Conversations for Savvy Women

In case you haven’t noticed my blog has a new tag line:

Conversations for Savvy Women

 

I’ve been brainstorming ideas with blogging guru Kimberly Gauthier to help brand my blog and determine a new blogging niche. My previous niche, blogging about topics for women was too broad. I wasn't sure who my audience was from week to week and was having difficulty coming up with fresh blog material. I needed someone from the outside to guide me out of my blogging rut.

Along comes Kimberly Gauthier:
When Kimberly Gauthier offered to help readers discover their blogging micro niche in her newsletter Blogging in My Pajamas I took her up on it.

Kimberly identified what she liked about my blog and gave me a couple of tag line ideas. She suggested I write down all the words that come to mind when thinking of my blog then use a Thesaurus to come up with more. I  combined Kimberly’s ideas with my own to come up with a new tag line. I was surprised at how easy and fun the process was and am happy with the result.

I love the idea of having a conversation with a group of savvy women (and men if they are so inclined) with each post. I also think “Conversations for Savvy Women” will broaden my niche rather than stifle it. I have several new post ideas, so stay tuned.

Click here to learn more about Kimberly’s free newsletter Blogging in My Pajamas.

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Strength Challenge Interview #5 - Closing Comments

Created by Darlene B. Nemuth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Today is the final post in the series.

What do you know now that you did not know when you were 18?

I learned that you can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable. You have to move out of your comfort zone. The more you do this, the easier it gets.

Remember, even confident people feel awkward and uncomfortable at times but they are willing to step out of their comfort zone because that is where accomplishments and personal growth occur.

It is true, I never thought of myself as a strong confident woman. Ah!

A woman. That is weird. Strong and confident? Not me.

I guess I was wrong. Weirder eh? I was working as an Office Manager, I do not remember how the conversation came about but I was told by one of the office staff, that I was a strong and confident woman. I was shocked.

I had to email my mentor. I told her this shocking news. Her reply was that I had come a long way since we worked together and that this woman was looking at me as I had looked at her several years ago. Does that make sense?

I didn’t feel strong and confident but that was how I appeared to those around me. Amazing isn’t it. So now when I am feeling a little lacking, I remember those words: “you are a strong and confident woman.” Damn straight!

Are there any books that have influenced you or that you find yourself always recommending to others?

I was extremely shy when I was younger. I am still shy but for the most part it does not get in the way. My supervisor at the time, sent me to a Dale Carnegie course. Subsequently, I was given the book. I still have that book and I do recommend it. The book is called How To Win Friends and Influence People. Don’t let the title fool you, it has a lot of great tips – not so much on how to be a strong person – but more about being a strong communicator.

I also like Rhonda Byrne’s book The Magic. There are 28 days of 28 practices of gratitude. I started my blog by going through these exercises. It changes your perception of events and people. A happy person is a strong person.

Do you have any other tips or suggestions that may help me in my strength challenge? Or is there anything else you'd like to add that I haven't thought to ask about?

I was watching the movie The Help and there is a line that I will always remember. I now say this with my granddaughter before she goes to bed. “I am smart. I am kind. I am important.”

Savvy. You are smart. You are kind. You are important.

 

Thank you, Darlene Nemeth for an enjoyable and informative interview. In addition to Darlene's website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, you can find Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

 

Do you want to read more?
Here are the four other posts in this series covering my strength interview with Darlene Nemeth:

Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2
Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3
How to Maintain a High Energy Level at Work - Strength Lesson #4

How to Maintain a High Energy Level at Work - Strength Interview #4

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Today’s interview question focuses on maintaining a high energy level at work.




I struggle with having enough energy to stay strong at work. Do you have any suggestions for maintaining a high energy level?

My first three answers to What makes you feel strong? apply here as well. Get enough sleep, eat right, drink water.

To that list, I would like to add: taking breaks. I am not talking about your regular lunch break or the two fifteen minute breaks some companies provide.

I am talking about micro breaks every thirty to forty minutes. Get up and stretch. Talk and joke around with a co-worker. I like to go outside for fresh air and feel the sunshine on my face.

The idea here is to think about something different, stretch your eyeball muscles by looking far into the distance and move your body.

Micro breaks will rejuvenate your mind and body. You will be able to go back to work refreshed and productive with a healthy work attitude.

I joke around with coworkers that they need to get up and move around because all their blood has pooled in their butts. And as you know, we are not getting any younger, rigamortis sets in quickly and we have to get up from our chairs to break it up.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

How do you maintain a high level of energy at work?

Tune in tomorrow to read my the final strength interview post with Darlene.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2
Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3

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Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Since Darlene works as a Human Resource Manager I wanted to be sure to cover how to deal with bullies at work. One of my most damaging conversations (and probably the impetus behind my strength challenge) occurred when a fellow manager told me I was the weakest manager my company had. Here is what Darlene had to say:

Do you have any tips for dealing with a bully at work?
In Ontario it is the law to have a “Workplace Violence and Harassment” policy and procedures. In that event you should follow protocol as outlined by the company you are working for.

That’s probably not the answer you were looking for. 

Let’s try it from a different perspective. Is this bully your superior? Coworker? Subordinate? Are you comfortable speaking to the bully in order to resolve the conflict? Or perhaps to your superior?

You need to talk to someone at work. If you can’t say it, write it.
You have the right to go to work and be treated with dignity and respect.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

Do you have any additional tips for dealing with bullies in the workplace?

Tune in tomorrow to learn how Darlene maintains a high energy level at work.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Moving on after a personal attack by co-worker
Boss attacks employee's weight
Verbal Judo Communication

What makes you feel strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth.  About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year.  Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Today’s post focuses on what Darlene has learned about strength.

What makes you feel strong?
I don’t have a simple answer for this question. For me to feel strong, I have several needs.

First of all, I need to be well rested. Why? Being sleep deprived makes my brain foggy and I can’t think straight and it affects my memory. I can’t think fast on my feet so I come across brain dead.

Second, I need a full stomach. Not uncomfortably full, just nicely satisfied. I tend to snack throughout the day and never allow my stomach to be empty. Of course snacks do not include sugary foods because you don’t want to spike then crash. I am aiming to keep my glucose leveled out. I like to snack on fresh fruit or vegetables with a bit of cheese or almonds. I need to feed my brain. Why? For the same reason I get my rest.

I’m your starting to think I’m a little cuckoo but I assure I’m not. These tips that I am sharing are genuine. I will continue.

Third, is to keep hydrated whether your drinking water or munching down on raw fruits and vegetables. Why? Once again, it is about keeping your brain happy. I suggest keeping a bottle of water nearby.

Fourth and definitely extremely important is being knowledgeable. I can get excited, boisterous and confident when I am brimming with information. The more I know the better. I am constantly reading articles in my field, self-improvement and just about anything that looks interesting.

 Dressing for success is also on my list of tips on being strong. Yes, I am a firm believer in dressing for success. It makes me feel strong and confident because presentation counts and my clothes are my image. If you want to be taken as a serious professional you must dress the part.

These are my suggestions:

 - Your outfit should be a solid conservative colour

 - Wear a suit or dress pants with a coordinating blouse

- Wear clean shoes. No open toed shoes or spikes.

- Make sure your hair is clean and neat

 - If you are going to wear jewelry or make up, keep it simple

- I would skip the perfume because you never know who may have allergies

What detracts from your strength or what do you see others doing that detract from their strength?
 Negative people really suck the life out of me leaving me weak and tired:

- Their complaints 

- Their negative spin on everything

- Outbursts of anger with or without swearing

 Now I know I cannot completely avoid these people but I do limit my exposure to them. Depending on the situation and my relationship with that person I will try to guide them into a positive state. For example, if my daughter comes home and starts with listing off all the bad in her day, I will ask her to tell me something good.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

What makes you feel strong? What detracts from your strength or what do you see others doing that detract from their strength?

Tune in tomorrow to read Darlene's tips in dealing with a bully.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction


If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
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Strength Challenge Interview #1 - An Introduction

I recently discovered Darlene B. Nemeth's blog at http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of  my own  challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene requesting an interview.  I am delighted to announce she agreed and that I will be posting a portion of our interview each day this week.


First let me introduce you to Darlene B. Nemeth and her blog:

What inspired you to create your blog Darlene B. Nemeth?
I was going through a difficult time and was searching the net for answers. Problem was I didn't know what the questions were. I just wanted…everything to be better. 

I was feeling very alone and had no one to talk to who understood what I was going through. There was a lot of information out there but nothing with a personal touch. I wanted to connect to other liked minded people. Believe it or not that was when I first discovered blogging.

Around that time, my daughter found this book called The Magic (The Secret). I recognized the author and thought we should give it a try. To me, The Magic is really all about gratitude and it is through gratitude that we can change our lives for the better.

I created my blog to share our experience and hopefully help others.

To view a list of posts Darlene has written covering her journey, please visit her website.

Can you provide a little more information about yourself?
I am Darlene and I live in southern Ontario with my wonderful family. Our home is my sanctuary - my center and I am so very grateful to have it.

I like to share my thoughts and tips as I travel on the road to inner peace and happiness. It is my goal to help as many people as I can to find sustainable happiness and inner peace. And if we attract into our lives more money, better jobs, loving relationships and awesome adventures then we will be doubly blessed.

If you would like to learn more about me, keep reading.

I work full-time as a Human Resource Manager. I love my job and look forward to going into work each day. I have a great group of coworkers who are so silly and we have been known to laugh 'til it hurts. (I wonder how the men folk at work would feel about me describing them as silly.) But seriously, we are all very dedicated employees that work well together.

As HR Manager, I get to use a variety of skills to accomplish a wide range of tasks. My role in the company allows me to help people, research, continually learn, be creative and write. 

I am more than just a HR Manager. I am an artist who loves to create and appreciates the skills and efforts of other artists. The need to create is in my blood, passed down from my mother and then to my daughters and granddaughters.

I also consider myself a writer. I kept a daily journal throughout my teens and early twenties. Since then I researched and created a 2 Human Resource Manuals, 2 Health and Safety Manuals, an Accounting Manual, a few short stories (for my entertainment only) and a couple of blogs under another name.

My most rewarding role in this life is being the mother of three wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, sweet girls and grandmother to three adorable, smart, happy girls. I am extremely fortunate to have good relationships with my daughters and my grand-babies. I am blessed. I get hugs and kisses every day.

When I am not working or spending time with my hubby and girls, I am creating or hunting for treasures. (Of course house work, laundry, yard work . . . gets squeezed in there somewhere.)

Check out my pins on Pinterest and the items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy. 

Have you read Rhonda Byrne's book The Magic?  If so, what did you think? Did it change your life?

Tune in tomorrow to learn how Darlene stays strong.

How to find a support group?

At a recent committee meeting with my professional organization one of my fellow volunteers announced she is quitting our group. I was anticipating the usual complaints, “I am too busy with work” or “I need to spend more time with my kids.”  Instead she informed us, “My marriage is over and I need to focus my time and energy on rebuilding my life.”     

Between discussions of committee business this woman (I will call her Jane) interjected with stories of her marital problems and fears of starting over. She mentioned a couple of times she didn’t have any friends.  She closed the meeting with, “What should I do next?” 

Our group responded with silence.

Jane then said, “I received the name of a lawyer from a counselor I’ve been visiting with my kids. I guess I could give this lawyer a call.”

No longer able to stand the silence, I decided Jane needed to hear my story.  I had been in a long-term unhealthy relationship through most of my twenties.  A couple of months before I was to be married this relationship took a turn for the worst and we began attending couples counseling.  My ex-fiancé failed to show up for one of our sessions and the counselor used this as an opportunity to give me some eye-opening advice.  He didn’t understand why I wanted to stay in this relationship.  The way he saw it my ex was using one hand to praise me by patting me on the back and the other to slap my across my face. He foresaw me being nine months pregnant and my fiancé abandoning me.  He told me of another counselor who facilitated a support group for women.  He was going to call this counselor and recommend I join her group.

I joined the support group. My fiancé and I broke up and I went on to create a new life for myself.  Jane listened intently as I told her how this period in my life was scary, but also full of new possibilities and experiences.  There were tears, but also moments of joy.

In addition to the structured support group I attended each week, I also created an informal support group on my own. A former college roommate had moved back to my area and had befriended a neighbor who was separated from her husband. The three of us began attending a weekly happy-hour.  The neighbor invited a co-worker to join us and the four of us became friends.   In addition to happy hours, we attended classes on self-esteem, took cooking classes, visited the Chicago Art Museum, saw a play and went to movies.  We also took biking trips and I learned to cross-country ski.  We were all the same age and towards the end of our 30^th year we traveled to California to visit our friend (the neighbor) who had moved there to reconcile with her husband. 

How did these support groups help me transition to the uncoupled life?

The first structured support group gave me the strength to end my relationship and begin the process of building a new life.  I was assigned weekly tasks such as asking my ex to return my apartment key and finding a new roommate.  I had to report back the results of my assignments the following week.

In Becky Aikman’s book Saturday Night Widows: The Adventures of Six Friends Remaking Their Lives she writes:

What truly helps those who have been uncoupled: friendship, fun, humor the flexibility to strike out anew.

My second informal support group provided just that. So what should Jane do?

Near the end of Saturday Night Widows Becky Aikman tells her support group: 

“I think when anybody is reinventing herself, she’s got a choice.  She can stay detached and look inside herself for answers.  We’ve all heard that advice - finding yourself.”  I shook my head and threw them a dubious look.  “Knowing you has shown me that, at least for me, finding myself wasn’t a solitary task.  The way for me to move forward was to get out there on Saturday night, to engage with other people, to engage with the world, to engage with you.  Funny as it may sound, I’ve found myself by going outside myself.  I’ve found myself through action, though action with you.” (Pg. 329)

I wasn’t going to tell Jane she should call the lawyer. I didn’t feel it was my place to recommend she leave her husband, but I was going to help her find a support group.  A few weeks ago, in the comments on Miss Robin’s post What are my options when my husband is mean? I read about a support group for those who are dealing with, or think they may be dealing with, verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual or financial abuse called Our Place found at http://www.our-place-online.net. I gave this information to Jane. 

One of our other members recommended Jane not quit our organization.  I quickly agreed, reminding her several of our organization’s members were single.  Many of them would welcome Jane as a friend.  I also told her of the occasional get-together I have with one of our other members and her divorced co-worker.  I plan on inviting Jane to our next outing and foresee the beginnings of an informal support group in Jane’s future.

Do you have any advice for Jane?   

This post was inspired by the book Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman. After being kicked out of her widow support group for being too young, Becky creates her own support group with an unusual twist. Join From Left to Write on February 14 as we discuss Saturday Night Widows. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

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My husband forbids me from going gray

Ever since I wrote a blog post about Anne Kreamer’s book Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters, search terms relating to gray hair began appearing in my blog stats. Recently the following showed up in my keyword history:

My husband forbids me from going gray

I wanted to help this person and others like her formulate a response. Who better than Anne Kreamer herself to answer this query? I sent Anne an email asking how to respond.  Here is her reply:   

There's no question the decision to dye or not dye is timeless and universal. As to your husband, what does he say? Why does he forbid you? Because he thinks you'll look old? He'll look old? You have bad hair? I'd want to know with real detail what his issue is. Then I guess I'd ask him what is it that he fears will happen if you have your natural hair color. Will you not have sex? Is he worried about what others will think?

I'm not sure how long you guys have been together nor how old you are, but ask him does he want you to love him if he goes bald? Would he wear a toupee or dye his hair?

Good luck!

Thank you Anne - I was hoping your response would come from a position of strength.  I was not disappointed.  

Has your spouse or partner ever forbidden you from changing some aspect of your appearance? Or have they demanded you change an aspect of your appearance?  How did you respond?

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