SWG Coffee Social: January Good Reads

If you don’t count the episode with my new hair brush or the Monday morning the heater failed on our 7-year old water heater, January was a pretty good month. My company reinstated employee wages to their pre-pay cut levels effective January 1st. Despite having prepared the spreadsheet detailing these pay-cuts initiated in "2009" for the company budget, I was still pleasantly surprised wages were reinstated this early in the year.

January is always a busy month for me with closing the year-end financial statements and preparing schedules and reconciliations for my company's year-end audit. This year was no exception and I ended up working most Saturdays. The good news is this year’s audit was the smoothest I have ever experienced and my company is projecting a profitable year with several interesting projects in the works.

With my busy schedule I didn’t have much time to devote to reading or the blog, but I did manage to keep up with my Google Reader. Here is some of my favorite January reads from around the blogisphere:

Trish a thirty-something trying to balance all the "have tos" and "want tos" of life while realizing insanity isn't always a bad thing writes - what may be her most important blog post ever -  On Feeling Whole Again - Handling Postpartum Depression

Webb shares her decision to receive a facial peel in Decadence? or Desperation? Then in Much Ado about...Not Much! she informs us she didn't see much of a change and wouldn't do it again. (Disappointing news for all of us.)

In Blogging, Books, Writing and Age Grace reminds us of her dream to one day have a science fiction novel published. Her inspiration is Harriet Doerr whose wonderful book Stones for Ibarra was published when Harriet was 73. Grace links to this list of late blooming authors.

In Monica's post The Undoing of Gleda Balls  Monica writes of the boost she received to her career when she informed upper management her boss Gleda was not doing her job. In The Other Shoe Drops Monica is told Gleda is being let go, then is offered a raise and a promotion at a meeting in the company's parking lot. These events remind me of my post An update on "I hate my supervisor" where I wrote:

It has been my experience that bad managers are eventually weeded out, but it seems to take upper management close to two years to discover and get rid of a problem manager while the lowly ranks who work for them recognize the problems and shortcomings of their new manager within a couple of months. In the meantime, everyone including the company as a whole suffers.

Although Monica insists Gleda was not the worst boss she ever had, she clearly was incompetent and Monica's decision to inform management sped up the weeding out process and minimized the damage.

I have been meaning to conduct a series of informational interviews with women in a variety of careers for some time now.  My excuse has been I don't have a descent list of questions.  This problem has been solved with Anna's post No More Excuses! 15 Questions To Ask During an Informational Interview. She provides the best list of informational interview questions I have ever come across.  I will be using them.  Thank you Anna.

That wraps up my January.  If you have a "good" post you would like to highlight please do so in the comments. Also, my goal for February is to explore relationships at work particularly women not supporting women.  If you know of any books, articles or blog posts that discuss this topic please let me know.

Gayle Tzemach Lemmon: Women entrepreneurs, example not exception

Thanks to Trent Hamm from The Simple Dollar for including this remarkable video in his post Ten Pieces of Inspiration.

I have worked in finance and accounting for 25 years, so I must say I was disappointed I had not heard of  microfinance loans prior to viewing this video. According to Kiva:

Microfinance is a general term to describe financial services to low-income individuals or to those who do not have access to typical banking services.

Microfinance is also the idea that low-income individuals are capable of lifting themselves out of poverty if given access to financial services. While some studies indicate that microfinance can play a role in the battle against poverty, it is also recognized that is not always the appropriate method, and that it should never be seen as the only tool for ending poverty.

Ah they are loans for low-income individuals. No wonder I had never heard of them. Gayle points out when people see the word “microfinance” women must often come to mine.  If you see the word “entrepreneur” most people think men. 

Another example of women entrepreneurs supporting the family can be found in Barbara Demick's book Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea.  During North Korea's famine in the 1990's, it was the women who supported the families. They foraged the countryside searching for ways to engage in (illegal) small business: trade, subsistence farming, and selling handicrafts. The men were required to continue to reporting to their official place of work despite the fact that the factories were no longer functioning or providing food vouchers. One of the women mentioned in the book perfected an inexpensive cookie which she sold each at an outdoor market. These markets were illegal, but without them the people would have starved.

It is time for all of us to think bigger

Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Career Book Recommendations and Advice from FrauTech

Frau Tech works as a Mechanical Engineer in industry. She blogs at Design. Build. Play. covering a variety of topics including aerospace, aviation, autos, economics, personal finance, her work, her cats and just about everything from the perspective of an engineer. My favorite posts are those where she provides insight and perspective from her experiences at work.

She recently left the following comment on my post Making a "BIG" Mistake at Work:

I sort of disagree with the advice to apologize. I think women have to be careful especially because we have a tendency to apologize for things in ways that our male colleagues would not. There's a way to take responsibility without really accepting blame. I ranted about this a long time ago, but the incident that inspired the rant is still fresh in my memory: Why Women Apologize and other ridiculous generalizations.

She's right you know. I should not have recommended apologizing and am removing it from my post. It is bad advice. Years ago when I was a young woman just starting out in the work world I cried after an engineer yelled at me for not paying his contractor bills in a timely fashion (the company did not have the money). After that episode, I did a lot of reading on women in the workplace. I repeatedly read advice discouraging women from apologizing in the workplace. On the day of my "BIG" mistake my boss just looked at me when I said I was sorry. Instead of apologizing after making a mistake I need to own them, don’t make excuses, fix them and move on.

I was so impressed with Frau Tech's advice and support I asked if she would recommend a couple of career books.  She did so in her post A Little Light Reading.  She recommended:

Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan:
I read this book originally published in 1978 when I was in my twenties.  After reading Frau Tech's posts covering the book here, here, here and here, I plan on rereading this book. I also think the book would be a great book club selection for a group of working women.

It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace by Anne Kreamer
While reading Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, I was surprised to learn my emotional IQ was not nearly as high as I had thought.  I am definitely going to read Anne Kreamer's take on the subject.  And yes this is the same Anne Kreamer who wrote Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters which I blogged about here.

Thank you Frau Tech. I do have one regret though – not discovering your blog sooner.

One of my goals for 2012 is to put together a list of career books for women.  Do you have a favorite career book to recommend?

 

Making a "BIG" Mistake at Work

We’ve heard it before, “We all have off days,” “We are only human” and “Everyone makes mistakes.” Just knowing these facts does not make one bit of difference when you/I am the one who makes the “Big” mistake at work. When I was younger I used to stew over my mistakes for days; I’d contemplate whether I could hide them or how to tell my supervisors what I had done with the least amount of repercussion.

A couple of years into my career, I attended a seminar where the speaker offered the following advice when you’ve made a mistake at work:

1. Inform your manager as soon as you discover the mistake. The longer you wait the worse it will be for you and the company. The sooner management is aware of the mistake the sooner they can fix it or make plans to lesson the damage. Also, the longer you wait the longer you carry around all that stress. It isn’t good for you.

2. Do whatever you can to minimize the damage.

3. Put the mistake into perspective. Consider will this matter a year from now.

For many years I followed this advice and it has always made a difference.

On the last working day of 2011, I again had the opportunity to put this advice into play. I wired too much money to a vendor. This was a big mistake. It was the last day of the year and we were managing every penny in our company’s bank account in order to have a positive cash balance on our year-end financial statements. Plus, wires are like sending cash, once the money is gone from your account it is gone. Here is what occurred after I made the mistake:

I did not discover the error. My boss did. He called me after I emailed him the wire confirmation, informing me I wired the wrong amount. I immediately went online and tried to cancel the transaction. It was too late. I tried calling my bank representative. She was on vacation. I called our bank’s wire division. I wasn’t allowed to speak to them without a password. My boss gave me his. By using his password I compromised it and it became invalid. They would no longer speak to me or my boss. I called our bank manager. He was able to verify the wire had gone through and that he was unable to call it back. He would have the bank contact the wire recipient and ask them to reject the wire. He did tell me the vendor did not have to do this. While I waited:

I contemplated whether this will matter a year from now - probably not if we were able to get our money back today. I thought about the woman in North Korea I had been reading about in Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick the book I was currently reading:

Friday nights she stayed especially late for self-criticism. In these sessions members of her work unit – the department to which she was assigned - would stand up and reveal to the group anything she had done wrong. It was the Communist version of the Catholic confessional. Mrs. Song would usually say, in all sincerity, that she feared she wasn’t working hard enough. (Page 43)

I was comforted knowing that I did not live in North Korea.

Our bank finally contacted me, the vendor had rejected the wire, the money was back in our account and I was able to resend the wire with the correct dollar amount.

What did I learn from this?
When I am not sure about something I need to ask questions and not assume.
I was confused by the voided check I had been provided as backup for placing the wire. It was not the standard format I use to wire money. I wired the amount of the voided check rather than scribbled amount hand written at the bottom of the check. I should have went back to the manager and said, “I am to wire x amount to account # blah blah blah and use routing number x correct.”

I need to stay off social networking sites while at work.
In Alison Green of Ask A Manager's post 8 New Year's Resolutions for Your Career she writes:

Stop playing online. If you’re using social networking sites or instant-messaging with friends throughout the workday, it’s impacting your work. Sure, maybe you’re still getting the basics done, but you don’t want to just do the basics—you want to build a stellar reputation as someone who routinely exceeds expectations, because that’s what will give you job security and open up future opportunities.

Now I am not on Facebook or Twitter while at work, but I do spend time reading blogs and articles online. The problem is I spend time thinking about what I read and not concentrating on my work, which has led to mistakes.

Have you made a "Big" mistake at work? Do you have any additional pointers to help prevent mistakes or advice on how to bounce back quickly? If so please share.

SWG Coffee Social: Book Lists

Since I am one of those people who enjoy a good book list from a trusted source, I would like to share a few lists I have come across recently:

Citizen Reader's Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading
In response to Time magazine’s lackluster list of ALL-TIME 100 Nonfiction Books Sarah at Citizen Reader has taken on the daunting challenge of creating her own list which she is calling Best 100 Nonfiction Titles that People Might Actually Enjoy Reading. Since I have always wanted to ask Sarah for a list of her all-time favorite nonfiction reads, I was delighted when she announced this project. She is taking it in sections posting the Time picks, her picks, and asking for our picks in the comments. At the end she will post the master list of every one's titles which I will link to when finished.

I have already read Iris Chang's The Rape Of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust Of World War II from the list of 100 Bestish Nonfiction Titles: History which ended up on my list of favorite reads of 2011. Also I have selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer from the 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography to be my read for women's history month. Please go to Sarah's website and check out the sections she has posted to date.

Kim Ukura's Favorite Nonfiction Reads of 2011
I have already read two of Kim's picks: Rebecca Traister's book Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women which I mentioned in my post Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note and Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick. Since Nothing to Envy was one of my all-time favorite nonfiction reads ever, I am adding Kim's other three selections to my 2012 reading list.  Also, if you have an interest in learning more about North Korea, I highly recommend reading Demick's book.

Ms. Readers' 100 Best Non-Fiction Books of All Time: The Top 10 and the Complete List:
This is a list of the 100 best feminist non-fiction of all time selected by the readers of Ms. Magazine.  I have read nine of the listed 100. Throughout 2012 I plan to use this list to continue reading for my Make Women Count project.

Ann Daley's Recommended Reading for 2012
Ann provides us with her top-10 favorite career advancement titles for women. From Ann's list I've found my next career read:  Herminia Ibarra's Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career. It is described as a book aimed at mid-career professionals who have invested much in careers that may no longer fully satisfy.

The Real Help
I discovered The Real Help when Amy mentioned the reading project she co-founded with Amanda to read the books recommended by the Association of Black Women Historians in their statement on The Help. I actually read and enjoyed Kathryn Stockett’s book The Help finding it to be highly entertaining and at times funny; the characters reminding me of the women on the TV show Desperate Housewives.  That along with the abundant stereotyping is precisely the problem ABWH has with this book.  To obtain an accurate depiction of the real facts behind the history of black domestic workers in the United States I hope to read a couple of books this year from the above list.

Do you have a favorite book list you would like mentioned?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Talkin' Books Tuesdays
50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read

How to Avoid Being Conned on a Dating Site

Okay, all of you single ladies out there—listen up! We live in a scary world…and if you’re looking for love online, it can be even scarier. As great as those couples in the Match.com commercials make online dating out to be, the marketers behind those ads forget to tell us about the side of online dating that isn’t so great…

Because the internet provides such anonymity, it also unfortunately provides a breeding ground for some serious creeps—many of whom use online dating sites to prey on innocent women looking for love. So that your online dating escapades aren’t marred by such an experience, be sure to learn how to spot romance scams, married men, and then arm yourself with tips for safe online dating:

Watch out for romance scams. More and more online singles are falling into the traps of romance scammers—don’t fall yourself! These scammers are infamous for tricking their victims into believing that there is a true romantic connection in order to fraudulently access their money, bank accounts, credit cards, and more. So that you aren’t left with a broken heart as well as broken bank, ask yourself the following questions to help determine if your new cyber romance is legit or not:

• Does the guy seem too good to be true?

• Does he have an online dating profile picture that looks like it fell out of the pages of a magazine?

• Is he working overseas? Possibly in Nigeria?

• Does he profess his love and undying devotion to you almost immediately?

• Is his spelling/grammar atrocious and not aligned with his alleged education or life status?

• Is there a dire situation related to family troubles, business affairs, medical problems, etc. for which he requests money from you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may just have a romance scammer on your hands. Cease all communications immediately, alert the dating site on which you met, and if you have already given money to this person, contact the police.

Watch out for married men. Sadly, the internet is full of men subscribed to online dating sites who just happen to have wedding bands around their left ring fingers. These men tend to seek out online women who are trusting, naïve and can be easily manipulated so that an affair can be carried through. To make sure that you don’t become the target of a lying, cheating, no-good man with a wife, keep an eye out for the following red flags:

• He has no profile picture. This is so his face isn’t out there heightening the chances of him getting caught.

• He asks for your number but won’t give you his. If the guy is married, he can’t have you calling in case his wife answers.

• He won’t share information with you such as his last name, where he works, where he lives, etc.

• He contacts on an irregular basis. This is because married men usually have schedules filled up with other things—like marriages!

• He won’t invite you over or introduce you to his friends and family. A married man obviously can’t have you blowing his cover—if you meet the people close to him, the jig is sure to be up.

Follow online dating safety tips. A great way to safeguard yourself from encountering con-artists like scammers and married men is of course to educate yourself about them. But for further protection and to ensure that you don’t ever find yourself in a dangerous situation on your quest for online love, check out the general online dating safety tips below:

• Never give out personal information. Until you are confident that the guy you are mingling with online is worthy of your trust, never disclose your last name, home address, place of business, phone number, financial info, or any other identifying details.

• Don’t rush into things. No matter how excited you may be to meet an online match in person, it is imperative to take things slowly. Reputable online dating services offer tools such as email, chat rooms and voice chat through their websites to allow singles to get to know each other before meeting—utilize these!

• Plan a safe first date. If your online relationship has reached the point of a face-to-face meeting, that is great—just as long as you hold safety as your number one priority. For the first couple of dates use your own transportation to meet your match in a public place, let a friend know where you’re going, be aware of your surroundings, forgo alcoholic drinks and listen to your intuition!

Guest post author, Ellie Stevens, shares with us her tips on how to avoid being conned when dating online. In addition, Ellie also owns Free Senior Dating Sites where she offers more safe online dating advice for single seniors.

Lesson of the Day

Today I learned I should never use a small round brush with stiff plastic bristles on my superfine hair. That is not unless I want my husband to spend the next hour and a half picking my hair out of the brush with a pencil.*

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I have a fabulous husband who continues to amaze me. (While sitting still as he tried not to pull my hair, I couldn't help think if it were me I would suggest cutting the brush out with a scissors).

*My first change of the year - a new hairstyle is not going well.

What worked in 2011: Learning to slow down and take care of myself

My husband and I have an annual New Years Eve tradition; we each list our top “ten” memories/successes of the year then read them to each other over a glass of wine. This year I struggled to come up with ten memorable items. 2011 was a year filled with melancholy moments including a friend being diagnosed with melanoma then lymphoma, my 25 year old future nephew in-law had to be rushed to the emergency room with a pulmonary embolism, my husband rolled his vehicle on black ice in March (thankfully he was okay), I had bronchitis for three weeks in July, even one of my dogs was so sick he had to be taken to the vet.

This not being a typical year is what worked for me:

I got a prescription for bifocal contacts:
I have had to wear reading glasses in addition to contacts for at least five years now. The problem was I was constantly misplacing my reading glasses, breaking them, forgetting them or was too lazy to search for them in my purse. I couldn’t read prices at the store, coupon expiration dates, menu items at restaurants or actually see the photos my friends showed me on their iPhones without them. When my “new” optometrist recommended I try bifocal contacts I consented. The decision to switch to Air Optix multifocal contact lenses was the smartest thing I did all year and I am not being paid to write this. I now have perfect vision which is important for an accountant (mistaking 3’s for 8’s doesn’t work well in my profession).

I lost weight:
I have been talking about losing that extra ten pounds for at least five years with no success. Last spring after realizing both the dress I purchased for a wedding and the outfit I bought for a bridal shower were a little too snug I decided it was time to get serious about losing weight. I asked a friend who had lost weight what had worked for her. She had joined Weight Watchers and gave me suggestions which I followed. I changed my breakfast to low sugar oatmeal, my snacks to fruit and 90 cal granola bars. I moved my salad from lunch to before dinner and began eating Healthy Choice meals for lunch. I also switched my workouts to a high-intensity boot camp class. It all worked and I ended up losing eight pounds. Enough weight to fit into some of my old clothes and to feel much better.

I learned to say no:
After too many sleepless nights (perimenopause), I started considering what is important to me; spending time with friends, going to the gym after work, actually using my vacation time and getting a good night’s sleep. To do this I had to start saying no to extra projects, volunteer work and excessive entertaining.

For 2012:
I want to maintain my weight loss. As Betty White wrote in her memoir If You Ask Me: (And of Course You Won't), it is much harder to lose ten pounds than one or two. She recommends weighing yourself every day and if the scale begins to tip up cut back on what you eat for a day or two. I have been practicing this throughout the holidays and so far so good.

I want to continue discovering who I am. Hey I turn 50 this year it is about time. I had another bad week at work then was strongly encouraged to go in on Saturday (its year end). While sitting in my office miserable, I decided it is time I get serious about figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

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Weekend Wisdom

SWG Coffee Social: Thanks For A Great 2011

The problem with round-up and thank you posts is that it is too easy to forget someone.  For example the inspiration for my post SWG Coffee Social: The Weekly Roundup Post was Classy Career Girl and her Monday Motivation: Your Weekly Career Links.  Every Monday Anna posts a collection of career related links she's discovered around the web. They are the perfect way to start my week.  When her weekly post appeared in my reader the Monday following my roundup post, I realized I had forgotten her. I would now like to give a big thank you to Classy Career Girl for providing me with a little motivation each week.

 

I also want to point out Classy Career Girl's post 2012 Countdown where she lists her 2011 accomplishments. Many of the items Anna listed are good examples of things you should do if you would like to turn your blog into a business.

I would also like to thank:

- Webb From the Garden Bench my most frequent commenter.  Just when I begin to think my latest post is the biggest dud ever, along comes Webb with a fantastic comment adding new perspective, information and insight to my post. She is also there to offer support and advice when I need it.  Thank you Webb, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. 

- A big Thank You to every one of you who commented on my blog this year, my blog would not be the same without you.

- Grace of GRACEful Retirement for including my blog on her blogroll.  Nicole and Maggie mentioned in the comments on SWG Coffee Social: The Weekly Roundup Post that they get to my blog via Grace's blogroll. I have since reviewed my stats and realized more readers come to my blog via Grace’s blog roll than any other source. Thank you Grace for including me and improving my blog's traffic.

- Thanks to all the other bloggers who have added me to your blogroll. Also, if you are a blogger who blogs about issues that are of interest to women let me know I would be happy to add you to my blogroll.

- Sarah at Citizen Reader for linking to my post Band Discussion: How did you get into nonfiction? in her Tuesday Articles: Viva nonfiction! I was honored to be included in her post. Her link made this post one of my most popular of the year. Thank you Sarah and also thanks for keeping my nonfiction TBR list full.
 
- Also thank you to Nicole and Maggie and everyone else who has linked to my posts in 2011.
 
- Thank you to each and every one of you who took time out of your busy schedule to read my posts.  I wish all of you a Happy and Healthy 2012.  Thanks again.

Three Amazing Books I Read in 2011

Lisa Bloom wrote in her book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World:

If you can't name three amazing books you've read in the last year, you're not reading enough.*

I am happy to say I had no trouble coming up with three this year. They are:

Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the Bronx:
LeBlanc was introduced to the characters in the book while covering the drug trial of 'Boy' George, a 23 year old drug dealer, who ends up sentenced to life without parole. Through George, LeBanc meets Jessica one of his girlfriends and spends the next 11 years documenting Jessica’s life along with other family members living in their impoverished Bronx neighborhood. The book includes the obstacles, daily chaos and violence the members of this family encounter as they go about living their lives. I previously wrote about this book here.

The characters in this book stayed with me months after finishing the book. So much so that whenever I hear the name Foxy or Coco I immediately think of them. This book not only belongs on my list of amazing books for the year, but of all time.

Matt Taibbi’s  Griftopia: Bubble Machines, Vampire Squids, and the Long Con That Is Breaking America:
In my post Searching for the Truth, I wrote this was the most eye-opening book about what is really going on in this country that I have ever read. The book provides a somber picture of the financial and political situation in the US after the 2008 crisis including why Alan Greenspan is the biggest asshole in the world, the truth about the mortgage crisis, the commodities bubble, health care reform and Goldman Sachs. While I found the entire book to be an important read, the chapter I talked about the most throughout the year was “The Trillion Dollar Band-aid.” In order to get health care reform passed Obama had to pander to the pharmaceutical corporations and the health industry. Also, he was unable to change or repeal the McCarran Ferguson Act, a law originally intended to be temporary, that exempts the business of insurance from most federal regulation, including federal anti-trust laws — including the laws against collusion or price fixing. So basically insurance PPO's in the Milwaukee area are going to continue to be a monopoly with the ability to charge the consumer exorbitant prices and there will be nothing we can do about it.

Iris Chang's The Rape Of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust Of World War II:
I read this book after seeing it listed on both Lisa Bloom's recommended reading list and on Sarah at Citizen Reader's list of 100 Bestish Nonfiction Titles: History.  This book tells of the horrific tragedy that occurred in what was then called Nanking, China during the Japanese invasion in 1937; hundreds of thousands of Chinese were raped, tortured and murdered by Japanese soldiers. Though I am embarrassed to admit I had not heard of Nanking or the atrocities that occurred there prior to reading the book this may not be my entirely my fault. Despite strong evidence that the order to kill was a military order and that the emperor and government were likely aware of the policy, many Nanking perpetrators not only went unpunished after the war, but went on to play key roles in Japanese government and business. In the years following the war, Nanking and what occurred there was down played by the media, the history books and even by China itself. 

* Lisa Blooms amazing reads were The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson, Freedom by Jonathan Franzen and Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout.

Making Women Count: Ending the Year on a Low Note

Last year around this time I read a little book by Susan Bulkeley Butler called Women Count: A Guide to Changing the World. I was so inspired by the book's message (Butler re-assesses how far we’ve come – and how far we have to go) that I made it my 2011 blog goal to Make Women Count. Looking back on my blog postings throughout the year I have to admit many of them were down right depressing.  Here is a sampling:

Shadeism:  I discover that discrimination still exists between lighter-skinned and darker-skinned members in the same community. Mothers along with their daughters, some as young as six, continue to use potentially harmful skin lightening creams. The question has to be asked, "Don't women already have enough to deal with?"

I am Guilty of Gender Bias - In the midst of my Making Women Count Project, I am disappointed with myself when I automatically and wrongly assume a woman I was introduced to is the subordinate and the man she is with the manager.

Muslim Women Reformers - Ida Lichter’s book Muslim Women Reformers: Inspiring Voices Against Oppression I read of the horrific plight of Muslim women and the brave women reformers who risk everything including their lives to fight for social and political rights.

Should Employee Report Sexual Harassment - In this true story, both the female employee and her female manager are afraid to report sexual harassment for fear of retaliation while their male manager continues to grope, intimidate and harass them. 

The Body Project - In Joan Jacobs Brumberg's book The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls I read increasingly since the early 1900s middle-class adolescent girls and women went from developing their inner beauty to working on their body; so much so that their bodies have become a project.

Gender Wealth Gap - In Mariko Chang's book Shortchanged: Why Women Have Less Wealth and What Can Be Done About It I learn that although women are making advances in the pay gap they still drastically drag in the wealth gap owning only 36% as much wealth as a man owns.

Lisa Bloom Preaches to the Choir - In Lisa Bloom's book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World I learn twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize and that twenty-three percent would rather lose their ability to read than their figures. Come on ladies please stop spending so much time watching reality TV and start spending more time reading.

Then last night I viewed this enlightening video:

In the video Sheryl Sandberg informs us we still have a real problem:
Women became 50 percent of the college graduates in the United States in 1981. Since then, we have slowly and steadily made progress, earning increasingly more of the college degrees, taking more of the entry-level jobs, going into previously male-dominated fields, moving up each step of the ladder. But there is one big exception to this improvement -- the top jobs. Thirty years later, we have not come close to holding our proportional share of positions of power in any industry.

More alarmingly, the numbers at the top are no longer improving. In the 2008 election, women lost seats in Congress for the first time in three decades. Across the corporate sector, women have held 15 to 16 percent of the C-level jobs and Board seats since 2002. Globally, only nine of 190 countries are led by women. So even as people worry about boys falling behind girls in education and write articles with headlines like "The End of Men," we have to acknowledge that men still run the world. Our revolution has stalled.

For me the lowest point of the video was Sheryl's revelation that:

My generation really sadly is not going to change the numbers at the top.  They are just not moving.  We are not going to get to 50% of the population.  In my generation we are not going to get to the 50% of women at the top in any industry.

What generation is Sheryl talking about? Sheryl Sandberg was born August 28, 1969 and is seven years younger than me.  She is right though; my generation and those of you who are a few years younger are not going to achieve this. We had too far to go:

I remember my female dorm mate back in 1981, a civil engineering major whose professor advised her to change her major because women were not qualified to be engineers.  She stuck it out though, coming home in tears more than once after being publicly ridiculed in class.  He gave her a "D."  She graduated five years later with a B.S. in Engineering. I haven't kept up with her, so I don't know where she is now, but I do know she struggled to even become an engineer.

Which brings me to Rebecca Traister's book Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women one of my last reads of 2011 recommended by Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness. I don't particularly enjoy politics, so I really struggled to finish this one; especially the chapters covering the contest between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Since Kim mentioned she enjoyed the chapters after Hillary was out of the race a little bit better I forced myself to soldier on. In the end Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary, and became the first woman ever to win a presidential primary contest - a fact down played by the media  Though with her loss to Barack Obama, many first wave feminists also lost hope of seeing a woman elected president in their lifetime.

The book brought home the realization that both sexism and racism still exist in America and played a role in the 2008 election. Both Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin were victims of sexism.  Plus, feminists questioned whether a Sarah Palin win would actually be harmful for feminism. Here is what Lafferty had to say about Sarah Palin in the Daily Beast:

Not believing in abortion personally was one thing. But preventing other women from exerting full control over their bodies and health, assessing their value as lesser than the value of the fetuses they carried, was, it seemed to me and many others, fundamentally anti-feminist and anti-female.

Other interesting tidbits:
Michelle Obama has been forced to tone down her power and brain to better suit the media's demand for a more subdued and traditional first lady.

And as to Hillary – it was easier to embrace this woman in a state of diminished power, once she had lost the big prize, when she was no longer threatening the chances of the cool guy.

In conclusion:
As the title of this blog post indicates my Making Women Count project is ending the year on a low note, although I am energized to hear Sheryl Sandberg state she is hopeful that future generations can achieve the 50%.  While revisiting my initial Making Women Count post, I realized that despite the depressing revelations and disappointing results Making Women Count continues to be important goal for me. I have decided to continue with the project in 2012.

SWG Coffee Social: Making a Difference

This week I'd like to call attention to a couple of organizations/bloggers I came across this week who are making a difference in the lives of women.

Ann Daly a former women's studies professor and fem-evangelist announced she is currently serving on the panel of judges for Talbots Charitable Foundation Scholarship Program. Yes Talbots the retailer and marketer of women's classic clothing. Ann (who is also an inspiring blogger) has asked us to get the word out:

This year Talbots will be awarding $200,000 in scholarships, including seventeen $10,000 awards and one $30,000 Nancy Talbots Scholarship.  Applications are due by January 3, 2012. Click here to apply.

The Artworks Projects founded by Leslie Thomas uses design and the arts to raise awareness of and educate the public about significant human rights and environmental issues. In its first five years of existence, AWP’s agenda includes projects exposing genocide, extreme sexual violence against women, the global shortage of potable water, forced labor and human trafficking, and ethnic cleansing and anti-democracy actions. AWP selects topics which are the most intractable, the least covered in the mainstream media, and the most abusive for victims. Talk about taking on the tough issues. To get involved or to donate click here.

If you are looking to read a book or two on activism check out One Green Panet's 14 must read books for activists a list Brooks J Young directed me to on her twitter account. Brooks is an author, activist and author herself. She is executive director of Touching Heart, a support program for women and children escaping domestic violence and has also written a book, "Where God Took My Soul: A Memoir." Her story will both empower and enlighten women who are walking in the same footsteps that lead to the destruction of lives and families. To learn more about Brooks click here.

Are there any organizations or bloggers making a difference in the lives of women that you'd like to call attention to today?

Determining my Myers-Briggs Score

In my post Penelope Trunk Gives a Wake-Up Call I mentioned one of the first steps to achieving career satisfaction is to know your Myers-Briggs score. My problem was I had taken six different on-line Myers-Briggs assessments and had received six different scores.

How I discovered my real score?
I googled "best" Myers-Briggs book and discovered Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger's book Do What You Are. Unfortunately this book does not include the assessment. Apparently the authentic Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test is copyrighted and available only through organizations, counselors and therapists approved by the Myers and Briggs Foundation. The book does describe each of the 8 personality traits in detail along with providing examples. After a process that included comparing my previous six Myers-Briggs scores with the examples in the book and asking my husband for his opinion I came up with ISFJ.

The book includes profiles of people who enjoy their jobs for each personality type. While reading Monty’s profile (a stressed 44-year old ISFJ who was an over-worked tax accountant with an inability to say no until he became a sole practitioner CPA, working exclusively for nonprofit organizations), I had an aha moment I am an ISFJ. In addition to reading the strengths and weaknesses for ISFJ in the book I found Portrait of an ISFJ on the Personality Page website to be quite helpful.

What did I learn?
I discovered I prefer working in a highly structured, traditional organization with a clear mission. I am more comfortable working one-on-one, helping others or with other people who share my personal values and beliefs. I am hard working, loyal sometimes to a fault and prefer staying in my comfort zone. I also don't like presenting my work to a group without adequate time to prepare well in advance, have a hard time saying no and am a reluctant manager.

I found it interesting how many of the above items I touched on in previous blog posts:

• I am a reluctant manager who got upset when my management skills were attacked in A Personal Attack at Work.
• I discuss wanting to break out of my comfort zone in Getting my Ducks in a Row.
• I write about my inability to say no in Know your limits and learn to say no.
• In both Anger in the Workplace and Weekend Wisdom I get stressed and agitated when I don't have ample time to complete my work.

What is next?
I am considering getting a certified professional to interpret my score. I’d like to discuss whether I should pursue an alternative job in accounting that better fits my personality, make a complete career change or just stay where I am at. Have you done this? Did you find it helpful? Do you feel knowing your Myers-Briggs score has made a difference in your life and career?

Saturday Inspiration: Freda du Faur

Today in history, Freda du Faur climbed Mount Cook in New Zealand in a record six hours. She was the first woman to scale the peak and the first unmarried woman to climb in New Zealand. NOTICE SHE IS WEARING A SKIRT although according to Wikipedia she had on knickerbockers and long puttees underneath.

If you would like to learn more about Freda du Faur and her mountaineering feats she did write a book called The conquest of Mount Cook and other climbs; an account of four seasons' mountaineering on the Southern Alps of New Zealand.

Who or what inspires you today?

Weekend Wisdom

This weekend I've decided to participate in Hot Coco's Weekend Wisdom Blog Hop. Participants are to answer one of three questions.  I am choosing:

What did you learn this week that made a difference in your life, and could make a difference in someone else's?

I have to admit I’ve been a having a difficult time lately. I wake up at odd hours like 4:00 a.m. and am unable to fall back to sleep. I'm irritable. I wrote about losing my cool here. Then this week I got uncharacteristically upset when management announced a new training program based on the book Who Moved My Cheese? Unable to control my emotion, I expressed what a colossal waste of time and money this would be. Even my boss who usually backs me up couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let this one go. I find myself unable to control how my brain works. On Friday, I had two difficult meetings along with an important project due. By the end of the day I was asking questions that didn’t make sense, began addressing co-workers by the wrong names and even told a salesman a co-worker was absent when she was clearly sitting at her desk.*

When my husband (who can tell my mood by looking into my eyes) asked what is wrong and that I seem so edgy lately, I realized I've had enough. Similar to the smoker who wakes up one morning and realizes they’ve had enough and its time to quit, I realized I no longer want to be like this. I am tired of being angry all the time. I let little annoyances fester into obsessions; the girl at the gym who never stops talking and invades my space, the manager who discounts all ideas that are not his or the one who boasts about how smart he is. Plus, I'm not feeling up to all the cooking and cleaning that comes with hosting Thanksgiving.

I told a friend my New Year’s resolution was going to be working on not getting so upset over trivial things. In 2012 I turn 50. I don’t want to be this angry middle-aged woman. Surprisingly she answered with:

That is so weird. I just told another friend that my New Year’s resolution is to relax and not get worked up about things that don’t really matter. Mellow out and take things slower. Stop killing myself for my ungrateful kids and start doing more for myself. I want more out of life. We were talking about all the ailments we have as we get older and I told her what your doctor told you that time “embrace the new you”. I still think that is sadly hilarious and true.**

Then it hit me, I along with my friends are experiencing the symptoms of menopause. During this crazy time, when I can’t control what is going on with my body I am going to need the support of friends or possibly a good therapist more than ever. I have always taken great pride in my ability to control my emotions and was able to work uninterrupted for many hours. A healthy diet and exercise program is not going to be enough. Perhaps recognizing that I have a problem and committing to change will make a difference.

* The appearance of fine lines on my face along with my perpetually chapped lips is not helping my mood.

**This was my doctor’s response when I asked her what I could do about my belly fat.

If you would like to learn more about my thoughts on business books see my post Can reading a book transform you or your business from good to great?

Be informed about Social Security

Both of my parents were eligible for a mere pittance in Social Security benefits at age 65 despite working together on the family farm 31 years before they divorced. My dad worked exclusively on the farm his entire life except for a brief stint with the army reserves. I found this hard to believe. I remember the farm not generating much income when I was small, but I thought it did fairly well once my younger siblings were in high school. How could this be?

Filing a Federal Income Tax return has nothing to do with Social Security:
My family's farm was owned by my grandparents. My father received a monthly allowance which my parents recorded as income when they filed their joint income tax return. The problem is filing an income tax return has nothing to do with the assignment of Social Security. The Social Security portion of a self-employment tax return is filed on a form called Schedule SE. So first my grandfather's name and Social Security number were listed on the Schedule SE and after his death my grandmothers. This meant all of the farm earnings and credits were posted to my grandparent’s accounts and none to my parents. This is an important lesson for anyone jointly running a family business, if you plan on one day collecting Social Security benefits make sure your portion of the business profits are filed on a separate Schedule SE with your name and social security number.

You need to remain married ten years in order to collect on your ex-spouse's Social Security account:
A marriage must last ten years before a divorced person may be eligible for an ex’s Social Security benefit. So if you’ve been married 9 years and ten months hold on for another two months if you want to one day tap into your spouse’s Social Security account. Note you will need to be unmarried to collect these benefits and at least 62 years old.

Read the obituaries:
If you were married to your ex for more than ten years make sure you read the obituaries. Once an ex-spouse has died you are eligible for a divorced survivor benefit. This benefit will be 100% of the deceased ex-spouse's benefit. If you remarry after age 60, you can still receive the survivor benefit.

My dad may be eligible for a spousal benefit:
My Mother, who worked before she was married, returned to work after her divorce and is still working at age 74. Her Social Security benefits continue to increase, as she makes additional contributions. Plus on a side note, her Social Security benefit was no longer subject to income tax once she turned 70 years old. It just occurred to me that my dad could probably collect a higher Social Security benefit if he applied for spousal benefits. He is eligible for 50% of her benefit which is probably more than he receives now. He could also be eligible for free Medicare Part A benefits based on her earnings record, since I doubt he has accumulated enough Social Security credits to be eligible for Medicare on his own. If she were to die before him he would be eligible for the higher deceased ex-spouse benefit.

He was such a jerk towards her throughout their marriage and divorce proceedings though I don’t think I can bring myself to tell him this.

See also:
Do you review your Social Security statements?

SWG Coffee Social: The Weekly Roundup Post

Welcome to the 2nd week of The SWG Coffee Social.  This week I want to talk about how to meet other bloggers. Since I blog on a variety of topics; work, finance, books or whatever happens to be on my mind when I write my weekly post, I typically avoid blog carnivals. A blog carnival is a compilation of blog links usually centered around a previously determined topic posted on the carnival organizer's site. Many carnivals have a new host each week. Carnivals are an excellent way to promote your blog and to meet other bloggers in your niche.

I have found the next best thing to a blog carnival for discovering other bloggers are weekly roundup posts. I have found many of my favorite bloggers through these types of posts. Here are four bloggers I read who post weekly roundups guaranteed to provide stimulating reading:

Trent Hamm, a personal finance writer, posts a weekly roundup edition on his blog The Simple Dollar.

Nicole and Maggie who work in academia and also write about personal finance provide a Link Love post each week on their blog Grumpy Rumblings of the Untenured.

Rhea a 50-something blogger who examines mid-life crisis and ennui in America posts a Friday Links Variety Show on her blog The Boomer Chronicles.

Delia Lloyd of Real Delia who writes about finding yourself in adulthood writes a Friday Pix: Recommended Reading For The Weekend.

Speaking of weekly lists, Nicole Abdou of Destination Unknown writes a weekly list of Things I Have Learned This Week. Her lessons are inspirational and insightful.  I met Nicole through the LBS tea party and she has written a guest post for this site. You can read her post I've lost my job. Now What? here.

How do you meet other bloggers? Do you participate in carnivals? Do you read weekly roundups? What blogs do you recommend reading this week?

Enjoy your Saturday and Happy Reading.

Lisa Bloom Preaches to the Choir

I hadn't planned on reading Lisa Bloom’s book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World when I picked up a copy from the library. I was only interested in perusing the recommended reading list Alyssa of Socra Teas mentioned in her review of the book. I wasn’t familiar with Lisa Bloom and based on the photo-shopped picture of her printed on the book’s cover I didn’t think she’d have anything to say I didn’t already know.

So I was pleasantly surprised to learn how smart and accomplished Lisa Bloom actually is. She is an award-winning journalist, legal analyst, and trial attorney, a graduate of Yale Law School and a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of UCLA. Once I started reading I couldn’t put the book down.

The book is divided into two sections.

The first half explains the problem:
In just one generation women have made huge strides in education (girls now outperform boys in elementary, middle, and high schools; we graduate from college, professional, and graduate schools in greater numbers than males), while our brains have become devalued.

Currently:
Twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize.

Twenty-three percent would rather lose their ability to read than their figures.

We spend our time watching reality TV, reading tabloids and getting the latest beauty treatments including plastic surgery. Even our news is filled with fluffy pieces; Lindsey Lohan’s latest arrest gets prime time coverage right along with the war in Afghanistan.

Americans know more about Angelina Jolie’s baby bump and her relationship with Brad Pitt than about her humanitarian work. Bloom includes four pages detailing Jolie’s charity work most of which has never been covered by the American media.

She included interesting facts such as:
The United States has a higher ratio of maternal deaths than at least forty other countries even though we spend more money per capita for maternity care than any other country. Yet 38 percent of Americans believe that our health care system is “above average” or “the best in the world.” (Pg. 36)

We imprison far more of our population than any other country in the world. We incarcerate more of our own population, in raw numbers, than China, a notoriously punitive country with more than four times our population. (Pg. 42)

According to the National Endowment for the Arts in its comprehensive 2004 study, To Read or Not to Read, one-third of high-school graduates never read another book for the rest of his life. (Pg. 48)

In the second half of the book she offers solutions:

READ - 80% of the American population didn’t read a book last year

Set aside the tabloids and read books, books that challenge you. If you can’t name three amazing books you’ve read in the past year, you’re not reading enough. Every now and then pick up a book that argues against your point of view, or a novel you wouldn't normally read. You might find your mind changes, or you might find your position more firm than it was before, but either way, you're exercising your mind.

She recommends reading the NY Times plus your hometown paper daily.

Final Thoughts:
Although I wholeheartedly agree with Bloom’s message I feel she was preaching to the choir. If you currently are not a book reader, you are not going to read THIS book and suddenly give up reality TV and celebrity web-surfing in favor of book reading. That is even if you adopt her recommendation to hire someone to clean your house so you have more free time.*

If you have an interest in the dumbing-down of America or are wondering how to find more time to read you may enjoy this book. Another caveat Bloom did write this book from a liberal viewpoint if that bothers you, you probably will not enjoy this book.


*I found it amusing Mary Kay Ash also recommends hiring a cleaning person in her book Mary Kay.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Ten Nonfiction Books That Help Us Understand the World