Last month The
Savvy Reader Book Club read Leymah Gbowee's book Mighty
Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War. Earlier this week I shared Leymeh Gbowee's Lessons on Domestic Abuse.
Today I want to share a surprising syndrome I was made aware of reading this book:
After working tirelessly as the official spokeswoman and inspirational leader for Women in Peacebuilding Network, or WIPNET Leymeh Gbowee was asked to come to a meeting at the WIPNET offices. Most of the women who had been a part of the Liberian Mass Action for Peace were there. They formed a circle and one by one the women began attacking her. She was undermining them, she was still trying to run things, she had stolen money. She had taken credit for everything WIPNET had done while “not doing shit,” and all she ever wanted was power.
Some time later, Gbowee met the American Feminist Gloria Steinem who talked to her about the “pull her down” syndrome:
A way in which too often women denigrate other women. This infighting happens in any society or group than has been impoverished or disenfranchised for a long time. You see one person doing well, think she is getting it all and want only to take it away. I understand it, but it is very destructive. (Page 199)So there you have it – pull her down – syndrome. It is similar to how Americans love to build up their celebrities then tear them down. Think Martha Stewart and Paula Deen. This instance is much sadder though. Didn’t the women of Liberia have greater problems? What good was it going to do harboring grievances and jealousies against each other?
Have you heard of “pull her down” syndrome? Do you have any examples you’d like to share?
I think we tend to call it "being bitchy". It seems like many women just can't stand the idea of helping others ... instead they want to make it as difficult as possible. Have known several world class practitioners of "Pull Her Down".
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of it is basic insecurity.
I have not heard of this, but it makes ABSOLUTE sense. My goodness.. it's more than a syndrome - it's an epidemic!
ReplyDeletei haven't heard of that, but i definitely think it's human nature. hopefully not just attributable to women!
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of "pull her down" syndrome, but I have definitely witnessed it. I actually see it quite a bit in the blogging community.
ReplyDeleteI love the name for it....I see it all the time and "pull down syndrome" sums it up perfectly! I tend to think women should support each other, lift each other up, and bind together as opposed to break each other down. Many of the blogging communities I've been privileged to find do just that....but then you always have your bad apples! Here's to women fighting against the pull-down syndrome!
ReplyDeleteI have to deal with this everyday. I manage a team of almost all women and the pettiness makes me want to pull my hair out at times. Since it's a sales team and the commissions are widespread, I know most of the catty behavior is based on jealousy.
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard the term before, but I've seen it happen many times. I've even done it occasionally. Not knowingly, but having a bad day and throwing out that snide remark about the woman for whom everything seems perfect. I think I read somewhere (yeah, crappy reference, sorry) that it's kind of in our wiring. It's about competing for a mate. Like in the animal kingdom.
ReplyDeleteI agree we should be kind. We can be so much more powerful and we can all grow more as a group, helping each other. But that doesn't mean that snide remark won't still slip from my mouth on a bad day. I'm working on it.
When I get those feelings about someone successful, I feel ashamed of myself. Have I seen this done? I was a victim of it once. Women in the world need to work together and not pull each other down.
ReplyDeleteI definitely get jealous from time to time, but then I remind myself that success is not finite, there's not a limited amount to go around and someone else's success has nothing to do with what's happening with me. So rather than "pulling her down", I try to celebrate and bring some of that success into my own life.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any examples, Savvy, but I've heard of it. It's awful and petty. There's got to be a better way!
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree - it is an epidemic. I recently attended a work party. I sat at a table with a woman who has been with my company since 1992. She proceeded to completely trash three former female employees. Our total employee makeup has never been more than 10% female. After 21 years of employment with our company this woman couldn't come up with one story that trashed the reputation of a male co-worker?
Catherine,
ReplyDeleteAt the work party above none of the men sitting at my table defended the women. They actually added to the stories. Nor did they relay additional stories about men.
I've never heard of it described as a syndrome, but I have experienced this and have even had to correct myself when I've been tempted to do it.
ReplyDeleteI always remind myself to treat people how I want to be treated, this keeps me from directly my frustration at not reaching a goal fast enough onto someone who has reached a goal.
It always helps me when I'm determining how I react when I'm on the receiving end of this treatment.
Absolutely I've heard of it, also heard of a similar thing called "being a crab in a crab pot". When one crab starts to get out, or is pulled out, the other crabs pull them back down.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've seen men and women alike pull that - I've worked with bosses who would badmouth their ex-employees/co-workers endlessly just because those people got out and they "couldn't believe they'd leave such a good opportunity". It sounded MUCH more like they couldn't believe those folks left and found better opportunities with better work environments. Toxic, really, and I don't participate.
I agree! This is sad to think that it happens all the time at my school :(
ReplyDeleteI think as we grow up and become more aware (and get more involved with our own lives and less our social circles) this changes.
AJ | TheAJMinute
@TheAJMinute
I have experienced this very thing. In every day terms we just call them Haters. It's good to know that this is a common human trait and has a scientific name. Maybe if we were to know more about Pull Her Down Syndrom we could catch ourselves doing it.
ReplyDeleteI do have to disagree with you example of Paula Dean. I do think her behavior had caused the public to turn on her. I think your right on point with Martha Stewart though.
Kristiina,
ReplyDeleteSo unfortunate. I haven't seen it yet in the blogging community, but I've heard about it.
I had never heard the term until now, but I have seen this happen a lot in the corporate world. Women are completely mean to other women in business. I have been the victim a few times of another woman doing all she could to tear me down when I was rising to the top. I think as women, we deal more with jealousy and feel threatened by other woman and it's sad - we should be supporting each other and celebrating each other's successes.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteWomen fighting against the pull-down syndrome! I think I should make that one of my missions.
Herchel,
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. My sister once worked on a commission-based sales team. She was very focused and held the #1 spot on the team for most of the time she worked there. When she came up for air and looked around she couldn't believe how the other women responded to her. It was like high school all over again. They began conspiring against her to force her out of first place. She ended up quitting. Couldn't imagine working there or managing them.
Miss Robin,
ReplyDeleteI agree. It is part of our genetic make-up to compete for a mate. Just think what we could accomplish if we worked together rather than competing against each other and worse yet trying to pull each other down.
Sheila,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you had to go through that. I've experienced it too. It is also hard not to hold a grudge or to retaliate. What helps the most is putting myself in their shoes. A person's jealousy says more about them than me. What isn't working in their life?
Stefanie,
ReplyDeleteI am pretty good at keeping my jealousies in check. When I see other bloggers who started blogging after I did achieve great things in a short period of time it would be easy to get jealous. Instead I look at the big picture and realize they have more time, more experience and more contacts etc. I like your idea to take it a step further and celebrate that success and try to bring some of it into your own life.
Kimberly,
ReplyDeleteYes, experiencing this first hand puts how we treat people into a new perspective. I love your reminder to treat others how we would like to be treated.
Revanche,
ReplyDeleteAnother good analogy "being a crab in a crab pot." Yes, I've seen men do this too and some are just as vicious as women. Men have other strategies like being arrogant whereas most women are criticized if they show an ego. It is easier and more socially acceptable to pull themselves up by putting others down.
AJ,
ReplyDeleteIt does change as you get older. For me, I am too busy to care about pettiness, but it is still surprising to see.
Chasing Joy,
ReplyDeleteHaters is a good word. I saw the perfect example of a hater recently in my Google feed. A blogger I read regularly had received an email from a woman letting her know how much she hated her blog. The woman wrote "You are also too stupid and pitiful to even know we are all actually laughing at you" Seriously! I find it a little sad and disturbing this woman took the time to write such a hateful email. What purpose does it serve except to bring the blogger down. Let’s all work together to catch ourselves and stop this horrible syndrome when we see it:
Also thanks for setting me straight on Paula Deen. Once, I thought it through I realized she too is a hater.
Another term AA like to use is crabs in a barrel or pot. If someone is trying to better themselves, there is someone trying to pull them down back into the pot. The new term is haters but I see it as a thing women do all over the world. Women seem to be harder on another woman than they would be on a man. I don't know why but that might be because of the status of women in most societies. Thanks for the book suggestion. Stopping by from Frugal Saturdays.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons I try to spend my time with men rather than women. Men can be jerks too sometimes, but they tend to be much more easy going and they will usually give you a few chances before they will turn their backs on you. With women, you usually get ONE chance and that's it. I've had people who will shut down a years' long friendship if you make them mad even one time. It's very puzzling and distressing.
ReplyDelete