keep you down.

She understands and can operate within office politics:
This quote is also taken from her post A Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2:

Do great work. Enjoy what you do. Support good people. Find allies who love what they do. Mentor people who need mentoring and want to love what they do. Ask for mentoring from people who have integrity, strength, humor and sway. Find your joy and to quote my favorite bus driver: "don't let nobody take it away." It all adds up to something substantial.

A huge shout-out and congratulations to Revanche on a much deserved promotion. I highly recommend everyone head over to A Gai Shan Life and congratulate her. While there be sure to read her post's A Career Life: Securing the Battlements for Promotion and Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2 where she discusses her promotion’s interview process.

Recommended further reading:
To learn more about women and salary negotiations please see Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change by Linda Babcock.

For a good resource on understanding office politics I like Lynn Cronin and Howard Fine's book Damned If She Does, Damned If She Doesn't: Rethinking the Rules of the Game That Keep Women from Succeeding in Business.

Do you have or know of a career success story? If so, I would love to hear about it.

Biography of Fannie Lou Hamer: A study in strength and leadership

Motivation for Reading:

I selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer for my Women's History Month read when Sarah at Citizen Reader wrote the following comment about the book in her post 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography :

Fannie Lou Hamer, born in 1917 to a sharecropping family with 20 children, lived through enormous hardship and poverty and still overcame to become a leading figure in the fight for civil rights. THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

My Thoughts:
If every biography was as good as This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer, I would definitely read more biographies. The life of Fannie Lou Hamer is an amazing story.  What makes it so remarkable is that from the outside this poor, short black woman seemed like an unlikely candidate to become a civil rights icon. How did this woman who risked everything including her life become so fearless? Kay Mills provides an excellent study of the factors contributing to Fannie Lou Hamer’s strength to carry on despite so many obstacles, set backs and ill health.  Fannie Lou's sources of strength included:

Her mother:
Fannie Lou’s mother was one of the strongest influences of her life. My mother was a great woman.

She went through a lot of suffering to bring us up, but she still taught us to be decent and to respect ourselves. (Pg. 17)

Her faith:
One of the most important principles she was taught was that hating made one as weak as those filled with hatred. The church in Mississippi was one of the most segregated institutions in the state, and still is. Fannie Lou sought to understand, expose and destroy the root cause of oppression. She questioned many things about the misuse of power in this land.

Fannie Lou had learned how to reach down to some deep consciousness, a deeper place inside her in order to survive. As June Sugarman recalled:

I have never been in the presence of someone where I felt that person was so connected to her faith and that was her stability. (Pg. 178)

She loved her country:
Fannie Lou had this knowledge of the constitution, what this country was supposed to be. She believed in her countries promise despite her personal experiences.

Music:
There are many examples throughout the book where at just the right moment Fannie Lou would start singing. Music helped her overcome her fears and calm those of others. One of her favorite songs was “This Little Light of Mine.”

Anger:
Her anger was touched with sorrow, about her lack of control over her life. Her anger after her arrest and subsequent beating at the jail in Winona made her even more determined to become a first-class citizen

Another teaching point of the book is her role as a leader:
Fannie Lou Hamer was also a natural leader with the ability to rally people around her. She was an organizer. She delivered. She prodded people to take an extra step, to think for themselves about their own problems.

When you are talking about important roles, you have to ask which person has the most important role – the one who speaks or the one who got the people there? Fannie Lou Hamer could do both. (Pg. 202)

Bottom Line:
In addition to being an excellent choice for Women’s History Month, this book provides a study of the civil rights movement, the history, culture and politics of Mississippi, and the economic programs and human rights Fannie Lou fought so tirelessly for. Sarah was correct: THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

What are you reading for Women's History Month?  Can you recommend additional female biographies that provide a study of strength and leadership?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read

Career Book Recommendations and Advice from FrauTech

Frau Tech works as a Mechanical Engineer in industry. She blogs at Design. Build. Play. covering a variety of topics including aerospace, aviation, autos, economics, personal finance, her work, her cats and just about everything from the perspective of an engineer. My favorite posts are those where she provides insight and perspective from her experiences at work.

She recently left the following comment on my post Making a "BIG" Mistake at Work:

I sort of disagree with the advice to apologize. I think women have to be careful especially because we have a tendency to apologize for things in ways that our male colleagues would not. There's a way to take responsibility without really accepting blame. I ranted about this a long time ago, but the incident that inspired the rant is still fresh in my memory: Why Women Apologize and other ridiculous generalizations.

She's right you know. I should not have recommended apologizing and am removing it from my post. It is bad advice. Years ago when I was a young woman just starting out in the work world I cried after an engineer yelled at me for not paying his contractor bills in a timely fashion (the company did not have the money). After that episode, I did a lot of reading on women in the workplace. I repeatedly read advice discouraging women from apologizing in the workplace. On the day of my "BIG" mistake my boss just looked at me when I said I was sorry. Instead of apologizing after making a mistake I need to own them, don’t make excuses, fix them and move on.

I was so impressed with Frau Tech's advice and support I asked if she would recommend a couple of career books.  She did so in her post A Little Light Reading.  She recommended:

Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan:
I read this book originally published in 1978 when I was in my twenties.  After reading Frau Tech's posts covering the book here, here, here and here, I plan on rereading this book. I also think the book would be a great book club selection for a group of working women.

It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace by Anne Kreamer
While reading Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, I was surprised to learn my emotional IQ was not nearly as high as I had thought.  I am definitely going to read Anne Kreamer's take on the subject.  And yes this is the same Anne Kreamer who wrote Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters which I blogged about here.

Thank you Frau Tech. I do have one regret though – not discovering your blog sooner.

One of my goals for 2012 is to put together a list of career books for women.  Do you have a favorite career book to recommend?

 

SWG Coffee Social: Book Lists

Since I am one of those people who enjoy a good book list from a trusted source, I would like to share a few lists I have come across recently:

Citizen Reader's Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading
In response to Time magazine’s lackluster list of ALL-TIME 100 Nonfiction Books Sarah at Citizen Reader has taken on the daunting challenge of creating her own list which she is calling Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading. Since I have always wanted to ask Sarah for a list of her all-time favorite nonfiction reads, I was delighted when she announced this project. She is taking it in sections posting the Time picks, her picks, and asking for our picks in the comments. At the end she will post the master list of every one's titles which I will link to when finished.

I have already read Iris Chang's The Rape Of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust Of World War II from the list of 100 Bestish Nonfiction Titles: History which ended up on my list of favorite reads of 2011. Also I have selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer from the 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography to be my read for women's history month. Please go to Sarah's website and check out the sections she has posted to date.

Kim Ukura's Favorite Nonfiction Reads of 2011
I have already read two of Kim's picks: Rebecca Traister's book Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women which I mentioned in my post Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note and Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick. Since Nothing to Envy was one of my all-time favorite nonfiction reads ever, I am adding Kim's other three selections to my 2012 reading list.  Also, if you have an interest in learning more about North Korea, I highly recommend reading Demick's book.

Ms. Readers' 100 Best Non-Fiction Books of All Time: The Top 10 and the Complete List:
This is a list of the 100 best feminist non-fiction of all time selected by the readers of Ms. Magazine.  I have read nine of the listed 100. Throughout 2012 I plan to use this list to continue reading for my Make Women Count project.

Ann Daley's Recommended Reading for 2012
Ann provides us with her top-10 favorite career advancement titles for women. From Ann's list I've found my next career read:  Herminia Ibarra's Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career. It is described as a book aimed at mid-career professionals who have invested much in careers that may no longer fully satisfy.

The Real Help
I discovered The Real Help when Amy mentioned the reading project she co-founded with Amanda to read the books recommended by the Association of Black Women Historians in their statement on The Help. I actually read and enjoyed Kathryn Stockett’s book The Help finding it to be highly entertaining and at times funny; the characters reminding me of the women on the TV show Desperate Housewives.  That along with the abundant stereotyping is precisely the problem ABWH has with this book.  To obtain an accurate depiction of the real facts behind the history of black domestic workers in the United States I hope to read a couple of books this year from the above list.

Do you have a favorite book list you would like mentioned?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Talkin' Books Tuesdays
50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read