Coco Chanel: The Legend and The Life

Motivation for reading:
Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life was Brava Magazine's September pick for their book and wine club:

While Coco Chanel’s legacy is an impressive empire, Gabrielle Chanel’s life wasn’t always so divine. Delve into a rags-to-riches tale to find how Chanel made herself into a style legend, and discover what she had to hide along the way to ascend to the top.

Since Coco Chanel was one of the women I wanted to study for my Be Strong Challenge I decided it was time I read this book.

My Thoughts:
Prior to reading Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life, I knew little about Chanel’s life other than she was the famous French fashion designer who gave us the little black dress and Chanel No. 5 perfume. Her life is actually a fascinating study of a woman born poor, illegitimate and raised in an orphanage who transformed herself into one of the most powerful fashion designers of the 20th century.

Telling Chanel’s story though was not an easy task. As part of Chanel’s transformation she covered up much of her past and told enormous lies about her life. She even changed her birth date on her passport. Picardie sorted through personal observations and interviews with surviving friends, employees and relatives; Chanel’s abandoned memoirs and tabloid rumors to give us an accurate portrayal of Coco Chanel’s life. When in doubt Picardie presents all of the known facts along with the rumors then gives her interpretation of the truth.

Coco Chanel could be both impulsive and reckless, but nothing could stop her from going after what she wanted. In addition to being a talented creator she was also a savvy business woman. Take note of her strengths, other than sheer talent, I feel attributed to her success:

She understood the relationship between money and independence:
After learning her lover Boy Capel had deposited bank securities as a guarantee for her business and overdrafts she told her head seamstress:

“I am not here to have fun, or to spend money like water, I am here to make a fortune.” A year later, Chanel was earning sufficient money to have no more need of Capel’s financial support, and she rejoiced in her independence. (Pg. 74)

She had a hard-headed business sense:
Here are the final snippets of an argument Chanel had with Mme Bataille, the woman who did the embroidery for the house, over price on the finished pieces of a crimson crepe de Chine blouse:

“The blouse is embroidered with real Chinese silk, one kilo of which costs at present…”

“I don’t care what kind of silk you use – real or artificial,” continued Mlle Chanel; “it is none of my business. What I want is to sell the blouse. As it is, it is too expensive; therefore you must charge less for it. That’s all.” (Pg. 140)

She understood the importance of a network:
Chanel was well-connected listing Winston Churchill and Pablo Picasso as friends.

Vera Bate, a friend of Bendor the 2nd Duke of Westminster’s and others in the small world of the British aristocracy, who was working for Chanel less as a model (though she was a handsome, statuesque figure in her Chanel outfits) than as a facilitator whose social connections were invaluable. I have employed society people, not to indulge my vanity or to humiliate them (I would take other forms of revenge, suppose I was seeking them), but … because they were useful to me and they got around Paris working on my behalf. (Pg. 162) 

She had a talent for friendship, in spite of her occasional flashes of malice. (Pg. 206)

She was an adept conversationalist:
I marveled at Chanel’s ability to think on her feet while dining with Malcolm Muggeridge, a British intelligence officer in Paris after France’s WWII liberation. Chanel had had a relationship with Hans Gunther von Dincklage, a German Nazi military officer during the war and was suspected of collaboration. The dinner was a combination of social visit and intelligence gathering for MI6:

Afterword’s, Muggeridge tried to draft some sort of report on Chanel, but realized that there was nothing to say. As he reflected upon his evening, he wondered whether a more rigorous agent might have discovered further details: ‘how she managed to get to and from Spain during the occupation, whether she also offered free scent to the German troops, who were her clients, associates and intimates during those years. Alas, all I had done was to listen; fascinated and even a little awed, at the masterly way she skinned and harpooned the braided F (the MI6).” (Pg. 267)

Vanity Fair sums up Chanel’s strengths perfectly when they nominated her to their 1931 Hall of Fame:

The magazine declared its reasons for doing so in a brief yet trenchant paragraph: Because she was the first to apply the principles of modernism to dressmaking; because she numbers among her friends the most famous men of France; because she combines a shrewd business sense with enormous personal prodigality and a genuine if erratic enthusiasm for the arts; and finally because she came to America to make a laudable attempt to introduce chic to Hollywood. (Pg. 213)

In the end Chanel’s life was sad and lonely. She took morphine to help her fall asleep. She never married and bore no children of her own (unless you believe the rumor that her nephew Andre Palasse was actually her son). Here is a conversation Gabrielle Labrunie Chanel’s niece recalls with her Aunt:

‘A, simple life, with a husband and children – a life with the people you love – that is the real life.’ And yet Gabrielle could also see the manner in which Chanel had cut her own familial ties, to set herself free. ‘She battled for her freedom – to be free to drive your car, to ride a bicycle, to walk to work, you had to be able to forget about what you are wearing. Forgetting is part of freedom – and so she was free to forget her past. And even if she did not forget it, she put her memories somewhere where they did not weigh too heavily on her – just like the clothes she made, that were so light that they seemed to weigh nothing at all.’ (Pg. 315)

Bottom line:
I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about Coco Chanel’s life and career. I did find the book frustrating at times when the truth of particular details of Chanel’s life remained unclear – this is not the fault of Justine Picardie, but of Chanel herself who lied and covered up so much of her life. I felt Picardie did an excellent job of researching the truth and presenting only the facts. I also enjoyed the book's numerous photos. If you have an interest in Coco Chanel, her life, her career or her creations I highly recommend reading this book. And in case you are curious:

Karen Eigenberger of Steve’s Wine-Beer-Spirits paired Clos du Moulin Aux Moines Bourgogne Pinot Noir as the wine to sip while reading Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life:

A toast to Coco Chanel! Perhaps thanks to her formative years in the Auvergne region of France, Coco Chanel's favorite food was fresh caviar with red wine; she it ate it a few times almost every day. In keeping with the style of wines from this region, raise a glass of Clos du Moulin Aux Moines Bourgogne Pinot Noir from the Burgundy region of France. Silky, complex, refined and elegant, much like the fashion icon herself. ($24)

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Is a book about Marie Antoinette's fashion choices really a book every woman should Read?
Biography of Fannie Lou Hamer: A Study in Strength and Leadership
I've had my fill of Mary Kay Ash
My Life in France

Do I listen to my manager or the boss?

I received the following question via Google search:

Do I listen to my manager or the boss?

What is happening here?
When a boss, who I assume in this scenario, is the company’s owner or CEO, counteracts a manager’s decision he either believes the manager’s directive was flawed or he has a negative need to control situations. In a perfect world if a manager is incompetent a boss should deal with that manager directly rather than coerce an employee into overstepping their manager. Nothing will ruin an employee/manager relationship faster than being perceived as going over your manager’s head. Let's assume this boss has a negative power need to control situations.

What should this employee do?
Ultimately an employee answers to the boss, so you will have to listen to him or her, but you should talk to your manager first. I suggest the “I perceive,” “I feel,” “I need” communication technique I learned at an assertive communication seminar:

I perceive:
In situations where you’ve instructed me to do xyz, Mr. Boss has told me to do abc.

I feel:
I am confused and unsure how I should proceed.

I need:
I need you to understand my predicament and to help me determine which approach I should take.

If the boss continues to overrule your manager’s decisions have the same conversation with him. Your boss and manager need to work this out and stop placing you in this position. 

Why I am cleaning my desk?

I admit it I have a messy desk at work.  It isn’t the messiest desk at my company – my manager’s desk is much, much worse, but it is definitely messy.  What is this mess made up of?  Uncompleted work.   As I work my way through my in-box anything that requires a fair amount of investigation and isn’t immediately pressing ends up in a stack on my desk.  I don’t file this paperwork because it doesn’t need to be filed it needs to be completed.

Why has my messy desk suddenly become a problem?

It projects a bad image:
According to Penelope Trunk in her book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success Brazen Careerist:

If your desk is a mess you look overwhelmed and less competent. People with messy offices are perceived as less efficient, less organized and less imaginative than people with clean desks. (Pg. 161)

The owners of our company aren’t too concerned about our mess because we always get our work done, but it does look bad to outsiders.  I have heard more than one person make a comment about my boss’s messy desk including our banker who is clearly someone we need to impress.  My co-workers also make comments about my boss losing their paperwork.  When he isn’t around they sneak into his office and search for missing items.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this happens when I am not around as well.  I have also had outsiders make comments about my desk.

I am inefficient:
How could I not be?  I lose things. If someone puts a piece of paper on top of one of my stacks then someone else puts another piece on top of that one the original paper is sure to be buried. Also, when I need a clear work place I scoop up stacks of papers and move them sometimes mixing projects together. Then I waste valuable time searching for missing paperwork.  I also lose my stapler, letter opener, ruler and favorite pen frequently.  

My messy desk causes stress:
I am tired of working in this environment.  My mess is a constant reminder of how far behind I am.  One of my employees loves to remind me of things I haven’t completed.  When she does this I just point to one of my piles and say yeah I haven’t gotten to it yet. 

Be Strong challenge #2: Clean my desk
As part of my Be Strong project I am challenging myself to clean my desk.  Each week I need to complete one or two of the outstanding projects on my desk. I actually started this a couple of weeks ago and have made some progress.  Each completed project empowers me and reduces my stress a little bit.  I am also making an extra effort not to add more paper to my piles. Spending just an extra ten minutes with my mail each day seems to make a difference and will surely save me a lot of aggravation down the road.
 
How about you?  Do you have a messy or clean desk?  Does having a messy desk bother you or bog you down?

How to Stay Healthy When You Sit All Day

Today's post is written by Joan Vernikos  the author of Sitting Kills, Moving Heals: How Everyday Movement Will Prevent Pain, Illness, and Early Death - and Exercise Alone Won't. I wrote about her book here.  This post provides additional information on how to stay healthy when you sit all day. 

Data continues to show that health in the US is deteriorating. Recent studies have supported my research at NASA that this can be attributed primarily to too much sitting.  As a busy working woman this might seem like a problem you don’t have - you are busy with your job, may manage a household and have children, try to find time to work out, and seemingly juggle responsibilities constantly.

But when you really look, how much of your time do you spend sitting? Between commuting and running errands in your car, sitting at a desk or in meetings, in front of a TV or a computer at home? Remaining fit and healthy becomes tricky. Long hours of sitting are shown to increase risk of breast and colon cancer, obesity and diabetes and poor balance even in children. Surprisingly, this is the case even in people who exercise daily. Sitting uninterrupted is just a killer. Fortunately, there are solutions.

My research at NASA was about keeping astronauts healthy, about what happens to the human body when we live without gravity or when we reduce its effect by lying down. What we found is that things happen to your body when you sit for long stretches that are very similar to the negative impacts of being in micro-gravity in space. Exercise was not necessarily the answer.  I found that it has more to do with how many times you get up during the day. You don’t need to stand all day either but rather to stand up often.  My research showed that if you must sit (and of course you do) it’s necessary to break it up, getting up at least 35 times a day. That works out to every 20 to 30 minutes. And when you are sitting, notice your posture and ensure that you sit up straight so that your body is working against gravity as it pulls you downward. I am amazed to see groups of women walking by – that’s good – with their head bent over looking at their feet – not so good. It’s a recipe to stoop as you age. There are many ways to use gravity during the day. Play, dance, garden, roll out dough, take the stairs, stretch, swim, have fun.

Astronauts age 10 times faster in space. Don’t be like them by sitting too much of your life.

“Be Strong!” Challenge

I mentioned in my post I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think on my Feet that in my 50th year I was challenging myself to become a stronger person. The start of this project was delayed due to a bout of insomnia I was dealing with during July and August. With only 3-5 hours of sleep per night it was all I could do just to make it through the workday let alone work on a strength challenge. Revanche of A Gai Shan Life was even kind enough to write Insomnia: the old companion a post about how she conquered her own insomnia. Then as mysteriously as the insomnia came on it left and I’m sleeping better. In the mean time I’ve been reading a couple of books on insomnia and will share any lessons or remedies that work for me in future posts. One thing I now know for sure – I will never “Be Strong” if I can’t get a handle on my insomnia.

To help give my challenge kick-start I discovered a great article on Building Inner Strength by Ran Zilca on Psychology Today. It is so good I have to share.

Zilca defines being strong as:

A strong person has great capability at facing challenges. Being strong means having the resources, the mental skills, and the physical capabilities to confront difficulties of all kinds. When you are strong, you have the ample excess of energy and stamina, so that when facing a challenge that depletes you of energy and inner strength, you still have enough left in you to act.

He then gives us some initial things to think about when starting to build inner strength:

1. Strength is the opposite of aggression:
Strong individuals do not need to act aggressively because they feel that they have the power and skills to take over the details of a situation and bring it to a close. Aggression is a means of covering weakness. 

2. Mental and physical strength cannot be separated:
To build inner strength you must build both physical endurance and mental muscle.

3. The first step is identifying your natural strengths:
I have already made some progress identifying my strengths. Please see my posts:

Discovering my Strengths
Who are you meant to be
Determining my Myers-Briggs Score

4. Mental strength is harder to track:
Zilca recommends taking notes. I don’t need to take notes I have this blog to record my progress.

He closes with “Be strong!” a phrase I am now adopting as the title of my challenge.

My “Be Strong!” project begins this week. My first task is going to be to take part in the push up challenge I’ve joined on twitter. It involves -

Doing 1 more push up every day than you did the day before. I started last week with 6 and am now up to 10. If you would like to participate or follow along, the twitter hash tag is #pushupchallenge.

This is a good challenge for me since one of the reasons I put off taking a yoga class (and probably why I keep injuring myself) is because I have almost no upper body strength. The yoga instructor at my gym loves planks especially side planks, in the past when I attended PIYO I used to spend a good portion of the class sitting on my butt or laying on my mat.  

I have a few ideas for future “Be Strong” tasks, but am looking for additional activities or challenges. If you have a recommendation or are interested in writing a guest post about how you achieved greater inner strength please leave a comment below or email me at savvyworkinggal@gmail.com.

Things New Grads Should (But Never Do) Think About Come First-Time Employment

The newly graduated 20-somethings in the world today face a lot of struggles in the personal and professional realms. Of course, college grads have a long history of struggling with the transition from college dorm rooms and heated academic lectures to office politics and frenzied company meetings. While our college careers certainly prepare us for some aspects of adult life and self-preservation, there are some areas of becoming a true adult that college, term papers, and frat parties just can't teach us. With the added challenges facing college grads in today's society, most 20-somethings are simply thrilled to be employed at all. But, even after all the resume sending, cover letter writing, and eventual employment, there are still many aspects of becoming employed for the first time that newbie graduates need to consider. These three things are employment musts that many first-time employees overlook and underestimate.

The Retirement Plan

I know, I know. How can you possibly start to think about retirement, if you only just found a job after months of searching? Trust me—I shared your sentiments as well. But, as far away and dull as it sounds, retirement plans are a very important aspect of becoming a responsible, employed adult. Look into your company's retirement offerings. You want to begin thinking about the future right away. By starting to think about and plan out your retirement now, you can set yourself up for a very comfortable future. At the very least, when you start your first "real world" job out of college, look into the retirement options you have. What types of plans does your company offer? What options might make the most sense for your situation? By simply becoming better educated on the topics of retirement and IRA accounts, you can more responsibly plan for your future and manage your finances.

Actual Financial Planning
While retirement falls in place with financial planning, there is much more to the topic than just thinking about starting a retirement plan. For many newly employed college grads, "saving" is not necessarily at the top of our to-do list. This is the first time that you're making "real" money for yourself and have only yourself (and your college loans) to spend it on. With this freedom comes a lot of reckless or at least thoughtless spending. You want to celebrate the fact that you've actually graduated from college, landed a job, and survived. Spending is easy to do and it seems logical in the first few months. However (and this is a big however), it's a very wise idea to look into your financial situation very carefully after you get your first paycheck. Sit down and look through things. See exactly how much money you earn, learn where that money is going (loans, rent, groceries, gas, etc.), and try to create a financial plan. Divvy up your finances and try to make a plan as to where things will go. How much will you spend on necessities (rent, gas, food), how much goes to "fun", and how much will you put towards savings?

Professional* Networking

One of the most challenging aspects of entering the professional world is learning how to navigate the social world of an office. This is by far one of the things I struggled with most in the first few months of my first "real" job. The bottom line is that communication and friendships just can't be the same when you're in a professional office atmosphere. Though you may be surrounded by people your age day in and day out (much like college), you can't treat these colleagues the same way you would college dorm mates. Of course, you're going to make friends and build relationships with your coworkers after a period of time. It's good to be friends with your coworkers, but you want to be careful with your interactions. The professional world is different from any other realm. You need to keep things professional. Watch the way you talk about certain aspects of your work like. Try to compartmentalize to some degree. If you become close friends with a coworker, remain solely coworkers in the office and solely friends inside the office.

An education blogger by trade, Maria Rainer loves to explore the connections between the web and a college education. She writes for www.onlinedegrees.org on online student advice columns and substantive posts on the latest trends in online education. Please share your comments with Maria.

The book “Sitting Kills, Moving Heals” changes my fitness routine

Motivation for reading:
JKS Communications recommended I review Dr. Joan Vernikos's book Sitting Kills, Moving Heals: How Everyday Movement Will Prevent Pain, Illness, and Early Death - and Exercise Alone Won't. This book answers one of the great puzzles of modern medicine: Americans have struggled for decades to exercise more and get healthy, but we’re still fatter, sicker, and more tired than ever before. Why isn’t exercise enough? What’s missing? Since this pretty much sums up my situation right now, I agreed to review the book.
    
What is the book about?
Dr. Joan Vernikos, former Director of NASA’s Life Sciences Division, has written a book that applies her research on Gravity Deprivation Syndrome to everyday health here on earth. She demonstrates how modern sedentary lifestyles contribute to poor health, obesity, and diabetes, and how health can be dramatically improved by continuous, low-intensity, movement that challenges the force of gravity. She cites her original NASA research on how weightlessness weakens astronauts' muscles, bones, and overall health, and presents a simple plan for maintaining good health throughout life by developing new lifestyle habits of frequent gravity-challenging movement. The book is divided into two parts. The first describes why you need gravity for good health while the second is about putting gravity to work for lifelong health.

My Thoughts:
Sitting Kills, Moving Heals has come along at the perfect time in my life. I’ve always been a regular exerciser attending aerobic and strength training classes 3 to 4 times a week. Over the past couple of years I’ve hurt myself 3 times – the last time experiencing shoulder pain that lasted six months. I am now in constant fear that I will hurt myself again and not be able to work out anymore. My fitness club and other clubs in my area are increasingly moving towards a high impact and boot camp type curriculum while offering fewer options for us older folks. Several of my fellow fitness club participants have also hurt themselves. Many of us tend to shy away from yoga classes thinking they won’t provide us with an intense enough workout for weight loss. Lately, I have been struggling with what classes to sign up for this fall. Should I risk injury and take the new kettlebell class my gym offers or should I search elsewhere for a yoga or stretching class?

Vernikos tells us traditional gym exercise isn’t enough and only partially improves health of people who, like me, sit all day long.

Exercise is not a substitute for activities that come naturally throughout the day, 365 days a year, for the rest of your life. (Pg. 52)

The most beneficial activity for your body is continuous, low-intensity, all-day, everyday movement that resists the force of gravity — simple habits like standing up, walking stretching, pacing and fidgeting. These activities are called non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT), Vernikos writes:

NEAT is a much greater component of your body’s total energy expenditures throughout a typical day than are structured high-intensity exercises such as walking, running, bicycling, or working out in a gym. NEAT is defined as the small brief, yet frequent muscular movements one makes throughout the day, of which, changing position is the most effective: standing, sitting, lying down, bending over to pick something up, squatting, stretching upward to take something off a shelf, getting dressed and undressed, playing a musical instrument, and stirring a pot; even movements as small as crossing and uncrossing one’s legs, waving one’s hands while talking and fidgeting are helpful. It is these types of small movements and activities that do not happen enough when a person is habitually inactive. Whenever we move around, calories we have consumed are converted into energy by contracting muscles and are measured as generated heat-thermogenesis- the “T” of the “NEAT” acronym. Thus, people who move around a lot all day, even if they don’t go to the gym or engage in intense exercise, burn up many more calories than people who are sedentary. They even expend more calories than those who do go to the gym, but then spend the rest of their day sitting around. Not surprisingly, the research on NEAT has shown a connection between the lack of NEAT and obesity and metabolic diseases, like diabetes. (Pg. 36)

I also enjoyed the nugget that sitting too long at work or in a car contributes to erectile dysfunction.

Changing my fitness routine:
After reading Sitting Kills, Moving Heals, I’ve decided to change my fitness routine. Dr. Vernikos includes an action plan listing habits, activities and exercises that will increase our gravity fitness. I have already implemented some of her ideas into action. Vernikos says the easiest and most important habit you can acquire is to stand up more frequently throughout the day. She recommends standing up from sitting 32+ times over a 24 hour period. Beginning this week I am going to keep track of the number of times I stand up a day. I will be writing about some of her other suggestions as part of my strength challenge.  

I decided to forgo the kettlebell class and take a beginning yoga class instead. The book also includes a health and fitness pyramid giving basic activities that provide the foundation for optimum G-habits as the base tier. Yoga is included as a base activity and its benefits are numerous. Over the long haul yoga will be more beneficial for me than the kettlebell class (especially if I were to hurt myself). Basic activities like yoga give you the most overall health return for your effort and are the least likely to result in injury.

A real life gravity example:
Last weekend I visited my 95-year old grandmother. For being 95 she still gets around pretty darn good; easily getting out of her chair and walking to the dining hall with her walker. My Grandma has never been to a gym or taken a formal exercise class, but she also has never sat still. She spent her life working in her yard and gardens or puttering in her kitchen. Compare that to my 70-year old neighbor whose favorite activity, since his 30’s has been sitting on the couch. (I did give him my old exercise bike, but am not sure if he ever used it). He fell over Memorial Day weekend and spent most of his summer in rehab. Last week my husband received a call from him – could he please help him out of his friend's vehicle - he didn’t have enough strength to lift himself out of the seat by himself and his friend wasn't strong enough to help him. My neighbor had to wait in a car for over an hour before my husband was able to get home from work and help him.

Bottom Line:
If you are seriously interested in improving your fitness and health you may benefit from reading this book.

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

 

Do I need to attend a funeral for my co-worker’s family member?

Recently I read the following question on twitter:

 A co-worker's family member passed away and a lot of my department is going to the funeral to support her. But I don't want to go. Am I cold?

This employee began working at her company eight months ago and has worked with this person, who is actually her department manager, quite often. She doesn’t do well at funerals, has never met the family member and has SO MUCH STUFF to do at work... plus it's in the middle of a work day. It is a pretty big deal and she is getting pressure to attend.

What should she do?

Initially I suggested she just send a card, but when I mentioned my response to my husband he said I was wrong.

My husband, who is better at etiquette and office politics than I, says she needs to attend. He thinks working with someone for eight months is a sufficient amount of time to establish a relationship. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t know the family member, the purpose of a funeral service is to show support for the living. It appears as though her department plans to attend the funeral as a group to show support for their manager. It would be a good move on the part of this employee to attend as member of her team.

She doesn’t need to stay for the actual service:
From the employee's tweets I think she is considering attending the actual funeral service. She needs to only attend the visitation to express her condolences to her manager and if appropriate her manager’s immediate family. A fifteen minute visit would be sufficient. It is usually customary to view the deceased and if appropriate spend a few moments in silent prayer, but this isn’t mandatory. She should also make sure she signs the guest book. The service itself is usually an intimate ceremony attended by immediate family and close friends.

Since the service occurs during the work day she may need to take time off  without pay to attend. If so, she could stay late or work through her lunch to make up time and catch up with her work.

A few of my husband’s co-workers attended both of his parent's funeral visitations. They didn't stay for more than fifteen minutes. My husband was cognizant of and appreciated those who made an effort to attend.

Last month my manager’s mother passed away. Her funeral service was six hours away. All three of my company’s owners traveled the six hours to attend her visitation. They did not stay for the funeral service which was held the next day. If the visitation had been local, I am sure every person in my department would have attended and that our company would have allowed us to attend without docking our pay.

Instead, individually we sent sympathy cards to our manager’s home and a token memorial in our manager’s mother’s name to the private school where she had taught for many years.

When I was the tweeter's age (I think she is in her early twenties) I probably wouldn’t have wanted to attend either, but now that I am older I realize doing the appropriate thing is more important than our own wishes and conveniences.

What are your thoughts?

Special Exits - A must read for those caring for aging loved ones

I first became aware of Joyce Farmer's book Special Exits when Rick the Librarian wrote the following on his site:

I suspect many people who would really appreciate Special Exits have not seen it. Boomers taking care of their elderly parents are not as a group very aware of graphic novels. That's too bad, because the book dramatizes a situation in which they may find themselves - trying to respectfully manage the lives of people who have lost the ability to care for themselves. The complications are many: bad health, poverty, delusions, loss of memory, reluctance to accept help, etc. The demands are many: sacrifice time, negotiate calmly, tolerate idiosyncrasies, lose battles gracefully, and learn to guide the elderly to make the decisions that you know that they have to make.

I believe Rick is correct, most baby boomers including myself are not aware of graphic novels. I've only read one other in my lifetime - Maira Kalman's And the Pursuit of Happiness - and recall not being overly impressed with it. The fact that many of my friends and co-workers are now taking care of their parents and that my own mother is beginning to need assistance I decided to give the book a chance.

What is Special Exits about?
In an interview at Skylight Books Joyce Farmer tells us it is a memoir about her experience during the 1980s and '90s caring for her ailing elderly parents. Told chronologically, the graphic novel focuses on her father and stepmother's struggles to maintain independence in the face of lung cancer and Alzheimer's disease, and Farmer's increasingly all-encompassing role as their nursemaid and provider.

My opinion:
I was drawn into the book immediately; finishing it in a couple of days.  The storyline was at times funny at others poignant and in the end heartbreaking.  The books characters Lars and Harriet remind me quite a bit of my in-laws who remained in their own home caring for each other until my father-in-law passed away at age 90. My husband and his sister attempted to assist their parents in the same manner as Laura, Lars and Harriet’s daughter, attempts to assist them. Upon reading some of the book aloud to my husband he couldn’t help but wonder what really occurred in his parent’s home when he wasn’t present.  Lars and Harriet make several concessions such as not scheduling doctor appointments or purchasing medicines when it wasn’t convenient that severely compromised their quality of life down the road. They withheld many of these decisions from Laura until it was too late.  

Bottom line:
I highly recommend anyone who is caring for an aged loved one to read this book. It may help you make better decisions when faced with similar situations as those portrayed in this book.  For me, I wouldn’t be surprised if Special Exits ends up on my list of "best books read in 2012."

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

Observing Purple Martins - Calming my Crazy

I’ve had problems with insomnia ever since I was a young girl. Growing up I spent many a school night starring out my bedroom window wondering if there was anyone else out there who was as wide awake as me. (I had been forbidden from waking-up my sister to talk when I couldn’t sleep). Now that I am fifty I’ve lost my tolerance for sleepless nights and have added discovering new ways to quiet my mind as part of my Finding my Strength challenge.

I have to admit Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge has not worked out for me. I had a terrible bout of insomnia the night before the challenge was to begin and had all I could do just to make it through the next day let alone meditate. I skipped day one with every intention of catching up on day two. Well that never happened and when I received the “we’ve missed you email” from Deepak I didn’t bother opening it.

Which brings me to my new calming hobby – observing Purple Martins - which I discovered quite by accident. Earlier this year my neighbor took a fall and was spending time in a rehab center. His Father’s Day wish had been for his children to drive to his home and take a couple photos of the ‘flock” of Purple Martins nested in his yard. Since they were unable to comply, he called wondering if I wouldn’t mind taking a few snapshots. I was happy to oblige.

Those first Father’s Day photos weren’t very exciting, so my husband convinced me he could do better and spent the next several weeks observing and photographing the Purple Martins. He picked out his favorite photos and we put a book together. Last Saturday when my neighbor returned home I gave him the book as a welcome home gift. He said it was the most awesome gift he’d ever received. 

My neighbor has always had a passion for Purple Martins. His father had taught him when he was quite young to be on the lookout each spring for the arrival of Purple Martin “scouts” checking out the previous year’s nesting area. After spotting the scouts, the two of them would rush to put up their Purple Martin house. If the house went up too early they risked Sparrows taking residence and chasing off returning Martins. When his father passed away my neighbor inherited the Purple Martin house and continued the tradition. He was devastated a few years ago when the birds stopped using his house. He took it down and discovered the wood had rotted. The next year he erected a new house in the same spot, but still no birds. His colony had moved on. He then discovered The Purple Martin Conservation Association and added another new house with gourds based on Purple Martin Conservation guidelines. This new house did the trick; he now has a new ‘flock’ of birds that return each year.

Here are some of our photos:

 

The next day I filled my cup with coffee and took my two dogs outside. I sat on my bench next to my perennial garden with my dogs at my side. It was a beautiful crisp summer day. It had been another week of sleepless nights including one with a horrific wind storm that had downed a few major branches in our yard. The sailboats were out participating in a regatta and a lone duck was feeding on our shore line. I looked up and saw several Purple Martins flying overhead and really listened to their song. I counted ten birds. I put my head back and thought this is bliss. Several years ago after I had first moved into my husband's lake home, a friend had said, “Living on a lake you must feel as if you are always on vacation.” I had responded with, “No that is not what it is like, not at all.” As I sat there watching the Purple Martins, I knew this is what she had been talking about. At that moment I did feel as if I was on vacation. I sat there for another ten minutes taking it all in before I went back inside, back to my never ending to-do list. That night when it was time for sleep I thought about that moment; the beautiful day, sitting on the bench watching the Purple Martins. My mind was quieted and I slept.

Today the birds appear to be gone – left for their migration back to South America.  It is sad to see them leave so soon after my calming experience, but I am already looking forward to their return next spring.  I plan on joining my neighbor in his lookout for the Purple Martin scouts and anticipate observing them for the entire season and for many seasons to come. In the meantime, I will try to remember those ten minutes of bliss observing the Purple Martins from my garden bench when I need to quiet my mind and get a good night of sleep.

Mission Possible: How the Secrets of the Success Academies Can Work in Any School - including a book giveaway

In 2005 Eva Moskowitz, believing she could build a better elementary school than the dysfunctional ones she visited, left her position as chair of New York City Council’s Education Committee. She along with Arin Lavinia, a former teacher and national literacy consultant, went on to create Success Academy Harlem. In just 3 years this charter school became one of the top schools in New York City and State. In the spring of 2009 their students took New York State’s standardized for the first time. They were the top-scoring charter in New York City. 

There are now 3,500 students attending nine Success Academy Schools with five more schools slated to open in this summer.

How do they do it? What is their secret?
Eva Moskowitz the founder and CEO of Success Academy Charter Schools and Arin Lavinia the designer and developer of Success Academy’s THINK Literacy program have written a book to share their secrets:

Mission Possible: How the Secrets of the Success Academies Can Work in Any School

The book details Success Academy’s THINK Literacy curriculum which produced the dramatic results in their student’s reading and writing skills. Some of the differences in their culture and curriculum include:

- Students attend class almost nine hours a day (7:45 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.) and stay for an hour of after-school tutoring if needed and some are back again on Saturday mornings. They bring homework assignments home each night.

- There is a huge emphasis on teacher training. Teachers are given hundreds of hours of training every year beginning about four weeks before classes begin. Also during the first two years of employment a teacher has minimally six months of training.

- The teachers are given time during the school day for planning and lesson preparation.

- Success Academy ups the rigor bar. The majority of American schools underestimate children intellectually. Success Academy challenges and pushes educators and students to stretch themselves every day. Rather than teaching slow enough that all the children get a lesson and boring the other students, the academies encourage teachers to teach as quickly as possible, setting the bar very high and encouraging the students to meet the high standards and learn quickly.

I was asked to read and report on this book with the following writing prompt:

Stagnation, being unable to accomplish one’s job at a high level, is one of the greatest sources of low teacher morale. Why do you think this country treats teaching so differently than it does other professions?

The way I see it for many years this country was content with keeping the public school system running status quo. It reminds me of the “because we’ve always done it this way” mentality.  Innovation or improving teaching methods was not a priority. See the following passage from the book:

Albert Shanker, who stood up for serious reform as president of the American Federation of Teachers, once said that public schools had fallen into the same trap as the U.S. Auto industry of old, thinking quality didn’t matter because it had a largely captive audience for its products.

Somewhere along the line public schools became lazy and complacent, just like General Motors, Ford and Chrysler. A lot of things came together- grade inflation, social promotion, the breakdown of discipline – and made public education a mess. (Pgs. 13-14)

The current statistics are grim:

Currently it is not just Singapore, South Korea, and Japan that are putting our schools to shame; it is also Finland and Canada. A dozen of the world’s most prosperous countries now graduate more students for college, and only eight of the thirty four countries in the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) have worse high school dropout rates. (Pg. 144)

After realizing the country’s schools were in trouble the country did what it does best – threw money at the problem:

We spend well over $10,000 a year on average, educating each of the forty-nine million children and teens in public schools. No country in the world except Luxembourg spends that much. (Page 9)

Then we became convinced class size was the problem. We cut class size from 25-1 to 16-1. The focus now is to get more teachers into the classroom as quickly as possible. According to Career Jockey, to combat this issue, many colleges and universities are offering accelerated teaching degrees to students that already possess a bachelor’s or master’s degree in a variety of fields. Once they’ve completed the courses and passed their state’s teaching license exam, the student is considered a full-fledged teacher and able to look for work without having to student teach.

I am certainly no expert, but after reading Mission Possible, I have to believe teachers should be required to have more education and training not less.

If you would like to learn more about Eva Moskowitz or Mission Possible you can find Eva at:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Moskowitz.Eva

Twitter: http://twitter.com/MoskowitzEva

I was compensated for this post. All opinions expressed are my own.

Book Giveaway:
I have an extra copy of Eva Moskowitz and Arin Lavinia's book Mission Possible to give away. This book is not just for teachers or charter school operators it is for anyone with an interest in improving teaching and learning in our schools.  The book includes a companion DVD providing clips and interviews.

To be eligible for the giveaway:
1. Leave a comment below
2. Include your email address

The drawing entry will close August 5, 2012

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I'm 50-Years Old and Still Can’t Think on My Feet

For most of July my boss, our company’s CFO, has been out of the office due to a family emergency. In the interim I've been covering for him. At first it was kind of fun – doing or delegating his work –  most of which he shouldn’t be doing anyway. But as the month drags on and I and our accounting department fall further behind, playing CFO has stopped being fun.

Then our HR Manager (regular readers may recall I've had issues with her in the past) decided our payroll person was incorrectly processing some of our payroll deductions. She called me into her office and began berating this employee behind her back telling me how stupid she was. Instead of standing up for my employee I offered to look into it. I went back to my office and searched how to process the specific deductions on the IRS.gov website. What our HR Manager had concluded didn’t make sense. I came up with a couple of examples as to why, braced myself and went back to her office to explain why she was mistaken. Of course I couldn't convince her and she ended up insisting she needed to check into the matter herself. It has been two days and I still haven't heard from her, so I assume her sources informed her she was wrong. If our CFO had been here this would have been a simple fix - I would have asked him, he would have said our payroll employee was correct and the HR Manager was wrong end of story.

This is such a minor incident why does it bother me?
Because here I am turning 50 this week and I still can’t think on my feet. I don't have a thick enough skin to stand up for my employee and articulate my thoughts when I am put on the spot.  When my boss retires in a few years I will never be strong enough to be the CFO on a permanent basis. Several years ago while re-reading my journals I discovered two years in a row I had written almost the identical entry on my birthday – in the upcoming year I am going to work on becoming a stronger person.

So here I am turning 50 and still challenging myself to becoming a stronger person in the upcoming year.

I didn't think I should blog about this. My challenge is so ordinary and there are others who have written about similar projects - Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia (I couldn't take all the crying),  Noelle Hancock's My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir (Her dialog was atrocious - like nails on a chalkboard) and Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (Happiness is her job how can the average person find time for this). Then I came across Danielle LaPorte’s post "The Biggest Threat to Your Creativity" where she writes:

... is the fear that it’s already been done, said, created.

(So why bother?)

Say it, do it, make it anyway —

but tell YOUR story along the way.

The story of how you came to know what you know.

The story of what you want to know more of.

The story of why you do what you do.

        The story of how you came to care.

And that’s how you create what’s never been created before

Danielle Laporte has inspired me. I’m going to do this. My 50th year is going to be all about:

Finding my Strength

For starters I have added Danielle Laporte's book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms to my reading list.

I have signed up for the Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge beginning July 16th. Guided by Deepak Chopra, and other master teachers I will learn practical techniques for becoming more calm, centered, and happy. The challenge is  21 days because studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one.

I am also challenging myself to read books about those who have persevered and succeeded despite having obstacles in their lives.

I have a few other ideas, but nothing definite.  Have you taken on a similar challenge? Do you have any suggestions for me? If so please share.

Walgreens Way to Well Heath Tour Coming to Milwaukee

The WalgreensWay to Well Health Tour with AARP is a community outreach program that provides free health tests, consultations, and educational materials to the underserved communities that need it most – those that have the highest prevalence for leading diseases and highest uninsured or unemployed populations. The tour is part of a $100 million initiative to help Americans improve their health by providing early detection for chronic diseases like heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

The tour includes a fleet of four health tour buses that are traveling throughout the U.S. and Puerto Rico now through December.  The tour will be in and around Milwaukee beginning July 12 through August 4th.

The free health tests provided include:

·       Cholesterol

·       Glucose

·       Blood Pressure

·       Body Mass Index

 ·       Body Composition

 ·       Skeletal Muscle

 ·       Reseting Metabolism

 ·       Visceral Fat

 ·       Real Body Age

The tests are valued at over $100 and only take about 20 minutes to complete. Anyone 18 and older is encouraged to visit the tour - no appointment or insurance is necessary. Plus, each Wellness bus has at least one bilingual certified staff member on site. Visit www.walgreens.com/waytowell to find your nearest tour stop location.

The health tests take place on the bus, although if a person is disabled or needs assistance the Wellness Tour staff will make the necessary accommodations, which may involve conducting select tests in a private area outside of the bus.

What about follow-up information?

After the health tests are performed, a pharmacist or wellness staff member provides the results and reviews them with the consumer. Visitors have access to free educational information on a variety of health and wellness issues that are available in both English and Spanish. Additionally, they will receive a free one-year AARP membership offer. Visitors are encouraged to see their Walgreens pharmacist, doctor or health care provider with any concerns.

Want to help? Here is how you can contribute?
If you can't make it out to visit the tour and still with to contribute, you can do so by purchasing Walgreens brand health and wellness products. 1¢ from the purchase of every Walgreens Brand Health and Wellness Product, up to $3 million annually. will support bringing preventative wellness services to local communities through the Walgreens Way to Well Fund.

"I was compensated for this post. All opinions expressed are my own."

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How not to lose your cool while manager screams at you

The owner of my company has an intense type “A” personality.  He’s in his seventies and currently holds the position of CEO.  Over the years I’ve seen him lose his temper many, many times reducing his targets to jellyfish. Recently I experienced his anger first hand:

I was busy working on a project due in a couple of hours when our CEO interrupted me asking if I’d notarize some personal papers for him. He said something about where I should notarize as I searched for my notary stamp.  I took the forms and began filling in the date when I realized I was about to notarize someone else’s signature. I said this is for Mr. Smith?  He grabbed the forms and began screaming at me, “WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN.”  That is my brother’s section. I told you to notarize here.

I managed to keep my cool as I completed his request.  He did say, “How did you like being yelled at?” (Which was probably his way of apologizing) as I notarized. I responded with “I’ve been yelled at before.”      

How did I manage to keep my cool?

I was able to put his anger into perspective. Fortunately I had been reading Anne Kreamer's book It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace.  A couple of days earlier I had read the following paragraph:

Anger in response to frustrations encountered on the job is one of the most pervasive kinds, with 69% of our survey respondents reporting having been frustrated during the past year. This sort of anger lets off steam and relieves stress and almost half the people surveyed cited the perception of coworkers not doing their job properly as prime motivator for frustration – driven anger. (Pg. 58)

As the CEO was screaming at me I realized he was lashing out due to his frustration with my lousy listening skills.  Imagining where his anger was coming from shifted my focus from being yelled at to feeling guilty for not listening.

Another common technique given to change perspective is to imagine your opponent as a two-year old having a tantrum while wearing a diaper.

I kept breathing:

I discovered why breathing helps us remain calm in Penelope Trunk’s book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success.  Practicing deep breathing was one of the techniques Lindy Amos, a consultant who teaches people build connections through authenticity, gave Penelope to practice at home: Penelope writes:

Lindy told me an American Indian proverb: “The difference between fear and excitement is breathing.” She said, “Fear causes your breathing to become shallow, your muscles to tense, and your brain to go blank.  We communicate to have impact. If we’re not breathing, we’re not even present. There is no chance of having impact if you aren’t even present.  Deep breaths free your constricted chest, oxygenate your blood, and put you in charge of your brain again.” (Pg. 108)

Perhaps most important I have learned something from all of this.  In the days that followed instead of brooding over being yelled at I made a conscious effort to really listen to others.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve my listening skills? Have any of you been yelled at in the workplace? How did you manage to stay calm?

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