Sunday, January 06, 2013

Take Hostile Breakup Threats Seriously

I received the following comment on my post Is working for your boyfriend a good idea?
My daughter is now involved in a very hostile breakup with her long time fiancé (7 years) whom she worked for. He is denying her right to claim unemployment benefits and things have become threatening (I am going to ruin your life) going to the length of saying she used company points to fly off to see other people. When actually all was agreed that instead of using cash she could use points etc...Really a very terrible and scary situation as he is extremely hurt and revengeful. So no do not ever work with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Starting a business together once married is way different. Hard to know what to do because he is powerful and has money.
Your daughter’s story is an excellent cautionary tale of why someone shouldn’t work for their boyfriend, but her situation has turned serious and needs to be treated as such.  Has your daughter’s ex-boyfriend threatened to harm her? If he has she needs to alert legal authorities immediately. Also, I suggest she contact the domestic violence shelter in her area. To find the nearest shelter please see:

According to the WomensLaw.Org website, shelters provide many services other than shelter. Most have support groups, crisis counseling, and safety planning assistance. Many also provide legal support (and sometimes representation), help getting back on your feet with government benefits like food stamps and housing, job training referrals, child care, and more.

Your daughter should ask for assistance in working through her denied unemployment compensation claim and for help getting reestablished in the job market.

If the organization nearest you isn't helpful, try calling another one. If you do not find what you need in your community, you may also call these national organizations:

- National Domestic Violence Hotline -- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224

- National Sexual Assault Hotline -- (800) 656-HOPE

- Stalking Resource Center -- 1-800-FYI-CALL, M-F 8:30 AM - 8:30 PM EST, or email

There have been far too many stories in the news lately of women being harmed by an angry ex. In this case, your daughter’s boyfriend no longer has control and power over her and is fighting to keep it. She needs to seek assistance from others in her community to help keep her safe and strong as she recaptures control over her life.

Do any of you know of additional resources or have advice to help this woman?


  1. I would highly recommend your poster's daughter read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. He talks about ways of dealing with and protecting yourself from dangerous and obsessed individuals. Also, if the daughter needs money, she should file for unemployment. While the ex can try to block her claiming benefits, the state unemployment board will be the final arbiter, not the ex. If the initial claim comes back denied, she turns around and appeals.

  2. I dropped in to add you to my Gogle via the GFC blog hop.

    Please visit my blog and return the favor.

    Thanks in many are not visiting back...please don't think I am grumpy. I am just getting frustrated!

    Happy evening to you!!:-)

  3. I hope you get a follow up on this story!

    I know mixing professional and personal relationships is very common but it is something I've avoided.

    And I know that there are many instances where couples working together can be wonderful but cases like this shows some of the dangers of it.

  4. Hopefully, the woman in question has hired an attorney. There are directories by region as this woman may want to think about filing against her former employer.

  5. Maria,
    Great book recommendation. It is on my TBR list for my BE Strong reading challenge. Also, thanks for describing how the unemployment appeal process works.

  6. Jackie,
    I think if you follow bloggers you are truly interested in and make a connection with you will have better success in the long run. The I will follow you if you follow me scenerio is just a numbers game and one most long term bloggers are not interested in.

    Have you checked out The Sits Girls They have a Saturday Sharefest I participate in - gives you an opportunity to engage with other bloggers. They also have a forum where you can ask questions.

  7. C McKane,
    I will try to follow-up in a few months, but since it was an anonymous comment from a parent - I'm not too hopeful.

    In most instances where couples work together successfully the professional relationship is a partnership rather than boss/employee. Also, the relationship needs to be a healthy one.

  8. Organized Island,
    Not a bad idea. There is so much here - discrimination, harassment and who knows what else. Possibly a lawyer could even negotiate a severence package for her. That is why I recommended the abuse hotline. I was hoping they would direct her to legal counsel.

  9. WOW, that is a crazy story! I definitely think mixing love and work can be very stressful! Stopping by from SITS.

  10. Wow. What a difficult situation, I hope she is keeping records of everything and gets a lawyer.

  11. Dose of Reality,
    I met my husband at work. We worked in different departments, but working together did add another whole element of stress. Work is stressful enough without throwing relationship stuff into the mix.

  12. Kristina,
    I hope she does too.