Difficult Co-workers, Supervisors & Managers

This week while dining out with friends I had an epiphany moment; I realized previous, “girl’s night out” conversations tended to focus on how to find a boyfriend, difficult boyfriends and quirky husbands. We would ruminate over whether we should stay in or leave a particular relationship. I’m not sure if it is a sign of the times or if it’s because we are a little bit older and happily married, but the focus of this week’s conversation was how to find a new job and the challenges of working with difficult co-workers, supervisors and quirky managers. The question of the night was should we stay or leave a particular job. We came to the conclusion we are all happy to have a job and it is impossible to change our co-workers/managers, so we need to either accept these people the way they are and learn how to work with them or leave.

It appears many of my blog readers also have issues with the people they work with. According to my blog stats, “Working with a difficult co-worker, supervisor or manager,” I hate my supervisor,” Manipulative co-workers,” and “ A personal attack at work” are all popular searches bringing traffic to my blog. I’ve written about all of these topics in the past and have decided to create a “difficult co-workers post” linking all of my previous posts covering these topics. I am also including links from other blogs and book recommendations I have found helpful.

My posts:
Alyssa's new supervisor tries to get her fired in I hate my supervisor. She asks me if she should continue to endure her supervisor's abuse or return to her old job which is less prestigious.

I wrote about how things turned out for Alyssa in an Update to I hate my supervisor. 
 
In A personal attack at work, I write about my HR manager personally attacking me.
 
Here are my experiences Working with a Master Manipulator.
 
In Verbal Judo Communication I try to assist a reader who is having difficulty communicating with her manager by providing tips from George Thompson's book Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion.

In Moving on after a personal attack by a co-worker a reader asks just that, "How to move on after a personal attack by a co-worker."

Here are some of my favorite posts dealing with difficult co-workers written by other bloggers:
 
Penelope Trunk's post Do you have a good job? Take the test helped me realize maybe my job isn't so bad after all. Sometimes the crappiest job isn’t bad when your co-workers are your friends. 

Suzanne Lucas of "Evil HR Lady" has written before about working with bullies. In Petty Tyrant she links all of her workplace bully posts onto one.

Anita Bruzzese's post Five ways to handle being personally attacked at work is the post I read shortly before my own personal attack at work. This post became a life-saver in the days following my attack.

If you are like me and can't think quickly on your feet you need to read Anita's Learn to handle verbal smackdowns. She provides tips to help us respond to snide comments from colleagues.
 
Miss Minchin’s post Workplace dangers - manipulate people helped me understand what the motivation was behind the master manipulator I work with.
 
Books mentioned in the above posts:
For a good book dealing with jerks in the workplace, check out Robert Sutton's The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving.
 
George Thompson's book Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion was recommended by my favorite librarian.  He attended an entire seminar on this book; apparently library patrons can be just as difficult to work with as co-workers.

Megan Hustad's How to Be Useful: A Beginner's Guide to Not Hating Work.  In addition to providing ways to make work not suck, she provides the most helpful networking tips I've ever read.

In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph. D. is a useful guide to help identify tactics used by manipulators. Once you recognize their tactics you can change the game and control the outcome.

Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation by Kathleen Kelley Reardon and Christopher T. Noblet offers advice for handling difficult conversations. This is the book Anita Bruzzese sites in her post Learn to handle verbal smackdowns.

If you have a book or blog post you've found helpful in dealing with "Difficult co-workers" let me know; I'd be happy to add a link.

50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read

What does a 13 year old farm girl, whose best friend has suddenly become too cool to hang out with her, do with her time?

She reads every book her American Political Science teacher puts on reserve in the library. The assignment was to read one book each quarter, there were 25 in total, but I enjoyed them so much I read every one of them. When I think back on those books I realize they were paramount in influencing my life-long love of reading and learning. I honestly believe my life would have headed down a different path if I had never read those books which opened my eyes to a world a secluded farm girl never dreamed existed.

Unfortunately, the only books I can remember reading from that assignment are:

Patch of Blue by Elizabeth Kata (a favorite)

Love Story by Erich Segal (my mom wouldn’t let me see the movie)

The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton

Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume (now considered dated)

Go Ask Alice by James Jennings

The Story of My Life by Helen Keller

Anne Frank - The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Afterwards, my quest for knowledge led me to read whatever books I could lay my hands on including encyclopedias. Recently a reader emailed me a link to 50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read. Can you imagine how ecstatic I would have been to come across a list such as this as a young woman. Actually, I was pretty ecstatic to come across it now. I have read several of the list’s selections including many of my favorites.  My favorites include:

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan (This book should have been included on my list of Non-Fiction Books Every Woman Should Read) See my book review here.

And my all time favorite book from young adulthood A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

Books from the list I read shortly after my APB Project:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Two books from the list are currently on my TBR list:

Howards End by E. M. Forster

My Life in France by Julia Child

Books not included that in my opinion deserve an honorable mention:

Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress: Tales of Growing Up Groovy and Clueless by Susan Jane Gilman – I decided to read this book after Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness wrote this book inspired her to meditate on what it means to be a feminist and whether she could consider herself one. This is a coming of age novel consisting of a series of essays Gilman describes as “Getting a Clue” many of which a young woman could relate to.

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant a book based loosely on the story of Dinah, Jacob's daughter from the bible. It gives a fascinating insight into the everyday lives of women during the biblical period.

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls - A book I read after reading this review written by Becky Holmes. Jeanette Wells recalls her life growing up in extreme poverty with an alcoholic father and a co-dependent mother. Her story is an inspiring account of survival and triumph.

Kindred by Octavia E. Butler This book is considered a fantasy thriller, but is so much more than that. Its depiction of slavery is one of the best historical fiction accounts on the subject I have ever read.

Out Of The Dust by Karen Hesse This is a book written in verse I recently read after reading Penelope Trunk’s post Being a Snob Creates too many Limits where she describes it as the best depiction of dust bowl life that she had ever read. Was she right! I could almost taste the dust. Plus, the character of Billie Jo reminded me of Francie from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn a favorite from above. I decided to include this book after reading a comment from a young gal who hated the book and had been forced to read it by her teachers. She listened to it on tape and thought it was hilarious to hear how Billy Jo pronounced things. She found her accent to be really stupid and funny. Perhaps more young women need to read books about others who have not been raised in this era of “entitlement.”

How about you?  What books have you read from the list?  Are any among your favorites?  What books do you think are missing from the list?

Should I pay off my mortgage with 401(k) monies?

Jack a co-worker asks:

I turn 59 1/2 this month and plan on retiring when I’m 62. You’ve told me in the past I can access my 401(k) monies without incurring an IRS penalty at age 59 1/2. I would like to withdraw my money now and use it to pay off my mortgage. I want to be 100% debt free; I hate paying interest plus, I’ve always heard you should be mortgage free when you retire. Once retired, I plan on deeding my home to my children, so it doesn’t go to the nursing home. Is this a good plan?

You are correct at age 59 1/2 our 401(k) plan does allow employees to access their monies without incurring an IRS penalty.

Is it a good idea?
It is if you plan on rolling your money into another qualified IRA. Our company’s 401(k) plan offers a limited selection of investment choices plus, our plan fees are excessive. Please see my post 401(k) fees rant. I recommend you consult with an independent fee-only financial planner for advice on setting up a self-directed IRA consisting of low-cost investments.

If you choose not roll your money into another qualified IRA, and use this money to pay off your mortgage any money you withdraw will be added to your 2010 income for tax purposes. This will push you into a higher tax bracket resulting in a hefty Federal and State tax bill. Also, you will lose any future interest payment tax deductions. If you really want to use this money to pay off your mortgage I’d wait until after you are retired and no longer collecting a paycheck. Instead, make extra payments against your mortgage now while you are still working. You'll also still benefit from tax deductions on the mortgage interest you pay.

Longevity risk is the biggest financial risk facing retirees today.
If you use your 401(k) monies to pay off your mortgage are you sure you will have enough other monies (savings, social security, pensions, etc.) to sustain your lifestyle for your entire retirement? Paying less interest is a good thing, but not if you can put your money to a more productive use. You tell me your fixed interest expense is 5.4%. Look at the relative rate of return on your 401(k) vs. your interest rate especially now when the stock market is on the upswing. I’d hate to see you miss out on this up tick.

Once you are retired and are sure you have enough money to sustain your retirement, go ahead and use your 401(k) savings to pay off your mortgage. I've heard Clark Howard recommend callers pay off their mortgage even if the numbers don’t make complete sense.  He says it is best for risk adverse investors like you Jack to own their home free and clear than lose sleep worrying about future market losses.

As to deeding your home to your children, check with a lawyer; legislation has been passed closing this loophole. There is now a “penalty period” (a period of disqualification from Medicaid). Simply defined if you transfer your home to your children, you will be disqualified from receiving Medicare benefits when needed until the penalty period has been met.

Unsolicited Financial Advice

Previously, I wrote about a co-worker who received a pair of toning shoes as a gift. I had politely informed him that Clark Howard cautions his radio show listeners from purchasing toning shoes claiming people suffer injuries from wearing those shoes. I suggested my co-worker return them for a normal pair of shoes.

This week while chatting with my co-worker he said, “Tonight I’m going to clean the soles of those toning shoes so I can return them. They are the most uncomfortable shoes I’ve ever worn. The store should allow me to return them even though I wore them right? Especially if I make a big stink about how uncomfortable they are.”

This conversation got me to thinking, “Does anyone ever listen when given unsolicited financial advice?" In thinking back on previous conversations, my friends and family members have never reconsidered making a purchase such as a too expensive car, home, or wedding based on my advice. In the end the only thing I accomplished was straining my relationships.

I’ve come to the conclusion, if someone’s dream is to purchase a $30,000 car when they graduate from college despite not having a job nothing I say is going to change their mind; especially if Mom and Dad are co-signing. So why jeopardize my relationship. The bottom line is people don't listen to “You can't afford it,” but in instances like the one above where a purchase is clearly a scam, I will continue to give my unsolicited advice. Hopefully someone will listen.

How about you? Do you give unsolicited financial advice? Does anyone listen?

Favoritism in the workplace

Sue has been assigned to two jobs as part of a recent downsizing initiative implemented by my company. In the mornings she assists the administrative team, while afternoons are spent performing her old job in the sales department. Sue has become obsessed with Amy, another member of the administrative staff. Amy is a single mom rumored to be dating her boss. In Sue’s eyes, Amy receives favoritism: she comes and goes as she pleases without repercussion, has a more favorable work schedule, is allowed to run errands with the company vehicle, takes too many smoking breaks, refuses to assist with the phones and so on.

Amy is an average worker who is unable to multitask, but is organized. Her inability to multitask along with her organizational rules leads others to believe she is inflexible and many have labeled her a Prima Donna. Her work is highly regarded by her immediate supervisor (duh! he’s dating her)* and our VP of Operations. She does complete the small amount of work she is assigned at a high level. The VP of Operations has made it clear he doesn’t see a problem with favoritism and considers Sue to be a petty complainer with a chip on her shoulder.

Sue made the mistake of becoming so upset with Amy’s perceived favoritism she now performs her own job at a lower level and is rude towards anyone in the Amy camp. She was even rude with me. When I asked her what was wrong (thinking she had a problem with her work load) she complained Amy and her boss were on another smoke break.

The answer to Sue’s problem can be found in Marie G. McIntyre’s Your Office Coach column "Workload Inequity isn't co-worker's fault" in today's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.**  If I apply Marie’s answer to Sue’s problem it would read:

Instead of continuing to complain about Amy, talk to your manager the VP of Sales about correcting the work imbalance. You perform two jobs while Amy is performing half a job. If you do manage to get the work reallocated, then Amy will be busy and your problem will be solved. But if this proves to be impossible, try to remember that Amy’s relaxed working conditions have been created by her managers. As long as they are pleased with her performance she is doing nothing wrong. Continuing to dwell on this inequity will only make you increasingly unhappy and will affect your own job performance.

*Amy's supervisor denies he is dating Amy.

** I can't locate the actual column on the web.

Is a book about 'The History of Capitalism' dull?

I was discussing my latest read Joyce Appleby's The Relentless Revolution: A History of Capitalism with my company’s CEO when he said, “I could never read a book like that. It sounds so dull. How many pages is it? I hope the author included a lot of charts and graphs.”

Appleby’s book which is 436 pages long is not a typical history book. She approaches capitalism as an extension of culture unique to a particular time and place rather than a description of historical economic facts. Her argument is: without a supporting culture, capitalism cannot thrive. She found the true catalyst of capitalism to be the agrarian revolution that occurred in England in the 17th century. Innovations like crop rotation and the private enclosure of public lands resulted in a commercializing of agriculture. This took workers off the farm freeing the labor pool to pursue other endeavors culminating in the industrial revolution.

An important insight she makes is that capitalism manifests differently in different places and cultures. She describes how Germany and the United States overtook England’s capitalist lead in the 19th century, then goes on to describe capitalism’s manifestations in other countries including Japan, Russia, India and China. It is interesting to see how the politics of totalitarian communism and democratic pluralism led to very different forms of capitalist integration.

Appleby, who is a historian at UCLA, writes:

Teaching is a great revealer of ones ignorance. Everything seems to fit together while one is taking notes from someone else’s lecture. When the task of making sense of the past falls on you, gaps and non sequiturs stand out like hazard lights.

Filling in the gaps and non sequiturs of my inept history education is precisely what I enjoyed about this book. Appleby’s chapters describing the rise of capitalism in the 18th and early 19th centuries were riveting.* Thus, I am sorry to say I found the final chapters of the book to be disjointed and I hate to say it down right dull. Reading the last 100 pages which discussed modern day capitalism was a real struggle. Appleby whose main premise I think is “Capitalism today needs to find the right balance to survive” can’t seem to get her point across.**

*Also interesting were the reasons why capitalism never flourished in countries such as France. France like England and the Netherlands had sent out explorers to the New World fast on the heels of the Spanish. At that time France had the largest European army and grandest royal court. So why did they fall behind? The effects of France’s backward agriculture and the special perks Kings awarded favorites, such as the right to charge a fee to cross a bridge. The holder of this privilege could bequeath it to his heirs. Over time, tolls for roads, bridges, canals and towpaths accumulated, making it slow and costly to ship food from region to region. In a country as climatically diverse and large as France, harvest failures would not occur everywhere, but the fact that there was food elsewhere in the land didn’t help the hungry, because distribution was clogged by these seigniorial privileges. (pgs. 50-51)

** If you’ve read the book and came to a different conclusion I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please share.

Army botches "The Message"

I choked back tears watching The Messenger last night as my husband recounted his real life experience with the Army’s Messenger. We were only a couple of scenes into the movie when my husband said, “The army sure botched my brother’s message.”

He doesn’t remember where he was that day; only that the scene he faced when he walked into his family’s home changed his life forever:

His mother was in hysterics. His dad was cradling the phone in his hands repeating over and over, "Richie’s dead," "Richie’s dead." His aunt had heard of his brother’s accidental drowning death in Corpus Christi, Texas on TV and had called to offer her condolences. He remembers prying the phone's receiver from his dad’s hands and hanging it on the wall. He remembers walking to the bus stop two blocks away (the longest walk of his life), to meet his sister as she came home from school. He doesn’t remember their conversation, but he remembers how quiet she was when they walked home. He remembers the army representative and the family's priest finally arriving at their home. He remembers he was the one to answer the door. He remembers saying:

"You're too late we all ready know."

Are toning shoes a marketing gimmick?

Toning shoes which are currently manufactured by companies such as Reebok, MBT and Skechers claim to:
• Promote weight loss
• Strengthen the back
• Firm calf and buttock muscles
• Reduce cellulite and tone your thighs
• Increase cardiovascular health
• Improve posture
                                            • Reduce stress on knee and ankle joints

Or as the Skechers ad claims: "Get in shape without setting foot in a gym." All you have to do is wear them.

How do they work?
Toning shoes are designed with an uneven platform for the foot, which forces your muscles to work harder to stay balanced while you walk. The Skechers and MBT’s have a curved edge on the back made to mimic walking in sand.

How much do they cost?
A typical pair can sell for from $100 to as much as $250.

Clark Howard cautions listeners:
A couple of months ago, I heard Clark Howard caution listeners in his segment, "Toning shoes not all they're cracked up to be." He said:

The claims that you'll derive some kind of exercise-related benefit from wearing toning shoes are "utter nonsense," according to a professor of physical medicine and rehabilitation at Johns Hopkins University's School of Medicine in Baltimore. Moreover, people are suffering injuries as result of wearing these shoes, according to USA Today.

Co-worker receives toning shoes as a gift:
Last week, my co-worker informed me his son had given him a pair of toning shoes for his birthday. These shoes, which cost $109, were going to tone his legs and improve his posture. This co-worker suffers from gout, has chronic knee and foot pain, and walks on the sides of his feet. I couldn’t help thinking he’s going to fall off these shoes and hurt himself. I told him about the warning I’d heard on Clark Howard.

His response:
Joe Montana wears them. He heard Montana say his toning shoes had helped relieve pain in his knees and back which allowed him to start jogging for the first time in 15 years and that he hadn’t fallen off them yet.

Personally I think my co-worker should return the toners and invest in a good pair of orthopedic shoes, but others in the office disagreed they began chiming in on how these shoes tone your legs etc., so I gave up.

Here are the facts:
According to the WSJ health blog, in a study performed by a team of exercise scientists from the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse for The American Council on Exercise:

There is simply no evidence to support the claims that these shoes will help wearers exercise more intensely, burn more calories or improve muscle strength and tone.

John Porcari, UW-L exercise and sport science professor who led the independent study said, "There is no way these shoes would tone your butt."

And that

He is concerned about potential problems with extended wear of the toning shoes because they could change people's walking gait mechanics.

Just because the shoes may initially produce sore muscles doesn’t mean they work. The differently shaped sole and cushioning will definitely use different muscles than your regular shoes, but that doesn’t mean you’re working any harder, overall, or that you’re going to get toned. Some people do find these shoes very comfortable. If that encourages people to get out and walk more or exercise more — fantastic.

Bottom line:
More walking is a good thing, so if you think you’ll walk more in a pair of toning shoes by all means go buy a pair, but buyer beware ~ these shoes are not for everyone and are not the shape-up panacea they claim to be.

Blind Shaft

For an intense, fast-moving, well-done, glimpse into what it is like working in Northwest China’s coal mines I highly recommend viewing Blind Shaft. My favorite librarian recommended this movie after I told him how corrupt China’s business practices actually are (see my review of Paul Midler's book Poorly Made in China).

Blind Shaft tells the story of two itinerant coal miners who devised a scheme to take advantage of China’s corrupt, unregulated coal mines. They befriend a co-worker; have him pose as a relative, murder him, collapse the coal mine making the murder look like an accident, then pocket the hush money. The perfect crime scheme begins to self-destruct after Song (one of the miners) develops a soft spot for 16 year old Feng, their latest recruit.

The movie was secretly filmed in China at illegal mine sites along the border between Hebei and Shaanxi provinces. Li Yang the movie’s writer-director used back-door bribes and smash and grab camera techniques to film Blind Shaft which includes 50 hours of underground shoots. Also interesting, the movie was banned in China because it was made without permission from the official film bureau.

Blind Shaft is in Mandarin with English subtitles and runs 89 minutes.

The risks of conducting business in China

Paul Midler’s Poorly Made in China: An Insider's Account of the Tactics Behind China's Production Game is the most eye-opening business book I’ve read this year. If you’ve ever wondered what it is like to do business in China this book is for you. Midler who lived and worked in China for ten years writes of his experiences working as an intermediary between American importers and Chinese Manufacturers. His book provides valuable insight into what it is like to work with Chinese manufacturers while exposing the risks of conducting business in China. Here are some of the lessons provided:

Buyer beware –
What seems like a good deal may be nothing more than a no-money-down special. American importers arriving in China are wined and dined by potential suppliers then offered deals that seem too good to be true - because they are. Once the importer has committed to a particular supplier no tactic is off limits to the Chinese manufacturer who does whatever it takes to turn a profit. Tactics include copying designs and selling the knock-offs in secondary markets at higher margins, skimping on quality with cheaper materials in both the product and its packaging, raising prices at the last minute after it is too late to cancel an order or switch to another supplier. Since, China does not have a strong legal system in place that enforces contracts, the importer has no choice, but to accept whatever the manufacture doles out. They have no recourse and no leverage to insist the supplier improve.

By buying Chinese products Americans have traded safety and quality for price -
China does not have the same safety and quality standards Americans are accustomed to. There is no place in China to even report a safety issue, no place to leave an anonymous tip, and the media is controlled by China’s central government.

Chinese manufacturers manipulate quality through a large number of small variables. If a shortcoming is discovered in one area, other undetected shortcomings will still be in place, so they will still be able to make a profit. Manufacturers are more interested in covering up product safety challenges than addressing them. Factories slap on quality-control stickers that are meaningless. For example the “No Animal Testing” label on one of Midler’s supplier’s products was truthful - because no testing was being performed at all.

When testing is required, laboratories check only for specific substances and each test is costly. There’s no limit to the harmful substances that might have been introduced to a product, either accidentally or by changes to the product formula without the importer’s knowledge, so most importers look the other way hoping their customers won't notice:

In the end, the quality problems that the factory caused were not immediately life threatening, but they caused us to wonder. We were put in a constant state of never being quite sure of what it was that we were receiving. And as the importer, we should have known. We should have been in a position to know everything about our product - but we didn't. (pg. 128)

American importers are afraid to admit doing business in China is not as lucrative as it is portrayed -
Importers would be the last to admit to problems as they have to convince their retailers that they are doing a better job than others. Midler says

“To some extent, we deserve these problems because nobody wants to discuss it.”

By not disclosing the truth, additional American importers continue to move their manufacturing to China believing they have no choice if they are to remain completive.

Americans no longer prefer “Made in the USA”-

American consumers once preferred to see the Made in the USA tag, but there had been another shift in the marketplace. Somewhere along the line, made in China began to sound like a bargain. When an importer told a retail buyer than an item was quoted at 65 cents and made in the USA, the buyer figured it could be purchased somewhere cheaper. When the same product was quoted at 65 cents and was said to have been made in China the buyer figured it could not be found for any less. (pg. 172)

What is Midler’s prediction for China’s future?
China in recent years has been able to play catch up by copying other country’s technologies and business models.

No economy could ever win the race by merely catching the wind off another’s sail, and China has big ambitions for itself. (pg. 139)

When asked “You think China is going to crash.” Like “The rise and fall of China” Midler writes:

“More like the rise and stall,”

What went wrong? How did we get where we are today?

This decision to fling open wide the doors of trade with China- before we were ready, before China was ready, before we understood what we were getting into; an action motivated by our own greed - this decision more than anything else was the one thing related to China that was truly poorly made. (pg. 240)

A word of caution if you like happy endings, after disclosing all of the problems with doing business in China, Midler doesn’t provide a solution most likely because there isn’t one.

For me, I took a quick look around my home at some of the products I’ve purchased recently that failed to meet my expectations: the Tobi fabric steamer that gushes pools of water rather than steam onto my clothes was made in China, the iPod tunebase we had to send back to the manufacturer for complete replacement was made in China, the Pottery Barn Sausalito dinnerware I previously wrote about were made in China. In the future, I will be more cognizant than ever about where my purchases are manufactured and I will never purchase soap products from a Dollar Store.

Moving on after a personal attack by co-worker

A reader writes:

I recently had a personal attack made on my by an equal co-worker.  Here is what she said:

"I’ve never been addressed verbally or in writing so belligerently and unprofessionally in my life. You disgrace this company. If you want to talk to me, as a civil professional, you know my number."

I did not respond to the attack but did get my manager engaged, she disagreed with the comments made against me and told me I am one of her best professional, most ethical people on her team that I am a well respected employee and so on.  She apologized for not paying closer attention to the emailed verbal attack.

There was a meeting with my co-worker, manager and HR representative, where the co-worker was to apologize. While she used the word "apology", I felt she did not apologize for the personal attack.

How do I get pass the lack of ownership, or is that these attacks are really not about the person attacked but the person's own attack on their situation? I really need to understand this and I have been told I must continue to work with her. I have indicated that I am a professional person and will do so but I am struggling with the lack of ownership for the attack on me.

I realized today, I may need professional help to get past this attack. Any information would be most helpful.

First, let’s look at the situation. Your manager clearly disagrees with your co-worker’s comments and considers you one of the most valuable members of her team. She apologized for not paying closer attention to your co-worker’s email (it sounds as though she didn’t take your co-workers comments seriously). Once she realized how hurtful it was to you, she arranged a meeting with the two of you and HR. Your co-worker then gave a half-hearted coerced apology.

You are correct the co-worker’s attack isn’t about you it is about her. All you did was point out she made a mistake and she went berserk and attacked your character. She most likely is not capable of giving a real apology.

In my own personal attack with my company’s HR manager I wrote about here she never apologized either. As you may recall, she told me I was the weakest manager our company had. What bothered me was not that she never apologized, but that she actually believed I was a weak manager. It took me almost a year to recover from that statement. I even questioned whether I should stay in management or look for a job as a financial analyst. There were times when I too felt I should talk to a professional.

What I did do that was helpful and made me stronger in the long run:

Like you, I talked to management and several co-workers about my situation. I received positive feedback and was told by our company’s chairman that I was actually one of our company’s strongest managers. Throughout the year I consulted with my boss and a trusted manager of another department about how to interact with her.

I worked out a lot - at least three times a week. It helped me keep a clear head and allowed me to sleep better so I could focus on my work the next day.

I kept a self-discovery journal. Each day I wrote down three positive thoughts or occurrences from the day. At the end of the week I reviewed the week’s entries and wrote a small paragraph about what I’d learned about myself that week. I did this faithfully for over a year and still enjoy going back and reading those entries.

The act of writing. Before this happened I hadn’t realized how healing writing could be. Not only writing in my journal, but also writing on my blog and commenting on other blogs as well. I wrote not only about my personal attack, but on many other topics as well. It was a nice diversion to think about something else and I was continuously surprised and amazed how supportive and knowledgeable the blogging community is.

I continued to be active in my professional organization volunteering for leadership positions. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone; making cold calls and speaking in public. All of this (even stammering a tad speaking in public) allowed me to be a stronger person in the end. Now a year and a half later, it is easier for me to recognize when someone says or acts in a way that is more about them than me. Instead of internalizing their negative actions and words I now think wow they must be in a bad place.

So my best advice to you is to maintain your focus on your job and continue with your personal standards of courtesy, decency and professionalism. Do whatever it takes to keep a clear head: work-out, talk to a trusted friend, go see funny movies, make an appointment to talk to a professional. The fact that your co-worker is a jerk has nothing to do with you. She will be that way whether you work with her or not. Good luck!

I answered the above reader’s question based on my own personal experience. If anyone has additional advice or comments please chime in.

A brief interlude during unsettling times

It has been an unsettling couple of months at my place of employment. My company’s success is dependent on the construction industry which has been decimated by the recession. Last year, two separate rounds of pay-cuts, layoffs and expense reductions were implemented. I wrote about them here and here. Our company’s 2010 budget was prepared with the anticipation of Obama’s stimulus monies kicking in mid-year; just in time to pull us out of this recession. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Two months ago, after draining the company’s life insurance policies of all eligible borrowings I asked my boss, “What is plan B?” I thought he was holding back when he said, “There isn’t one.”

He wasn’t holding back. There wasn't a plan B. Instead I’ve had to endure two months of meetings in which every possible scenario has been tossed around. I never would have anticipated how political and dysfunctional this process would become. Managers and employees alike are pouting; pointing fingers, saying things like, “I’ll fire so & so if you get rid of Bob.” “I’ll get rid of Bob if you reduce Susie’s hours she can’t possibly have anything to do.” “I can’t reduce Susie’s hours she is a single mom” (plus she is my girlfriend)… Then there is Mary the receptionist who refuses to answer the phone when Susie is at her desk because she doesn’t think she has to and on and on and on….

Thursday, I was told I needed to eliminate a position in my department. I had until the Tuesday after Labor Day to decide who. I and my boss would be responsible for doing this person’s work. (While I was on vacation in early August our HR manager the FOB (friend of the boss) took my place in these meetings and I haven’t been invited back). I flat out refused. I offered to reduce everyone’s hours to 32, but no way am I eliminating another position. This is ridiculous all three of the employees in my department are busy. Despite sales being down, payroll checks still need to be issued, cash and sales need to be posted and bills need to be paid not to mention the hundreds of collection calls we need to respond to each week.

I started a job search…but I’m not too hopeful. My friend Jess says it will be impossible to find a new job in this economy. Last week, I sent out two resumes. One turned out to be a scam. The other is looking for someone with five years of public accounting experience which I don’t have, so I probably don’t have much of a chance. The other interesting jobs I’ve seen are for contract positions. Next week I’m meeting with a recruiter. Jess has advice on this as well, “Good Luck! I met with him years ago and the only thing he did for me was make me feel small. He said things like, “I see you don’t have this and I see you don’t have that.”

Friday morning I was up early feeling guilty for refusing to let an employee go. I started thinking maybe I should reconsider. Plus, I knew our HR manager was firing (not laying off actually firing) someone on Friday; a six year employee who has repeatedly been warned about his sloppy paperwork. He has a wife who doesn’t work; a one year old and a baby on the way. In addition, he incurred an enormous amount of medical debt when a daughter who didn’t make it was born premature two years ago. I couldn’t help thinking do they have to. I’m not familiar with this employee’s work, but I can’t imagine it is so terrible they have to fire him. And why didn’t he try to improve.

Then while driving in I heard this song on the radio: Michael Franti’s, “Sound of Sunshine” and for a moment, one brief moment, I experienced an interlude from all the drama. Enjoy:

Exposing unethical marketing tactics

One thing I know for sure is there are companies out there who will do or say whatever it takes to get you to buy their products. Some of the more unscrupulous tactics include intentionally misleading customers and out right lying. Work-at-home schemes requiring “employees” pay upfront money and free credit reports come to mind; you do know Freecreditreport.com is not really free don’t you.

The good news is we can now research bogus claims on the internet before parting with our hard-earned cash. If you don’t feel comfortable with a particular sales pitch or a claim sounds too good to be true research the product before signing on the dotted line. You will be amazed what you can learn with just a few clicks on the internet. Clark Howard frequently recommends callers check EBAY for current prices of get rich quick training materials* many of which cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars initially can now be found on EBAY selling for just pennies on the dollar.

Speaking of exposing the truth about marketing scams I would like to send a huge shout out to Lazy Man and Money for blogging about MonaVie. If you’ve ever questioned the power of blogging you have to read his story. He created so much negative buzz with his MonaVie Scam? site he received a threatening email from someone associated with MonaVie attempting to blackmail him into taking it down.

I must say I had never heard of this product until earlier this week when I received a tweet informing me of the threats made against Lazy Man and Money.

According to Wikipedia:

MonaVie is a beverage company distributing products made from blended fruit juice concentrates with freeze-dried açaí powder and purée through a multi-level marketing (MLM) business model.

Here is Lazy Man and Money's story:

He first became interested in MonaVie when his wife received a sales pitch to buy two bottles, at nearly $100, and potentially become a distributor.

He writes:

It was a perfect article for Lazy Man and Money. After a couple of hours of research I asked my readers “Is MonaVie a Scam?” It turns out that MonaVie is a very controversial subject. People who were very positive about MonaVie and people who were very much against MonaVie started commenting back and forth. The back and forth continues today, two years later with over 4,000 comments on the article.

Somewhere early in this discussion, I found myself agreeing with the people who were against MonaVie. Those people backed up their arguments logically and they were unbiased — they had nothing to gain by being anti-MonaVie. However, it was the pro-MonaVie people who really swayed me. They made bad claims that they couldn’t back up. Worse, they made illegal health claims like MonaVie could help with a number of diseases.

I started to feel bad that all this great information was being buried in the comments, so I started MonaVie Scam, a site devoted to spreading all that great information.

With so much information out there it is hard to determine who we should believe, but as Lazy Man and Money writes:

If MonaVie was really a quality product or quality company they'd openly debate the topics on my website.

And if the product really was the miracle juice it claimed to be the product would have become popular despite shady marketing tactics.

My favorite line of the story is:

So while I'd love to take credit, it's quite possible that people realized it's not very wise to spend $5000 a year on juice. And they probably also figured out it isn't worth spending another few thousand on tools and going to conferences to join a business that pays minimum wage (see MonaVie's income disclosure statement) for 85% of the distributors who are fortunate enough to make a dime at all.

Bottom line buyer beware; question everything, do your research and continue to inform others by creating blog posts and writing comments exposing unscrupulous marketing schemes.

*To read more about "get rich quick sales pitches” see my post: Where is the real money made?

Don't panic over 2011 tax hikes

Have you received the tax hike email that has been making the rounds? My in-box both at work and at home has been flooded with it. It is a good example of the type of propaganda I am trying to expose in my “Getting a Clue series” where I attempt to keep others from being manipulated by politicians, the media and marketing scams. I am providing the email in its entirety below, so you can read what I’m talking about.*

My friend and colleague Sue, who is a tax professional, also received the email and sent a cautionary rebuttal to all of the recipients. She feels there is value in reading it, but encourages us to look further into things. She says,

“Although some of the issues discussed are fact already, the vast majority are misinterpretations of proposals being made within Congress (and not yet law) and exaggerations coupled with only half-truths.”

The purpose of the email is to get our attention so we vote accordingly in the elections in November. After reading the email in its entirety, I don’t have the energy to dissect it line by line. All I can say is, “Don’t Panic.” Or as Sue said:

Wait until the bozos in Washington get their act together and decide what exactly is going to be our fate for 2011, because from all indications, they have decided practically nothing at this time.

“There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.”
- Alfred Hitchcock

One of the emails I received began with:

Starting in 2011… yes tax hikes starting when:
- unemployment is still 10%
- very low GDP growth
- interest rates at 0 (feds out of bullets)
- real estate still down
- market still down
Great time to raise taxes??? I think not... and don’t tell me you don’t have time to read this. =0)

-Here is the email:
In just six months, the largest tax hikes in the history of America will take effect. They will hit families and small businesses in three great waves on January 1, 2011:
First Wave:
Expiration of 2001 and 2003 Tax Relief
In 2001 and 2003, the GOP Congress enacted several tax cuts for investors, small business owners, and families.

These will all expire on January 1, 2011:
Personal income tax rates will rise. The top income tax rate will rise from 35 to 39.6 percent (this is also the rate at which two-thirds of small business profits are taxed).
The lowest rate will rise from 10 to 15 percent.
All the rates in between will also rise.
Itemized deductions and personal exemptions will again phase out, which has the same mathematical effect as higher marginal tax rates. The full list of marginal rate hikes is below:

- The 10% bracket rises to an expanded 15%
- The 25% bracket rises to 28%
- The 28% bracket rises to 31%
- The 33% bracket rises to 36%
- The 35% bracket rises to 39.6%

Higher taxes on marriage and family. The“marriage penalty” (narrower tax brackets for married couples) will return from the first dollar of income.
The child tax credit will be cut in half from $1000 to $500 per child.
The standard deduction will no longer be doubled for married couples relative to the single level.
The dependent care and adoption tax credits will be cut.

The return of the Death Tax.
This year, there is no death tax. For those dying on or after January 1 2011, there is a 55 percent top death tax rate on estates over $1 million. A person leaving behind two homes and a retirement account could easily pass along a death tax bill to their loved ones.

Higher tax rates on savers and investors.
The capital gains tax will rise from 15 percent this year to 20 percent in 2011.
The dividends tax will rise from 15 percent this year to 39.6 percent in 2011.
These rates will rise another 3.8 percent in 2013.

Second Wave:
Obamacare
There are over twenty new or higher taxes in Obamacare. Several will first go into effect on January 1, 2011.
They include:
The “Medicine Cabinet Tax”
Thanks to Obamacare, Americans will no longer be able to use health savings account (HSA), flexible spending account (FSA), or health reimbursement (HRA) pre-tax dollars to purchase non-prescription, over-the-counter medicines (except insulin).

The “Special Needs Kids Tax”
This provision of Obamacare imposes a cap on flexible spending accounts (FSAs) of $2500 (Currently, there is no federal government limit). There is one group of FSA owners for whom this new cap will be particularly cruel and onerous: parents of special needs children. There are thousands of families with special needs children in the United States , and many of them use FSAs to pay for special needs education. Tuition rates at one leading school that teaches special needs children in Washington, D.C. (National Child Research Center) can easily exceed $14,000 per year. Under tax rules, FSA dollars can not be used to pay for this type of special needs education.

The HSA Withdrawal Tax Hike.
This provision of Obamacare increases the additional tax on non-medical early withdrawals from an HSA from 10 to 20 percent, disadvantaging them relative to IRAs and other tax-advantaged accounts, which remain at 10 percent.

Third Wave:
The Alternative Minimum Tax and Employer Tax Hikes
When Americans prepare to file their tax returns in January of 2011, they’ll be in for a nasty surprise—the AMT won’t be held harmless, and many tax relief provisions will have expired.

The major items include:
The AMT will ensnare over 28 million families, up from 4 million last year.
According to the left-leaning Tax Policy Center, Congress’ failure to index the AMT will lead to an explosion of AMT taxpaying families—rising from 4 million last year to 28.5 million. These families will have to calculate their tax burdens twice, and pay taxes at the higher level. The AMT was created in 1969 to ensnare a handful of taxpayers.

Small business expensing will be slashed and 50% expensing will disappear.
Small businesses can normally expense (rather than slowly-deduct, or “depreciate”) equipment purchases up to $250,000. This will be cut all the way down to $25,000. Larger businesses can expense half of their purchases of equipment. In January of 2011, all of it will have to be “depreciated.”

Taxes will be raised on all types of businesses.
There are literally scores of tax hikes on business that will take place. The biggest is the loss of the “research and experimentation tax credit,” but there are many, many others. Combining high marginal tax rates with the loss of this tax relief will cost jobs.

Tax Benefits for Education and Teaching Reduced.
The deduction for tuition and fees will not be available. Tax credits for education will be limited. Teachers will no longer be able to deduct classroom expenses. Coverdell Education Savings Accounts will be cut. Employer-provided educational assistance is curtailed. The student loan interest deduction will be disallowed for hundreds of thousands of families.

Charitable Contributions from IRAs no longer allowed.
Under current law, a retired person with an IRA can contribute up to $100,000 per year directly to a charity from their IRA. This contribution also counts toward an annual “required minimum distribution.” This ability will no longer be there.

PDF Version Read more: http://www.atr.org/six-months-untilbr-largest-tax-hikes-a5171#%23ixzz0sY8waPq1

Now your insurance is INCOME on your W2's......
One of the surprises we'll find come next year, is what follows - - a little "surprise" that 99% of us had no idea was included in the "new and improved" healthcare legislation . . . the dupes, er, dopes, who backed this administration will be astonished!

Starting in 2011, (next year folks), your W-2 tax form sent by your employer will be increased to show the value of whatever health insurance you are given by the company. It does not matter if that's a private concern or governmental body of some sort. If you're retired? So what; your gross will go up by the amount of insurance you get. You will be required to pay taxes on a large sum of money that you have never seen. Take your tax form you just finished and see what $15,000 or $20,000 additional gross does to your tax debt. That's what you'll pay next year. For many, it also puts you into a new higher bracket so it's even worse.

This is how the government is going to buy insurance for the15% that don't have insurance and it's only part of the tax increases. Not believing this??? Here is a research of the summaries.....

On page 25 of 29: TITLE IX REVENUE

PROVISIONS- SUBTITLE A: REVENUE OFFSET PROVISIONS-(sec. 9001, as modified by sec. 10901) Sec.9002 "requires employers to include in the W-2 form of each employee the aggregate cost of applicable employer sponsored group health coverage that is excludable from the employees gross income."

Joan Pryde is the senior tax editor for the Kiplinger letters.

Go to Kiplingers and read about 13 tax changes that could affect you. Number 3 is what is above.

Why am I sending you this? The same reason I hope you forward this to every single person in your address book. People have the right to know the truth because an election is coming in November.

I’m under 50 do I still need an annual mammogram?

In November 2009, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) issued new guidelines for breast cancer screening. These guidelines recommend against self-breast exams, mammography and clinical breast exams for women ages 40-49 and over 75. This is different from the American Cancer Society's long-standing position that women should begin receiving mammogram screenings starting at age 40. This recommendation also comes despite evidence proving the death rate from breast cancer decreased 30-40% since the onset of regular mammography screening in 1990.

What was the Task Force rationale?
The harms of mammography including discomfort, anxiety and possible overtreatment outweigh the marked reduction in the death rate resulting from regular screening.

Many women are now confused and asking the question,

“I’m under 40 do I still need an annual mammogram?”

Earlier this year, I lost Judy, a dear friend and colleague, to cancer. She was 49. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 42 when an abnormal mass was detected during her annual mammogram screening. Her reoccurrence came at age 47.

A few years ago, I asked Judy to give a presentation to my professional organization on a business related topic. She agreed to do so with one condition; she would be allowed to mention she was a breast cancer survivor and encourage every member to begin annual mammogram screenings at age 40.

This one is for you Judy:

While digital mammography is not perfect, it is currently the best tool available to detect breast cancer. Ignore the task force and continue scheduling annual mammograms every year beginning at age 40.

What ramifications will debt write-off have on credit score?

George heard a debt settlement advertisement on his way to work claiming he could,

“Pay just 50% of what he owed."

Currently he owes $16,000 in credit card debt most of which was charged by his wife who he says is terrible with money.* He is tired of paying her debt and would love to have half of it written off. George called the debt settlement company and was told for an upfront fee plus 18% of the balance written off they would negotiate a settlement. His question for me was what effects if any would the debt written-off have on his credit score?

Let start with ~ How does a debt settlement company work?
George has been making his monthly credit card payments on time and is current on all his other debts. As a rule, creditors won't negotiate with consumers who are current on their bills, often refusing to discuss settlements with anyone who is not at least three to six months behind. Knowing this the debt settlement company will instruct George to stop making payments to his creditors. Instead he will make payments to the debt settlement company, after taking the first couple of payments as their fee; the debt settlement company will make offers to his creditors to settle his debt for a lump sum payment. This lump sum payment will come from the amounts he has paid to the debt settlement company.

What this company didn’t tell George is that debt settlement only works for a few of the consumers who attempt it; not all credit card companies will settle. Consumers who enter the process may endure months of creditors' angry phone calls, plus a growing debt load as fees, penalties and interest are tacked on to their original balance due. Plus, there's the possibility creditors will sue.

If George is successful in obtaining a debt settlement how will it be reported on his credit report?
Debts paid off as part of a negotiated settlement will generally show “Paid by Settlement” on a consumer’s credit report. If he were to apply for a new loan, the prospective lender will understand that a debt paid by settlement means that his repayment did not cover the total debt that he had accumulated, and that his creditor accepted a lesser amount.

How will a debt write-off affect his actual credit score?
His credit score is based on information contained in his credit report, with the highest consideration given to how he repaid his debts. As stated above, the first thing the debt settlement company will instruct George to do is to stop paying his debts.

According to Liz Pulliam Weston's article 5 ways to kill your credit scores:

The 680 scorer would lose 45 to 65 points with this maneuver, while the 780 scorer would shed 105 to 125 points.

Our scenario assumed that borrowers would miss one payment before settling the debt with their credit card companies. In reality, debt settlement negotiations can drag on much longer, with each missed payment taking another chunk out of your score.

Settling a debt with a collection agency would hurt less, probably much less, because the FICO formula is set up to weigh more heavily what the original creditor says about you than what a collection agency reports. But if our borrowers were settling with a collection agency instead, their scores would be lower to begin with, because they would have collection accounts on their records.

Long-term effects:
The long default on payments, followed by the settlement for less than you owed, is going to stay on your credit report for seven years and look just as bad, or worse, than a bankruptcy (particularly a chapter 13 bankruptcy.)

Other considerations:
George will receive a 1099 form from each of the credit card companies he settles with. The amount of debt forgiven is considered income and is taxable.

This is the hidden cost of higher insurance rates (insurance companies now check credit reports when renewing auto policies) and higher interest rates on any debts he might incur in the future.

What to do instead:
Before George goes the settlement route, he should visit a consumer-credit counseling agency for advice. The first visit is free.

The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (http://www.nfcc.org/) has a tool for locating counselors nationwide. Credit counselors offer debt-management plans. Under these, creditors agree to accept reduced monthly payments or lower interest rates in return for the consumer agreeing to pay the full debt on a set schedule. But consumers who can't afford the monthly payment won't qualify.

Next, he should talk to an attorney to assess whether bankruptcy makes sense. Debt settlement "is not a decision you make without talking to a bankruptcy attorney, because you could be sued" by going the settlement route.

He should try to negotiate with the credit card companies himself:
George did call two of the credit card companies. One said their company did not negotiate debt settlements. The other would not consider debt settlement at this time because he is current with his payments. As a courtesy, they checked his credit report finding only one bad mark; a late student loan payment from several years ago. The only relief they could offer currently was to restructure his debt over a five year period. During this time he could no longer use his credit card to make purchases, but his total outstanding credit would show on his credit report. They could not reduce his interest rate; he already had the lowest rate they offered. He did not accept the restructure.

Realizing debt settlement was not an answer to his problems George is now looking for other methods to get out of debt.

*I recommended George and his wife take one of Dave Ramsey's money management classes offered at many churches in our area. I know several couples who have taken this class and have found it to be helpful.

Why do all the pretty girls flirt with me now that I’m married?

Jack, a thirty-something former co-worker, has been married for two years. He recently stated, “Now that I wear a wedding ring pretty girls flirt with me all the time whereas when I was single and ring less they wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

He has surmised women like a challenge and prefer stealing a married man to dating a single guy.

It is true women do like a challenge, but I know Jack and frankly when he was single he was obnoxious. He came on way too strong and scared many a girl off, forcing them to be rude when he wouldn’t take the hint. Now, that he is married and less desperate they are more comfortable being nice to him. Sometimes, I think guys misread girls who are just being nice for flirting.

In Penelope Trunk's blog workplace situations we don't talk about Penelope discusses, "Not knowing whether a meeting is a date." Personally, I have encountered this dilemma once when I was single and once after I was married. In both situations, I thought I was being nice and not flirting. In both situations, I think the guy thought otherwise.

David attempts to enlighten women with this comment he left on Penelope's post:

Dinner "date," or not??
I'm going to lose my "playa" card for telling you this, but most men like to keep their options open no matter what even when they're married. Ladies, your man will deny every word of this so don't ask… Anyway, men are hunters by nature. The smarter hunters, not only do we sharpen our weapons daily, we also love to fill the forest with traps just in case we have a bad hunting day/week/month/year.

Examples of traps would be one on one lunch/after-hours meetings. We set up small "meetings" to get a good lay of the land (no pun intended). The tendency is to set up small friendly meetings sometimes cloaked in business agendas, but placed in more intimate settings so that you let down your guard to coax you out of your business mind and reveal more of who you really are. If it leads to something, then great, but we usually don't expect anything to happen on the first run…some of us get off on the control and others use it to set up the chase. And for others it’s the control and the chase.

So my advice, just assume it's the set up every time, especially if they know you are single. There are random men who don't have this ulterior motive in mind, but that would be 1-2% of the time…they are the exception to the rule.

To those who disagree adamantly with me here…It may sound seedy, but once you accept that humans are sexual beings and realize that true unwavering fidelity is a figment of your imagination placed upon you by the lifelong marketing of marriage. Then you'll not be so devastatingly shocked when someone disappoints you in the future. Everyone cheats in their mind…it's the ones that act that give us entertainment for our reality TV show curiosity.

The bottom line is: Be careful what messages you are sending/receiving when you communicate with the opposite sex in the workplace. Conversation and behavior that crosses the professional line can only lead to problems.

Can passion exist without mastery?

On Ramit Sethi's blog post finding the right idea, I came across the following passage on passion:

But as Cal Newport puts it, passion happens when you master something:

“…passion is the feeling generated by mastery. It doesn’t exist outside of serious hard work. When Scott’s readers say “I have too many passions,” what they really mean is “I have lots of superficial interests.” When my readers complain that their major is not their passion, what they really mean to say is “I don’t have a level of mastery in this field that is earning me recognition.”

Passion for my chosen career is something I think about quite often. After years of accounting classes, studying for, taking and passing the CPA exam, and 11 years working as an Accounting Manager for a small local company, I no longer feel passionate about my work. When I think back on it, my pursuit of an accounting career was more about a path to earn a living wage and to prove I could do it, than it ever was about my passion for accounting.

If I had a more impressive accounting resume would I be more passionate?
In this economy, recruiters are the first to point out my deficiencies: I don’t have an accounting degree (I have a business degree), I don’t have public accounting experience preferably with the Big 4, and I’ve never worked for a large company. If I had all of these accomplishments would I be more passionate? Maybe, but then again maybe not.

I am on the board of a local professional organization. At our latest planning meeting, I found myself engaged as I listened to other member’s ideas as we planned our strategy for the upcoming year, but the minute we began discussing the budget I shut down no longer interested. It’s not that I don’t think the budget is important; I’m just not that interested in a 10 minute discussion about whether a $25 line item should be called miscellaneous expense.

My real strength lies in learning; all of the appropriate accounting experience is not going to make me more passionate if I’m no longer learning. I can be analytical and have attention to detail, but I have to work at it. I think:

“True passion exists when you are utilizing your strengths.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Can passion exist without mastery? Are you passionate about your chosen field? If not, is there anything you do to try to inspire more passion?

Jacquelyn Mitchard, a smart accomplished author, loses everything to Ponzi scheme. How can this happen?

Jacquelyn Mitchard, the Wisconsin author best known for her novel The Deep End of the Ocean (Oprah's first book club pick), is the victim of a Ponzi scheme.

In Parade Mitchard writes:

Four years earlier, we’d invested with two Minneapolis 'investment specialists' who did currency arbitrage and other, less risky investments. (My husband) had discovered them on a local radio show. I had my doubts—one of them wore a toupee you could see from Saturn. But I couldn't argue with what their portfolio seemed to say. Now, suddenly, our money had vanished.

The question everyone is asking is, “How can this happen? Jacquelyn Mitchard is a smart accomplished author. How could she be duped into losing everything?

Mitchard was not alone:
The international Ponzi scheme masterminded by Trevor Cook, a Minneapolis trader bilked over 1,000 investors out of millions of dollars. His business partner Pat Kiley was a nationally syndicated radio host, whose show was carried on more than 200 radio stations nationwide, including the Worldwide Christian Radio network. He told his listeners he was a Christian. The pair duped victims into making allegedly safe, high-yield foreign currency investments that turned out to be neither. Instead the money was used instead to pay off gambling debts, underwrite a lavish lifestyle, and purchase a mansion.

Why would so many people turn over their life savings to these scam artists? What can investors do to protect themselves from these schemes?”

Kiley’s radio show and claim of being a Christian gave investors a feeling of confidence and legitimacy. I chose my own financial planner from a radio program that airs here in Milwaukee.

We must perform our due diligence. Steer clear of tips from your neighbor, going in with someone you know and guaranteed rates of return.

Clark Howard, whose show I listen to regularly, recommends hiring a fee only financial planner:

In general, people don’t know what to buy and how to invest. They end up hiring commissioned salespeople, who sometimes don’t do what’s best for you. Some stockbrokers are not ‘fiduciaries,” which means they must do what’s right for you financially. So, they can recommend stocks just because it will make them money. There are also very honest, above board brokers who will do the best they can for you. It’s just hard to tell. Clark recommends that you pay for advice if you’re having questions. You don’t have to hire the person to actually invest for you. But just giving advice can help you make your own decisions. Clark likes people to interview 5 people about investments. Ask them how long they’ve been in the business. Check out financial planners at napfa.org. You will find fee-only financial planners there.

Contact the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA) hotline at (800) 289-9999 for more information about firms and their registered representatives

If your brokerage firm is legitimate your money will be held by an outside holding company, not with your brokerage firm. These outside firms audit your brokerage firm and provide your account statements. The victims of the Cook/Kiley Ponzi scheme received their monthly statements directly from the firm. Each month these statements showed a modest gain; all of them were fraudulent. (My brokerage firm uses Pershing.)

Invest in what you know, diversify and get a second opinion:
What is a foreign currency exchange? I googled “Vantage Foreign Currency Exchange” (supposedly this is the investment the victims were sold) nothing came up. Don’t put your entire life savings in an investment you can’t find on Google. If you are skeptical of an investment get a second opinion.

The less you know about investing the more you need to diversify.
Warren Buffett

For another take on this topic read Grace's Financial Failure can happen to Anyone.

A Tasty Summer Drink

My sister-in-law likes a good cosmo drink, so I decided to serve them at our summer party. I was contemplating whether to purchase a pre-mixed ready to drink cocktail when a fellow shopper startled me by saying, “Don’t buy that. It’s disgusting.” He then shared his favorite cosmo recipe:

1 ounce triple sec
1 ounce orange vodka
1 ounce vodka
A splash Rosie’s lime juice
Cranberry juice to your liking.

Shake with ice, chill then pour into a Martini glass.

I sampled one last night and I must admit it was very tasty.
Enjoy

Do you concentrate on the toss that almost made it or the one that wasn’t even close?

While we were at the ball park a couple of weeks ago,  we encouraged my niece who has an above average throwing arm for an eight year old to participate in a pitching game. The object of the game was to throw a ball at a cutout of a catcher hitting his glove. Her first toss was too high, the second a little closer and the third almost made it.

What is the first thing she says when finished, “Did you see my first toss? It was terrible! I am so embarrassed it wasn’t even close.”

Of course we pointed out how good the last toss was, saying the first was just a warm up. Even the Brewers warm up. I couldn’t help but think how early in life we become self-critical and how this self-criticism tends to stay with us our whole life.

On a similar note, Molly of My Cozy Book Nook recently read Patty Digh’s book Life Is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally.While taking notes on the book she found twelve passages that spoke to her. She was so taken by these passages she decided to meditate on one each week during her summer vacation.

Particularly fitting to this post is Life is a Verb: Week 2 which deals with perfectionism and a fear of failure. Molly repeats this passage from the book:

Something happens between the ages of five and eighteen and all of a sudden our sense of adventure and self-confidence dwindles. If we cannot do something well - I mean nearly perfect - then we tell ourselves that we can't do it at all.

So sad, but so true.

Do you concentrate on the toss that almost made it or the one that wasn’t even close?

Life is about the moments

I don’t have children. This isn’t something I planned; I was never one of those women who adamantly announced to the world I am never having children. I just never got around to having them. My friend Amy (mother of two) recently told me most women are ready to start a family when they wake up and find themselves peeing on a stick. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not a Mom and don’t feel as though something is missing in my life. I do, however, sometimes feel as if my childfree lifestyle should be more exciting and my job more prestigious with all the extra time and money I’m supposed to have.

In saying that, I have this incredible niece Kelsey who was born shortly after my doctor told me if you don’t get pregnant NOW it will be too late. Because of the timing of that conversation, I made a big deal about being Kelsey’s Godmother; I wanted to be an important person in at least one kid’s life. I became her Godmother and it is true I am an important person in her life, but so are all her other aunts and uncles and that is okay.

Kelsey is now eight, smart, athletic and passionately interested in professional sports. She even watches ESPN highlights before school.

My husband’s company has (front row) season tickets to the Milwaukee Brewers. He was given four tickets to last Saturday’s game with instructions to invite a company consultant and his wife. At the last minute they cancelled, so we asked my brother and Kelsey to go in their place. On the way to the game we talked briefly about the Brewers and Kelsey mentioned her favorite player was Corey Hart.

From the minute we walked into Miller Park, Kelsey was mesmerized and so was I as I watched the evening play out through a child’s eyes. It was all so perfect it could have been a dream (accept of course for the Brewers disappointing loss). We ate at TGIF’s getting an outside table facing the ball park. We caught an hour of batting practice, a new experience for me, my brother and Kelsey. We then walked around the park making Kelsey partake in all the kiddie activities including having her picture taken with a Corey Hart cutout until she begged us to go to our seats. I’ll never forget the look on her face as we sat down and directly in front of her stood Corey Hart and Rickie Weeks. We were admiring the ball park, when I spotted Corey Hart to my right signing autographs. I grabbed Kelsey, her baseball and a marker and guided her down the row towards Corey. My brother snapped a photo as she got her autograph. If that wasn’t enough excitement, during the game a foul ball landed near our seats and the first base coach spotting Kelsey threw the ball to my brother. A Brewer’s backpack, a baseball signed by Corey Hart, and a ball from Miller Park previously touched by Prince Fielder; not bad for a night at the ball park.

On the way home the conversation was about baseball, Kelsey asking questions, my husband and brother answering them and quizzing her on what she had just learned. The conversation ended with everyone content in their own thoughts when I realized this is one of those moments. All of the noise in my brain about my unexciting life and boring career had been turned off and had been all evening. I was living in the moment and life was good.

We can't measure our own spices!

I came across a new product in my grocery store’s spice aisle called McCormick Recipe Inspirations. I was drawn to its eye-catching package which includes six pre-measured packets of McCormick dried seasonings and a step-by-step recipe to make one of six dishes. The dishes include:

Apple & Sage Pork Chops
Rosemary Roasted Chicken with Potatoes
Garlic Lime Fajitas
Quesadilla Casserole
Spanish Chicken Skillet
Shrimp & Pasta Primavera.

Each package sells for $1.99.

I must have been staring intensely because a fellow shopper commented, "I am sure the spice you're looking for is there somewhere" as he passed. But I was no longer shopping. I was thinking:

“Has it really come to this? Are we this lazy and inept we can no longer measure our own spices. "

Here are the spices included with Shrimp & Pasta Primavera:
Garlic, onion, dill weed, black pepper, and thyme.

Black Pepper! Doesn’t everyone own black pepper? And Quesadilla Casserole comes with salt. Salt and pepper sold in pre-measured plastic packages ~ what a waste.

Supposedly, the product is designed for the newbie cook who doesn’t own a large variety of seasonings. Recipe Inspirations give them the opportunity to sample a more unusual spice to see if they like it before investing in an entire container.

I have a better idea. Take Spanish Chicken Skillet which includes:
Paprika, garlic, red pepper, thyme, and black pepper.

Why doesn’t McCormick give away a free sample of one of the spices as a grocery store giveaway, include the recipe and a coupon for a future purchase and call it a day.