While home from college over winter break, my 20-year old daughter asked for $300 to get her hair highlighted blue. My husband refused to pay for such a ridiculous expense. She then stormed out of the house spending most of her remaining break with friends. We’ve paid for her hair styling in the past, but she usually didn’t spend more than $75.
My husband and daughter have a history of conflict beginning two years ago when he took away her phone and car until she broke up with her boyfriend - who we both thought was a loser. She broke up with him a month later right before she left for college. The relationship between my daughter and husband hasn’t been the same since. We pay her tuition and give her $400 a month spending money. She uses this money to pay her rent which is $300 and to buy food. She also has a credit card. I’ve been paying her credit card bill each month which has been as high as $600 and am starting to resent it. My husband thinks I’m spoiling her and that she needs to pay her card with her own money. I would like her to save her money for graduate school.
We also don’t like her new boyfriend, but I won’t let my husband force another break up. She was so cold towards him the last time. I want my daughter to be successful and happy what should I do?
Should Kim pay for her daughter’s blue highlights?
I asked my own stylist if blue highlights were popular at her salon. They are not, her salon doesn’t even stock blue dye. Blue highlights are expensive because it requires a two-step process that involves stripping the natural color from your hair then adding the blue color. She doesn’t recommend blue because it requires a lot of maintenance to keep blue looking good. Blue doesn’t hold up well on hair and may fade to an ugly green after only a few weeks. She also thinks at twenty Kim’s daughter is an adult and needs to have adult hair – which is not blue. If she wants to have a little fun with color, she recommends purchasing blue hair extensions instead. The one below can be purchased here for $9.99.
What is really happening here?
You are both treating your daughter like a child and she is acting like one. Do you really think your husband forced you daughter to break up with her boyfriend? I don’t. I think she broke up with him because she wanted to. If she didn’t want to break up with him she would have told you they broke up just to get her stuff back then continued to see him behind your back. Check out this post where I answered a question on how to get your daughter to break up with a loser. (Short answer - you can’t.) I also think your daughter knows her frivolous spending irritates her dad which is why she asks for things like blue hair.
You and your husband need to stop playing good cop/bad cop in regards to money. It isn’t good for your relationship with your husband or your relationship with your daughter. I suggest the three of you sit down and go over your daughter’s fixed expenses. I’m sure $400 is not enough to cover rent, food, utilities, gas and other miscellaneous school expenses. You and your husband need to agree on an amount you are both willing to give your daughter each month then you Kim can’t give her more after the fact. Be very clear how much you are giving her then let her know she will be responsible for the rest. Instead of saying I’ll pay $75 for this, but I won’t pay for that, just give her $500 and let her manage her own money. I would be very surprised if her credit card spending does not go down once she has to dip into her own savings.
Do you require your children pay a portion of their expenses while in college? How did you determine how much to give them? Did you ever try to manipulate their decisions with money or stuff?
Note I am an Amazon affiliate.