Why Networking is Important

A guest post by Anna Runyan:

It’s not what you know, but who you know.  Who you know can mean the difference in whether or not your end up reaching your future dreams and goals. There are so many reasons why networking is important, personally and professionally.  Whether you want to stand out from the crowd during your job search, rise the ranks at your current company or just have a good support network to be there for you when you need it.  I know that I would not be where I am today in my professional journey if I had not made networking a top priority in my life when I was graduating from college and as I started working at my first job.  Networking helped me land an internship during college that turned into a full time job and helped me get promoted at my first job.  I also built a great support network at my church and that network helped me  through a tough time that I went through. No matter where you are in life, you can’t get around the fact that networking is crucial to your success and personal well being.

So what are the barriers that might be holding you back from networking?

1.     The first barrier that might be in your way is that you never know what to say.  I hate that awkward introduction and I not knowing what to say to people I don’t know.  The key here is to be genuine, not think about yourself and what you are going to talk about and instead think about what you want to ask and learn about other people instead.  People are just as scared as you in the room and why not make others feel better and take the focus off of you and onto them.

2.     Another barrier may be if you are an introvert. An introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.  If you are an introvert like me, it is hard to be open and let strangers into your life.  To network, you have to be open and curious.  You must also show up and be present in all conversations.  Sometimes the hardest part is getting to the event but you will be glad you did once you get there.  Meet one person and start speaking with them and asking questions.  This way, it will be easier to meet others since you know one person very well.  Also, don't be afraid to speak up if you have something to say. 

3.     Another barrier is thinking you are way too busy to network I know I am exhausted after work. This was my biggest pitfall.  I am often too busy with work and school to reach out and connect with someone over lunch or a quick dinner.  You have to make networking a priority, which is why I always scheduled networking events and meetings into my calendar so that I got in the habit of meeting people for lunch or dinner and not going directly home after work.

How did I get over my networking barriers?  It all stated at the beginning of 2011, when I was preparing to graduate from business school and trying to figure out the next step in my career. I knew that networking would be a key to success in the job search, but I also knew I was—and still am—an introvert, and the prospect of meeting new people has never been easy for me.  Still, I was determined to knock down my barriers to networking and meet the people who would help me reach my dreams and goals. So I decided to embark on a networking challenge where every month, I would meet with four people I already knew but would like to get to know even better, as well as four completely new people. I called it the 4×4 Networking Challenge.

And at the end of 2011, I added 48 new people to my network and strengthened relationships with 48 friends, co-workers, and family members. Not to mention, a year of networking like crazy gave me a lot of valuable insights on what it takes to be a good networker—something I never thought I’d be able to claim.

If you are ready to reach your dreams and goals and take your networking to the next level, challenge yourself to a networking challenge. Write it down, find an accountability partner and start today!

Classy Career Girl, a blog written by Anna Runyan, provides advice to young professionals on how to be classy as they climb the corporate ladder.  Her blog covers topics such as business chic fashion, career motivation, personal development, networking, and office etiquette. Connect with her at http://www.classycareergirl.com

Manager accuses me of falsifying my “Travel Expenses”

I received the following question from a reader:

I recently resigned from a role in a very male dominated environment. I had been on the fast track to promotion, but as my knowledge and confidence grew my boss/mentor seemed to use every opportunity to undermine and belittle me in front of my male counterparts. On numerous occasions he stated "Oh you're just a woman what do you know.” This even became the Friday sport.

Bullying is a common occurrence. I was sent interstate to work and thrown into a role I had no experience in. I worked directly with hostile customers and internal management. I tried discussing it with my boss on numerous occasions. After one incident, I called him to report the bullying. He responded by telling me to modify my behavior when dealing with this particular manager. Fed up I accepted a job in another industry.

Upon receiving my resignation, my manager accused me of not performing (which was a complete contradiction to the performance appraisal given to me two weeks prior.)

The following weeks have been difficult ones with my manager isolating and ignoring me. Now I wish he would have continued this behavior. With one week remaining, I submitted my expense claim and Amex reconciliation which turned out to have errors. He brought it to my attention and I offered to fix it immediately. He refused, involved HR and launched a massive investigation into my claims. I spent 3/4 of last year interstate with no support or guidance in what the travel reimbursement or reconciliation process was. So I did the best I could. With one day left working there, I will be presented with further 'evidence'. I admitted to making the mistake, I offered to rectify the issue and even repay monies owed however he insists on digging further.


I spent the afternoon in the doctor's office having an anxiety attack (never had one of these before) and await another interrogation tomorrow which is meant to be my last day. I have worked there 4.5 years and have achieved a great deal. To have my reputation tainted by a mistake made due to lack of education, support and guidance upsets me a great deal.

I have owned the mistakes and will continue to do so, I have offered solutions to avoid this sort of error happening again, but I'm afraid he's not going to stop. He even suggested not letting me leave after the four week notice period expires.

Can anyone offer any advice?

First, I want to congratulate you on finding a new job. Your current company sounds at the very least mismanaged. Lucky for you, you only have to work there one more day. Your manager under no circumstances can require you to work past your notice period. So you are done, finished, out-of-there.

As to your expense reports, I question that there is truly no policy or guidance on this. How do other similarly situated employees handle their reimbursements? It’s unfortunate that you “guessed” rather than researching further first. Did someone approve your reports, if so why didn’t they question your expenses at that time? What about accounting? The accounting group at my company audits every expense report and returns them to the manager if there is a question.

What happens next most likely depends on what you submitted incorrectly (was it obvious you submitted things you shouldn’t have – i.e., did you purchase clothing or personal items and expense them?) Or were your expenses all work-related (you spent $25 on dinner while traveling when your company didn’t want you to spend over $20, but you didn’t realize that?). If there’s truly no policy, I think they will have to pay you for work-related expenses. If you charged anything personal, it’s a problem and will likely be viewed as intentional. You will at the very least be required to reimburse the company for these items. Depending on the dollar amount they consider personal I think they could even press charges.

Does anyone else have any additional advice? Did I miss anything?

Biography of Fannie Lou Hamer: A study in strength and leadership

Motivation for Reading:

I selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer for my Women's History Month read when Sarah at Citizen Reader wrote the following comment about the book in her post 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography :

Fannie Lou Hamer, born in 1917 to a sharecropping family with 20 children, lived through enormous hardship and poverty and still overcame to become a leading figure in the fight for civil rights. THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

My Thoughts:
If every biography was as good as This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer, I would definitely read more biographies. The life of Fannie Lou Hamer is an amazing story.  What makes it so remarkable is that from the outside this poor, short black woman seemed like an unlikely candidate to become a civil rights icon. How did this woman who risked everything including her life become so fearless? Kay Mills provides an excellent study of the factors contributing to Fannie Lou Hamer’s strength to carry on despite so many obstacles, set backs and ill health.  Fannie Lou's sources of strength included:

Her mother:
Fannie Lou’s mother was one of the strongest influences of her life. My mother was a great woman.

She went through a lot of suffering to bring us up, but she still taught us to be decent and to respect ourselves. (Pg. 17)

Her faith:
One of the most important principles she was taught was that hating made one as weak as those filled with hatred. The church in Mississippi was one of the most segregated institutions in the state, and still is. Fannie Lou sought to understand, expose and destroy the root cause of oppression. She questioned many things about the misuse of power in this land.

Fannie Lou had learned how to reach down to some deep consciousness, a deeper place inside her in order to survive. As June Sugarman recalled:

I have never been in the presence of someone where I felt that person was so connected to her faith and that was her stability. (Pg. 178)

She loved her country:
Fannie Lou had this knowledge of the constitution, what this country was supposed to be. She believed in her countries promise despite her personal experiences.

Music:
There are many examples throughout the book where at just the right moment Fannie Lou would start singing. Music helped her overcome her fears and calm those of others. One of her favorite songs was “This Little Light of Mine.”

Anger:
Her anger was touched with sorrow, about her lack of control over her life. Her anger after her arrest and subsequent beating at the jail in Winona made her even more determined to become a first-class citizen

Another teaching point of the book is her role as a leader:
Fannie Lou Hamer was also a natural leader with the ability to rally people around her. She was an organizer. She delivered. She prodded people to take an extra step, to think for themselves about their own problems.

When you are talking about important roles, you have to ask which person has the most important role – the one who speaks or the one who got the people there? Fannie Lou Hamer could do both. (Pg. 202)

Bottom Line:
In addition to being an excellent choice for Women’s History Month, this book provides a study of the civil rights movement, the history, culture and politics of Mississippi, and the economic programs and human rights Fannie Lou fought so tirelessly for. Sarah was correct: THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

What are you reading for Women's History Month?  Can you recommend additional female biographies that provide a study of strength and leadership?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read

How to find work when you don’t have experience?

Kelly writes:

I am a college student working towards an accounting degree. Without job experience in accounting, how do I get ahead in this field? Where do I look for entry-level positions? Don’t recommend that I check into internships. I’ve already done so and all of the ones I’ve seen are for students in traditional schools. I am a non-traditional student and I don't have many contacts. I also have children, so I need to work to live. If you know of any alternatives or how to network being a non-traditional student please let me know. Any advice would be appreciated.

Your question is such a catch-22; no one will hire you because you don't have experience, but how are you supposed to gain experience if no one will hire you? Years ago when I was starting out, the only work I could find was typing. After I typed checks I added accounts payable to my resume. After typing invoices I added accounts receivable. My first real job was working in an accounting department entering work order data into an accounts receivable database. From there I was hired as a staff accountant at a brokerage firm. Unless you are lucky or have contacts you usually have to start at the bottom.

I recommend:
Apply for any type of administrative job at an accounting firm or in accounting department to get your foot in the door. I know someone who spent a summer scanning client work papers into an accounting firm’s computer system when the firm went paperless. She now works at the same firm as a full-time tax accountant.

Apply for jobs working with accounts payable and accounts receivable.

Don’t discount jobs with low pay:
You will most likely have to take very low pay for at least 6 months or until you prove yourself.

Sign up with every temporary job search firm in your area:
Go through their registration/interview process. Some firms will offer free on-line training. Take advantage of these programs especially if they provide training in Excel. Also, many firms offer benefits after you have worked a certain number of billable hours. Working for temporary firms is an excellent way to build your resume while gaining experience and discovering what type of work/industry you enjoy.

Work hard, be likable and have a positive attitude:
If a company likes you they will request your services when they have future work and may offer you a permanent position when one becomes available.

Join one or two of the professional organizations in your area:
Most professional organizations will offer reduced annual dues and subsidized meal costs for students. Some may even sponsor student dues and/or cover the cost of a dinner or two. Really network with these people. Let them know you are looking for entry level work. Dress professionally; a nice pair of dress pants and a sweater or blouse would be perfect. Act interested and engaged. Ask questions. (At a recent professional organization meeting, I witnessed a student looking extremely bored as a member discussed the death of her father. Two other students rolled their eyes as we discussed the qualifications of an upcoming speaker.) We do notice this behavior and will not recommend someone we think has a bad attitude. Our reputation is more important than helping you find a job.

Do volunteer for tax preparation work:
Seek out local tax preparers. Offer to complete basic returns and to help keep the tax preparer organized during tax season for free. Next year offer to help again, only this time ask if you could be paid.

Do not lie or exaggerate on your resume or during an interview:
Your reputation is on the line. Nothing will get your new job off on a worse note than asking your employer how to make a basic change to an excel spreadsheet after you've told them you were an excel expert during the interview. To read more on this topic see Anita Bruzzese's post Is it okay to fudge the truth on a resume?

Good luck to you.  If you are persistent, I am confident you will eventually get the job experience you are looking for. Do keep working towards your degree though.  I was a non-traditional student myself and I know how hard it is to work full-time while taking classes. Once you've earned your degree, you will have more opportunities available to you.

Readers - How did you get that first job in your field? Do you have any additional advice for Kelly?

If you liked this post, you may also like:  Do you type? where I wrote about my career as a typist.

SWG Coffee Social: New Perspectives

“New Perspectives,” my theme for February's SWG Coffee Social began when Monica of Monica's Tangled Web convinced me to add a "subscribe by email" option to my blog. I had an AHA moment when I realized just because I prefer reading my favorite blogs in Google Reader others may prefer different options.

The "New Perspectives" theme progressed throughout the month as someone in my circle was forced to retire before he was ready. It is a hard lesson and one all of us as should be aware of as we (or are loved ones) continue to work after full-retirement age. Despite feeling as though we are physically and mentally able to work our employers may feel otherwise. Once 65, if we haven't done so already, we need to begin preparing ourselves financially and emotionally for retirement. This particular person was not prepared and it has been hard on all of us. I contributed by doing what I do best: assisting with retirement paperwork and financial decision making.

 Here are a few posts/articles from around the web that changed my perspective in the month of February:

In Blaming Women Entrepreneurs Frau Tech writes about why she hasn't gone out and started a highly technical business:

Starting a business is like getting a job. It’s more about who you know than what you know. Many of my male colleagues have networks and contacts built up within the industry. Their opinions are trusted more on technical matters than mine are.

This was a real eye-opener into the importance of building a strong network early in your career and the differences between male and female networking opportunities. I was reminded of two engineering grads, one male and one female, the engineering company I worked for in the mid-nineties hired at the same time. The male was highly touted by his manager as the guy who is going places (I wrote about him in How to be more confident at work) while the female was mistaken as the coat check employee at a popular conference.

In could I work for a manager with a degree from an online school? Alison recommends the reader not put so much weight on an online degree without knowing the person. More interesting for me though, was the conversation in the comments on what term to use when referring to other females. The commenter's were opposed to girl, gal, lady and ma'am. I remember being chastised for referring to my female co-workers as girls at one of my professional association meetings; again just because a term like "girl" doesn't bother me doesn't mean others won't be offended. I was told to use the term "ladies" instead. Now after reading Alison's comments, I plan on using "women" or the gender neutral term "co-workers." Coincidentally, my new hairstylist calls me "Missy." I am sure she does this when she can't remember a client's name, but it sounds inappropriate. I suggest she brainstorm tricks for remembering names instead.

I am currently reading Annie Leonard's book The Story of Stuff: How Our Obsession with Stuff Is Trashing the Planet, Our Communities, and Our Health-and a Vision for Change. After reading this book I may never be able to look at the paper my company throws away, a frozen meal (all that packaging) or aluminum can the same way again.

For a shortened version of the above book's message, I suggest reading Robert Reich's article in Christian Science Monitor: The biggest risk to the economy in 2012. It was recommended by Sarah at Citizen Reader in her post Tuesday Article: The real problem with the economy. In case you don't have time to read the article Sarah includes one of her favorite paragraphs:

The crisis of American capitalism marks the triumph of consumers and investors over workers and citizens. And since most of us occupy all four roles – even though the lion’s share of consuming and investing is done by the wealthy – the real crisis centers on the increasing efficiency by which all of us as consumers and investors can get great deals, and our declining capacity to be heard as workers and citizens.

Lastly if you are on Twitter, Bob Lowry's post I've been Twacked! (My Twitter Account was Hacked) is a must read. He writes of opening a Direct Message from a blogger he is friends with just before going to sleep, and all heck broke loose while he slept. His Twitter account was hacked. He gives advice on what to do if your account is hacked and suggests never opening a link in a direct message ever again.

I was feeling pretty lucky after reading Bob's post because I too had clicked on a link in a direct message; only my computer's virus protection software removed the virus before my computer became infected.

Then a couple of days after reading Bob's post my own personal hell broke loose. When I clicked on a blog I hadn't seen activity from in a while, my computer's virus protection software started going crazy and became inundated with pop-up screens. As I attempted to have Window's Security Essentials block the virus, my computer was taken over by Strong Malware and shut down. Luckily I had read Bob's post earlier and knew to immediately change my blogger, twitter, Google and email passwords. It took five days and a lot of swearing to get that computer up and running properly again. This consisted of booting my computer up in safe mode, restoring programs and settings to a prior day (restore wizard helped with this). Then removing the Trojan Downloader win 32/claret ore virus. After several security scans later, I believe my computer is finally virus free, though I am staying off the internet for the time being. In the future instead of seeking out a blogger/twitter who has dropped off of social media, I am going to assume they've been hacked and wait for them to reappear on their own.

And if my month couldn't have been any crazier, my two dogs encountered a skunk at 5:30 a.m. on a work day. After much cleaning and shampooing we are almost free of the horrendous skunk smell.

My only hope for March is that it is less disruptive. How about you? How was your February? Did you have any "New Perspectives?"

How to be more confident at work

A colleague recently complimented me on how confident I currently am compared to when she first met me over 15 years ago. She attributes this gain in confidence to my marriage; I was single when we were first introduced. I was a little taken aback by her comment. She gives my husband, though a tremendous support, more credit for my confidence than 15 years of hard work and additional experience. In response, I’d like to share my thoughts as to what I believe attributed to my increase in confidence.

Inspiration from Mary Matalin:
Around the time I met my above colleague, I jotted the down the following advice from Mary Matalin:

My father used to remind me constantly that only one thing separates successful and unsuccessful people. It isn’t money or brains. It’s confidence. What creates confidence?

1. Being prepared
2. Having experience
3. Never giving up

Over the years I have referred to this advice often, especially when going through a rough patch. Here are examples of how I applied Matalin’s father’s advice to my work:

I put in long days learning my job:
While working for the engineering company, one of the company's managers talked favorably about his energetic new hire. He was impressed with the young engineer’s habit of spending a couple of hours at the end of the work day learning everything he could about his job, even reviewing engineering textbooks. The manager felt this engineer was going to go far. After accepting my current position, I was overwhelmed with piles of paper and strict deadlines. I couldn’t help but think of that young engineer as I too spent many long days learning everything I could to prepare myself for my new position.

I gained experience by taking advantage of leadership opportunities:
I joined and became involved in a professional organization. Over my 14 year membership, I’ve held almost every board position including President. I placed cold calls, spoke in public, made decisions and received feedback that would not have been available to me in my job. By volunteering for these positions I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and had the opportunity to develop leadership skills in a safe environment.

I didn’t give up when I initially did not pass the CPA exam:
Studying for and passing the CPA exam is probably the hardest, yet most important, thing I have ever done. When I did not pass the exam the first or second time I sat for it, it would have been easy to just give up. I was under quite a bit of pressure to pass though. I was still at the engineering company and many of the engineers had their P.E.’s plus my predecessor had been a CPA. So I persevered until I finally passed all four parts. Having earned that little piece of paper and those initials behind my name has given me more credibility, respect and confidence than anything else I’ve ever done.

Anyone who has ever been though a failed relationship can certainly appreciate the positive frame of mind that comes from being in a supportive relationship and can attest to a loss of confidence that comes from a relationship that does not work out. I firmly believe though my increase in confidence came more from being prepared, additional experience and not giving up than from being married.

Susan Marshall says it best when she wrote:
Increased confidence comes from true learning – getting the wrong answer and having someone who knows the right one explain it to you. Sharpening a skill creates energy and a desire to do more. Naturally, this requires commitment, patience, a great deal of practice and a willingness to persist when you encounter setbacks.

For more information on how to be more confident in your work please see this post on Alison Green’s blog Ask a Manager. Also, be sure to read the comments which include additional suggestions and a recommendation to read Larina Kase's book Anxious 9 to 5: How to Beat Worry, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself, and Work with Confidence.

Have you become more confident at work? If so, what has worked for you?

Getting Control Over Your Life

I hadn’t planned on reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.  I had previously read Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal-Ben Shahar and Eric Weiner’s book The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World and had thought two books about happiness were more than enough for me. Plus, there is Penelope Trunk's post where Penelope writes she wasn't a huge fan of the book and that:

Gretchen writes about her life and Gretchen's life is not all that interesting.

What changed my mind?
I read "The key to happiness is to know yourself" a post on Gretchen Rubin’s blog also called The Happiness Project. Since self-knowledge is one of my goals for 2012, I decided perhaps reading the book would offer suggestions on how to attain more self-knowledge.

What is The Happiness Project about?
One day while riding a city bus Gretchen, a married mother of two, realizes, "Time is passing, and she is not focusing on the things that really matter." Instead she is suffering from midlife malaise – a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief “Can this be me?” She also realizes she needs to work on happiness now while things are good because one day that phone call will come. Her husband suffers from Hepatitis C, a potentially fatal disease that attacks the liver. Eventually, he will develop cirrhosis and need a kidney transplant.

This moment evolved into The Happiness Project. Inspired by Ben Franklin's resolution chart Gretchen selects 12 different happiness resolutions, focusing on a different subject each month. The book chronicles this project; what she tried, what she learned, what worked and what didn’t.

My Thoughts:
Since I’ve been reading Gretchen's blog for some time, I felt the book didn't offer anything new especially in the area of self-knowledge. Plus Penelope was right; at times Gretchen’s story wasn’t very interesting. Then in the midst of reading, I received my own phone call bearing bad news. No longer able to concentrate on the book I had an epiphany. More happiness isn't what I needed, or even what I wanted. What I need to work on is confidence and strength, so when the next phone call arrives I can carry on without falling apart. On further review, I realized this was Gretchen's goal as well:

One of my main goals for my happiness project was to prepare myself for adversity, to develop the self-discipline and the habits to deal with a bad thing when it happened. (Pg. 136)

Gretchen's research revealed that change and novelty are key elements to happiness which are also the elements needed to attain self-confidence. Gretchen's husband offered his thoughts on the project:

I think this happiness project is all about trying to get more control over your life. (Pg. 289)

Was that true? Gretchen responds with:

Perhaps. The feeling of control is an essential element of happiness-a better predictor of happiness than, say, income.  Having a feeling of autonomy of being able to choose what happens in your life of how you spend your time is crucial.  Identifying and following my resolutions had made me feel far more in control of my time, my body, my actions, my surroundings, and even my thoughts.  Getting control of my life was definitely an aspect of my happiness project, and a greater feeling of control gave me a major boost in happiness. (Page 289.)

Bottom Line:
The book though not perfect isn't a complete waste of time.  If you are interested in getting more control over your life, reading the book could give you the incentive to start your own project.  If nothing else you may glean a couple of little nuggets like if you want more sleep it is best not to go to bed wearing socks and that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you are perceived to be.

Is there a happiness project in my future?
Gretchen had her epiphany in April. She completed her resolution chart just in time for January 1st.  This is after spending months researching and reading about happiness.  "Happiness" is Gretchen's passion and her full-time job.  I had set a goal for myself to spend January researching and writing about self-knowledge, February's topic was to be communication. Here it is mid-February and I've accomplished almost nothing. So no there is not a happiness project in my immediate future. But I can spend the remaining months of the year researching self-discovery and what it will take to get control over my life.

Have you read the book? If so what were your thoughts?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Does Happiness Have a Set Point?
Jane Pauley Gives Practical Inspiration

Is working for your boyfriend a good idea?

Beth a 21-year old college student is considering dropping out of school to work full-time for her boyfriend’s computer company. She’s been working towards a degree in health sciences with the goal of becoming a physical therapist. Last summer her boyfriend hired her part-time to create websites for his clients. She discovered she enjoys this work and is good at it. Now she’s experiencing doubts about her chosen career path and hates the idea of spending additional time and money (she will need a master’s) for a degree she’s no longer sure she wants. She thinks dropping out of school will be a win-win. She will spend more time with her boyfriend, determine if web-site design is the career for her and perform work she enjoys without the burden of additional college loans.

Beth is not asking me for advice, but I so want to give it - I don’t think working for a boyfriend or significant other is a good idea. Here is why:

Working for a significant other changes the dynamics of a relationship:
In addition to boyfriend and girlfriend Beth and her boyfriend are now manager and employee. Beth’s boyfriend critiques her work and it is not always favorable. Also, he no longer refers to her as “Beth” or “Hon,” instead he calls her “Elizabeth.” And more often its, “Elizabeth I need you to ….”

Co-workers will perceive the boss’s girlfriend as receiving special treatment or favoritism:
At my company we have a manager who supervises his girlfriend. Almost every employee in the company feels the girlfriend receives special treatment. She is perceived as coming and going as she pleases and not doing her fair share of the work. This boyfriend/boss is constantly called to HR to discuss complaints about her. He gets defensive and repeats these conversations to his girlfriend. She no longer speaks to most of her co-workers. This entire situation has been a fiasco. HR is currently in the process of formulating a plan to reassign the girlfriend to an alternate manager.

- It will be hard for Beth’s boyfriend not to give her the afternoon off when they both are required to attend a function together (or want to go to a baseball game).

- Beth will have 24-7 access to the boss, since they do live together. Her opinions of co-workers will make a difference. If she doesn’t like them, their jobs could be in jeopardy.

You will never be away from work or each other:
This is just a fact, when both parties in a relationship work for the same company conversations tend to always be about work. Disagreements or relationship problems become work problems and work problems become personal problems.

What happens if the relationship doesn’t work out?
In the event of a breakup the entire company will be affected including co-workers and clients. And what about Beth? She will no longer have a boyfriend or a job.

What should Beth do?
I know of ONE couple who have a successful business they built together. This couple was married five years and had careers of their own prior to starting their business. The business is a partnership, not manager and employee. I also know several other women whose biggest regret is never obtaining a college degree.

- Before Beth does anything she should talk to her college advisor. Discuss alternative career paths. Shadow workers in a variety of careers including physical therapists. Apply for internships.

- If Beth does decide website design is the career for her, she should consider pursuing a degree in graphic design. I would also recommend including several business courses in her curriculum.

- Instead of working FOR her boyfriend Beth should start her own business. Website design is not her boyfriend’s core business. If she is needed to perform work for his clients she should do so as a consultant rather than an employee while pursuing additional clients of her own.

Have you ever worked for a significant other? Was it a positive or negative experience? Do you have any advice for Beth?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Favoritism in the Workplace
Workplace Hook-ups
Mom Worried About son's Startup Business

SWG Coffee Social: January Good Reads

If you don’t count the episode with my new hair brush or the Monday morning the heater failed on our 7-year old water heater, January was a pretty good month. My company reinstated employee wages to their pre-pay cut levels effective January 1st. Despite having prepared the spreadsheet detailing these pay-cuts initiated in "2009" for the company budget, I was still pleasantly surprised wages were reinstated this early in the year.

January is always a busy month for me with closing the year-end financial statements and preparing schedules and reconciliations for my company's year-end audit. This year was no exception and I ended up working most Saturdays. The good news is this year’s audit was the smoothest I have ever experienced and my company is projecting a profitable year with several interesting projects in the works.

With my busy schedule I didn’t have much time to devote to reading or the blog, but I did manage to keep up with my Google Reader. Here is some of my favorite January reads from around the blogisphere:

Trish a thirty-something trying to balance all the "have tos" and "want tos" of life while realizing insanity isn't always a bad thing writes - what may be her most important blog post ever -  On Feeling Whole Again - Handling Postpartum Depression

Webb shares her decision to receive a facial peel in Decadence? or Desperation? Then in Much Ado about...Not Much! she informs us she didn't see much of a change and wouldn't do it again. (Disappointing news for all of us.)

In Blogging, Books, Writing and Age Grace reminds us of her dream to one day have a science fiction novel published. Her inspiration is Harriet Doerr whose wonderful book Stones for Ibarra was published when Harriet was 73. Grace links to this list of late blooming authors.

In Monica's post The Undoing of Gleda Balls  Monica writes of the boost she received to her career when she informed upper management her boss Gleda was not doing her job. In The Other Shoe Drops Monica is told Gleda is being let go, then is offered a raise and a promotion at a meeting in the company's parking lot. These events remind me of my post An update on "I hate my supervisor" where I wrote:

It has been my experience that bad managers are eventually weeded out, but it seems to take upper management close to two years to discover and get rid of a problem manager while the lowly ranks who work for them recognize the problems and shortcomings of their new manager within a couple of months. In the meantime, everyone including the company as a whole suffers.

Although Monica insists Gleda was not the worst boss she ever had, she clearly was incompetent and Monica's decision to inform management sped up the weeding out process and minimized the damage.

I have been meaning to conduct a series of informational interviews with women in a variety of careers for some time now.  My excuse has been I don't have a descent list of questions.  This problem has been solved with Anna's post No More Excuses! 15 Questions To Ask During an Informational Interview. She provides the best list of informational interview questions I have ever come across.  I will be using them.  Thank you Anna.

That wraps up my January.  If you have a "good" post you would like to highlight please do so in the comments. Also, my goal for February is to explore relationships at work particularly women not supporting women.  If you know of any books, articles or blog posts that discuss this topic please let me know.

Gayle Tzemach Lemmon: Women entrepreneurs, example not exception

Thanks to Trent Hamm from The Simple Dollar for including this remarkable video in his post Ten Pieces of Inspiration.

I have worked in finance and accounting for 25 years, so I must say I was disappointed I had not heard of  microfinance loans prior to viewing this video. According to Kiva:

Microfinance is a general term to describe financial services to low-income individuals or to those who do not have access to typical banking services.

Microfinance is also the idea that low-income individuals are capable of lifting themselves out of poverty if given access to financial services. While some studies indicate that microfinance can play a role in the battle against poverty, it is also recognized that is not always the appropriate method, and that it should never be seen as the only tool for ending poverty.

Ah they are loans for low-income individuals. No wonder I had never heard of them. Gayle points out when people see the word “microfinance” women must often come to mine.  If you see the word “entrepreneur” most people think men. 

Another example of women entrepreneurs supporting the family can be found in Barbara Demick's book Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea.  During North Korea's famine in the 1990's, it was the women who supported the families. They foraged the countryside searching for ways to engage in (illegal) small business: trade, subsistence farming, and selling handicrafts. The men were required to continue to reporting to their official place of work despite the fact that the factories were no longer functioning or providing food vouchers. One of the women mentioned in the book perfected an inexpensive cookie which she sold each at an outdoor market. These markets were illegal, but without them the people would have starved.

It is time for all of us to think bigger

Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Career Book Recommendations and Advice from FrauTech

Frau Tech works as a Mechanical Engineer in industry. She blogs at Design. Build. Play. covering a variety of topics including aerospace, aviation, autos, economics, personal finance, her work, her cats and just about everything from the perspective of an engineer. My favorite posts are those where she provides insight and perspective from her experiences at work.

She recently left the following comment on my post Making a "BIG" Mistake at Work:

I sort of disagree with the advice to apologize. I think women have to be careful especially because we have a tendency to apologize for things in ways that our male colleagues would not. There's a way to take responsibility without really accepting blame. I ranted about this a long time ago, but the incident that inspired the rant is still fresh in my memory: Why Women Apologize and other ridiculous generalizations.

She's right you know. I should not have recommended apologizing and am removing it from my post. It is bad advice. Years ago when I was a young woman just starting out in the work world I cried after an engineer yelled at me for not paying his contractor bills in a timely fashion (the company did not have the money). After that episode, I did a lot of reading on women in the workplace. I repeatedly read advice discouraging women from apologizing in the workplace. On the day of my "BIG" mistake my boss just looked at me when I said I was sorry. Instead of apologizing after making a mistake I need to own them, don’t make excuses, fix them and move on.

I was so impressed with Frau Tech's advice and support I asked if she would recommend a couple of career books.  She did so in her post A Little Light Reading.  She recommended:

Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan:
I read this book originally published in 1978 when I was in my twenties.  After reading Frau Tech's posts covering the book here, here, here and here, I plan on rereading this book. I also think the book would be a great book club selection for a group of working women.

It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace by Anne Kreamer
While reading Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, I was surprised to learn my emotional IQ was not nearly as high as I had thought.  I am definitely going to read Anne Kreamer's take on the subject.  And yes this is the same Anne Kreamer who wrote Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters which I blogged about here.

Thank you Frau Tech. I do have one regret though – not discovering your blog sooner.

One of my goals for 2012 is to put together a list of career books for women.  Do you have a favorite career book to recommend?

 

Making a "BIG" Mistake at Work

We’ve heard it before, “We all have off days,” “We are only human” and “Everyone makes mistakes.” Just knowing these facts does not make one bit of difference when you/I am the one who makes the “Big” mistake at work. When I was younger I used to stew over my mistakes for days; I’d contemplate whether I could hide them or how to tell my supervisors what I had done with the least amount of repercussion.

A couple of years into my career, I attended a seminar where the speaker offered the following advice when you’ve made a mistake at work:

1. Inform your manager as soon as you discover the mistake. The longer you wait the worse it will be for you and the company. The sooner management is aware of the mistake the sooner they can fix it or make plans to lesson the damage. Also, the longer you wait the longer you carry around all that stress. It isn’t good for you.

2. Do whatever you can to minimize the damage.

3. Put the mistake into perspective. Consider will this matter a year from now.

For many years I followed this advice and it has always made a difference.

On the last working day of 2011, I again had the opportunity to put this advice into play. I wired too much money to a vendor. This was a big mistake. It was the last day of the year and we were managing every penny in our company’s bank account in order to have a positive cash balance on our year-end financial statements. Plus, wires are like sending cash, once the money is gone from your account it is gone. Here is what occurred after I made the mistake:

I did not discover the error. My boss did. He called me after I emailed him the wire confirmation, informing me I wired the wrong amount. I immediately went online and tried to cancel the transaction. It was too late. I tried calling my bank representative. She was on vacation. I called our bank’s wire division. I wasn’t allowed to speak to them without a password. My boss gave me his. By using his password I compromised it and it became invalid. They would no longer speak to me or my boss. I called our bank manager. He was able to verify the wire had gone through and that he was unable to call it back. He would have the bank contact the wire recipient and ask them to reject the wire. He did tell me the vendor did not have to do this. While I waited:

I contemplated whether this will matter a year from now - probably not if we were able to get our money back today. I thought about the woman in North Korea I had been reading about in Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick the book I was currently reading:

Friday nights she stayed especially late for self-criticism. In these sessions members of her work unit – the department to which she was assigned - would stand up and reveal to the group anything she had done wrong. It was the Communist version of the Catholic confessional. Mrs. Song would usually say, in all sincerity, that she feared she wasn’t working hard enough. (Page 43)

I was comforted knowing that I did not live in North Korea.

Our bank finally contacted me, the vendor had rejected the wire, the money was back in our account and I was able to resend the wire with the correct dollar amount.

What did I learn from this?
When I am not sure about something I need to ask questions and not assume.
I was confused by the voided check I had been provided as backup for placing the wire. It was not the standard format I use to wire money. I wired the amount of the voided check rather than scribbled amount hand written at the bottom of the check. I should have went back to the manager and said, “I am to wire x amount to account # blah blah blah and use routing number x correct.”

I need to stay off social networking sites while at work.
In Alison Green of Ask A Manager's post 8 New Year's Resolutions for Your Career she writes:

Stop playing online. If you’re using social networking sites or instant-messaging with friends throughout the workday, it’s impacting your work. Sure, maybe you’re still getting the basics done, but you don’t want to just do the basics—you want to build a stellar reputation as someone who routinely exceeds expectations, because that’s what will give you job security and open up future opportunities.

Now I am not on Facebook or Twitter while at work, but I do spend time reading blogs and articles online. The problem is I spend time thinking about what I read and not concentrating on my work, which has led to mistakes.

Have you made a "Big" mistake at work? Do you have any additional pointers to help prevent mistakes or advice on how to bounce back quickly? If so please share.

SWG Coffee Social: Book Lists

Since I am one of those people who enjoy a good book list from a trusted source, I would like to share a few lists I have come across recently:

Citizen Reader's Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading
In response to Time magazine’s lackluster list of ALL-TIME 100 Nonfiction Books Sarah at Citizen Reader has taken on the daunting challenge of creating her own list which she is calling Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading. Since I have always wanted to ask Sarah for a list of her all-time favorite nonfiction reads, I was delighted when she announced this project. She is taking it in sections posting the Time picks, her picks, and asking for our picks in the comments. At the end she will post the master list of every one's titles which I will link to when finished.

I have already read Iris Chang's The Rape Of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust Of World War II from the list of 100 Bestish Nonfiction Titles: History which ended up on my list of favorite reads of 2011. Also I have selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer from the 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography to be my read for women's history month. Please go to Sarah's website and check out the sections she has posted to date.

Kim Ukura's Favorite Nonfiction Reads of 2011
I have already read two of Kim's picks: Rebecca Traister's book Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women which I mentioned in my post Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note and Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick. Since Nothing to Envy was one of my all-time favorite nonfiction reads ever, I am adding Kim's other three selections to my 2012 reading list.  Also, if you have an interest in learning more about North Korea, I highly recommend reading Demick's book.

Ms. Readers' 100 Best Non-Fiction Books of All Time: The Top 10 and the Complete List:
This is a list of the 100 best feminist non-fiction of all time selected by the readers of Ms. Magazine.  I have read nine of the listed 100. Throughout 2012 I plan to use this list to continue reading for my Make Women Count project.

Ann Daley's Recommended Reading for 2012
Ann provides us with her top-10 favorite career advancement titles for women. From Ann's list I've found my next career read:  Herminia Ibarra's Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career. It is described as a book aimed at mid-career professionals who have invested much in careers that may no longer fully satisfy.

The Real Help
I discovered The Real Help when Amy mentioned the reading project she co-founded with Amanda to read the books recommended by the Association of Black Women Historians in their statement on The Help. I actually read and enjoyed Kathryn Stockett’s book The Help finding it to be highly entertaining and at times funny; the characters reminding me of the women on the TV show Desperate Housewives.  That along with the abundant stereotyping is precisely the problem ABWH has with this book.  To obtain an accurate depiction of the real facts behind the history of black domestic workers in the United States I hope to read a couple of books this year from the above list.

Do you have a favorite book list you would like mentioned?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Talkin' Books Tuesdays
50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read

How to Avoid Being Conned on a Dating Site

Okay, all of you single ladies out there—listen up! We live in a scary world…and if you’re looking for love online, it can be even scarier. As great as those couples in the Match.com commercials make online dating out to be, the marketers behind those ads forget to tell us about the side of online dating that isn’t so great…

Because the internet provides such anonymity, it also unfortunately provides a breeding ground for some serious creeps—many of whom use online dating sites to prey on innocent women looking for love. So that your online dating escapades aren’t marred by such an experience, be sure to learn how to spot romance scams, married men, and then arm yourself with tips for safe online dating:

Watch out for romance scams. More and more online singles are falling into the traps of romance scammers—don’t fall yourself! These scammers are infamous for tricking their victims into believing that there is a true romantic connection in order to fraudulently access their money, bank accounts, credit cards, and more. So that you aren’t left with a broken heart as well as broken bank, ask yourself the following questions to help determine if your new cyber romance is legit or not:

• Does the guy seem too good to be true?

• Does he have an online dating profile picture that looks like it fell out of the pages of a magazine?

• Is he working overseas? Possibly in Nigeria?

• Does he profess his love and undying devotion to you almost immediately?

• Is his spelling/grammar atrocious and not aligned with his alleged education or life status?

• Is there a dire situation related to family troubles, business affairs, medical problems, etc. for which he requests money from you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may just have a romance scammer on your hands. Cease all communications immediately, alert the dating site on which you met, and if you have already given money to this person, contact the police.

Watch out for married men. Sadly, the internet is full of men subscribed to online dating sites who just happen to have wedding bands around their left ring fingers. These men tend to seek out online women who are trusting, naïve and can be easily manipulated so that an affair can be carried through. To make sure that you don’t become the target of a lying, cheating, no-good man with a wife, keep an eye out for the following red flags:

• He has no profile picture. This is so his face isn’t out there heightening the chances of him getting caught.

• He asks for your number but won’t give you his. If the guy is married, he can’t have you calling in case his wife answers.

• He won’t share information with you such as his last name, where he works, where he lives, etc.

• He contacts on an irregular basis. This is because married men usually have schedules filled up with other things—like marriages!

• He won’t invite you over or introduce you to his friends and family. A married man obviously can’t have you blowing his cover—if you meet the people close to him, the jig is sure to be up.

Follow online dating safety tips. A great way to safeguard yourself from encountering con-artists like scammers and married men is of course to educate yourself about them. But for further protection and to ensure that you don’t ever find yourself in a dangerous situation on your quest for online love, check out the general online dating safety tips below:

• Never give out personal information. Until you are confident that the guy you are mingling with online is worthy of your trust, never disclose your last name, home address, place of business, phone number, financial info, or any other identifying details.

• Don’t rush into things. No matter how excited you may be to meet an online match in person, it is imperative to take things slowly. Reputable online dating services offer tools such as email, chat rooms and voice chat through their websites to allow singles to get to know each other before meeting—utilize these!

• Plan a safe first date. If your online relationship has reached the point of a face-to-face meeting, that is great—just as long as you hold safety as your number one priority. For the first couple of dates use your own transportation to meet your match in a public place, let a friend know where you’re going, be aware of your surroundings, forgo alcoholic drinks and listen to your intuition!

Guest post author, Ellie Stevens, shares with us her tips on how to avoid being conned when dating online. In addition, Ellie also owns Free Senior Dating Sites where she offers more safe online dating advice for single seniors.

Lesson of the Day

Today I learned I should never use a small round brush with stiff plastic bristles on my superfine hair. That is not unless I want my husband to spend the next hour and a half picking my hair out of the brush with a pencil.*

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I have a fabulous husband who continues to amaze me. (While sitting still as he tried not to pull my hair, I couldn't help think if it were me I would suggest cutting the brush out with a scissors).

*My first change of the year - a new hairstyle is not going well.

What worked in 2011: Learning to slow down and take care of myself

My husband and I have an annual New Years Eve tradition; we each list our top “ten” memories/successes of the year then read them to each other over a glass of wine. This year I struggled to come up with ten memorable items. 2011 was a year filled with melancholy moments including a friend being diagnosed with melanoma then lymphoma, my 25 year old future nephew in-law had to be rushed to the emergency room with a pulmonary embolism, my husband rolled his vehicle on black ice in March (thankfully he was okay), I had bronchitis for three weeks in July, even one of my dogs was so sick he had to be taken to the vet.

This not being a typical year is what worked for me:

I got a prescription for bifocal contacts:
I have had to wear reading glasses in addition to contacts for at least five years now. The problem was I was constantly misplacing my reading glasses, breaking them, forgetting them or was too lazy to search for them in my purse. I couldn’t read prices at the store, coupon expiration dates, menu items at restaurants or actually see the photos my friends showed me on their iPhones without them. When my “new” optometrist recommended I try bifocal contacts I consented. The decision to switch to Air Optix multifocal contact lenses was the smartest thing I did all year and I am not being paid to write this. I now have perfect vision which is important for an accountant (mistaking 3’s for 8’s doesn’t work well in my profession).

I lost weight:
I have been talking about losing that extra ten pounds for at least five years with no success. Last spring after realizing both the dress I purchased for a wedding and the outfit I bought for a bridal shower were a little too snug I decided it was time to get serious about losing weight. I asked a friend who had lost weight what had worked for her. She had joined Weight Watchers and gave me suggestions which I followed. I changed my breakfast to low sugar oatmeal, my snacks to fruit and 90 cal granola bars. I moved my salad from lunch to before dinner and began eating Healthy Choice meals for lunch. I also switched my workouts to a high-intensity boot camp class. It all worked and I ended up losing eight pounds. Enough weight to fit into some of my old clothes and to feel much better.

I learned to say no:
After too many sleepless nights (perimenopause), I started considering what is important to me; spending time with friends, going to the gym after work, actually using my vacation time and getting a good night’s sleep. To do this I had to start saying no to extra projects, volunteer work and excessive entertaining.

For 2012:
I want to maintain my weight loss. As Betty White wrote in her memoir If You Ask Me: (And of Course You Won't), it is much harder to lose ten pounds than one or two. She recommends weighing yourself every day and if the scale begins to tip up cut back on what you eat for a day or two. I have been practicing this throughout the holidays and so far so good.

I want to continue discovering who I am. Hey I turn 50 this year it is about time. I had another bad week at work then was strongly encouraged to go in on Saturday (its year end). While sitting in my office miserable, I decided it is time I get serious about figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Know your limits and learn to say no
Drinking buddies are not real friends
That dress looks great on you
Weekend Wisdom

SWG Coffee Social: Thanks For A Great 2011

The problem with round-up and thank you posts is that it is too easy to forget someone.  For example the inspiration for my post SWG Coffee Social: The Weekly Roundup Post was Classy Career Girl and her Monday Motivation: Your Weekly Career Links.  Every Monday Anna posts a collection of career related links she's discovered around the web. They are the perfect way to start my week.  When her weekly post appeared in my reader the Monday following my roundup post, I realized I had forgotten her. I would now like to give a big thank you to Classy Career Girl for providing me with a little motivation each week.

 

I also want to point out Classy Career Girl's post 2012 Countdown where she lists her 2011 accomplishments. Many of the items Anna listed are good examples of things you should do if you would like to turn your blog into a business.

I would also like to thank:

- Webb From the Garden Bench my most frequent commenter.  Just when I begin to think my latest post is the biggest dud ever, along comes Webb with a fantastic comment adding new perspective, information and insight to my post. She is also there to offer support and advice when I need it.  Thank you Webb, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. 

- A big Thank You to every one of you who commented on my blog this year, my blog would not be the same without you.

- Grace of GRACEful Retirement for including my blog on her blogroll.  Nicole and Maggie mentioned in the comments on SWG Coffee Social: The Weekly Roundup Post that they get to my blog via Grace's blogroll. I have since reviewed my stats and realized more readers come to my blog via Grace’s blog roll than any other source. Thank you Grace for including me and improving my blog's traffic.

- Thanks to all the other bloggers who have added me to your blogroll. Also, if you are a blogger who blogs about issues that are of interest to women let me know I would be happy to add you to my blogroll.

- Sarah at Citizen Reader for linking to my post Band Discussion: How did you get into nonfiction? in her Tuesday Articles: Viva nonfiction! I was honored to be included in her post. Her link made this post one of my most popular of the year. Thank you Sarah and also thanks for keeping my nonfiction TBR list full.
 
- Also thank you to Nicole and Maggie and everyone else who has linked to my posts in 2011.
 
- Thank you to each and every one of you who took time out of your busy schedule to read my posts.  I wish all of you a Happy and Healthy 2012.  Thanks again.