Is It Okay to Quit Without Giving a Two Week Notice?

I recently talked with a 55-year old woman who had been so stressed working as a freight logistics specialist she quit without giving a notice.

When asked why she didn’t give a two-week notice she says she gave a two-year notice:

For the past two years she repeatedly asked her boss for an assistant and complained about her workload. She had told him if her work load didn’t improve she was going to quit. She felt it wasn’t her fault he hadn’t taken her seriously. After a particularly grueling Friday she went home, sent an email to her boss telling him she quit and never went back.

She spent the summer relaxing and spending time with her family. She had recently gotten a part-time retail job for the holiday season and is searching for permanent employment with a placement agency. She wasn’t looking for career advice from me. Instead she wanted to vent about her former employer and receive reassurance she had done the right thing.

My response:

She isn’t the first person I’ve met who has complained about this company. I had talked to another employee around the holidays who had been furious when this company announced a surprise weekly shut down over Christmas. If employees didn’t have PTO time available they had to take four days off without pay. Since they received holiday pay for Christmas day, they would not be eligible for unemployment. So much for a holiday bonus.

This woman confirmed the shut-down story and also told me she had also received a pay-cut.

I told her many companies, including my own, had to institute these types of cost-cutting procedures to stay in business. I also think the business economy is more competitive than ever. Companies that don’t get scrappy don’t survive.

She did not like my answer, so I moved on. If our conversation had continued I would have told her the following:

There were two employees that left my company last year. Both had been with our company for several years. One had worked for me.  This employee had also been stressed for years and had asked repeatedly for an assistant. Her requests were denied because I and the managers above me thought she was inefficient and resistant to more efficient procedures. After a particularly grueling year-end she resigned to work at her son’s company. She gave a three-week notice and agreed to work part-time for several additional weeks to train her replacement. Since leaving, our company has utilized her son’s company a few times giving his business thousands of dollars of revenue. Also, my boss came to the conclusion my former employee was right – her job was too much work for one person and we have hired an additional part-time employee. We talk fondly about this employee and reminisce about her accuracy and knowledge.

Contrast this story with the other employee who quit last year. His wife suffered from a debilitating decease that required him to go home every day at lunch to care for her. He was assigned a new manager who felt these lunch breaks were excessive and told him he had to make other arrangements. This employee came in the next Monday supposedly to give his notice. When he discovered his boss was scheduled to be out of the office the entire week he sent the following email to all employees:

“It has been nice working with everyone. I quit.”

He gave another manager his keys and phone, left and never came back.

To this day when someone talks about being stressed at work they laugh and say, but I’m not going to pull a “Jerry.” This employee whose excessive lunches most likely were protected through FMLA, after 20 years of employment was now a company joke.

In hindsight, when the above woman realized her boss wasn't going to improve her situation she should have started to plan her exit; getting her finances in order, updating her resume, and taking much needed time off.  When the time was right, she could then resign with a two-week notice.

So is it ever okay to quit without giving a two-week notice?

I think unless your employment is severely effecting your mental or physical health it is in your best interest long-term to give a two-week notice. Who knows they might escort you out the door regardless, but at least you are giving them the opportunity to ask you a question or two and are giving your co-workers time to wish you well. As Michelle Obama says, “When they go low, you go high.”

What do you think – is it ever okay to quit without giving a two-week notice?

Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate Them

After last week’s episode with my company's HR Manager, I was taken by surprise to hear she had told another employee he needed to buck-up and be more like Savvy.* She told him, "She’s been doing both her job and the CFO’s since he’s been out and you don’t hear her complaining.” She even said something to the effect that I was doing a good job. I couldn’t believe it. My body immediately relaxed, I became calmer, more energized and more motivated. I was surprised after all these weeks of feeling stressed and as if I wasn’t measuring up my company’s management felt otherwise and by how much I needed to hear it.

Thursday our CFO returned. When he walked in the door I started cheering and our entire staff clapped. He said he hadn’t received this big of a welcome from his family when he returned home the previous day. I told him the old saying “Everyone is replaceable” did not apply to him.

Then on Friday, my big 50th birthday, I arrived to an office decorated in black and a little party that included a cake. The employees who work for me and one of our owners were laughing (something I haven’t seen in a long time) and making jokes. They posted neon green post-its with the number 50 on them all over the office (so I wouldn’t forget how old I am). We haven’t celebrated anyone’s birthday in the office in years.

In the midst of all this I accomplished more work than I had in a long time. When I left Friday night I was almost caught up. This was quite an accomplishment considering the previous week I had left the office fearing I may never be caught up again. I honestly think feeling appreciated made all the difference.

I try to make an effort to publicly thank or show appreciation for employees when the opportunity arises. It is easy to do if you are paying attention. Recently I have done the following:

• I publicly gave credit to an employee for providing new information on a manufacturer’s policy change to all employees via email. (As opposed to our HR Manager who recently touted this same employee’s idea as her own)
• Via email, I thanked an employee in another department for assisting me with an audit when I was in a bind. I cc’d her boss who later told me how much my email had meant to this employee.

*This comment which was so helpful to me was deflating to the employee who is supposed to buck-up. He was absent the next day, isn’t as sharp as he usually is and seems depressed. Telling someone to buck-up and be like someone else is probably some of the worst advice you can give an employee.

Speaking of advice, the comments I received on I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet may be the most helpful comments I’ve ever received on this blog. I sincerely thank and appreciate every one of my commenters.

How about you? Does your employer let you know they appreciate you?

Do I Need to Attend Manager’s Party?

Remember my company’s HR Manager; the owner's family friend who personally attacked me, has caused problems in my department for years and was the impetus for my strength challenge. Well she is back at it again. The other day she called me into her office to complain about my boss and the employee we share. She proceeded to say how unhappy the owners are with both of them and that they were going to have a serious talk with my boss about his attitude along with my employee’s performance. Also, in the New Year my awesome new part-time employee is going to be working for her instead of me and I will be stuck with the employee she doesn't like full-time. Oh and by the way she is having a party at her home for all the corporate managers and their spouses in December. She thinks it will be a good opportunity for all of us to meet outside of work and that it will help with team building which our management staff desperately needs.

My head began to spin. I went back to my office and tried to work, but kept thinking my boss, who has been with the company 30+ years, was going to say to heck with this B.S. and retire. How will I manage if he leaves? I wondered down the hall into our operations manager’s office. Our HR manager also has issues with him, but feels she now has him wrapped around her finger. I told him this and relayed the entire conversation to him. He said, "It is all a lie."  None of this is going to happen; the owners aren’t going to talk to my boss, they aren't upset with him or with my employee and they would never allow my new part-time employee to be transferred from accounting to HR. 

I started to feel better and got up to leave saying, “I don’t think I’m up to going to her party.” Surprisingly he already knew about the party and had even discussed it with one of our owners. The owner is not fond of these types of events, because other employees hear of them, think they are company events and feel excluded. He advised our operation’s manager who also doesn’t want to attend, to have his wife drive and get drunk on our HR manager’s booze. The operations manager recommended I do the same.

In my fitness class that night, I couldn’t help but vent about my day. As I rattled off my list of complaints, one of my gym mates kept interjecting incredibly intelligent comments. Finally, I asked her where she worked.  She was self-employed, a writer and a leadership instructor. Who was she? Susan Marshall of the Backbone Institute.

I now know how I will respond when I meet someone I admire in person – I become a blubbering idiot. I read Susan’s column every month in Wisconsin Woman Magazine. Her October column "Good News About You" is currently sitting on my night stand with the following paragraph underlined:

Aggressive people are no more confident than you are. However, they have learned how to use their voices, posture and position to get what they want. When you understand this and refuse to be bullied by it, you gain freedom to go about your business in a professional manner. You need not try to change them, but you don’t need to be cowed by them either.

As to the holiday party, I still wanted to decline, but was concerned I would be missing out on the team building. Will not going be a bad career move?

 “NO," Susan replied, "Not going is called setting boundaries.”

Susan Marshall’s book Of Beauty and Substance: A Backbone Guide for Womenhas been on my reading list since I first heard of it. I went home and ordered a copy.

Have you been invited to a co-worker's house party you dreaded attending? Did you go?

Note, I am an Amazon affiliate.

I Admit It – I Am a Nervous Nellie

I’m not sure when my husband began referring to me as a “Nervous Nellie,” but he has been doing so for quite a while now. I mostly ignore him when he does this not allowing him to deflect my anxiousness. That is until my mom got cancer. 

Last March, my mom was diagnosed with clear-cell carcinoma, an aggressive form of uterine cancer. She required in home care after undergoing a radical hysterectomy, so I volunteered to stay with her for a few days post-surgery.  Before sending her home from the hospital, a nurse spent a few minutes with the two of us demonstrating how to change my mom’s catheter, teaching her how to inject a syringe containing blood thinner into her stomach and giving me a breathing tube she was to breath into every hour to alleviate her coughing.

That evening my sister who works in health care pointed out I had not changed my mother’s catheter properly, my mom was refusing to eat and managing all of her medications was turning out to be a more daunting task than I had anticipated.

To say I was nervous when the visiting nurse called to check on us the following morning was probably an understatement. She asked me a few questions, recommended I purchase a probiotic and offered to stop in. After meeting my mom and talking to her, this nurse turned to me and said, “You are a Nervous Nellie aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but be amused, perhaps my husband has been right all along; a fact he enjoyed immensely when I shared her comment with him when I returned home.

The remainder of the year did not ease my Nervous Nellie tendencies. In August my Mom was in a car-accident on her way to a family get-together to celebrate her cancer-free diagnosis. No one was hurt and the accident had not been her fault, but this party may have been the worst family celebration I have ever attended. As the year progressed we learned my mom now has two hernias resulting from her radiation treatments and will most likely have to wear Depends for the rest of her life; apparently the radiation also damaged her bowel. The good news is my mom continues to remain cancer free.

As I re-read my 2014 goals, I realize other than keeping a gratitude journal (the only resolution I managed to stick to) they were all focused on trying to be more perfect – don’t eat sugar, be organized, suffer for 15 minutes, find my Calcutta – no wonder I am so nervous. Perhaps my 2015 resolutions should be to kayak more, spend more time playing with my dogs, going to movies and reading for pleasure.  

Are you a “Nervous Nellie?” If so, what do you do to relax?

Early Retirement One Year Anniversary

One of my former co-workers had been miserable in his position for several years – actually he had been perfectly happy with his job until our company hired another family member and put this co-worker in charge of him. The new employee was like a bull in a China store and my co-worker was forced to work long hours attempting to control the damage.  

He began talking regularly about retiring early and asking questions about finances related to retirement. My post, "Should I pay off my house with 401(k) monies?" was for him. He did end up using his 401(k) money to pay off his home. His wife had retired at age 58. I am not sure, but think she receives a pension from the hospital where she worked for 30-years as a nurse. She also has a part-time job working one day a week for her church. There would be no pension for my co-worker, just his 401(k).  My co-worker’s biggest retirement concern was the cost of their health care. He went over and over the numbers eventually concluding he couldn’t afford to retire early.

Then a good friend of his died at 61 from cancer and his 90-year old mother in-law stopped recognizing him when he visited her in the nursing home. He began not caring if he ran out of money; he surmised from his mother-in-law’s experience that when he is 90 he probably won't know if he is living in a dump eating cat food (his exact words) or in a nice home receiving expert care. He retired on his 62nd birthday not even taking my advice to work until the end of December to receive his holiday pay.  

I thought of him on his birthday a few weeks ago and sent an email congratulating him on first retirement anniversary. I also asked if there had been any financial surprises he had incurred or words of wisdom he could give me since my husband plans to join him in retirement at the end of the year and I still plan to retire early. Here is his response:

THANK YOU for remembering my retirement anniversary. Retirement is one word: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between kids, grandkids, remodeling, gardening, dogs, travel and sleep there is not enough time in the day for everything. I can honestly say I have yet to have a boring minute, hour or day. I think one of the biggest differences between work and retirement is stress. For "me" retirement equals ZERO stress. Physically and mentally I feel twenty years younger. During the first couple of months I would feel "kinda" guilty when I would encounter people that were still working. No more. I paid my dues and have arrived. I used to look at retirement as winning the "race". Now I look at it as just "finishing" the race.

Notice he doesn’t even acknowledge the financial aspects of retirement. As my husband’s benefits come to an end, I am forced to enroll in my company’s inferior and more expensive benefit plans. Add in the $800 I just spent to replace my two-year old computer that crashed and my nervous Nellie tendencies are operating at full capacity.

Then I look at how stressful my husband has been in his job this past year, the long hours he worked including Saturdays and the occasional Sunday. How much I enjoyed him being laid-off last winter. How far behind we've gotten on basic home maintenance and cleaning. A real vacation; what is that? Then I think of my co-worker and how awesome his year has been. I want that for my husband and eventually for myself. My co-worker is right in that we don’t know what the future holds – whether we will be blessed with a long healthy life or succumb too early to a horrible disease or that we will end up penniless in a nursing home. As to our finances, I will never be able to control everything; appliances will need replacing, medical premiums will increase and I will need procedures like gum recession surgery. We have our 401(k) plans and we are maximizing his social security benefits by waiting until next year when he is 66 to begin collecting. If our finances become unmanageable we can always sell our home which is paid off. It is time for my husband to cross the finish line.

Are you retired?  Do you have any words of wisdom?

You Don’t Seem Happy Anymore

It was December 23^rd and I was exhausted from both work and holiday preparations when my husband asked if I’d like to have a glass of wine by the fire.  I half-heartedly said, “Sure” and grabbed the book I’ve been reading - Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon Self-Control, and My Other Experiments in Everyday Life. I wanted to read (I am an introvert and need down time when confronted with a lot of social activity) while my husband was looking forward to a nostalgic conversation about the Christmas’s of our past.  His sister is moving to a new home this January and we would be celebrating the holidays in her old home for the last time. No one in the family was interested in having this conversation including myself.  After several failed conversation attempts he finally said:

"You don’t seem happy anymore.  You don’t laugh or joke or want to have fun.  All you do is work and when you are home you are either reading or working on the computer.  When you do engage in conversation you are usually negative. You never used to be this way.  When I met you, you were happy, laughed easily and had a carefree positive attitude. What can I do to help you change back to the person you used to be?"  

This was somewhat of a wake-up call. He is right and the reasons are numerous. Since my bunion surgery last summer, I’ve gained back all of the weight I lost two years ago and still am not back to my normal workout routine.  I feel lethargic and remain continuously behind both at work and at home and from time to time I feel mildly depressed. I don’t take enough time off – nine of my earned vacation days went unused in 2013 - the most vacation I’ve lost ever. In addition, I’m feeling old and trapped in my current life and job.  

My reading of Gretchen’s book Happier at Home suddenly took on new meaning, “How can I be happier at home in 2014.”  One thing I know for sure is my husband can’t do anything to change me.  If I want to change my life I have to do it myself. Here are my goals for 2014:

Interior Design:
I am re-committing to keeping a gratitude journal:
I’ve kept journals in the past and they’ve been helpful especially when going through a rough time.  This year, in addition to writing what I am grateful for, my focus is going to be on writing about the positive aspects of my day and if it includes working with someone who is difficult or annoying I need to write something positive about that person. Also as a way to know myself better, I am going to pay attention to what I envy and what I lie about.  I found it interesting that I was envious of a friend when others commented on how efficient she is. 

Control over possessions and time

Make to-do lists:
I’ve never been a big list maker.  I like to keep things in my head and only write down an important deadline or two on my calendar. Last fall I attended a seminar called “Getting Things Done” based on a book of the same title written by David Allen. At the seminar we were required to do a “Mind Sweep” a process where we were required to write everything we needed to get done both at work and at home on a piece of paper. The idea is to get these tasks out of our minds. I used this list during the month of December and it helped tremendously.  One of my biggest sources of unhappiness is missing appointments or remembering a deadline when it is too late.   

Implement a new filing system both at work and at home.
This was also covered in the “Getting Things Done” seminar. Lost and misplaced items are a huge source of unhappiness for me.  I’ve previously written about my messy desk at work and my files at home are currently packed so tight I couldn’t possibly place another piece of paper in them let alone find anything.  After having difficulty finding financial papers at the end of the year, I began implementing a new filing system both at home and at work.

Suffer for 15 minutes:
I’ve started taking a dreaded task from my above to-do list and spending 15 minutes a day on it.  This is so much better than tackling the entire list on a Saturday.  Setting up a credit-card payment or renewing our DOT fleet license at work are never fun tasks, but ones that can easily be accomplished in 15 minutes or less. It is also much better than waiting ‘til the due date and then frantically searching for passwords.

Teach and delegate:
When asked a question at work I need to teach others where to find the information or how to do the work themselves or delegate it. Taking on too much at work is one of my major sources of inefficiency.

Buy what I need and get rid of what I don’t:
I tend to be an under-buyer and a slight hoarder. This basically means I have a lot of stuff people have given me, I’ve gotten for free, are obsolete, I no longer need and not what I do need.  I find myself scrambling when I run out of printer ink or don’t have warm clothes that fit adequately when the temperatures go below zero. 

Body:
Stop eating sugar:
I am an abstainer. I’ve known this since reading Gretchen's previous book The Happiness Project. She describes an abstainer as someone who finds it easier to abstain from something than to indulge moderately.  Abstainers aren’t tempted by things that are off limits, but once started have trouble stopping.

Moderators, by contrast do better when they act with moderation, because they feel trapped and rebellious at the thought of never “getting” or doing something. Occasional indulgence heightens their pleasure and strengthens their resolve. (Pg. 122)  

I’ve given up sugar in the past and find that completely abstaining is the only way I can keep from binging. Effective immediately I am no longer going to eat any sugary treats.

Seek out a workout that works for me:
I’m still searching for a workout that I enjoy that isn’t too strenuous.   I plan to try a Barre class in the coming weeks and will continue to look for new workouts after my foot heals completely.  I would like to meet with a fitness consultant to help map a workout routine that is tailored to my fitness needs and abilities.

Finding my Calcutta:
One of my major sources of unhappiness comes from my life not “being” about anything.  I feel as if life is passing me by as I sit in my office fixing accounting entries all day. I had a conversation with another male co-worker who feels similar.  He is the manager of one of our company stores and feels he makes a difference in about 30 people’s lives, but that is it.  He thinks the items his store sells are no longer made well and are a huge headache to sell and service. After he retires in a few years he hopes to do something more meaningful with his life.

Lighten-up:
In 2014, I need to stop being so hard on myself.  Perhaps I too can wait until I retire and have more free time to make my life be about something.  I still have this blog which I am attempting to turn into a mentoring club for women.  I started The Savvy Reader Book Club last year and try to write regular posts that hopefully help women.  One of my friends suggests I work on this blog only when I have they time and not to feel guilty when I don't have time. Family and work come first.

Give gold stars:
For me, this means paying more attention to my husband.  Closing my book when he wants to have a conversation or moving away from the computer for a few minutes to actively listen when he tells me about his day.  Acknowledge and thank him for doing something that makes my life easier or better – for having an incredible meal ready when I get home from work on New Year’s Eve or helping with the cleaning when I have to work on Saturdays during January. Or just going outside and spending time with him and our dogs in the back yard instead of checking my twitter feed for the umpteenth time.  

Have you made any resolutions to be happier at home in 2014? 

This post was inspired by Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin where she runs a nine month experiment to create happier surroundings. Join From Left to Write on January 6 we discuss Happier at Home. You can also chat live with Gretchen Rubin on January 7 on Facebook! As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Josh Hanagarne Revitalizes my “BE Strong” Project

When I selected Josh Hanagarne’s book The World's Strongest Librarian: A Memoir of Tourette's, Faith, Strength, and the Power of Family for the December Savvy Reader Book Club I thought it would be the perfect read to close out my Be Strong reading challenge.  To my surprise instead of wrapping up my project this book inspired me to revitalize it.  Josh’s story helped me realize procuring inner-strength is not something that can be accomplished in one year. It is a life-long project.

Josh who began experiencing symptoms of Tourette's syndrome at the age of six describes Tourette’s syndrome as follows:

In any language, the movement disorder comes down to two things: those with the disorder either move involuntarily, makes noises involuntarily, or both.

He writes:

The worst part of Tourette’s wasn’t the bodily harm or even my inability to go outside sometimes. It wasn’t that I was being driven toward increasing isolation. It was the uncertainty. It felt like driving at night, with headlights coming toward me, and every car seemed to be in my lane. I no longer had a destination. I only knew that everything coming toward me had the potential to wreck me, to derail any plan I could make.

To say Josh's journey towards controlling his Tourette's symptoms was difficult would be an understatement. He tried numerous methods from visiting questionable doctors, to ingesting drugs - Klonopin/Clonezepam, Tetrabenazine, Zyprexa, Risperol, Haldol, Clonidine, even a nicotine patch—none of which helped for more than a few days and most had side effects. After his involuntary outbursts turned to screams, he receives botulism toxin injections that paralyze his vocal chords. These injections reduce his speech to a whisper.

As Josh’s symptoms continue to worsen, they cause increasing turmoil in his life. He leaves his Mormon mission early; he is in and out of jobs as well as college. Eventually he ends up refusing to leave his parent’s couch suffering from a debilitating depression. Thinking his son has zero confidence his father convinces him to try weight training.

Eventually Josh’s strength training leads him to Adam Glass, a strongman and former Air Force tech sergeant. Adam describes a good trainer as someone who gets results and shows clients how to figure something out for themselves. Josh writes:

Working with Adam was the first time someone actually asked me to think about what was actually happening to me. My doctors they never asked how I felt. They treated symptoms.

After coming home from spending a week with Adam, Josh has a breakthrough epiphany - his breathing is the key to controlling his Tourette’s symptoms. He practices taking a lung-filling breath that does not result in a tic. These breaths turned into seconds, seconds into days, days into weeks and weeks.

Unfortunately, Josh’s life does not remain symptom free. While under stress after witnessing early signs of Tourette’s in his son Max, they return with a vengeance. Josh has to begin the process of taming them all over again.  

As I mentioned in my book selection post, The World's Strongest Librarian: A Memoir of Tourette's, Faith, Strength, and the Power of Family is about much more than Tourette’s, but for me, Josh's battle with Tourette’s is what resonated the most. His trainer Adam says it best:

I don’t know how you do it? Having control of my body is one of the only things that keeps me this sane, and I’m pretty wrecked.

This book has inspired me to improve upon my own inner-strength project. To dig deeper, seek out mentors and trainers that ask the right questions so I too can strengthen my inner core.

Bottom Line:
Despite enjoying The World’s Strongest Librarian and feeling it is a worthwhile read for a strength project it is not a perfect book. Even though - I think - I grasped the gist of the chapter covering the week Josh spent working with Adam it was a cumbersome read that did not improve with a re-reading. I particularly enjoyed learning about his family life, his take on reading, libraries and his experiences working in them. In addition, the section covering the difficulties he and his wife experienced conceiving a child are heartbreaking. Overall though, I am left with a feeling that something is missing.

Have you read this book? If so what were your thoughts?

How to Maintain a High Energy Level at Work - Strength Interview #4

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Today’s interview question focuses on maintaining a high energy level at work.




I struggle with having enough energy to stay strong at work. Do you have any suggestions for maintaining a high energy level?

My first three answers to What makes you feel strong? apply here as well. Get enough sleep, eat right, drink water.

To that list, I would like to add: taking breaks. I am not talking about your regular lunch break or the two fifteen minute breaks some companies provide.

I am talking about micro breaks every thirty to forty minutes. Get up and stretch. Talk and joke around with a co-worker. I like to go outside for fresh air and feel the sunshine on my face.

The idea here is to think about something different, stretch your eyeball muscles by looking far into the distance and move your body.

Micro breaks will rejuvenate your mind and body. You will be able to go back to work refreshed and productive with a healthy work attitude.

I joke around with coworkers that they need to get up and move around because all their blood has pooled in their butts. And as you know, we are not getting any younger, rigamortis sets in quickly and we have to get up from our chairs to break it up.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

How do you maintain a high level of energy at work?

Tune in tomorrow to read my the final strength interview post with Darlene.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2
Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
How to be more confident at work
The book "Sitting Kills, Moving Heals' changes my fitness routine
Good posture helps older employee get hired

Continuing to Struggle with Work-Life Balance in 2012

While reflecting on 2012, I reviewed my post What Worked in 2011: Learning to Slow Down and Take Care of Myself and was surprised by my final paragraph:

I want to continue discovering who I am. Hey I turn 50 this year it is about time. I had another bad week at work then was strongly encouraged to go in on Saturday (its year-end). While sitting in my office feeling miserable, I decided it is time I get serious about figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I had a similar experience this year. I am losing three vacation days I never got around to using, my boss expected me to work yesterday (Saturday), and told me I would work on Christmas Eve day (a company holiday) if he told me to do so. My co-worker who overheard this conversation thought my boss had been joking, but it left me feeling disgruntled and guilty for not working more. When I stumbled upon my post from last year I realized nothing has changed in a year and my work-life balance may actually be a little worse.

Here are a few of the work struggles I faced this year:

Making a "Big Mistake" at Work

SWG Coffee Social: Job Disillusionment

How not to Lose Your Cool While Your Manager Screams at You

I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think on My Feet

I did have a couple of positive experiences:

How to Be More Confident at Work

Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate them

And I attempted to make improvements:

Joining Classy Career Girl's Networking Challenge

"Be Strong!" Challenge

Why I am Cleaning My Desk

Be Strong Challenge: September Update

Unfortunately all of my challenges ended in failure:

Networking Challenge:
I gave up on the Networking Challenge after I was stood up for an interview and received a couple of rejections.  I am bringing this one back in 2013 with a new focus. 
 
Push-up challenge:
I have tendinitis in my elbow and had to stop doing push-ups.  I am now experiencing so much pain I can barely lift a coffee pot.  It is disappointing to accept the fact I will never have a strong upper body, but after hurting myself for the 4th time I think I have finally learnt my lesson.  For 2013 I will listen to my body and stick with exercise routines my body can handle - Zumba and Turbo Kick.

Cleaning my desk:
Fail.  I had a clean desk until I went on vacation in October. I came back to a mess and it has remained that way ever since.  I have started a new routine - going in early which has helped.  It is nice to be in before others are there to bother me and I am not nearly as tired as when I work late.

Stopping the snacking:
This is a fail.  Once I am tired and under stress I lose all self-control and have actually gained five pounds since I went on vacation in October.  All I can do is start eating better again in January.

In 2012 I did say no more often, but the things I said no to - spending time with friends, going to the gym and volunteering - are all things I enjoy and help contribute to my work-life balance.

What should I do?
Working too many hours has been my company's culture for over 50 years.  My predecessor who retired after 35 years used to work both Saturdays and Sundays.  She was widowed at a young age and needed to support her family of five. (She was also incredibly underpaid.)  My boss has always worked too many hours and never uses all of his vacation time, so he expects his employees to do the same. 

I was "networking" with a colleague who started her own business ten years ago.  She feels her biggest career mistake was staying at a company too long.  Once you earn a reputation with a company it is almost impossible to break out of it without leaving and starting over somewhere else.  She earned the reputation (single with no children) as the employee who was available to travel and spent the majority of her time on the road.  By starting her business she can now set her own schedule and choose the clients she wants to work for.  She wishes she would have had the courage to start her business two years earlier than she did.  She suggests I start over at a new company that has a culture more in tuned to work-life balance.

I am still not too keen on continuing to work in accounting, but for the time being it does pay the bills.  I do know I will be bringing back my "Be Strong!" Challenge in 2013 with a vengeance. Other than that I am pretty sure I will still be working too many hours at my current company next year at this time.

How do you maintain a work-life balance? Do you have any suggestions for me?

If you like this post you may also like:
Accountants are required to work 45+ hours per week
How does your pay stack up against the salary guides?
My career as a tax accountant

Observing Purple Martins - Calming my Crazy

I’ve had problems with insomnia ever since I was a young girl. Growing up I spent many a school night starring out my bedroom window wondering if there was anyone else out there who was as wide awake as me. (I had been forbidden from waking-up my sister to talk when I couldn’t sleep). Now that I am fifty I’ve lost my tolerance for sleepless nights and have added discovering new ways to quiet my mind as part of my Finding my Strength challenge.

I have to admit Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge has not worked out for me. I had a terrible bout of insomnia the night before the challenge was to begin and had all I could do just to make it through the next day let alone meditate. I skipped day one with every intention of catching up on day two. Well that never happened and when I received the “we’ve missed you email” from Deepak I didn’t bother opening it.

Which brings me to my new calming hobby – observing Purple Martins - which I discovered quite by accident. Earlier this year my neighbor took a fall and was spending time in a rehab center. His Father’s Day wish had been for his children to drive to his home and take a couple photos of the ‘flock” of Purple Martins nested in his yard. Since they were unable to comply, he called wondering if I wouldn’t mind taking a few snapshots. I was happy to oblige.

Those first Father’s Day photos weren’t very exciting, so my husband convinced me he could do better and spent the next several weeks observing and photographing the Purple Martins. He picked out his favorite photos and we put a book together. Last Saturday when my neighbor returned home I gave him the book as a welcome home gift. He said it was the most awesome gift he’d ever received. 

My neighbor has always had a passion for Purple Martins. His father had taught him when he was quite young to be on the lookout each spring for the arrival of Purple Martin “scouts” checking out the previous year’s nesting area. After spotting the scouts, the two of them would rush to put up their Purple Martin house. If the house went up too early they risked Sparrows taking residence and chasing off returning Martins. When his father passed away my neighbor inherited the Purple Martin house and continued the tradition. He was devastated a few years ago when the birds stopped using his house. He took it down and discovered the wood had rotted. The next year he erected a new house in the same spot, but still no birds. His colony had moved on. He then discovered The Purple Martin Conservation Association and added another new house with gourds based on Purple Martin Conservation guidelines. This new house did the trick; he now has a new ‘flock’ of birds that return each year.

Here are some of our photos:

 

The next day I filled my cup with coffee and took my two dogs outside. I sat on my bench next to my perennial garden with my dogs at my side. It was a beautiful crisp summer day. It had been another week of sleepless nights including one with a horrific wind storm that had downed a few major branches in our yard. The sailboats were out participating in a regatta and a lone duck was feeding on our shore line. I looked up and saw several Purple Martins flying overhead and really listened to their song. I counted ten birds. I put my head back and thought this is bliss. Several years ago after I had first moved into my husband's lake home, a friend had said, “Living on a lake you must feel as if you are always on vacation.” I had responded with, “No that is not what it is like, not at all.” As I sat there watching the Purple Martins, I knew this is what she had been talking about. At that moment I did feel as if I was on vacation. I sat there for another ten minutes taking it all in before I went back inside, back to my never ending to-do list. That night when it was time for sleep I thought about that moment; the beautiful day, sitting on the bench watching the Purple Martins. My mind was quieted and I slept.

Today the birds appear to be gone – left for their migration back to South America.  It is sad to see them leave so soon after my calming experience, but I am already looking forward to their return next spring.  I plan on joining my neighbor in his lookout for the Purple Martin scouts and anticipate observing them for the entire season and for many seasons to come. In the meantime, I will try to remember those ten minutes of bliss observing the Purple Martins from my garden bench when I need to quiet my mind and get a good night of sleep.

I'm 50-Years Old and Still Can’t Think on My Feet

For most of July my boss, our company’s CFO, has been out of the office due to a family emergency. In the interim I've been covering for him. At first it was kind of fun – doing or delegating his work –  most of which he shouldn’t be doing anyway. But as the month drags on and I and our accounting department fall further behind, playing CFO has stopped being fun.

Then our HR Manager (regular readers may recall I've had issues with her in the past) decided our payroll person was incorrectly processing some of our payroll deductions. She called me into her office and began berating this employee behind her back telling me how stupid she was. Instead of standing up for my employee I offered to look into it. I went back to my office and searched how to process the specific deductions on the IRS.gov website. What our HR Manager had concluded didn’t make sense. I came up with a couple of examples as to why, braced myself and went back to her office to explain why she was mistaken. Of course I couldn't convince her and she ended up insisting she needed to check into the matter herself. It has been two days and I still haven't heard from her, so I assume her sources informed her she was wrong. If our CFO had been here this would have been a simple fix - I would have asked him, he would have said our payroll employee was correct and the HR Manager was wrong end of story.

This is such a minor incident why does it bother me?
Because here I am turning 50 this week and I still can’t think on my feet. I don't have a thick enough skin to stand up for my employee and articulate my thoughts when I am put on the spot.  When my boss retires in a few years I will never be strong enough to be the CFO on a permanent basis. Several years ago while re-reading my journals I discovered two years in a row I had written almost the identical entry on my birthday – in the upcoming year I am going to work on becoming a stronger person.

So here I am turning 50 and still challenging myself to becoming a stronger person in the upcoming year.

I didn't think I should blog about this. My challenge is so ordinary and there are others who have written about similar projects - Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia (I couldn't take all the crying),  Noelle Hancock's My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir (Her dialog was atrocious - like nails on a chalkboard) and Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (Happiness is her job how can the average person find time for this). Then I came across Danielle LaPorte’s post "The Biggest Threat to Your Creativity" where she writes:

... is the fear that it’s already been done, said, created.

(So why bother?)

Say it, do it, make it anyway —

but tell YOUR story along the way.

The story of how you came to know what you know.

The story of what you want to know more of.

The story of why you do what you do.

        The story of how you came to care.

And that’s how you create what’s never been created before

Danielle Laporte has inspired me. I’m going to do this. My 50th year is going to be all about:

Finding my Strength

For starters I have added Danielle Laporte's book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms to my reading list.

I have signed up for the Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge beginning July 16th. Guided by Deepak Chopra, and other master teachers I will learn practical techniques for becoming more calm, centered, and happy. The challenge is  21 days because studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one.

I am also challenging myself to read books about those who have persevered and succeeded despite having obstacles in their lives.

I have a few other ideas, but nothing definite.  Have you taken on a similar challenge? Do you have any suggestions for me? If so please share.

Determining my Myers-Briggs Score

In my post Penelope Trunk Gives a Wake-Up Call I mentioned one of the first steps to achieving career satisfaction is to know your Myers-Briggs score. My problem was I had taken six different on-line Myers-Briggs assessments and had received six different scores.

How I discovered my real score?
I googled "best" Myers-Briggs book and discovered Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger's book Do What You Are. Unfortunately this book does not include the assessment. Apparently the authentic Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test is copyrighted and available only through organizations, counselors and therapists approved by the Myers and Briggs Foundation. The book does describe each of the 8 personality traits in detail along with providing examples. After a process that included comparing my previous six Myers-Briggs scores with the examples in the book and asking my husband for his opinion I came up with ISFJ.

The book includes profiles of people who enjoy their jobs for each personality type. While reading Monty’s profile (a stressed 44-year old ISFJ who was an over-worked tax accountant with an inability to say no until he became a sole practitioner CPA, working exclusively for nonprofit organizations), I had an aha moment I am an ISFJ. In addition to reading the strengths and weaknesses for ISFJ in the book I found Portrait of an ISFJ on the Personality Page website to be quite helpful.

What did I learn?
I discovered I prefer working in a highly structured, traditional organization with a clear mission. I am more comfortable working one-on-one, helping others or with other people who share my personal values and beliefs. I am hard working, loyal sometimes to a fault and prefer staying in my comfort zone. I also don't like presenting my work to a group without adequate time to prepare well in advance, have a hard time saying no and am a reluctant manager.

I found it interesting how many of the above items I touched on in previous blog posts:

• I am a reluctant manager who got upset when my management skills were attacked in A Personal Attack at Work.
• I discuss wanting to break out of my comfort zone in Getting my Ducks in a Row.
• I write about my inability to say no in Know your limits and learn to say no.
• In both Anger in the Workplace and Weekend Wisdom I get stressed and agitated when I don't have ample time to complete my work.

What is next?
I am considering getting a certified professional to interpret my score. I’d like to discuss whether I should pursue an alternative job in accounting that better fits my personality, make a complete career change or just stay where I am at. Have you done this? Did you find it helpful? Do you feel knowing your Myers-Briggs score has made a difference in your life and career?

Employee shocked she was escorted out the door after giving notice

Robin writes:
I resigned from my sales associate job last week. The pressure to continuously meet increasing sales goals got the best of me. My husband, tired of seeing me so stressed, talked me into resigning. I told my manager I had decided to take the rest of the summer off then look for a less stressful position in the fall. An hour after submitting my resignation, my manager approached my desk, advised me he was accepting my resignation, informed me the company would still pay me for the next two weeks, but effective immediately I had to leave the premises. He then asked for my key and escorted me out the door.

I am shocked, hurt and humiliated by this experience. I worked for this company for ten years and was the top salesperson in my department every month during this ten year period. I cannot believe I was booted out so easily and that they did not even try to fight to keep me. Why would they do this? Didn’t they value me as an employee?

First, when you submit your resignation you need to realize you are resigning; the days of using a resignation to negotiate a higher salary or to air your gripes no longer exists. A wage and salary freeze means just that. Think about it if you resign and your company counters with a less stressful job, more pay or both all of your co-workers will resign looking for the same deal. If you want to air your gripes it is best to schedule a meeting and discuss them with your manager not to resign. Also, companies are not required to give you an exit interview.

Why did your manager so easily accept your resignation?
Perhaps your company is struggling financially (many still are) and need to continue to cut costs. You may have conveniently helped your manager balance his budget. Also, you resigned instead of being let go – in the state of Wisconsin your company’s unemployment account will not be affected.

Why were you escorted out the door?
Escorting salespeople out the door may be your company’s policy. They may be afraid you will use the next two weeks to
1. Steal contacts
2. Sabotage the system (the IT Manager at my company continuously blames former employees for our company's computer system problems)
3. Rile up your customers and co-workers by telling them all the reasons why you no longer want to work for the company.
4. Goof off - they may feel you aren’t going to accomplish anything anyway.

In the past, when I have left companies or have had employees leave there are two reasons why employers want them to work during the two week resignation period:
1. They need the employee to train someone else to do their job
2. They want the employee to finish their current projects

My advice is not to sweat this too much. You choose to quit because you weren’t happy.  Stick with your original plan to relax, take a couple months off then figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

Tips on maintaining a stress free life

Since returning from vacation, I’ve been contemplating what I can do to minimize the stress in my life on a day-to-day basis. I came up with the following list of items I currently try to employ:

1. Get enough sleep; I need at least 7 hours of solid sleep to feel rested, not edgy the next day

2. Live below my means; I sleep better when I’m not worried about paying the bills

3. Exercise – I try to workout at least 3 times a week; exercise helps me sleep better

4. Spend at least a half hour each night unwinding with a good book (even DH has noticed I get cranky when I don’t have a good book to read)

5. Take a sick day when I’m sick – I’m not very good at this one

6. Cut back on caffeine; drink more water – I used to drink coffee in the morning, soda in the afternoon. Now I skip the soda and drink water, I’ve noticed I’m not nearly as jittery

7. Cook on the weekends – eat the leftovers during the week. I rarely take the time to cook during the week; if I don’t have something already made I usually end up eating junk food.

8. Keep a couple of safety pins in my purse in case of a wardrobe malfunction

9. Don’t drink coffee while driving unless I want to wear the coffee all day

10. To minimize scheduling conflicts use only one calendar

11. If a home repair job is out of my or DH’s area of expertise (plumbing comes to mind) hire a professional

12. Think thru an invitation before saying yes; especially events that occur during the work day; for me it’s stressful getting out of work on time, finding the event (directions are not my forte), and searching for a parking spot

13. I stopped using computerized photo software and bought a photo reader

14. Use mapquest; if going to a job interview, drive by the interview site the night before

15. Admit mistakes right away; I heard this one at a seminar years ago. I have since found it is much better to admit a mistake right away rather than worrying about it for days. I’ve also found many times what I think is a huge deal is either not the big deal I thought it was or is something that can easily be fixed.

I also came up with three things I could or should do in the future:

1. Take a computer trouble shooting class. Nothing gets my blood boiling faster, that when something goes wrong with my computer.

2. Cut back on sugar

3. Buy a GPS system (I really am terrible with directions)

What are your tips for maintaining a stress free life?

The Stress-Free Zone

Last week, while vacationing on the Caribbean island of St. John, I experienced what may have been the most relaxing day of my life; I guess you could say I was in a stress-free zone. What factors contributed to this state of bliss?

- The mental clarity achieved hiking to the beach

- The meditating lull of the sea

- The beauty of the blue sky

- Nothing more taxing to do than watch the palms of the palm trees sway in the wind

- The poetry of the novel I was reading; The Blind Assassinwhich is Margaret Atwood at her best

- The ability to finally shut off the nagging voice that’s constantly reminding me of all the things I need to do

As my vacation came to a close, I couldn’t help but contemplate why it took ‘til day five of my vacation to achieve this stress-free zone. Here are a few things I could have done differently to help my vacation get off on a stress free note:

- Don’t over-promise. We were scheduled to spend our first night of travel in Chicago. I had promised my husband I'd leave work early, so we could get an early start, knowing my boss always keeps me ‘til the last possible minute the day before I leave for vacation. Sure enough, I was given a last minute project that kept me working much later than anticipated. This set the tone for an impatient husband, a hurried exit and several forgotten last minute items.

- Don't multi-task. The night before our vacation, I packed my bags while talking on the phone. Can you see what's coming – yes, more forgotten items. I recently read that multitasking never works. I think this is a true statement; at least it never seems to work for me.

- Take advantage of technology. Before leaving, I had decided not to add cell phone coverage for the Virgin Islands to my cell phone plan; I was unhappy with the projected extra fees and roaming charges. This was a mistake. Pay phones don't really exist anymore and if they do they are in disrepair. This caused all sorts of complications with our car rental company, our villa caretaker and our airline. We returned home to find messages from all parties on our home phone providing valuable information about flight changes and meeting arrangements. I'm sure the parties above assumed they were leaving messages on our cell phone. Also, it would have been easier to book excursions and make restaurant reservations with a cell phone rather than having to rush back to our villa for confirmation messages.

- Simplify your routine. After a full day of travel, arrange for an easy meal the night of arrival; either eat in or go to a restaurant within walking distance. Also, on what was the most relaxing day of my life we had planned a late afternoon hike, but not wanting to leave the beach decided to forego it. We had finally learned if we wanted to truly relax we had to simplify our routine.

- Be more organized. Make a list of items that need to be packed and then actually use the list. Once home, add any forgotten or neglected items to the list. Save the list to use when packing for the next vacation.

- Vacation at a familiar destination. I never used to understand why someone would want to vacation at the same place every year. Now I get it. It took us two full days to become acclimated with St. John. If you are truly looking for relaxation, familiarity is a key factor. Also, we discovered many ways we could cut costs if we were to return to St. John. If you travel to the same destination each year, you are more likely to pack the right items and are less likely to encounter unforeseen surprises.