Racism in My Community

I wrote at the beginning of the year, I’m considering rebranding this blog. One of the topics I’ve contemplated is “becoming Savvy” or “getting a clue.” I came up with the idea after reading an interview with Susan Jane Gilman where she describes her book Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress: Tales of Growing Up Groovy and Cluelessas a series of essays on getting a clue about her naiveté.

I am the queen of naiveté. I grew up on a farm in rural Wisconsin where the only sources I had for learning about the outside world were school, church, television – only CBS though since our reception couldn’t pick up NBC or ABC - and from books. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until later in adult life I realized these sources usually presented an ideal or white-washed version of the real world. 

While listing topics for my new “Getting a Clue Blog, racism along with feminism are always at the top of the list. It was rare for me to encounter people who weren’t white in my community during the 60’s and 70’s. The one and only time I remember seeing someone with darker skin was while visiting a nearby town with my Grandma. We were sitting in her car on a sweltering July day (probably waiting for my Dad to return from the feed store) when she said, “Quick roll up the windows and duck down. There are colored folks over there who’ll steal from us if they see you” I remember doing what she said, but only after sneaking a peek at this man and his son.

I learned about the civil rights movement in social studies and was taught God loves everyone equally at church. I believed our country had moved on from racism and that my Grandma was an anomaly. She was old, didn’t get out much and didn’t know better. In the eighties I went to see the film Mississippi Burning and was reassured the world had changed and my country had moved on from all that. 

That was until a few years ago, before the Trevon Martin incident. I was relaying bad news from a company I work with to a respected member of my community. This person is an educated, religious, wealthy, older white male. Upon hearing my news, he went into a rage swearing and spewing hatred towards every person he had ever dealt with at this company, even referring to a former employee of this company with a racial slur.

I was shocked. I stood there completely tongue-tied unable to believe my ears. I had been wrong. When this man singled out a person of color with the “n” word I realized not only did racism still exist, but I was looking right at it. This man may think he's good at hiding it, but racism and hatred are alive in his psyche. 

I was reminded of him this week as I read numerous articles and blog posts discussing how racism continues to be a huge problem in our society; in response to the shooting at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston.

Racism is not a topic I can easily write about. I feel I don’t know enough about it to write truthfully and intelligently. But I can tell you this, racism does exist and is more prevalent than I thought possible. It exists not just in our segregated cities and in the south. It is in the north, in our suburban communities, in our places of employment, in our churches, our charities, and our families. I would like to think the children of the man I spoke to above would have been appalled and embarrassed if they had heard his words, but I will never know for sure.

Another key element of my “Becoming Savvy” blog is to write about books that have made me a more informed person. A book I’ve been meaning to read for this project is The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson.

Mocha Mama, one of my favorite bloggers covering racism, writes:

There aren't many books that I would recommend be a part of a mandated curriculum in teaching History (because there are a great many to be sure) but one that I cannot stop thinking about is Isabel Wilkerson's The Warmth of Other Suns. It is remarkable in scope and one cannot help but consider that movement, The Great Migration, in shaping cities and labor issues and the construction of what came to be known as the ghetto and the gentrification of those cities later on in history. Wilkerson herself has called that Migration "the biggest underreported story of the twentieth century.

I plan to read The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration next month. Will you join me?

 

 

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

 

Should You Hire a CPA To Do Your Taxes?

I was more amused than annoyed with Harry Campbell's statement, “I don’t think it takes much to be a CPA” in his article why the average CPA isn't worth the money on PFMoney blog.  

I hold a CPA license and have to say passing the certified public accountant exam was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Back when I took it, it was a 16-hour exam covering business law, auditing, financial accounting and tax. In order to pass, I needed a strong knowledge in all four areas since you never knew what specific scenario or obscure topic they would test on.

Passing the exam was one of the best things I’ve done for my career. It opened doors that never would have been available to me without it, increased my annual salary $10,000 the first year I became certified and boosted the amount of respect I receive from colleagues and business associates. I still notice a distinct change in attitude when I hand a vendor, banker or auditor my business card and they read the CPA designation listed after my name.

Campbell goes on to say:

Like in any profession, I’m sure there are some really good ones out there but I think it’s a myth that only a CPA can do a great job. That doesn’t mean the average person is smarter than a CPA but if you can read and you have an interest in taxes you can do just as well as the average CPA.

The reason why I feel so strongly is that this year I actually met with two different CPA’s in person. Both were very highly rated by online reviews and I ended up explaining depreciation recapture tax to the first one and arguing with the second one about the passive loss exclusion. The only reason why I knew more than both these CPA’s was because I had just read NOLO'S Landlord's Guide. It wasn’t because I’m a genius, I just spent the time reading up on landlord deductions and clearly these guys weren’t specialists in real estate taxation.

I have never prepared taxes professionally nor do I ever intend too. My eyes glazed over when I read the words depreciation recapture tax and passive loss exclusion in Campbell’s example. I attend several tax-updates each year as part of my CPE requirements, but these classes are designed to keep me informed of tax law changes affecting my industry, company or personal life, not to become a tax expert - my company has an outside accounting firm for that. I can handle cocktail party tax questions, but anything more complicated I can't answer. (I was once asked how much of a capital gain someone would have if they were to sell their printing business.)

Many of the CPA’s I know do not work in tax or even for an accounting firm. Less than 15% of the members in my professional organization prepare taxes professionally. I am confident that those who do would be able to answer Campbell’s questions accurately and with enthusiasm. If they could not, I’m sure they would know where to find the answers.

He closes with:

I got the feeling from both of these CPA’s that they were going to just take my information and hand it to a secretary to enter into their tax software. I don’t need to pay $500 for that and neither do you. My advice is to do it yourself or hire a specialist and take an active role in your taxes.

Should Harry hire a CPA?
The tax-preparers I know who work for larger firms do have interns or assistants who enter client information into tax software, but an actual CPA always reviews and signs the return. Also, they specialize - some work with small businesses, others with not-for-profits or medical professionals. I would suggest Harry call some of the rental property owners in his area and ask for recommendations. One of my co-workers owns rental properties, his wife is a CPA working in industry and he tells me she spends days working on their taxes. Someone that specializes in rental property returns would be more knowledgeable about best-practices, but if Harry feels comfortable preparing his own tax return he can certainly do that too.

Here are some other considerations:

If your tax-prepared deductions seem too good to be true perhaps they are: 
Two salesmen at my company living in two different states are currently undergoing IRS audits for their 2010 returns. Both used an outside accountant to prepare their return. Both audits disallowed their business expense deductions. One received a bill in excess of $10,000. I’m not sure what he could have claimed for $10,000 because he receives a car-allowance, reimbursement for his gas, his entertainment expenses and mileage in excess of 35,000 from our company. 

Not all tax-preparers are CPA’s or have the same training:
H&R Block has an in-house training program. When one of the CPA tax preparers from my professional organization was looking for an assistant at her law firm, she indicated she wanted someone with prior tax experience and working at H&R Block did not qualify as prior experience.

Also, not all accountants who prepare tax returns are CPA’s. If having a CPA prepare your return is important to you make sure you ask if they are licensed.

If utilizing a CPA, be organized:
The CPAs I know charge clients more if they are not organized. One has a client who drops off shoe boxes filled with receipts each year. It takes her at least eight hours to organize all the papers and receipts in these boxes. She charges him for every minute of her time.

Be careful with the home-office deduction:
The home office deduction is the most frequently audited item on a tax return. The rules are very specific about how this space is used. It must be used exclusively and regularly as your principal place of business. My boss, who prepares tax-returns on the side, refuses to use this deduction on his client’s returns.

There is a new simplified option for the home office deduction:
Starting in 2013, you can deduct a simplified safe harbor amount of $5 per square foot up to a maximum of $1,500 (300 square feet). This means you can itemize your full mortgage interest and real estate interest on Schedule A of your personal tax return rather than apportioning between Schedule A and business schedules C or F. In some parts of the country this simplified option may be as much as if you claimed actual home office expenses. If you live in a high expense area this simplified method will probably amount to just a fraction of your actual expenses.

Your tax-preparation fee may be listed as a deduction, but it may not actually be reducing your taxes:
I had a co-worker who didn’t mind paying someone to prepare her taxes because his fee was deducted as an itemized expense on her return. When I reviewed her return for her, the tax preparation fee was indeed listed as a miscellaneous itemized deduction, but the total miscellaneous deductions in excess of 2% of adjusted gross income was zero - meaning her tax preparation fee was not actually reducing her taxes.

The same can be said for medical expenses:
I currently have a co-worker who hires H&R Block to complete her taxes because they itemize her medical and dental expenses for her; something she doesn’t like doing. I told her to make sure she is actually receiving a deduction. In the past, you needed out-of-pocket expenses in excess of 7.5% of adjusted gross income. In 2013, that percentage has been increased to 10%. If you or your spouse is 65 or older the 10% increase does not go into effect until 2017.

Should You Hire a CPA To Do Your Taxes?
If you have a fairly uncomplicated tax return, nothing new or out of the ordinary occurred during the tax year and you are familiar with the various tax reporting forms you probably do not need to hire a CPA. For the past three years, I’ve used TurboTax answering all of their questions to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I was finished in less than two hours. If you do the same, you probably don't need to hire an accountant to do your taxes. If you have your own business you may want to hire a CPA - at least for the first year.

Do you prepare your own taxes?

*Part of Financially Savvy Saturdays on Femme Frugality and Stapler Confessions*

Balpreet Kaur: A Strong Woman

I first learned of Balpreet Kaur and her story on CNN in Jodi Lobozzo Aman’s blog post If We Responded This Way We Would Change The World.

Balpreet Kaur is a Sikh woman who has visible facial hair and wears a turban. Two college students took her picture and posted it on reddit under the caption, “I’m not sure what to conclude from this.” The photo elicited comments from those who teased to those who were disgusted by the post. After hearing of the taunt Balpreet Kaur posted the following response on reddit:

"Hey, guys. This is Balpreet Kaur, the girl from the picture. I actually didn't know about this until one of my friends told on facebook. If the OP wanted a picture, they could have just asked and I could have smiled :)

However, I'm not embarrassed or even humiliated by the attention [negative and positive] that this picture is getting because, it's who I am. Yes, I'm a baptized Sikh woman with facial hair. Yes, I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will. Just as a child doesn't reject the gift of his/her parents, Sikhs do not reject the body that has been given to us. By crying 'mine, mine' and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in ego and creating separateness between ourselves and the divinity within us.

By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it? When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can. So, to me, my face isn't important but the smile and the happiness that lie behind the face are. :-)
 
 So, if anyone sees me at OSU, please come up and say hello. I appreciate all of the comments here, both positive and less positive because I've gotten a better understanding of myself and others from this. Also, the yoga pants are quite comfortable and the Better Together t-shirt is actually from Interfaith Youth Core, an organization that focuses on storytelling and engagement between different faiths. :)

I hope this explains everything a bit more, and I apologize for causing such confusion and uttering anything that hurt anyone."The original reddit poster was then shamed into writing an apology.  

There is so much going on here from the original reddit poster who goes by the handle “european_douchebag’s keyboard courage, to Balpreet Kaur using this incident as an opportunity to educate us about her religion to Jodi Lobozzo Aman’s post highlighting Balpreet’s ability to dissolve conflict rather than feed it. 

I want to focus on Balpreet Kaur herself; a calm, courageous and strong women. In this age of get injections or get lost and the quest for beauty even if it hurts it is refreshing to hear of a woman who truly accepts herself.

I can’t help but wonder if more people, including myself, aspired to Balpreet Kaur's standard of inner beauty and wisdom how much better off our society would be. Balpreer Kaur is an inspiration and an amazing example of a strong woman.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Will I be pretty?
The Body Project
Shadeism

Special Exits - A must read for those caring for aging loved ones

I first became aware of Joyce Farmer's book Special Exits when Rick the Librarian wrote the following on his site:

I suspect many people who would really appreciate Special Exits have not seen it. Boomers taking care of their elderly parents are not as a group very aware of graphic novels. That's too bad, because the book dramatizes a situation in which they may find themselves - trying to respectfully manage the lives of people who have lost the ability to care for themselves. The complications are many: bad health, poverty, delusions, loss of memory, reluctance to accept help, etc. The demands are many: sacrifice time, negotiate calmly, tolerate idiosyncrasies, lose battles gracefully, and learn to guide the elderly to make the decisions that you know that they have to make.

I believe Rick is correct, most baby boomers including myself are not aware of graphic novels. I've only read one other in my lifetime - Maira Kalman's And the Pursuit of Happiness - and recall not being overly impressed with it. The fact that many of my friends and co-workers are now taking care of their parents and that my own mother is beginning to need assistance I decided to give the book a chance.

What is Special Exits about?
In an interview at Skylight Books Joyce Farmer tells us it is a memoir about her experience during the 1980s and '90s caring for her ailing elderly parents. Told chronologically, the graphic novel focuses on her father and stepmother's struggles to maintain independence in the face of lung cancer and Alzheimer's disease, and Farmer's increasingly all-encompassing role as their nursemaid and provider.

My opinion:
I was drawn into the book immediately; finishing it in a couple of days.  The storyline was at times funny at others poignant and in the end heartbreaking.  The books characters Lars and Harriet remind me quite a bit of my in-laws who remained in their own home caring for each other until my father-in-law passed away at age 90. My husband and his sister attempted to assist their parents in the same manner as Laura, Lars and Harriet’s daughter, attempts to assist them. Upon reading some of the book aloud to my husband he couldn’t help but wonder what really occurred in his parent’s home when he wasn’t present.  Lars and Harriet make several concessions such as not scheduling doctor appointments or purchasing medicines when it wasn’t convenient that severely compromised their quality of life down the road. They withheld many of these decisions from Laura until it was too late.  

Bottom line:
I highly recommend anyone who is caring for an aged loved one to read this book. It may help you make better decisions when faced with similar situations as those portrayed in this book.  For me, I wouldn’t be surprised if Special Exits ends up on my list of "best books read in 2012."

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

I'm 50-Years Old and Still Can’t Think on My Feet

For most of July my boss, our company’s CFO, has been out of the office due to a family emergency. In the interim I've been covering for him. At first it was kind of fun – doing or delegating his work –  most of which he shouldn’t be doing anyway. But as the month drags on and I and our accounting department fall further behind, playing CFO has stopped being fun.

Then our HR Manager (regular readers may recall I've had issues with her in the past) decided our payroll person was incorrectly processing some of our payroll deductions. She called me into her office and began berating this employee behind her back telling me how stupid she was. Instead of standing up for my employee I offered to look into it. I went back to my office and searched how to process the specific deductions on the IRS.gov website. What our HR Manager had concluded didn’t make sense. I came up with a couple of examples as to why, braced myself and went back to her office to explain why she was mistaken. Of course I couldn't convince her and she ended up insisting she needed to check into the matter herself. It has been two days and I still haven't heard from her, so I assume her sources informed her she was wrong. If our CFO had been here this would have been a simple fix - I would have asked him, he would have said our payroll employee was correct and the HR Manager was wrong end of story.

This is such a minor incident why does it bother me?
Because here I am turning 50 this week and I still can’t think on my feet. I don't have a thick enough skin to stand up for my employee and articulate my thoughts when I am put on the spot.  When my boss retires in a few years I will never be strong enough to be the CFO on a permanent basis. Several years ago while re-reading my journals I discovered two years in a row I had written almost the identical entry on my birthday – in the upcoming year I am going to work on becoming a stronger person.

So here I am turning 50 and still challenging myself to becoming a stronger person in the upcoming year.

I didn't think I should blog about this. My challenge is so ordinary and there are others who have written about similar projects - Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia (I couldn't take all the crying),  Noelle Hancock's My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir (Her dialog was atrocious - like nails on a chalkboard) and Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (Happiness is her job how can the average person find time for this). Then I came across Danielle LaPorte’s post "The Biggest Threat to Your Creativity" where she writes:

... is the fear that it’s already been done, said, created.

(So why bother?)

Say it, do it, make it anyway —

but tell YOUR story along the way.

The story of how you came to know what you know.

The story of what you want to know more of.

The story of why you do what you do.

        The story of how you came to care.

And that’s how you create what’s never been created before

Danielle Laporte has inspired me. I’m going to do this. My 50th year is going to be all about:

Finding my Strength

For starters I have added Danielle Laporte's book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms to my reading list.

I have signed up for the Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge beginning July 16th. Guided by Deepak Chopra, and other master teachers I will learn practical techniques for becoming more calm, centered, and happy. The challenge is  21 days because studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one.

I am also challenging myself to read books about those who have persevered and succeeded despite having obstacles in their lives.

I have a few other ideas, but nothing definite.  Have you taken on a similar challenge? Do you have any suggestions for me? If so please share.

“Light” Reading

For quite some time now I’ve been reading serious books; business and career-related books, nonfiction books for women and memoirs or biographies.  After my latest read, Anne Kreamer's It's Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace (a book I can't seem to motivate myself to review on this blog) I decided to take a break from these types of books.  Its time I read a good story or just be entertained. 

I began with Holes by Louis Sachar:
This YA book was mentioned by Lisa Bloom in her book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World. Lisa wrote:

Holes by Louis Sachar, allegedly a kids’ book, but honestly, I think that masterpiece was written just for me.

I found this book to be an excellent palate cleanser (a phrase I am borrowing from Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness).  It includes a clever story, interesting relationship dynamics and enough life lessons to keep you thinking about the book for a few days after reading.


My next book was Ruth Reichl’s book Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise:

 

This book has been on my reading list since I spotted it on OMagazine's list of 4 Funny Books We Love. The list also includes Bill Bryson’s book A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail - one of the funniest book I’ve ever read - any book included alongside Bryson's deserves a look.

Here is Doro Hunter, the book’s assistant editor's description of Garlic and Sapphires:
 

In this voyeuristic journey into the restaurant world, Reichl, the former New York Times food columnist, describes how she wore disguises so servers wouldn’t know that she was a famous critic.

I didn't think Reichl’s book was laugh out loud funny - I thought some of Reichl’s disguises and the personalities she took on were a little sad - but it was certainly an entertaining page-turner.  It was interesting to see how her appearance affected the service she received at some of NYC’s top restaurants.  Reichl’s restaurant reviews and food descriptions are some of the best food writing I’ve ever read, though I did find it surprising the number of restaurants she visited that served fois gras as an appetizer.  She also provides a lesson for those of us who have celebrity aspirations. She receives this warning from a co-worker shortly after becoming the New York Times restaurant critic:

And later when everyone’s telling you how wonderful you are, don’t forget this. Remember that no matter how well you do the job, the power is not yours.  It all, every scrap of it belongs to this institution. You’re just a byline.  Take a good look.  The minute you give up the job, you become a nobody. (Pg. 65)

My next read is going to be Michael Shaara’s The Killer Angels: A Novel of the Civil War:

I know war is not exactly a subject that can be considered light reading, but as an ISFJ even my fiction has to teach me something, which is why I usually prefer historical fiction. Here is the quote from Jaclyn Day’s blog post [Childhood] books that made a difference that makes me want to read this book:

This book also ranks as one of my all-time favorites. My family is probably sick of me talking about it as I often reminisce about how much I love it. I look at this book as the first “adult” book I really read. Emerging from a cloud of young adult fiction, a teacher handed me this and everything changed. This book is not only one of the finest historical novels ever written, but maybe one of the finest books I will ever read…period.
Is there a particular author or book you turn to when you need a little “light” reading?

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Will I be pretty?

I discovered this video of poetry slammer Katie Makkai reciting her poem “Pretty” over on Bella of One Sister's Rant's website. Watch it – I guarantee you’re definition of the word “pretty” will never be the same:

In Bella's post Who's ready to stop the insanity?, Bella encourages us to join forces and together redefine what comprises beauty. She writes:

Let us laugh, giggle, and support each other in our grief, pain, and triumphs.

Let us go back to the time when being best friends meant sharing secrets, helping one another, and splitting a stick of gum.

Let us encourage each other so that we can all come to believe we are beautiful; that we are worthy.

The only way we can stop the insanity is by coming together to say, enough.

Let us demonstrate that the sisterhood still exists and it’s on a mission; a mission to stop the insanity.

What say you, ladies?
Are you in?

I was the first one to respond I was in.  Stopping the insanity has long been one of the goals of this blog and my Making Women Count project. One of my biggest life regrets is spending too much time and mental energy in my teens and twenties trying to attain society’s ideal of “pretty.”  

For all of you, who are joining forces with Bella and me, be advised we have our work cut out for us.  My 10-year old niece is a gifted athlete, but receives many more messages from family, her peers and the media that she should work on being more “girlie” rather than on her soccer game or pitching arm.  At a recent Father-Daughter dance at her school, some of her fourth grade classmates showed up in makeup and with their hair professionally styled.  These are nine and ten year olds.

Then there is the latest addition to our family.  A baby girl born on Valentine’s Day:

Just days old and there have already been comments about her appearance.  Here is a picture of the baby's parents and brothers:

Have you spotted the baby's flaw?

You got it.

The baby's hair is not blonde.

It is not the baby's mother who is concerned about this (she knows her baby is perfect), but another family member.  A bleached blonde who gasped when I pointed out that the natural hair color of all the adult members of our family is actually brown.

I spend many family get-togethers kicking this particular family member under the table or jabbing her with my elbow while she is talking to the ten-year old.   I don't want today's girls growing up believing the message society continues to force upon girls:  we need to be "pretty."  Instead why can't we instill the message from my favorite line of Kattie Makkai's poem:

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.” 

What can we do to stop the insanity? How can we change the conversation?
Lisa Bloom in How to talk to little girls provides an excellent example of how to talk to little girls.  Instead of telling a little girl she had met how gorgeous she was and asking her to model her pretty dress, she asked her about her favorite book.  What a novel idea; asking her about her mind. Bloom goes on to say:

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

Be cognizant of opportunities to change the conversation:
Recently ahead of me in the checkout-line at the grocery store, an eleven-year old girl and her mother were admiring the models on magazine covers. The girl was pointing at them talking about how pretty and skinny they were. I butted in on their conversation and said, "They don't really look like that you know. Those photos are photo shopped." Her mother took my cue and agreed with me.  She began telling her daughter how perfect she was and that she didn't need to wear makeup.

Are you ready to change the conversation and to stop the insanity? If so head over to Bella's blog and let her know you too are in.

Here are links from a few fellow bloggers who've committed to changing the conversation:
Virginia Sole Smith's Brave Books for Girls (not Princesses) provides a list of her favorite books from childhood featuring brave (non-princess-y) girls as the main characters and none of them never so much as mentions their weight.

Elizabeth at Yo Mama praises Ashley Judd for slapping media in the face for speculation over her 'puffy' face appearance in  Making Ashley Judd's Moment Last.

Lori at The Ole Master Plan writes about weight and her own experience with prednisone in Worth Doesn't Equal a Size 4.

If you have written a blog post or know of one that belongs on the above list, let me know I will be happy to add it. Let's work together and say enough.

How to get a promotion?

I feel as though many of the posts I’ve written recently have focused heavily on the obstacles women face in their careers. Take my post job disillusionment where I wrote about women feeling stuck and stalled in their careers. And in the comments of Feel Stuck in your Industry? Four Tips for Getting out Completely  where I wrote:

I attended a seminar last night covering what companies need to know about hiring discrimination and learned many managers continue to “profile” and discriminate when making hiring decisions. They prefer not to hire married women for IT consulting positions that involve travel, so ladies take off your wedding rings before going on these types of interviews. They tend not to hire or promote women who are in their child bearing years. Scariest of all, I learned the over-40 crowd is hugely discriminated against. Companies want to hire employees who are on the up-swing on the bell curve of their careers rather than the down-swing.

It is about time I celebrate a career success story around here. Drum roll....

Revanche of A Gai Shan Life received a promotion earlier this year:
Her new position comes with a new title, a higher level of seniority, more responsibility and visibility, a lot more travel and more money. It is important to note her original job offer with this company was on the low side.  Only after concluding a job, albeit a low paying one was better than no job at all Revanche accepted their offer.

Lesson #1 – You may have to accept a position that is not your dream job to gain experience and get your foot in the door.

Here are some of the things Revanche accomplished over the past year that attributed to her promotion:

She displayed a good attitude:
Revanche turned a negative into a positive. Instead of wallowing in disappointment over her low salary she developed an, "I’ll prove I'm worth it" attitude. Determined to earn a higher salary at her one-year salary review, she channeled all her energies and emotions into working at a high level. (She did receive a substantial increase at this review.)

She established credibility and was visible:
Revanche carried more than her weight and became the go-to person on several fronts. She also worked across departments and with upper management on a regular basis.

She didn’t listen to a naysayer:
One of the most motivating conversations of my career occurred when a co-worker told me I wouldn’t be able to handle taking college courses in addition to working full-time.  Revanche had a similar experience. Here is a phenomenal quote taken from her post Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2:

Someone once said to me, "They won't let women get anywhere near power in this place." I'd laughed and said something random to deflect but I very carefully filed that away. We have women directors aplenty, strong and outspoken, bright and introverted, if you have the eyes to see it. Never let anyone, male or female, faux-befriend and trick you into thinking that the patriarchy is the reason you can't grow and achieve. They may actually be the ones hoping to keep you down.

She understands and can operate within office politics:
This quote is also taken from her post A Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2:

Do great work. Enjoy what you do. Support good people. Find allies who love what they do. Mentor people who need mentoring and want to love what they do. Ask for mentoring from people who have integrity, strength, humor and sway. Find your joy and to quote my favorite bus driver: "don't let nobody take it away." It all adds up to something substantial.

A huge shout-out and congratulations to Revanche on a much deserved promotion. I highly recommend everyone head over to A Gai Shan Life and congratulate her. While there be sure to read her post's A Career Life: Securing the Battlements for Promotion and Career Life: Taking the Castle, Part 2 where she discusses her promotion’s interview process.

Recommended further reading:
To learn more about women and salary negotiations please see Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change by Linda Babcock.

For a good resource on understanding office politics I like Lynn Cronin and Howard Fine's book Damned If She Does, Damned If She Doesn't: Rethinking the Rules of the Game That Keep Women from Succeeding in Business.

Do you have or know of a career success story? If so, I would love to hear about it.

SWG Coffee Social: Job Disillusionment

Now that March is over, the theme of the month seems to have been “Job Disillusionment.” It began with a night out with my 40-something girlfriends. Two of them work for the same manufacturing company. The topic of conversation quickly turned to job dissatisfaction. Kate, whom I previously wrote about here, was passed over for another promotion. Thinking she actually had a chance this time, she prepared a presentation highlighting her accomplishments. These accomplishments included working on the company budget, traveling to other company facilities to audit and upgrade their systems and acting as manager while the current controller was out on sick leave. She also has completed her MBA. She thought she had rocked in her interviews, so when she received word the promotion had gone to a (younger) male colleague whom she had trained she was extremely disappointed.

Why didn’t Kate receive the promotion?
She was told that when her name came up as a top contender, one of the senior officers said, “Isn’t she the one who is the eight to fiver.” Kate had previously received feedback that she did not put in enough face time.  When asked during the interviews about her willingness to work long hours if promoted she answered with, "I will work whatever hours are necessary to get the job done." Apparently this answer wasn’t good enough to overcome her reputation

Was Kate’s MBA a waste of time and money?
Kate feels earning her MBA has not improved her career one bit and in hindsight thinks it may have been a waste of time and money. Though, she does attribute her staled career somewhat to the down economy. I asked another friend, Leah, who also has earned her MBA for her thoughts. She too feels earning her MBA did not advance her career. She thinks an MBA is only worth it if you are on a career track in which an MBA is required prior to earning one.

Here are a couple of other “Job Disillusionment” stories from the month:

Employee forced to work on special project after co-worker's decline offer:
My second friend from above, Elaine, was pulled from her current position in accounting and assigned to work on the company’s computer conversion for the next nine months. Other employees including Kate were asked if they would like to work on the project and declined, Elaine was TOLD she had been assigned to the project. I imagine the company had no choice; someone has to work on the conversion so they stopped asking and started telling.

Companies continue to downsize:
Leah works for a large insurance company in our area. This insurance company has announced they plan to continue reducing their workforce in 2012 and that layoffs are possible. Leah was told her job was safe for NOW, but is nervous about her future with this company.

Required to reapply for their jobs:
It could be worse though, both a blogger I follow and her husband work for the same company. This company was sold and the purchasing company is closing the facility in their city. To maintain employment with their new company they have to apply for positions at the company’s headquarters in another state. During the interview process they do not know what positions they are applying for or what salaries these jobs will pay.

Unhappy Workers:
While attending my networking meeting at the end of the month, I made an effort to walk around and talk to my fellow members (remember I joined Classy Career Girl's Networking Challenge this month). As I made my way around the room I kept hearing the same phrase over and over, “I am so unhappy in my job.” The reasons alternated between bad bosses and too much work. All I can say is when this economy does turn around companies better be prepared for high employee turnover.

Here are some of my favorite posts/articles from around the web during the month of March:

I found Heidi Reddig's post Human Resources is neither "Human" nor "Resources" on the Collared Sheep to be both entertaining and true. My favorite line is:

HR’s job, as far as it concerns you, the intern or general variety underling, is to provide blank forms, collect forms that have been completed and then process them.

It has been so long since most of us have received a raise, I suggest we all read Ask a Manager's What not to say when you ask for a raise before doing so. Note, saying I just got my masters is on the list of things not to say.

I found it interesting that Syd at Retirement: A Full-Time Job recommends in More on Early Retirement that would be retirees have:

3 years worth of living expenses available in liquid assets so you don't have to be overly concerned about stock market gyrations.  (At least for those of us that will be living on our 401(k)'s rather than a pension.)

Speaking of networking in Solving the Gen Y Woman's Career Problem Rebecca of kontrary reminds us:

The number one thing you can do for career opportunities and advancement (read: dream jobs, meaningful work, more money, better titles) is to network, network, and network. Eighty percent of job openings are filled through networking (you know, actually talking to people).

In Ann Daly's interview with Rashi Biswas the author of Rash Decisions: Accept Where You Are, and Then...Be Amazing, Ann informs us Keith Ferrazzi's book Never Eat Alone (hmm a book about networking) is the best business book she has ever read.

And lastly, as if Ann has been listening to my stories of job disillusionment in the same interview she answers the question:

How do you feel about the current status of women in the workforce?

With:

Women's progress in the workplace has stalled. Thankfully, we're no longer insisting that things are better, or equal. Even younger women are recognizing sooner rather than later that power defaults to the men in the room. We have to remain vigilant about leveling the playing field.

How about you? Are you become disillusioned with your job? Do you have an MBA, if so do you feel it was worth the time and money you invested?

If you enjoyed this post you might also like:

The Value of "face time"


Difficult Co-Workers, Supervisors and Managers

The culture of patriarch continues to be an obstacle for women

Joining Classy Career Girl’s Networking Challenge

Ever since I read Frau Tech's post Blaming Women Entrepreneurs, I haven't been able to stop thinking about networking.  Here is the section of her post that had the greatest impact on me:

Starting a business is like getting a job. It’s more about who you know than what you know. Many of my male colleagues have networks and contacts built up within the industry. Their opinions are trusted more on technical matters than mine are.

I even asked Anna Runyan of Classy Career Girl to write a guest post for me on Why Networking is Important which ran earlier this week.  Anna mentions some interesting points about barriers that hold you back from networking. I could relate to all of them. Her post also got me thinking about another networking fallacy:

Networking is only important when you are looking for a new job

The truth is you should be developing and nurturing your network on an ongoing basis. And networking is a two-way process. The most successful networks are ones where you give your network more than you receive.

I realized I have been neglecting my own network. Over the past couple of years I have become increasingly disillusioned with my accounting career. So much so, that I have been contemplating a career change.  The practical side of me, however, realizes I still need to support myself and a career change is most likely a pipe dream.  Not wanting my accounting network to know I want out I have been ignoring it. Also being an introvert, it is easy for me to sit in the corner allowing others to sit at the table.

It is time I get back in the game:
I have decided to join Anna Runyan's Networking Challenge. Here is the challenge Anna created for herself:

Every month I would meet with four people I already knew but would like to get to know even better. I also made a point of meeting with four new people.  My goal was to learn from each person I talked to and ask questions about how I to get to the next step in my career.

Anna says we don't have to start with 4 people right away she recommends we begin with just a couple of people the first month and grow from there.  Her most important tip is to plan ahead, write down who we want to meet with and email them before the month starts. Her second tip is to find someone to keep us accountable.  For her accountability, she shares her progress with us on her blog and we keep her accountable.

My Networking Challenge:
I am going to begin with meeting two people I already know and two that I don't each month. These will be people in my community. I too, am going to use my blog audience to keep me accountable. I am also going to try to attend two local events each week.  These could be meetings at trade associations or book events at book stores or libraries.  Lisa Bloom author of the book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World (which I wrote about here) has challenged us to attend one book event a month.  I am going to take her up on it.  On a side note you may be interested in the following offer Lisa made to her twitter followers @LisaBloom:

Special Offer! Anyone who goes to an author event at your local bookstore or library and tells me about it gets a retweet.

My new blog series:
I am starting a new series on my blog - interviews with other female bloggers who have interesting or unusual careers they are passionate about.  My first interview will appear later this week. My ultimate goal will be to run two interviews each month. In order to achieve this I will have to establish several new social contacts each week in addition to maintaining my current network. My biggest fear is that without prior contact my interview email requests will be considered spam. My challenge will be to make 4 new social contacts each week in addition to keeping up with 4 current contacts.

On being accountable:
As part of this post, I was going to link to Getting my Ducks in a Row, a previous blog post where I introduced a similar challenge. In rereading that post, I noticed how similar it was to this one. As I recall, that particular challenge did not last very long, which just goes to show how hard networking can be for people like me. I think by actually joining Anna’s challenge and having this post listed on her site I will feel much more accountable this go-round.

Do you need a networking challenge to push you out of your comfort zone?  If so head over to Classy Career Girls' site and join us.

Saturday Inspiration: Ruth Stout

Thanks to Ann Daly for posting this video of Ruth Stout on her website earlier this week.  I watched it over my lunch break and I must say it took the edge off my day. Ruth is a genuine free spirit who has inspired me to rethink how I live.  Or if nothing else has inspired me to get out and work in my garden. Enjoy:

How to be more confident at work

A colleague recently complimented me on how confident I currently am compared to when she first met me over 15 years ago. She attributes this gain in confidence to my marriage; I was single when we were first introduced. I was a little taken aback by her comment. She gives my husband, though a tremendous support, more credit for my confidence than 15 years of hard work and additional experience. In response, I’d like to share my thoughts as to what I believe attributed to my increase in confidence.

Inspiration from Mary Matalin:
Around the time I met my above colleague, I jotted the down the following advice from Mary Matalin:

My father used to remind me constantly that only one thing separates successful and unsuccessful people. It isn’t money or brains. It’s confidence. What creates confidence?

1. Being prepared
2. Having experience
3. Never giving up

Over the years I have referred to this advice often, especially when going through a rough patch. Here are examples of how I applied Matalin’s father’s advice to my work:

I put in long days learning my job:
While working for the engineering company, one of the company's managers talked favorably about his energetic new hire. He was impressed with the young engineer’s habit of spending a couple of hours at the end of the work day learning everything he could about his job, even reviewing engineering textbooks. The manager felt this engineer was going to go far. After accepting my current position, I was overwhelmed with piles of paper and strict deadlines. I couldn’t help but think of that young engineer as I too spent many long days learning everything I could to prepare myself for my new position.

I gained experience by taking advantage of leadership opportunities:
I joined and became involved in a professional organization. Over my 14 year membership, I’ve held almost every board position including President. I placed cold calls, spoke in public, made decisions and received feedback that would not have been available to me in my job. By volunteering for these positions I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and had the opportunity to develop leadership skills in a safe environment.

I didn’t give up when I initially did not pass the CPA exam:
Studying for and passing the CPA exam is probably the hardest, yet most important, thing I have ever done. When I did not pass the exam the first or second time I sat for it, it would have been easy to just give up. I was under quite a bit of pressure to pass though. I was still at the engineering company and many of the engineers had their P.E.’s plus my predecessor had been a CPA. So I persevered until I finally passed all four parts. Having earned that little piece of paper and those initials behind my name has given me more credibility, respect and confidence than anything else I’ve ever done.

Anyone who has ever been though a failed relationship can certainly appreciate the positive frame of mind that comes from being in a supportive relationship and can attest to a loss of confidence that comes from a relationship that does not work out. I firmly believe though my increase in confidence came more from being prepared, additional experience and not giving up than from being married.

Susan Marshall says it best when she wrote:
Increased confidence comes from true learning – getting the wrong answer and having someone who knows the right one explain it to you. Sharpening a skill creates energy and a desire to do more. Naturally, this requires commitment, patience, a great deal of practice and a willingness to persist when you encounter setbacks.

For more information on how to be more confident in your work please see this post on Alison Green’s blog Ask a Manager. Also, be sure to read the comments which include additional suggestions and a recommendation to read Larina Kase's book Anxious 9 to 5: How to Beat Worry, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself, and Work with Confidence.

Have you become more confident at work? If so, what has worked for you?

Getting Control Over Your Life

I hadn’t planned on reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.  I had previously read Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal-Ben Shahar and Eric Weiner’s book The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World and had thought two books about happiness were more than enough for me. Plus, there is Penelope Trunk's post where Penelope writes she wasn't a huge fan of the book and that:

Gretchen writes about her life and Gretchen's life is not all that interesting.

What changed my mind?
I read "The key to happiness is to know yourself" a post on Gretchen Rubin’s blog also called The Happiness Project. Since self-knowledge is one of my goals for 2012, I decided perhaps reading the book would offer suggestions on how to attain more self-knowledge.

What is The Happiness Project about?
One day while riding a city bus Gretchen, a married mother of two, realizes, "Time is passing, and she is not focusing on the things that really matter." Instead she is suffering from midlife malaise – a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief “Can this be me?” She also realizes she needs to work on happiness now while things are good because one day that phone call will come. Her husband suffers from Hepatitis C, a potentially fatal disease that attacks the liver. Eventually, he will develop cirrhosis and need a kidney transplant.

This moment evolved into The Happiness Project. Inspired by Ben Franklin's resolution chart Gretchen selects 12 different happiness resolutions, focusing on a different subject each month. The book chronicles this project; what she tried, what she learned, what worked and what didn’t.

My Thoughts:
Since I’ve been reading Gretchen's blog for some time, I felt the book didn't offer anything new especially in the area of self-knowledge. Plus Penelope was right; at times Gretchen’s story wasn’t very interesting. Then in the midst of reading, I received my own phone call bearing bad news. No longer able to concentrate on the book I had an epiphany. More happiness isn't what I needed, or even what I wanted. What I need to work on is confidence and strength, so when the next phone call arrives I can carry on without falling apart. On further review, I realized this was Gretchen's goal as well:

One of my main goals for my happiness project was to prepare myself for adversity, to develop the self-discipline and the habits to deal with a bad thing when it happened. (Pg. 136)

Gretchen's research revealed that change and novelty are key elements to happiness which are also the elements needed to attain self-confidence. Gretchen's husband offered his thoughts on the project:

I think this happiness project is all about trying to get more control over your life. (Pg. 289)

Was that true? Gretchen responds with:

Perhaps. The feeling of control is an essential element of happiness-a better predictor of happiness than, say, income.  Having a feeling of autonomy of being able to choose what happens in your life of how you spend your time is crucial.  Identifying and following my resolutions had made me feel far more in control of my time, my body, my actions, my surroundings, and even my thoughts.  Getting control of my life was definitely an aspect of my happiness project, and a greater feeling of control gave me a major boost in happiness. (Page 289.)

Bottom Line:
The book though not perfect isn't a complete waste of time.  If you are interested in getting more control over your life, reading the book could give you the incentive to start your own project.  If nothing else you may glean a couple of little nuggets like if you want more sleep it is best not to go to bed wearing socks and that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you are perceived to be.

Is there a happiness project in my future?
Gretchen had her epiphany in April. She completed her resolution chart just in time for January 1st.  This is after spending months researching and reading about happiness.  "Happiness" is Gretchen's passion and her full-time job.  I had set a goal for myself to spend January researching and writing about self-knowledge, February's topic was to be communication. Here it is mid-February and I've accomplished almost nothing. So no there is not a happiness project in my immediate future. But I can spend the remaining months of the year researching self-discovery and what it will take to get control over my life.

Have you read the book? If so what were your thoughts?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Does Happiness Have a Set Point?
Jane Pauley Gives Practical Inspiration

SWG Coffee Social: January Good Reads

If you don’t count the episode with my new hair brush or the Monday morning the heater failed on our 7-year old water heater, January was a pretty good month. My company reinstated employee wages to their pre-pay cut levels effective January 1st. Despite having prepared the spreadsheet detailing these pay-cuts initiated in "2009" for the company budget, I was still pleasantly surprised wages were reinstated this early in the year.

January is always a busy month for me with closing the year-end financial statements and preparing schedules and reconciliations for my company's year-end audit. This year was no exception and I ended up working most Saturdays. The good news is this year’s audit was the smoothest I have ever experienced and my company is projecting a profitable year with several interesting projects in the works.

With my busy schedule I didn’t have much time to devote to reading or the blog, but I did manage to keep up with my Google Reader. Here is some of my favorite January reads from around the blogisphere:

Trish a thirty-something trying to balance all the "have tos" and "want tos" of life while realizing insanity isn't always a bad thing writes - what may be her most important blog post ever -  On Feeling Whole Again - Handling Postpartum Depression

Webb shares her decision to receive a facial peel in Decadence? or Desperation? Then in Much Ado about...Not Much! she informs us she didn't see much of a change and wouldn't do it again. (Disappointing news for all of us.)

In Blogging, Books, Writing and Age Grace reminds us of her dream to one day have a science fiction novel published. Her inspiration is Harriet Doerr whose wonderful book Stones for Ibarra was published when Harriet was 73. Grace links to this list of late blooming authors.

In Monica's post The Undoing of Gleda Balls  Monica writes of the boost she received to her career when she informed upper management her boss Gleda was not doing her job. In The Other Shoe Drops Monica is told Gleda is being let go, then is offered a raise and a promotion at a meeting in the company's parking lot. These events remind me of my post An update on "I hate my supervisor" where I wrote:

It has been my experience that bad managers are eventually weeded out, but it seems to take upper management close to two years to discover and get rid of a problem manager while the lowly ranks who work for them recognize the problems and shortcomings of their new manager within a couple of months. In the meantime, everyone including the company as a whole suffers.

Although Monica insists Gleda was not the worst boss she ever had, she clearly was incompetent and Monica's decision to inform management sped up the weeding out process and minimized the damage.

I have been meaning to conduct a series of informational interviews with women in a variety of careers for some time now.  My excuse has been I don't have a descent list of questions.  This problem has been solved with Anna's post No More Excuses! 15 Questions To Ask During an Informational Interview. She provides the best list of informational interview questions I have ever come across.  I will be using them.  Thank you Anna.

That wraps up my January.  If you have a "good" post you would like to highlight please do so in the comments. Also, my goal for February is to explore relationships at work particularly women not supporting women.  If you know of any books, articles or blog posts that discuss this topic please let me know.