My boss doesn’t listen to my ideas

Dancing Bear left the following comment on my post a personal attack at work:

The line between a personal attack and a very critical conversation is unclear to me. My boss, who claims it is never personal, sometimes does not listen at all and then makes a strong declaration that an idea or opinion I have expressed is not valid, while the accuracy of his perception is "obvious". To me using ridicule is a personal attack in disguise. In response I recently responded with the question "don't you listen" as part of my response and I was told this was completely inappropriate, that it was a personal attack. I am distraught!

It appears to me you and your boss are caught in a finger pointing contest, “That was a personal attack,” “No it wasn’t you don’t listen.” So, lets forget about that aspect of your comment altogether. Here are the facts as I see them:

Out of frustration you blurted “Don’t you listen?” to your boss after he criticized one of your ideas. Your frustration is a result of his continuously dismissing your ideas to the point of ridicule.

First, you told your boss he doesn’t listen. That probably wasn’t the best thing to say. No manager likes to be openly criticized especially an arrogant one. Managers prefer employees that make them feel good about themselves. (You probably should apologize for your comment or at least mumble something like I didn't really mean that. You do still have to work for this guy)

I can’t determine from your scenario if your boss is a bad manager or if you are being a nuisance.

Here are some questions I want you to consider:

How does your manager treat your co-workers?
Does he reject their ideas and ridicule them as well? If yes, he is most likely the problem. If not, it could be you.

How long have you been with the company?
Sometimes new employees come into a company too strong. They try to implement all of their great ideas before they understand how things are really done stepping on toes in the process.

How long has your manager been with the company?
If he has been with the company for years he may not be open to change or new ideas.

Before you present your next idea ask yourself the following questions:
Do I have a solution?
Bosses notoriously tune out employees that come to them with a problem and don’t offer a solution. Make sure the solution is viable. My department has come up with several great solutions that don’t involve them. Who should clean the office? The owner’s wife. Who should pick up the slack? Monica in our Minneapolis store.

Is your idea a priority? Is the timing right?
My department has had several great ideas over the past couple of years, but currently our company’s main focus is making money and keeping the business afloat. I’ve heard our owner say more than once, “Yes, that would be nice, but not right now.”

Is your idea important to anyone other than you?
We once had a receptionist full of ideas to make her job easier. One was to buy a mail cart. She would place a folder with our mail in the cart and we could retrieve it ourselves throughout the day. Her idea was great for her, but the President of our company does not the time or the desire to track down his own mail.

Two suggestions to make sure your idea was heard:
Repeat your idea and your manager’s response at the end of the meeting:
“If I understand correctly you agree I need a new computer, but I have to wait until the budget is finished in December.”

Follow up with an email:
To summarize our 10:00 meeting we will not be ordering new computers due to budget constraints. We will revisit next year.

Did I interpret Dancing Bear’s problem correctly or did I miss the boat entirely? Let me know what you think?

Can an appreciation for classical music be learned?

I have often thought there is not a musical bone in my body. I did not grow up with music playing in my house, I did not learn to play a musical instrument when I was young and at church there was no singing coming from my family’s pew.

In my husband’s family each of his aunts and uncles played an instrument, his mom dreamed of changing her name to Iris and moving to Nashville to be a country singer and family events culminated with record playing or singing of their favorite tunes.

Needless to say my husband is a music aficionado. He listens to all types of music from alternative rock, pop folk, alternative country, contemporary jazz and new age. After attending a holiday party at the Milwaukee Performing Arts Center a few years ago that included a performance by the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra he began listening to classical music.

We now attend one or two MSO performances each year. After the first couple of concerts I found myself enjoying the music, but wished I could appreciate it more. Then I stumbled upon this video in one of Trent Hamm of The Simple Dollar's Ten Pieces of Inspiration posts:

Last night we attended the MSO's "Basilica Series: The Eight Seasons" at The Basilica of St. Josephat. The performance included:

Vaughan Williams The Lark Ascending, Romance for Violin and Orchestra

Piazzolla Las Cuatro Estaciones Porteñas (The Four Seasons of Buenos Aires)
Vivaldi The Four Seasons

In response to my original question can an appreciation of classical music be learned? I have to answer with an emphatic yes.  If you have any doubts watch the video and learn for yourself.

Gender Wealth Gap is the Greater Problem

I read Mariko Chang's Shortchanged: Why Women Have Less Wealth and What Can Be Done About It for a personal finance book club.

Chang begins the book by informing us the gender wage gap appears to be closing. Women now earn 77.8 cents for every dollar men earn (an all time high) and women under 25 working full-time earn 95% of what their male peers earn. Women also make up 47% of the work force.

While I still can’t get excited about a 78% pay gap, compare that to this - women own 36% as much wealth; for every dollar a man owns a woman own 36 cents. Chang calls this the wealth gap. In the long run it is wealth, the value of assets minus debts, not earnings that is more important. Wealth is what sends your children to college, allows you to start your own business, and helps you make ends meet when you lose your job or your hours are slashed. Also consider with everything else being equal, women will need to support themselves an average of six years longer than men.

What factors contribute to the wealth gap?
Chang attributes the wealth gap to women’s inability to tap into the wealth escalator:

The variety of legal, institutional, and societal mechanisms that help some convert income into wealth at a much faster pace than is possible by savings alone. (Pg. 38)

The wealth escalator includes:
Work fringe benefits such as life and health insurance, paid vacation and sick days, and retirement contributions. Women are more likely to work in part-time jobs or in industries that do not offer fringe benefits such as the service sector.

The tax code has provisions more beneficial to those with higher earnings – capital gain tax rates and mortgage interest deductions.

Government benefits such as unemployment benefits which have minimum earnings thresholds. Women generally receive less of a benefit because they have lower earnings to begin with.

Also interesting to note, some government programs discourage asset accumulation. For example with the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF) people lose benefits if they have managed to save or if they own an automobile whose value surpasses the vehicle asset limit.

The Debt Anchor:
Women tend to have more debt than men, higher interest rates on their debts and are more likely to fall victim to predatory lending practices.

Motherhood:
Women are more likely to be single parents and in divorce most likely to have custody of the children. Even those who receive child support have less money to save and invest. Also mothers face stereotypes in the workplace, whereas men experience a wage increase with fatherhood. Mothers receive a 4% wage penalty for the first child and a 12% penalty for each additional child.

Chang proposes suggestions to address the unequal burdens and consequences of care-giving, so that women who work just as hard as men and can be given equal wealth building opportunities. She points out we are only one of two industrialized countries without a national paid maternity (Australia is the other country).

My thoughts:
Shortchanged: Why Women Have Less Wealth and What Can Be Done About It is a slim book packed with important information that deserves more recognition than it has received. Every woman should be aware of the facts in this book. I had a difficult time finding a copy of this book and from the comments of my fellow book club participants others did as well. Let’s get the word out and on a final note let’s make sure our daughter’s have the tools and knowledge they need to navigate the financial world.

I want to close with the quote Marika Chang included at the beginning of chapter two:

My Aunt… died by a fall from her horse when she was riding out to take the air in Bombay. The news of my legacy reached me one night about the same time that the act was passed that gave votes to women. A solicitor’s letter fell into the post-box and when I opened it I found that she had left me five hundred pounds a year for ever.

Of the two-the vote and the money, I own, seemed infinitely the more important.

- Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

Miss Representation

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

PREMIERING ON OWN: OPRAH WINFREY NETWORK OCTOBER 20TH @ 9/8c!

If you haven't seen this yet, watch it. After you’ve watched it hop over to Darryle Pollack’s blog and read her post Miss Rrepresentation: When will women wise up and rise up?

Penelope Trunk gives wake-up call

I’ve fell for the promises “Find Your Passion,” “Get Unstuck,” “Follow your Bliss” all in five easy steps. Unfortunately, I’ve read the books, performed the exercises (well sort of) and attended the conferences. Where did they get me? Right back to where I started - stuck. That is until I listened to the interview Steven Roy had with Penelope Trunk. I learned more about goal setting in this one interview than with all the books and conferences combined.

Steven Roy is a 40-year old blogger who feels trapped in his day job. He hates working for someone else and wants to have his own business preferably something online. His goal is to be able to spend more time with his two young daughters. He writes the blog Ending the Grind and occasionally posts podcasts of his interviews with other bloggers.

Penelope Trunk is the author of the book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success and writes at the Penelope Trunk Blog. It was in her post how to know what to look for that she linked to her interview with Steven.

At first Penelope’s response to Steven’s lack of any real goal seemed a bit brazen. Then I read some of her old blog posts on goal setting. The questions she asked Steven were nothing new. She has given advice on how to set goals and how to know ourselves over and over again. She became frustrated with Steven's lack of insight into how he wanted to live his life. For me the success of the interview is hearing a real life example of what you need to do and the questions you need to ask yourself to define your goals.

Penelope points out these are not goals:
Doing whatever it takes
To be home to spend time with your children. (This is the end result of a goal)
Building a blog readership (Not a good way to make money)
To be independently wealthy (This is for 5th graders)

To start with you have to be honest with your self and know where your strongest skills are.

Know your Myers Briggs score:
You can take the test for free here and here.
Since I get a different Myers Briggs result with each new test I take, I prefer the StrengthsFinder 2.0 though you do need to purchase Tom Rath's book StrengthsFinder 2.0 to take the assessment (you need the access key provided in the book).

Determine if you are inwardly or outwardly motivated:
According to Wikipedia:
Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on any external pressure.

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards like money and grades, coercion and threat of punishment. Competition is in general extrinsic because it encourages the performer to win and beat others, not to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity.

Why is this important for Steve? Externally motivated people are not particularly good bloggers.

Determine what you want to do with your days:
Everyone has to work eight hours a day. If you have a family to support, you have to work eight hours a day. What do you want to do with your time? Talk to people, market, write? How can you make those eight hours good?

To determine what you want to do look at someone’s life:
Don’t look for a career look for a life. There is no way to know what career you’d be happy in without doing it. Look at people’s life. How can you do what they do to have their life? A business and a life go hand in hand.

When you own your own business you are actually trading employers for clients. Clients can be much more demanding than an employer. If you lose a big client you can be out of business.  Think about all the time spent marketing new clients; most entrepreneurs work many more hours than eight hours a day. Is this the life you want?

How much risk can you handle:
Steve has a family and a wife who stays home with the kids.  If he quits his day job he will no longer have employer sponsored medical insurance, sick days, holiday pay or vacation time. He will be responsible for self employment tax and paying quarterly income tax estimates. I have heard that before you quit your day job your side business should be generating double your current salary.  Plus, remember half of all businesses fail within the first four years. I have known business owners who have mortgaged their homes, drained their 401(k) accounts and charged up their credit cards to start a business that eventually failed.

Learn about yourself by looking at your actions:
Penelope thinks Steve likes his job, if he didn't like it he would change it right now.  This one really hit home with me.  I talk about changing careers and quitting my day job all the time, but I never do anything about it.  Why? I like certain aspects of my day job more than the thought of changing jobs or careers.  I've hated my job in the past and have done whatever it took to find a new job. I think Steve's situation is similar, if he really hated his job he would move in with his in-laws and quit his job right now.

Lastly, Penelope gave advice on how to be a successful blogger:
Nobody wants to know how great you are. To be successful you need to add value to people’s lives. People want to watch you change.  People want to watch how others live their life and learn from it. Don't spend time on a blog if you don't know why you are writing it.

Writing a blog is a lousy way to make money:
Penelope wrote for free for seven years before she was able to make enough money to support her family.  A better way to make money online is to have a great landing page and understand Google. All the markets are search driven right now.  Use adWords and adsense; sell something to people that is under-monetized.

After listening to the interview this is what I think Steven should do:
I couldn't help but think of all those hours he spends working on his blog; his goal is to spend more time with his daughters. Why doesn't he use this time to be with them? His gripes are that he is not able to walk them to the bus stop in the morning or take time off to attend their activities. It sounds to me like he needs a job that is flexible.  Once he determines how he wants to spend his days - talking to people, marketing, or writing, he should seek out people who do this type of work with a flexible schedule. Then determine how to do what they do. He could use his blog to brainstorm his ideas and to network.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
Discovering my strengths
How to pull yourself out of a slump
Who are you meant to be?

A personal finance book for women

I recently was asked to recommend a list of personal finance books for women. I had a couple of titles in mind, but decided to ask my local librarian for additional suggestions. She recommended Susan L. Hirshman's Does This Make My Assets Look Fat?: A Woman's Guide to Finding Financial Empowerment and Success. Recalling that Citizen Reader liked this book, I decided to check it out.


Susan L. Hirshman, a wealth strategist and CPA has written a book using dieting strategies as a metaphor for successful money management.

What I liked:
I liked Hirshman’s evaluation phase. Normally, I skip over the personal evaluation sections in money management books, but this one was easy to follow and worth doing. Hirshman stresses the importance of knowing what you have, what you can expect to save and what it is that you want to have. She recommends doing this analysis every five years (every three if you are near or in retirement). I also liked that she indicates items like cars and furniture are not assets.

The book is current, published in 2010 it covers the 2008 recession and the housing market collapse. Hirshman points out that a house is a place to live not an investment.

Hirshman does an excellent job explaining risk and the difference between diversification and asset allocation.

A portfolio that is diversified does not necessarily mean that it is well allocated, because you may have lots of different investments but allocation or the balance between the asset classes is not optimum. (Pg. 88)

She recommends rebalancing your investments on a yearly basis.

The book explains the different types of investments; stocks, bonds, ETF’s, and annuities. It includes a section on insurance and why we may need various insurance products. I liked that Hirshman gave the drawbacks and criticisms of investments (e.g. variable annuities) before giving her opinion.

What I didn’t like:
I thought the diet analogies weren’t necessary and at times out of place and down right annoying. I understand the need for a personal finance book for women; women earn less, take more time off from work and live longer etc, but are separate books really necessary to explain basic financial concepts?

Hirshman recommends rolling your 401(k) from a previous employer into your new employer’s 401(k) plan. Granted rolling this account into any plan is preferable to cashing it out, Hirshman should have told the reader many 401(k) plans have high fees and are limited in their investment options. Opening an individual IRA may be a better option.

Overall the book is a comprehensive introduction to personal finance. I would have recommended it as a book to purchase for future reference, but despite including a glossary of terms there isn't an index. As I wrote this review I wanted to go back and re-read a couple of items and was frustrated by the lack of an index.

As to my list of personal finance books for women, to date I have only two other titles:
Suse Orman’s Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny

Vicki Robin's Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence (Not written specifically for women, but an important read)

Do you have a favorite personal finance book I should recommend?

How do I know my 401(k) assets are safe from my company?

Here are some of the questions I have received over the years from employees concerned about their 401(k) assets:

Are my 401(k) assets safe from my company? Can my company withdraw monies from my account to pay company debts? Can they use my 401(k) account as collateral for a loan? What if my company goes bankrupt? Can my assets be seized along with the company’s? How can I be sure my company is forwarding my money to the mutual fund company on a timely basis or at all?

I usually answer by explaining that a 401(k) account is a separate entity from the company. This account is heavily regulated and can not be accessed by the company. I also tell them our 401(k) account is audited each year and as a part of this audit we must prove employee assets were transferred within Department of Labor guidelines. Currently our payroll company transfers employee deductions directly to our plan’s 3rd party administer shortly after our payroll has been run.

There was an informative article in today’s Milwaukee Journal that answers most of these questions: How safe is your 401(k)? by 401(k) adviser Michael J. Francis.

Francis explains Congress passed the Employee Retirement Income Security Act, known as ERISA, to safeguard qualified retirement plan assets in 1974. This act was a result of the demise of the Studebaker Motor Co. and the questionable business dealings of Jimmy Hoffa Sr. If you don’t know the story I highly recommend you read the article.

Francis informs us of ERISA's protections:

ERISA requires when your 401(k) contribution is withdrawn from your paycheck that the funds be deposited in a trust account, separate from your employer's assets and separate from any financial institution's assets.

This requirement protects you in the event your employer, or the financial institution that holds your retirement assets, runs into financial trouble.

This rule also protects 401(k) savings if you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of filing personal bankruptcy. This risk has always been an issue for business owners and professionals subject to malpractice lawsuits, but more people are benefiting from this protection in today's difficult real estate market.

There are two creditors, however, that even ERISA cannot protect you from: the IRS and a former spouse. The law states that if you owe either of these parties money, they can collect by a forced liquidation of your 401(k) account.

For a more informative answer to the basic responsibilities regarding timely 401(k) deposits I turned to the United States Department of Labor:

The deductions from employees’ paychecks for contribution to the plan must be deposited with the plan as soon as reasonably possible, but no later than the 15th business day of the month following the payday. If you can reasonably make the deposits in a shorter time frame, you need to make the deposits at that time.

For plans with fewer than 100 participants, salary reduction contributions deposited with the plan no later than the 7th business day following withholding by the employer will be considered contributed in compliance with the law.

On the US DOL website I also discovered What you should know about your 401(k) plan a comprehensive publication covering everything you should know about your 401(k) plan. To protect yourself the DOL recommends you should review regularly:

• Make sure you have received the plan’s Summary Plan Description and read it for information on how your plan works. Read other documents you receive from your plan to make sure that you keep up with any plan changes, and check that the information on your benefit statement is accurate.
• If you are in a defined contribution plan, ask for information on the investment choices available in the plan, and find out when and how you can change your plan account investments. 
• If you suspect errors in your plan information, contact your plan administrator or the human resources department.  
• If there have been changes in your personal information, such as marriage, divorce or change of address, contact your plan administrator or the human resources department.
• Keep your plan documents in a safe place in case questions arise in the future.

Here are Ten Warning Signs your 401(k)Contributions are Being Misused:

• Your 401(k) or individual account statement is consistently late or comes at irregular intervals
• Your account balance does not appear to be accurate
• Your employer failed to transmit your contribution to the plan on a timely basis
• A significant drop in account balance that cannot be explained by normal market ups and downs
• 401(k) or individual account statement shows your contribution from your paycheck was not made
• Investments listed on your statement are not what you authorized
• Former employees are having trouble getting their benefits paid on time or in the correct amounts
• Unusual transactions, such as a loan to the employer, a corporate officer, or one of the plan trustees
• Frequent and unexplained changes in investment managers or consultants
• Your employer has recently experienced severe financial difficulty

 If you suspect a problem the DOL recommends:
Starting with your employer and/or plan administrator. If you find an error or have a question, in most cases, you can start by looking for information in your Summary Plan Description. In addition, you can contact your employer and/or the plan administrator and ask them to explain what has happened and/or make a correction.
 
If that does not resolve the problem:
Contact the Department of Labor’s EBSA for questions about ERISA, help in obtaining a benefit, or:

• If you believe your claim to benefits has been unjustly denied or that your benefit was calculated incorrectly;
• If you have information that plan assets are being mismanaged or misused;
• If you think the plan fiduciaries are acting improperly; or
• If you think your employer has been late in depositing your contributions

Anger in the workplace

I lost my temper with an employee last week. I was working with a manager from another department first thing in the morning when I spotted her. I turned and said, “By the way Sue I need the numbers for the XYZ report as soon as possible.” She responded with, “A good morning would be nice.” Sue has a reputation for being rude and difficult to work with. Many days employees will try to engage her in pleasantries (such as saying good morning) only to be completely ignored. I wrote about her previously here. She doesn’t work for me, but she does create some of the spreadsheets I work with and provides me with numbers for her department. She doesn't consider the work she does for me a priority and I struggle to get the information I need on a timely basis. I finished working with the other manager and stormed over to her desk proclaiming, “You should talk about Good Morning, we are lucky to get a good morning out of you once every six months.” She stomped off muttering something under her breath.

I went to her manager and asked him to have Sue email me the numbers I needed A.S.A.P. They were emailed to me within a couple of minutes. I ran into another manager while still worked up, telling him what had occurred and proclaiming I’ve had it with Sue I am pulling my spreadsheets from her and giving them to someone else.

First he high-fived me for standing up to her. Then he patted me on the back and told me to calm down, “You know this is a women thing. Women can’t work together and they never forgive.”

At the time I wasn’t in the mood to start another argument, but what does both Sue and I being women have to do with anything. When I lost my temper it was because I am a woman (by the way I can count on one hand the number of times I have lost my cool with an employee). Or the fact that Sue is rude to everyone is because she is a woman. When one of the other managers (who loses his cool all the time) gets angry people don't say it is because he is a guy they say, "Oh that is just the way Scott is."

Did my angry outburst accomplish anything?
I did get my report and I made the point that I am not going to sit back and take rude behavior anymore, but my relationship with Sue is now more strained than ever. Now when she sees me she turns her head or walks the other way. I will have figure out how to work with her all over again. Work relationships shouldn't have to be this hard. I refuse to apologize.

The real problem:
The real problem is that Sue has been allowed to treat her co-workers poorly for years with no repercussions. Her manager refuses to acknowledge that she is a problem. My own manager always says we don’t have to like each other we just have to learn how to work with each other. I think learning how to work with each other should include treating each other with courtesy and respect.

For another take on anger in the workplace see FrauTech's post where she asks: Can anger be an effective tool in the workplace? Or is it always out of line?

What are your thoughts on anger in the workplace?

I've lost my job. Now what?

A guest post by Nicole Abdou:

“You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.” ~Steven D. Woodhull (U.S. geologist, 1976-)

Something happened in late July that I thought I would never recover from – I lost my job. My greatest fear was realized as soon as my two managers walked into my office. One of them was based out of Atlanta, the other out of Tampa. When they entered my office unannounced, I knew it was over.

I handled it as well as I possibly could – I smiled, I thanked them for their patience, I wish the company luck, and I gathered my things. In less than 15 minutes, everything I had worked for was over. My purpose, or so I thought- was lost.

I went home and the best way I can describe my feeling was numb. I felt numb and shocked. I felt betrayed and humiliated. I just sat there, staring at the wall, and the once talkative, hyperactive girl, was now super calm and super void of any visual emotion. I went to bed wondering if this would change my life in a way I would not recover from.

Surprisingly, I awoke with a sense of calm and my head was clear. I knew, without a doubt, life WOULD be different, but it is entirely up to me which path I will take. I could lay in bed, feeling sorry for myself, waiting for people to come and console me – but the truth of the matter is, I am a grown woman with almost 20 years experience and a great education – I needed to pull myself up by my boot straps and make a plan.

That morning I made a list that would change my outlook for the rest of the time I was waiting for my “career life” to begin again. This list was broken into three different categories:

1. What I wanted.
2. What I needed.
3. What I could eliminate from my life.

Once I set a mini-plan in motion, I felt like I had a little more control over the situation.

For example, here are my top 3 in each category:

Want:
1. Get out of Non Profit.
2. Learn Arabic
3. Exercise More

Need:
1. Start the unemployment process
2. Organize my job search in a special notebook
3. Budget wisely

Eliminate:
1. Unnecessary expenses: (ex. Gym Membership, etc.)
2. Annoying Conference Calls (that was more humorous than an actuality)
3. Waking up at 6am

Again, some of the list making was mainly humorous, but it did allow me to put life back in perspective.

Look – I’m not going to sugar coat it, unemployment is HARD. I will admit, I am on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but one thing remains the same – it’s up to me how I react to things. I got the messy part out of the way first (unemployment, turning receipts to my old job, making sure the loose ends were tied, canceling my gym membership, filing a deferment for my student loans.) Once that was done, I could get to the business of a job search.

I spent about 3 days updating my resume and constantly applying for jobs. I made a point to wake up by 8am, and have a little to-do list. I would spend up to 3 hours searching and applying for jobs, and about another hour organizing something in the house. I made a point to call at least one friend a day, just to get that emotional support we all need. But planning out my day, and being smart about how I spent my time, this has given me the opportunity to not dwell on what went wrong.

If there is one piece of advice I can give you, just to weather the “unemployment storm,” is to focus on your next big move. This is actually a blessing in disguise! I know, I know.. hard to imagine it. But here is YOUR chance to be strategic. Find that next “it thing” you want to do – Go back to school, start your own business, or find that company that really fits your work/life style.

More importantly, take some time for you. No, I don’t recommend just lying around and crying, (though an evening or so of this can be quite therapeutic!) Read that book that is lying on your night stand, write in your journal, take a free class at your public library – just DO SOMETHING. If you have a spiritual side, then pray. If you prefer communing with nature – go for a hike. This is your time to soul search.

Focus. Plan. Eat Ice Cream on occasion. Pray. Talk it out. Cry if you have to. But move forward. Do what you have to do to get to the next part. I assure you, when we fast forward 1 year from now – it will all make sense.

Good luck!

Nicole Abdou, 38, is the author of Destination Unknown and former Communications Director. She lives in Birmingham, Alabama with her Egyptian husband. Traveling, photography, and Zumba take up her free time. In her blog, Destination Unknown , Nicole tackles every day issues from: Unemployment, to living in a multi-cultural marriage, to growing up in the south, and anything else that strikes her fancy!

She can be contacted at: snicoleabdou@gmail.com Her blog: http://nicoleabdou-destinationunknown.blogspot.com

Remembering: A Lesson in Community

If you are a regular follower of my blog you may have noticed I usually post on Sundays. With today being September 11, 2011 my first thought was to not acknowledge the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and schedule my weekly blog post for Monday.

Then my brother who lives in NYC sent me this photo he took of the 9/11 memorial:

I found it so moving, I decided to include it in a post and write about how important it is to never forget what happened on 9/11. To include my own memories; where I was, who I was with, how I remembered the crisp air of that September day and what I had been wearing.

Then this morning I read a post on Florinda's blog The 3 R's. She writes about community, reminding us September 11, 2001 was a day that brought people together, no matter where they were.
She writes:

We haven't always consistently maintained that sense of community and connectedness throughout the last decade, but it's important to remember how important it is.

I put off writing this post and went outside to read the Sunday paper with my dogs. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my reading. I kept thinking about Florinda’s post and how unconnected I have become in the past ten years in my own community.

I thought back to the days immediately following 09/11/01. How time seemed to stand still as I mourned with friends, family, co-workers and even with strangers at the gym. We put our politics aside and banded together to raise money, share news or to just say hello. I thought about bipartisan politics and how divided we as a nation have become over the past ten years. About the long winter of protests here in Wisconsin, recall elections and families who are now divided between those who are union members and those who are not.

I thought of my own neighbors who before yesterday I hadn’t talked to in over a year. This past year the neighbors on my block joined together to create and pay for a neighborhood improvement project. My home’s property is located just outside of the project line, so I didn’t attend the planning meetings. Plus, their meetings conflicted with my favorite aerobic class; my husband did attend and kept me informed as to what was going on. Yesterday I walked down the block to take a couple of photos of the project.

I came home two hours later with a bag of flower seeds, freshly picked vegetables, new gardening tips, my photos of the project and a years worth of neighborhood gossip. Most of my neighbors were outside. They invited me into their yards and gave me tours of their gardens. I apologized for not attending their parties. I told one of them I still wanted to volunteer with a gardening group she works with and that I still planned on becoming a master gardener. Because these activities either occur while I am working or are too time consuming, my involvement would have to wait until I am retired - in ten years. She was flabbergasted - ten years.

My work is demanding, stressful and not community oriented. I learned earlier this year I had to say no to outside engagements for my own sanity. For the first time in eleven years, I am not on the board of an organization I am involved with and I must say I miss the community.

My current community involvement consists of on-line activity, going to work and to the gym. I have made several friends at the gym so when I do work out I feel as though I am taking care of myself and engaging in the community. Work is another story I will save for a future post.

My husband would say I spend too much time on-line. I do spend a lot of time reading other blogs, but I don’t comment or write posts as often as I should. I consider my blog’s regular commenter's my friends. Recently one of them experienced a health scare in her family then her home was threatened by Hurricane Irene. I found myself wishing I could call her to see if there was anything I could do and to offer my support.

In the end, I decided who cares where I was on 9/11/2001. I used this day and this post to reflect on my community involvement. My neighbor has a point; I can't wait another ten years to get involved. I have to figure out how to realign my life to include more community participation. I encourage all of you to reflect on your own community involvement. In addition to never forgetting what happened on September 11, 2001, it is important for all of us to consider how we can achieve our own sense of community and connectedness.

I’ve had my fill of Mary Kay Ash

I recently read Mary Kay Ash’s autobiography Mary Kay.

Motivation for reading:
800ceoread, a website dedicated to business books, provided a list of recommended business biographies including this list of business autobiographies from Fast Company. Miracles Happen : The Life and Timeless Principles of the Founder of Mary Kay Inc by Mary Kay Ash was included on the Fast Company list. Intrigued to read a book featuring a female entrepreneur, I picked up a copy from the library.*

What it is about:
Mary Kay Ash is a self-made businesswoman and founder of the Mary Kay Cosmetic Empire. In the book she chronicles her career as a salesperson and the creation of her cosmetic company using the lessons she learned from her sales career and her personal philosophies.

What I liked:
Her story:
Mary Kay Ash’s story is inspirational. From the age of seven when her mother instilled a can do spirit in Mary Kay (she had to prepare meals for her ill father and shop for her own clothes while her mother worked) she seemed destined to become a success.

Mary Kay originally aspired to be a doctor and went to school part-time while divorced, raising three children and working as a salesperson. Realizing she had a knack for sales, she dropped out of college. She spent the next 25 years working in direct sales. She retired in 1963 after being passed over for promotion numerous times by male co-workers. She intended to spend her retirement writing a book that would assist women in business. Instead this book turned into the business plan for Mary Kay Cosmetics.

Her success:
Mary Kay tells us she wasn’t the most talented she was just willing to make more sacrifices.
I think it was more than that. Mary Kay had the unique ability to blend the strategic big picture with the details. She used the lessons she learned in her 25 year sales career to create a company that enabled women to become financially independent. She instilled her values: God first, family second and work third as her company philosophy.

My favorite Mary Kay company principal is to encourage women to compete with themselves rather than with each other:

I've seen people step on each other to win a contest. That kind of competition is so destructive to morale within an organization that we’ve been very careful to avoid it altogether. (Pg. 19)**

She offers advice on starting a new company:

It is not wise to start a business unless you have something new or different or better to offer than is presently being offered. The best reason to start a new company is that there is a need for what you to offer or that you are better than what is being offered. When we began no cosmetic company was teaching skincare. (Pg 119)

Thoughts on communication skills:
I believe those who have the best communication skills become the most successful. Mary Kay thinks they make the best employees:

It was John D. Rockefeller who said:
I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other commodity under the sun – sugar or wheat or flour. (Pg. 156)

Making others feel important
You give the gift of confidence by praising. (Pg. 156)

What I didn’t like:
Mary Kay lost me somewhere between the first thing her consultants are to do in the morning is put on their makeup and her recommendation that consultants involve their husbands in their business by having them do the bookkeeping and recordkeeping. Much of her advice seems dated, but then in the early 60's when Mary Kay Cosmetics was created a woman (meaning a middle-class white woman) working outside the home was still a novel idea.

More annoying than her outdated advice, I felt Mary Kay never took her sales hat off and her book was one big promotion for Mary Kay Cosmetics.

*It wasn’t until I was almost finished with the book I realized I was not reading the book on Fast Company's list. I had checked out Mary Kay: The Success Story of America's Most Dynamic Businesswoman the original Mary Kay autobiography from 1981.  Miracles Happen is the 2003 updated and re-released edition. At this point, I had had quite enough of Mary Kay and her company and was not about to check out the later version to see what if anything had been revised or updated.

Overall, I think the book would be a good read for an aspiring salesperson or entrepreneur. I have to give Mary Kay credit for creating a business that empowered so many women to go into business for themselves at a time when it wasn't the thing to do. Though, I do think I would have preferred reading a biography about Mary Kay and her business rather than reading her own words.

As to my thoughts on whether Mary Kay is a viable business opportunity, I am going to direct you to this article: Mary Kay Cosmetics: Destroying Half a Million Women a Year. It is written by Tracy Coenen a forensic accountant and founder of her own business Sequence Inc. I have heard Tracey speak a number of times and respect her judgment.

**Remember Robin from this post. Robin's co-worker's fixation with knocking her out of the #1 sales spot (and winner of all the prizes) was the driving force behind her resignation from her job.

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Interview with Gloria Steinem

Thanks to Susan Bulkeley Butler for recommending Marianne Schnall’s interview with Gloria Steinem in the Huffington Post. At 77 Gloria Steinem continues to have so much to teach us:

On the future of feminism:
-She thinks of the future in two ways -- survival plus moving forward. Under survival, she would put all the efforts to save the female half of the world from violence directed at us specifically because we are female

Under survival she includes everything from domestic violence, sex trafficking, rape and serial killing to aborting female fetuses, female genital mutilation, child marriage and denying female children protein, health care and education.

-On the root of the imbalance of women’s representation in politics. (The U.S. currently stands as 70th among countries in terms of women’s representation):

Unequal access to money and media plus bias, external and internalized, and male-dominant religions and illegality at the polls -- all those are reasons for women's wildly unequal political power. All those are things we have to fight. If we organized well from the bottom up -- and didn't fall for the idea that our vote doesn't count; an idea nurtured by those who don't want us to use it -- we could elect feminists, women of all races and some diverse men, too -- who actually represent the female half of the country equally.

- Sending an email or twitter is not action

Read the entire interview here.

BAND Discussion: How did you get into non-fiction?

This week I decided to participate in the August BAND discussion. BAND - Bloggers’ Alliance of Nonfiction Devotees - is a group organized to promote the joy of reading nonfiction. The members of the group are “advocates for nonfiction as a non-chore.” Each month, a member of BAND hosts a discussion on their blog relating to nonfiction. This month’s host for the discussion is Amy of Amy Reads.

Amy asks:
How did you get into reading nonfiction? Do you remember your first nonfiction book or subject? If so, do you still read those subjects?

I mentioned in a previous post I was an avid reader as a teenager. Living on a farm in rural Wisconsin my reading was more about trying to figure out life (or the life I thought I was missing out on) than anything else. The books I read were mostly fiction with no particular preference for any one genre. In college I gave up recreational reading for textbooks and did not return to reading for pleasure until after I had passed the CPA exam over a decade later.

It had been so long since I had read an actual novel I initially had a hard time determining what I wanted to read. I started with the classics and fiction recommended in the newspaper or featured on best-seller lists. I discovered Oprah's book club and began making my way through her selections. With each book I became increasingly disenchanted with fiction. If you have ever read any of Oprah’s book club picks you may understand my disenchantment – the majority of them are down right depressing. The book that pushed me over the top and into the forays of nonfiction was Tawni O’Dell’s Back Roads - it seemed as though O’Dell had taken every horrible thing that could possibly happen to a person and crammed it into one book. After Back Roads, I was done with Oprah’s book club and began looking for a different reading experience.

Shortly thereafter, I took Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail with me on a camping trip. This book was one of the funniest books I had ever read and a perfect pick for a vacation in the woods. I enjoyed learning about the Appalachian Trail and jotted the following note from the book in my journal:

200 year old pecan trees were commonly chopped down just to make it easier to harvest the nuts on the topmost branches.

When I returned, I decided to read more nonfiction and found this list* of Nonfiction That Reads Like Fiction at the library. I read Steven Ambrose’s Undaunted Courage: Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, and the Opening of the American West, Tony Horwitz’s Blue Latitudes: Boldly Going Where Captain Cook Has Gone Before and Caroline Alexander's The Bounty : The True Story of the Mutiny on the Bounty. Each of these books led to more note taking and a realization that I enjoyed reading to learn and discover the truth instead of the propaganda.

From there I discovered book blogs most notably Citizen Reader reading many of the books she featured. Some of my favorites include Joe Bageant’s Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America's Class War, Paul Clemens's Made in Detroit, and Richard Longworth's Caught in the Middle: America's Heartland in the Age of Globalism.

Currently I read nonfiction almost exclusively. I enjoy almost anything nonfiction, but prefer memoirs, biographies, history, business and economics books; basically any book that teaches me something new about what is going on in the world.

*This is the on-line version of the original list. Steven Ambrose’s Undaunted Courage is no longer featured.

Talk of Doom & Gloom in the Workplace Upsets Co-worker

I have a co-worker who I will call Mr. Doom who does not handle negative economic news well. At the first sign of a stock market downturn or talk of a recession, he begins spreading rumors that the company is going under; we are all going to lose our jobs and end up living in a van down by the river. In the past, his negative talk has been so disruptive he received a warning from HR.

Needless to say, Mr. Doom did not handle this week’s stock market roller-coaster ride well. Beginning on Monday he began making his usual rounds spreading doom and gloom to co-workers. I don’t really listen to these ramblings or take his projections seriously, so I was surprised when Deb an employee from another department approached me saying Mr. Doom was upsetting her so much she never wanted him to talk to her about the economy again.

I told her not to listen to him he doesn’t know what he is talking about. I then quoted Clark Howard telling her Clark believed in capitalism, that our capitalist system was going to prevail and that government just needed to get its act together. By the look on her face my statements did not help at all.

Mr. Doom moved all his money to a dividend producing fund called BGY and told me and others we should do so as well. As the week progressed he followed me around giving me updates on how much money he had made and I had most likely lost. Finally in exasperation I told him to stop checking the market; there was nothing any of us could do about what is happening anyway. Then hearing my phone ring I told him we should all get back to work.

Later Deb approached me saying she had overheard my conversation with Mr. Doom and how much she had enjoyed it. I told her we should all stop panicking and concentrate on the positive aspects of the economy. I had just read Kent’s post Reality Check: Average Market Corrections and pointed out some of the positive items he listed in his post:

• The debt ceiling crisis has passed.
• 75% of companies beat earnings estimates.
• Oil is back under $90.
• Car sales are up 5.8% year over year.

I then told her our company had had positive year-to-date earnings at the end of June for the first time in three years, we had a positive July, and early August projections looked good. Also, that our company’s owners foresee good things happening for the remainder of the year and are not worried about what the market is doing.

She seemed satisfied and I realized that was what she was looking for. She needed to hear the company was okay and to be reassured her job was going to be safe.

As to Mr. Doom, he panicked and pulled all his money out of BGY Thursday morning. He was off on Friday, so I don’t have a final update, but I’m sure this move was a mistake. According to stock market results the Dow ended the week just 1.5 percent lower than it had started.

Do your co-workers panic during economic upheaval? What does your company do if anything to squelch their fears and keep employees focused on their work?

Evelyn Nesbit – What we can learn from the first “IT” girl

I began thinking about the path that leads to the exploitation of young female celebrities after reading New York magazine’s article Paw Paw and Lady Love about Anna Nicole Smith recommended by Citizen Reader.

If you read the article you will learn Anna Nicole Smith born Vickie Lynn Hogan, lived in an abusive household, dropped out of school at 15 after failing her freshman year, had a mother who didn’t protect her, and was exploited and taken advantage of throughout her tragic life.

After reading the above article I began searching for books about young celebrities who were able to rise above the fame and exploitation. Instead  I came across Paula Uruburu's book American Eve: Evelyn Nesbit, Stanford White: The Birth of the "It" Girl and the Crime of the Century on a women's issues non-fiction book list on About.com.

Here is the book synopsis from the About.com article:
But when did our fixation on celebrity, youth, beauty, money, and scandal begin? Author Paula Uruburu travels back in time to reintroduce us to "American Eve: Evelyn Nesbit, Stanford White, the Birth of the "It" Girl, and the Crime of the Century." At the young age of 16, Evelyn Nesbit entered pop culture history as the nation's first pin-up girl; but her rags-to-riches story ended in a trial that involved madness and murder.

What is the book about/my thoughts:
The book is an engrossing quick read told entirely from Evelyn’s point of view. Her exploitation begins when her father died when she was ten. He left the family penniless and in debt. Her mother unable to find adequate employment pulls her children from school lies about their ages and finds them employment at a department store. Evelyn who is an incredible beauty becomes a popular artist’s model and eventually an actress. From there she is noticed by Stanford White, a famous married architect who has a weakness for young girls. You can see where the story is going. After being abandoned by her mother with few options available she marries Harry Thaw a jealous millionaire with mental stability issues.

In 1915, Evelyn wrote, “Some women have a conscience: some have a sense of self-preservation: they frequently exist together, but most often one does duty for the other.” Having been forced at such an early age to choose self-preservation, not to mention the preservation of her precarious family unit, Evelyn the child-woman saw precious few examples of conscience in action from the so-called adults or guardians in her life. (pg. 208)

Harry ends up murdering Stanford White and the trial of the century begins. Because of the publicity of the case six hundred prospective jurors went through the process before twelve were selected.

(Women, of course, were not allowed to serve on juries.) (pg. 323)

Evelyn testifies. After years of working as an artist’s model she is able to maintain her composure and stick to her story despite a grueling cross examination. The trial ends in a hung jury. The second trial sends Harry to a mental institution. Harry’s family disowns Evelyn and once again she is out on the street. She spends the rest of her life living in the aftermath of her celebrity trying to make ends meet. Her mother never comes to her rescue.

It is interesting to note in interviews after the trial, Evelyn’s father’s family point out Evelyn’s mother could have done more to support her family. She could have taken in laundry. Instead, she chose to live off Evelyn.

To answer the question was Evelyn Nesbit so different from today's young starlets? I turn to a Paula Uruburu interview on the Book Club Queen. Paula answers with:

Sadly not at all – she is in fact the poster girl as the first in a pattern we have seen with young starlets ever since. I only wish that the young girls (not women) who are already in the harsh cynical light of celebrity-fueled fire – with names like Miley, Britney, Lindsey, Mary-Kate and Ashley – or those contemplating fame based on such fleeting things as beauty or the whims of a fickle public, read Evelyn's story and learn something from it. It is of course doubly difficult when, like Evelyn, virtually all of today's teen-aged femme fatales are placed in harm's way by parents with dubious motivations and atrocious parenting skill -- and that we are still a culture which delights in watching young women crash and burn for its own titillation and entertainment. As I say early in the book, those who don't learn from history's sins are doomed to repeat them -- and 100 years later NOTHING has changed.

And to my original question - what about celebrities who were able to rise above their fame and make it? Paula answers:

Sadly, Evelyn may have been the first but she was not the last in a long line that very few can seemingly escape successfully – Jodie Foster and Brooke Shields come to mind as two who did rise above circumstances– and of course they went to Yale and Princeton respectively. Somehow, I don't see college in the future of the Lindseys, Britneys, and Mileys who dominate the current pop culture scene. With the world at their feet and global information at their fingertips, it's hard for me to see young women squandering the opportunity to do something significant and lasting with their lives. As Jack Kerouac wrote, "Fame is yesterday's newspaper blowing down Bleecker Street."

The book includes numerous photos of Evelyn from her modeling portfolio which adds to the enjoyment of the book. If you enjoy nonfiction and true crime similar to Erik Larsen's The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America you most likely will enjoy this book.

How to spot a bogus diet, beauty products to save your money on and having it all

This week as I continue to recuperate from my bought with bronchitis I am directing you to a few articles/blog posts worth a read:

In today’s USA Weekend: 5 Way's To Spot a Bogus Diet.  A list of guidelines that if followed surely will rule out most of the current diet trends. Bottom line if you want to lose weight you need follow a diet that works towards a sustainable lifestyle and includes healthy eating and exercise.

I’ve wanted to reference: Val's Guide to Buying the Right Beauty Products from the August 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine for some time. Val provides products worth a few extra bucks along with those we should save our money on. I was especially intrigued that she included facials as an item to save money on. She writes:

A facial can be terrifically relaxing and give you a temporary glow. But you don't need one to have gorgeous skin. Better to invest in a daily skincare system (with sunscreen) that exfoliates, moisturizes, and provides antioxidant benefits (like smoother, brighter skin) from vitamins A, C, or E, says Susan Evans, MD, chief of dermatology at Cosmetic Physicians of Beverly Hills. And, says Evans, if you have acne, rosacea, eczema, or hyperpigmentation, the extractions and peels sometimes performed during a facial can actually worsen your condition.

Nicole and Maggie of Grumpy Rumbling’s of the Untenured sick of blog posts talking about how women can have everything, just not at the same time have posted the unapologetic post: Why do I have everything?  And she does have everything. Sometimes all we need is to change our mindset and recognize what we have. I enjoyed how her “everything” included values, internal qualities and people as opposed to material possessions, salary and fancy titles.

'til I'm feeling better...

Is it okay to attend a social event when you are sick?

The weekend before last, I attended a formal sit-down bridal shower. We had assigned seats. One of the gals, I will call her Mary, was seated between me and a gal who was nine months pregnant. She turned her chair towards me saying I have a terrible cough and would hate to have the pregnant gal catch it. She proceeded to cough in my direction throughout the meal and the shower.

Needless to say, I now have a terrible cough. This morning as my husband tried to convince me to go to urgent care I said, "Why didn't Mary just stay home? I know I caught this from her." DH said, "Now you don't know that, if you were sick you probably still would have attended."

In this instance most likely because I am the bride's Aunt, but that is not always the case. I missed my neighborhood cookie exchange last winter cuz I felt my neighbors wouldn't appreciate my germs right before the holidays. I am not going to my professional association board meeting tonight and am considering not attending a family party next weekend if I am not feeling better.

What do you do in these instances? Attend feeling miserable and spend the event coughing into your Kleenex because you don't want to miss out? Or stay home send a note saying you were ill?

All I can say is from the guests’ perspective; I wish Mary would have stayed home. I don't ever remember being sick in summer before. Not to mention the time I have had to take off from work.

Thoughts?

The Body Project

Motivation for reading
I decided to read Joan Jacobs Brumberg's book The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls after reading this review posted on Ava’s blog A Striped Armchair.

What is it about?
Brumberg provides an historical look at adolescent girls’ perception of body image from the Victorian era to the early 90’s (the book was published in 1997). The book’s premise is that increasingly since the early 1900s middle-class adolescent girls and women went from developing their inner beauty to working on their body; so much so that their bodies have became a project.

In the Victorian era, beauty was thought to derive primarily from internal qualities such as moral character, spirituality, and health. (Pg.70)

Compare that to this 1982 New Year’s resolution:

I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can...I will lose weight, get new lenses, already got new haircut, good makeup, new clothes, and accessories. (Pg. xxi)

Brumberg points out girls are maturing faster and menstruating sooner than they did in the past and that our society currently does not provide a protective support system for them as the mother-daughter bond did in the past.

Although middle-class parents are invested more than ever before in the health and education of their adolescent girls, one of the most intimate aspects of the mother-daughter relationship- menarche and menstruation- had been relegated to medicine and to the marketplace by the time of World War II. (Pg 198)

My Thoughts:
The Body Project is a quick read that brought back my own body project. In my teens and early twenties I spent almost all of my free time shopping for the perfect outfit, styling my hair, applying Clearasil to my pimples and trying to tan my porcelain white skin. Looking back I regret not spending this time doing something more worth while. Reading the book I realized how subtle things like standard-sized clothing and bra sizes had a big impact on how I felt about my appearance. I was a flat-chested, petite skinny teenager who had to shop in the children’s section long after my class-mates had graduated to junior sizes. Brumberg mentions how when the movie “10” with Bo Derek’s perfect “10” body came out boys began rating girl’s bodies on a scale from 1-10. I remember the boys in my high-school doing this. I never learned my score, but was convinced I was a 2 or a 3.

I was also reminded of “the body projects” of the girls I knew; the worst being a college class-mate who water-skied professionally during summer breaks. After one winter, her manager told the 116 pound 5’ 6” girl she was fat and needed to lose ten pounds if she wanted to ski in his shows. This statement ruined her life. She headed down a path of bulimia that she still suffers from today not to mention all of the dental bills she incurred (bulimia wears away the enamel of your teeth).

I have to point out marketing gimmick discoveries. Brumberg informs us:

By 1995, American women and girls were spending more than $100 million on “cellulite Busters,” many of which needed to be applied liberally, at least once or twice a day, at a cost of $60 a tube. Although scientific studies have never supported their effectiveness, thigh creams are major business; and liposuction, a procedure that vacuums fat from the thighs and buttocks has become the most popular kind of cosmetic surgery in the United States. (Pg. 127)

Overall, I enjoyed reading the historical information and the development of marketing trends, but the book was a little dated. There was an entire chapter on body piercing. And I am not sure if I needed to read about the diminishing importance of the hymen. Current topics that I’d like to see included are botox and the effects of social media on girls and young women. I agree with Ava this book would make a great read for a women’s book club. The book brings up so many topics for discussion several of which I already talk about amongst my family and friends. How to talk to our daughters? How much to tell them and when? How to change the focus from a perfect body to a healthy body?

This would be a good book for a mother, teacher or any women/teenager/girl trying to understand how her body became a “body project.”

Employee shocked she was escorted out the door after giving notice

Robin writes:
I resigned from my sales associate job last week. The pressure to continuously meet increasing sales goals got the best of me. My husband, tired of seeing me so stressed, talked me into resigning. I told my manager I had decided to take the rest of the summer off then look for a less stressful position in the fall. An hour after submitting my resignation, my manager approached my desk, advised me he was accepting my resignation, informed me the company would still pay me for the next two weeks, but effective immediately I had to leave the premises. He then asked for my key and escorted me out the door.

I am shocked, hurt and humiliated by this experience. I worked for this company for ten years and was the top salesperson in my department every month during this ten year period. I cannot believe I was booted out so easily and that they did not even try to fight to keep me. Why would they do this? Didn’t they value me as an employee?

First, when you submit your resignation you need to realize you are resigning; the days of using a resignation to negotiate a higher salary or to air your gripes no longer exists. A wage and salary freeze means just that. Think about it if you resign and your company counters with a less stressful job, more pay or both all of your co-workers will resign looking for the same deal. If you want to air your gripes it is best to schedule a meeting and discuss them with your manager not to resign. Also, companies are not required to give you an exit interview.

Why did your manager so easily accept your resignation?
Perhaps your company is struggling financially (many still are) and need to continue to cut costs. You may have conveniently helped your manager balance his budget. Also, you resigned instead of being let go – in the state of Wisconsin your company’s unemployment account will not be affected.

Why were you escorted out the door?
Escorting salespeople out the door may be your company’s policy. They may be afraid you will use the next two weeks to
1. Steal contacts
2. Sabotage the system (the IT Manager at my company continuously blames former employees for our company's computer system problems)
3. Rile up your customers and co-workers by telling them all the reasons why you no longer want to work for the company.
4. Goof off - they may feel you aren’t going to accomplish anything anyway.

In the past, when I have left companies or have had employees leave there are two reasons why employers want them to work during the two week resignation period:
1. They need the employee to train someone else to do their job
2. They want the employee to finish their current projects

My advice is not to sweat this too much. You choose to quit because you weren’t happy.  Stick with your original plan to relax, take a couple months off then figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

Stop giving away your time and expertise

At a recent networking event for accountants, two women business owners were lamenting about potential clients looking for free tax and accounting advice. One was telling the other:

I had another potential client waste my time last week. After spending 2 1/5 hours answering questions and providing free tax and accounting advice for his five newly created LLC’s, he left saying he’d have to think it over. I am sure I will never hear from him again. Why does this keep happening to me? What can I do to distinguish deadbeat clients looking for free advice from actual paying customers?

Mary, who has been providing tax and accounting services to clients for 20 years, offered the following advice:

Stop giving free advice:
I started charging a $25 consultation fee to new clients several years ago. Charging a nominal fee adds a legitimacy factor to the first meeting.

Limit consultations to one hour:
Real clients understand accountants charge by the hour. A potential client that stays longer than one hour is seeking free advice and won’t be back. After one hour state, “That is all the time I have for you today. Let me share the services I offer.” Detail your services; provide your fee structure and a contract. If they request a second meeting schedule one at your normal billing rate.

Stop talking:
I learned this tip years ago. Once you have outlined your services and provided your contract hand them a pen stop talking. In the early days of my business, my nerves would keep talking long after I had asked for the deal and I’d end up talking my new client out of my services.

What if they forgot their checkbook?
If they are not interested in future services I ask for the $25 fee. If they’ve forgotten their checkbook, I inform them I am set up to accept ACH payments and provide them with an ACH authorization form to fill out.

Five LLC’s?
This is a bad sign. Anyone who has created five LLC’s in one year doesn’t know what he wants to do and isn’t going to be a good client. (An LLC is a Limited Liability Corporation)

What practices have you implemented to stop giving away your time and expertise?

"When you undervalue who you are, the world will undervalue what you do and vice versa" Suze Orman

50 Best Books for the Unemployed

Phrases such as “Books to read when laid off” and “Books to help with my job search” are common searches that appear in my blog stats.  Fortunately, I now have a resource for those who are out of work or looking to make a job or career change Bachelors Degree Online has compiled a list of The 50 Best Books for the Unemployed.

The list is divided into the following categories:

Inspiration
Just for the Unemployed
Motivation
Networking and Business
Job Hunting

Years ago when my entire department was laid-off we were all given a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute?  When my husband lost his job in 2003 he was given Spencer Johnson's Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life.  Both books are included in the list as well as Tom Rath's StrengthsFinder 2.0 one of my favorite reads for self-discovery. There is even a book to help cope with the cost of health insurance The Healthcare Survival Guide, Cost-Saving Options for The Suddenly Unemployed and Anyone Else Who Wants to Save Money by Martin B. Rosen and M.D. Abbie Leibowitz

I want to add every book in the “Just for the unemployed” category to my TBR list, but for now am adding Unemployment: The Shocking Truth of Its Causes, Its Outrageous Consequences And What Can Be Done About It by Jack Stone and Joe McCraw to my summer reading list.

What are your thoughts of the books on the list?  Do you have any additional recommendations?

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Technology Woes

I woke up Saturday morning with a revelation - in order for me to devote my life to making a difference I have to have my house in order. By this I mean my work and home life. If I am constantly one step behind or finishing my projects just in the nick of time how will I ever have the time, energy or focus to perform the research needed to make a difference. I decided it was time. Starting today I am going to work towards getting all those pesky little projects out of the way.

Too bad I had this revelation a day too late. I turned on my desktop computer and performed my usual routine; checking my blog stats, reading emails, feeds and tweets. Then my husband checked his and down loaded a song onto his Ipod. The computer locked up, this wasn’t anything unusual locking up has been a regular occurrence lately. I got it going again and continued about my day. Later when I tried shutting it off it acted weird, but I was able to power it down. Now I can’t get it to boot up. No matter what I try nothing.

Then DH was listening to his Ipod and it went into a disk mode and he couldn’t get back to the start menu. No matter how many times he tried - nothing. Panic began settling in. I never backed up his music onto my laptop or his photos - though I do have most of his photos on disk. If we can’t get the computer going again his email contacts and favorites will be gone as well.

I was able to get his ipod going this morning and will have my IT person at my work look at my computer tomorrow, but a lot of aggravation would have been saved if I would have taken a couple of simple backup precautions while I had the chance.