I Am the Ocean: A Pleasant Surprise

When Samita Sarkar emailed me to ask if I’d be interested in reviewing her travel memoir, I initially hesitated.

Here is her description of what I Am the Ocean is about:

The memoir covers a backpacking trip along the east coast of the United States that I took during my early twenties. A Canadian traveler on a budget with a thirst for self-discovery, I slept on couches, buses, and in cramped hostels. I saw beautiful things and met many interesting people, but it was also a time of spiritual searching and personal development for me.

I wasn’t sure. Not another backpacking book! I’d kind of had my fill of those after reading Cheryl Strayed’s Wild and Susan Jane Gilman’s Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, but my intuition kicked in and I said yes. I am so glad I did - I Am the Ocean was a pleasant surprise.

After Sarkar graduated from the university with top grades she surprisingly can’t find a job. To pull herself out of her jobless funk she uses her savings to travel on a budget from Canada to Miami stopping in NYC, Washington D.C., Savannah and Miami along the way. Not to keep comparing her to Strayed, but her trip was well-planned, she trusted her intuition and used common sense. Though if she had asked me for advice, I would have told her to skip the couch surfing at single men’s apartments. 

I enjoyed her observations of traveling in the U.S., thoughts on Americans and our landmarks/tourist destinations. I also liked that she wasn’t afraid to travel off the beaten path. As a travel tip I’ve never considered visiting Miami, but am now sure it is not a place I want to visit; at least not while staying in a hostel.

I found her assessment of LiveMocha.com (an online community where people who wanted to learn different foreign languages and mark each other’s assignments) interesting: 

Because all good things most come to an end, their competitor, the language giant Rosetta Stone, eventually bought Live.Mocha.com and ran this amazing resource with a thriving community into the ground. (pg. 5)

I recommend this book to any 20-something going through a quarter-life crisis, those who want to learn what it is like to travel on a budget, readers who enjoy travel memoirs or want to read a well-written, light book. I Am the Ocean  would make a great nonfiction beach read.

Personally, I love Samita Sarkar’s writing voice and want to read everything she has written and am heading over to her website to do so now.

Have you read any books lately that were a pleasant surprise?

Note: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review and am an Amazon affiliate.

How Not to Feel Trapped? Advice from Andre Agassi

One of my coworkers, I will call him Frank, is trapped in his job.  He is approaching 70 and forced to continue working to pay for his wife’s medical expenses. His wife has been bedridden for several years due to M.S. Frank is loud, abrasive and intimidating.  His constant complaining brings his entire department down.  Frank is also at the top of the list of employees my company hopes to force into retirement with our software conversion.

I read Andre Agassi’s book Open: An Autobiography earlier this year for my savvy reading challenge.  While thinking about my new series staying relevant over 50 I couldn’t help, but think of Andre Agassi.

The surprising thing you learn early in Agassi’s book is he hated playing tennis.  From an early age when his dad bought a fire breathing dragon contraption that shot tennis balls out of its mouth he hated tennis.  Tennis was his dad’s dream not his own.

Andre thinks a lot about what he can control in tennis and in life:

I tell Perry that I having no choice, having no say about what I do or who I am, makes me crazy.  That is why I put more thought, obsessive thought, into the few choices I do have – what I wear, what I eat, who I call my friends. (Pg. 66)

I obsess about the few things I can control and racket tension is one of them.  (Pg. 13)

The time has come.  I need to take control of my money.  I need to take control of my F***ing Life. (Pg. 114)

I find peace in his claim that perfectionism is voluntary.  Perfectionism is something I choose, and its ruining me, I can choose something else. (Pg. 189)

And lastly, his life and his tennis (he was losing a lot) didn’t improve until he chose tennis:

I play and keep playing because I choose to play. Even if it’s not your ideal life, you can always choose it. No matter what your life is choosing it is everything. (pg. 359)

Agassi also began using the money he made from tennis to make a difference. In 2001, Agassi opened the Andre Agassi College Preparatory Academy in Las Vegas, a tuition-free charter school for at-risk children in the area. According to Wikipedia, he personally donated $35 million to the school.

Do you feel trapped in your job?  According to Forbes, 52.3% of Americans are unhappy with their work.

From time-to-time I too feel trapped in my job.  My husband retired last year and ever since we’ve been bombarded with unexpected bills; ranging from helping a family member, to dental and medical expenses to a new vehicle for me. Plans of early retirement continue to get pushed further into the future.  

What can I do?
I can change my attitude and choose my job. I can remember why I decided to become an accountant – I thought it would be a reliable and lucrative career.  And be grateful that for the most part my career has been both.  I can try to stay present at work instead of writing blog posts in my head all day and I can help others.

From time to time I ask Frank how he is managing and he breaks down and tells me not good. That he never lets his wife see his anger or his fear.  I listen and suggest he look into signing his wife up for Medicare (she is 68) and a supplemental plan – and don’t judge why he hasn’t done this already or why our HR manager hasn’t suggested this.

I also find it helpful to leave work at a reasonable time, go to the gym and use my vacation days.

Frank has to choose his job too.  He has made the decision to continue working until his finances are under control and in the process has become difficult to work with.  Management will only put up with a difficult employee so long. If he truly wants to meet his goal he will have to change his attitude.   

Do you feel trapped in your job? How do you cope?

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Does Your Husband Take Care of You?

My Aunt, a product of the 1950’s, suggested I look for a husband who will take care of me after I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. During this time my former boyfriend rarely held a job and was well on his way to becoming a professional student.  (This was back in the eighties before tuition became so outrageously expensive). I could see my family hoping my next boyfriend at least had a job, but to be taken care of!  That concept seemed so old-fashioned to me.

As a teen in the seventies, I dreamed of having it all (like in the Enjoli commercial I grew up with). Plus, I strongly valued my financial independence.  I had been earning my own money since my first babysitting job at twelve years old.  I wasn’t going to stop doing so now.

Also, my parents weren’t the best of role models.  I know my aunt envied my mom for being able to stay home with her children while we were growing up, but my mom had never been “taken care of.”  Instead, she had been controlled; both financially and mentally during her marriage.  She was given grocery money when needed, but other than that my dad decided how every penny was spent.  If my mom wanted something he didn’t approve of she had to take money from her grocery fund or do without. She longed for a job and money of her own.  I wanted a better life for myself.

As to my aunt, she was the first woman I knew who worked outside the home.  Her husband had a good state job, but she liked the finer things in life.  To pay for these extras she had to work. Today at seventy-five she still works part-time while her husband retired from his state job years ago.
 

Fast forward five years.  I had recently married my husband and we were both attending a party with my extended family.  Another aunt noticed my new car and began gushing over it and my new husband’s ability to take care of me.  How fortunate I was to have made such a good catch.  I was furious.  I had spent the past five years working full-time while going to school.  I had just passed the CPA exam, secured a new job with a bigger salary and bought that new car.  The down payment had come from my savings and the loan was in my name, not my husbands. I was disappointed that of all my accomplishments and hard work, the only recognition I received was for supposedly marrying well.

As for this aunt, her third husband has leukemia and is too sick to work.  I recently saw a photo of her on Facebook selling her hand-made items in a booth at a craft fair.  She too is in her seventies.
 

Fast forward another fifteen years.  I am attending a holiday celebration with my husband’s family.
His 28-year old niece models her new winter coat; a gift from her new husband.  She says, “He knows how to take care of me.” Again I am surprised by this old-fashioned phrase and that it is coming from someone twenty years younger than me.  Plus, this young woman has a college degree and a better job than her new husband.

During my almost seventeen years of marriage, there have been years when my husband made more than me and others when I made more than him.  I’ve never once considered myself “taken care of” and I don’t think that is something he ever aspired to do.  I do feel he supports me emotionally and is an incredible help with the household chores. I do feel controlled though, but not by my husband. Instead, I'm controlled by my job, the stress that comes with it and the incredible work load. 
 

I wonder currently if the phrase, “he’ll take care of you” isn’t just wishful thinking.  Today with the high cost of tuition, housing and medical care it has become almost a necessity for both spouses to work at least a portion of their marriage outside the home. I look at my husband’s young niece and can’t help but think wouldn’t it be nice if she didn’t have to work as hard as I do and that she is able to enjoy more of life.  Perhaps that is what both my aunts were thinking when they made those comments to me.  As to my husband’s niece, perhaps she was saying her husband may make less than her but, he still knows what her needs are or how to take care of her.

Does your husband take care of you? 

This post was inspired by Spinster: Making a Life of One's Ownby Kate Bolick, who explores singledom with famous women who fashioned life on their own terms. Join From Left to Write on May 5th as we discuss Spinster. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Ride of Your Life by Ran Zilca

I first discovered Ran Zilca author of Ride of Your Life: A Coast-to-Coast Guide to Finding Inner Peacewhile researching my Be Strong Project (a project I created to help me become stronger in my 50th year). He had written a great article on building inner strength for Psychology Today which I used as the foundation for my project. Later, I had the opportunity to interview Zilca about inner strength. You can read that interview here. Recently, I was offered a free copy of Ride of Your Lifefor review. Below are my thoughts.

What is Ride of Your Life about?
In Zilca’s own words:
The book is a guide to inner peace, composed over a 6,000 mile, coast-to-coast solo motorcycle ride I took in 2010. I started in New York and rode to California and then down the California coast line. On my way I interviewed different scientists and authors like Deepak Chopra, Phil Zimbardo, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and Byron Katie. The collective wisdom of these experts and of the many people I met on the road, along with the meditative experience of riding in solitude each day, yielded very interesting insights that form the guide.

What was his motivation for this project?

Also in Zilca's words:
I was just turning 40, and being very successful in business and in my personal life, but unsure as to who I really am. I think that many people experience this type of feeling in midlife, where they know what they do and where they live, but not exactly sure who they are. It made me feel restless, so I went out to rediscover my identity, quiet the restlessness, and regain my inner peace.

My Thoughts:
This book is a little bit travelogue, a little bit self-help/self-discovery and a little bit memoir. If you sum up the three parts it is a great little book packed with wisdom. Here are some of my favorite nuggets:

From Dr. Barbara Frederickson Zilca learns bad experiences affect us more than good, but good is more frequent than bad. 

Her first book, Positivity, describes various research studies on positive emotions. The findings are astounding in their simplicity and have to do with the number of positive emotions a person experiences during a day compared with the number of negative emotions, a ratio that is simply called  “the positivity ratio.” If that ratio equals three or higher, you eventually go into an “upward spiral” – a state of flourishing. If your daily dose of positive emotion is less than three times the negative, you risk going into a negative state. Simply put, to flourish, you need to experience three times the good for anything bad. (Pg. 45)

This makes so much sense to me. On days when I come home from work thinking what a lousy day, yet can’t name the reason for my bad day – just a lot of small negative events this study explains it.  My bad day is due to my positivity ratio being upside down. I am not experiencing enough positive emotions to counteract all of my negative encounters.

An effective strategy to become happier:

Cultivate openness so that a person can recognize, notice, and appreciate the good that is already taking place in his or her life, and this way, tip the positivity ratio in his or her favor. (Pg. 45)

Instead of using “be positive” as a motto she prefers “be open,” or be appreciative and kind.

From Deepak Chopra he learns flexibility is the very source of inner strength: “Infinite flexibility is the secret of immortality.”

Flexibility is an attitude more than anything else. It means that I don’t need to always be rigidly attached to anything: a situation, a relationship, a point of view, or an outcome. If you are flexible, the challenge is gone. (Pg. 165)
 

Lastly, I am adding traveling between Routes 61 and 152 to my bucket list. Zilca describes this landscape as surprisingly Mediterranean. I am also adding the Gila National Forest to the list which reminded Zilca of Switzerland. 

Bottom Line:
Ride of Your Life is a great little book packed with nuggets of wisdom. I recommend it for mid-lifers experiencing a crises or anyone at any stage of life who is looking for more. My only negative is the book seemed to end rather abruptly. I get it the ride was over and Zilca went home, but I would have preferred more exploration of what he learned and how he applied these new ideas once he returned home.

Have you read this book?  What were your thoughts?

Is Maria Kang a Healthy Role Model?

This month I read Maria Kang’s book The No More Excuses Diet: 3 Days to Bust Any Excuse, 3 Weeks to Easy New Eating Habits, 3 Months to Total Transformation for the From Left to Write Book Club. The book wasn’t great, but it did help me recognize my own excuses and motivate me to get my healthy living challenge back on track.  Most of Kang's diet and fitness advice isn't new. You can read the first chapter where she introduces the majority of her tips here. 

Prior to reading the book I hadn’t heard of Maria Kang or the controversy she created when she posted the following photo to her Facebook page:

 

The photo went viral and Kang was vilified by critics for “fat shaming.”

At first, I was irritated by her photo, but the more I thought about it I became angry.   If you look into Kang's background you learn she is a former fitness competitor and personal trainer making it easier for her to get back into shape after having children. Also, she admits to struggling with bulimia.  I can't help but wonder if she isn't still obsessed with compulsive exercise and being thin.  I don't think she is a healthy role model and do think the air-brushed photo above is fat shaming.

I would have been more likely to consider Kang a healthy role model if she would have used the following more natural photo: 

 

As for healthy role models, I prefer Eliz Greene of Embrace Your Heart whom I've written about before.

 

 

Eliz was seven-months pregnant with twins when she suffered a massive heart attack. Her life changed — not only did she survive a ten-minute cardiac arrest, the cesarean delivery of her daughters and open-heart surgery, all on the same day — she gained new perspective and passion for life. Eliz developed strategies to fit activity and healthy habits into her life. She lost the more than eighty pounds she gained while pregnant and has kept it off for more than a decade.

I had the pleasure of attending a presentation given by Greene a few years ago.  She is this teeny tiny women who danced across the stage persuading her audience to exercise in ten minute increments when we were unable to fit a 30 minute workout into our schedule. Many women can't make it to the gym 5 to 6 times a week, but we can dance around the kitchen while doing the dishes.

Do you think Maria Kang is a healthy role model?  If not who is your healthy role model?

 

Why I Will Never Be a Homesteader

I discovered Melissa Coleman's book This Life Is in Your Hands: One Dream, Sixty Acres, and a Family Undoneon Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness’s site when she included it in her Nonfiction Recommendation Engine: Memorable Memoirs. She describes this book as just stunning… ominous, elegant, honest and evocative and was able to read it in a single sitting. 

What is the This Life Is in Your Hands: One Dream, Sixty Acres, and a Family Undone about?
In the fall of 1968 Melissa’s parents Elliot and Sue Coleman buy a small piece of property on a remote peninsula on the coast of Maine from Helen and Scott Nearing, authors of the homesteading bible Living the good Life how to Live Sanely and Simply in a Troubled World.  Their dream is to build a home with their own hands then live off the land. They become part of the back-to-land movement of the 70’s. All does not go well and eventually their family becomes undone. Melissa’s memoir explores her early childhood growing up on the homestead while learning to better understand her past.
      
Motivation for reading:
I grew up on a dairy farm in rural western Wisconsin in the 70’s. When I graduated from high school my goal was to get as far away from the farm as possible. My husband on the other hand is an avid fly fisherman, loves the outdoors and dreams of owning a log home on a couple of acres in Wisconsin's driftless area in our retirement years. I thought reading this book might help me determine whether I was judging my former life too harshly.

My thoughts:
I was not disappointed with this book. Like Kim, I found it to be an engrossing read and would categorize it as a nonfiction book that reads like fiction. Coleman’s story reminded me of Jeanette Well’s book The Glass Castle especially in her ability to write about her parents without bitterness.

I was impressed with how the book accurately portrays the difficulties that come with living off the land:

The reality of this way of life is that you have got to keep at it even when you don’t feel like it. Otherwise you won’t make it. It’s no life for dabblers. You have to dig it wholeheartedly, for if you don’t you just simply won’t be happy nor successful at what you do. (Pg. 111)

Coleman also does an excellent job of describing how isolating this life can be. In an article featured in the New York Times covering the Coleman’s reporter Roy Reed wrote:

“Self-sufficiency proves too difficult for many. Marital stresses, for example, are exaggerated in isolated areas around the country.” (Pg. 205)

I was happy to see her mention the problems of living without health insurance. Many of the books I’ve read (both fiction and nonfiction) covering “dropping out” or “living off the land” fail to discuss medical insurance. Elliott Coleman develops Graves' disease despite his strict vegetarian diet. Lack of medical insurance delays treatment and his health and stamina continue to decline. An underlying fear develops - what happens if Elliot becomes too sick to work.

I came away with a better understanding of organic farming.
Elliot Coleman ultimately becomes an organic farming guru. Here is one of his early influences:

It wasn't until the second summer of 1970 that I really began to understand gardening. That was the summer I read Sir Albert’s classic, An Agricultural Testament,  in which Howard claims that if plants are healthy there is no role for insects. (Pg. 66)

I won’t reveal what happens, but will say I did shed a tear of two. 

Bottom Line:  
If you are interested in self-sufficiency or the homestead movement and enjoy a good story this book is for you.  It would also make a good selection for a nonfiction book club. My only criticism is Coleman’s use of the first person in writing about events and conversations that occurred before she was born and when she was very young. Plus, her thoughts are too advanced for her age. In addition, I would have preferred more analysis of her parent’s actions and a discussion of her life after she left the homestead. Perhaps she will write a sequel. 

As to my own recollections of the farming life – I believe they are accurate. I foresee myself visiting western Wisconsin for a vacation or two, but I will never again live there permanently.
  
Have you ever considered leaving the corporate world to live off the land?

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First Darling of the Morning by Thrity Umrigar

In February, The Savvy Reader Book Club read Thrify Umrigar’s book First Darling of the Morning: Selected Memories of an Indian after Tanya of Mom's Small Victories recommended it. I had recently joined the Around the World in 80 Countries Reading Challenge after learning of it on Tanya’s blog. The premise of this challenge is to read 80 books that take place in other countries to get a better understanding of that country and culture. Thrifty Umrigar’s memoir covers her childhood growing up in Bombay India.

What is this book about?
Thrifty Umrigar is the author of the acclaimed novels Bombay Time, The Space Between Us, and If Today Be Sweet. She grew up in a middle class Parsi family in Bombay (now Mumbai) India. In her coming of age memoir she examines her childhood, exploring what things and people helped contribute to her becoming a writer. In doing so she honors the people who raised her. She lived in a joint household that included her parents, an aunt, an uncle and his wife and her cousin. She opens her life up to us with brutal honesty sharing the pain and embarrassment of living with an abusive mother, her writing influences, her teenage rebellion and finally her decision to leave Bombay to finish her education in America. All of this takes place against the backdrop of Bombay in the 1960’s and 70’s.

My thoughts:
It is easy to see why Thrifty Umrigar’s novels are so popular; she is a talented and gifted writer. I particularly enjoyed learning of her early writing influences:

Thrifty attends a private catholic school. Her 4th grade composition teacher turns her writing world upside down when she tells the class, “For once in your life do not make your characters blond and blue eyed. And for heaven’s sake give them real names, that is, Indian names, not names like Mr. Jones and Mr. Henderson. Thrifty and her classmates grew up reading Enid Blyton books. Thrifty had lived so intensely in the fictional world of small-town England that she knew more about this world than the hot crowded, equatorial city of dark haired men and women that she dwelled in. Her teacher’s question helps her realize:

Writing is - can be – a complicated and important thing. And that it is tied to other things, things like culture and nationality and history and where you live. This is a brand new thought that all writing is not the same and that where you live can define who you are and so change the way you write. I am both excited and confused by how a simple request to change the physical descriptions of our characters is taking me down a new path, making me think about these things that I have never thought about before.  

And in a flash I understand something new: that just as reading and writing are linked, so are questions and answers. You have to know how to phrase a question to get the right answer. (Pg. 88)

From a conversation she overhears about the song The Boxer:

I can’t get over this song even though I’ve heard it a million times. Just listen to the lyrics. They’re like a poem. I tell you, this is the song by which the ‘sixties will be remembered.’

I have no idea what they’re talking about. But the hair on my arm stands up and I am filled with a rush of excitement. Where I come from, nobody ever talks this way about music. Where I come from a song, is something to be whistled along with and music is an impractical luxury, like flowers and art and museums. Nobody I know has ever asked me to listen to the words of a song. (Pg. 110)

Other early writing influences are Demian and Steppenwolf written by Hermann Hesse and Irving Stone's Lust for Life:

I read Van Gogh’s biography in two days and learn more about the mysteries of my own life than about his. All the things that have never made sense to me before - why I never felt comfortable when I was with the ‘in” crowd, why I always stuck up for the underdog, why I don’t lust after the things that make most of my friends happy, why the evening sky has made me feel melancholy and lonely for as long as I can remember, why certain songs have a heart-tearing effect on me. All of these suddenly become clearer.

I have been a misfit for a long time. Now I have a companion in a crazy Dutch painter who was dead long before I was born. (Pg. 119)

Thrifty reminds me so much of myself. I think we are the same age. We both grew up feeling trapped in an unhappy household and we both escaped into the world of books. We both eventually end up leaving home never to return; me from my family's farm in rural Wisconsin and her from her home in Bombay.

Thrifty, exhausted from trying to keep the peace at home decides to go to college in America. Here she writes about her decision:

America. A way out. If I am to get away from my dead-end life, I will have to find my way to America, land of self-invention. This is the only place I know where one can start anew. As long as I am unmarried, I know that economics and social convention will dictate that I live at home.

All the things I thought would save me – music, books, politics – have befriended me for a while but ultimately I’ve had to come back and face myself. After years of looking forward to a job and independence it would give me. I’m facing up to the facts: I do not feel prepared to enter the work world and as long as I’m living at home, I will never be truly free. I will never find out who I am with all these people around me. (Pg. 260)

She decides to move to America and not to another city in India because:

After all Bombay is the glittering jewel in India’s crown. Bombay is the place where the rest of India migrates toward. To leave the city and settle in one of the lesser places would be a slap in my father’s face. As repudiation of the life I have here. (Pg. 261)

The book ends with Thrity’s plane leaving for America. For me, this ending feels abrupt. I have so many questions; how did Thrifty pay for her education once she got to Ohio State, did her new life in America meet her expectations and how did it compare to life in India. Fortunately, I was able to find the answer to some of these questions in a radio interview on blogtalkradio.

Thrifty had read so many books set in America prior to her arrival that her expectations pretty much matched reality. She never assumed our streets were paved in gold. Her first two years here were the happiest of her life. When she arrived she hadn't known anyone and had led such a sheltered life in Bombay – she had never even gone grocery shopping before. She was continuously amazed by the acts of kindness and generosity she received from strangers who help her find her way.

As to class differences – America prides itself on being a classless society, but there are class differences here, they are just more hidden. There is also poverty in America. You don’t see it because you don’t venture into those neighborhoods. India has substantially more poor people and you don’t have the option of looking away; the poor are everywhere. She left India in the early eighties, unfortunately based on her observations India’s poverty problem has not improved since then.

Bottom line:
This book was a good selection for my Around the World in 80 Countries Nonfiction Reading Challenge.  I recommend it to anyone who would like to learn more about Thrity Umrigar, enjoys reading author memoirs or likes a good coming of age story.

Have you read Thrity Umrigar’s book First Darling of the Morning? If so what were your thoughts?  

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Other reviews:
Me, You and Books
Mom's Small Victories

The Savvy Reader Book Club Selection for February 2014

The Savvy Reader Book Club is an online nonfiction book club created for the serious reader. At the beginning of each month I select one or two books; then host discussion posts covering the books throughout the month.

As a reader, one of my favorite things to do is read books that help me understand the world. Last year, when I saw Tanya at Mom's Small Victories was participating in the Around the World in 80 Days Reading Challenge I was intrigued.  The premise of this challenge is to read 80 books that take place in other countries to get a better understanding of that country and culture.  I've decided it's time I join this challenge, though my book selections are going to be nonfiction.  I've created a Pinterest board to track my progress. 

In the spirit of my new challenge, I asked Tanya to make the book club selection this month.  Since Tanya's parents are originally from India,  we decided she would choose a book that takes place in India. Her selection is:

Thrity Umrigar's memoir about her Bombay childhood First Darling of the Morning: Selected Memories of an Indian Childhood.

Thrify Umrigar is considered to be one of the finest Indian authors. Her novel The World We Foundis among Tanya's favorite Indian fiction books.  First Darling of the Morning which reviewers state is told with startling honesty and paints an unforgettable picture of middle-class life in contemporary Bombay should make for an interesting read.

Another of my online acquaintances who currently lives in India - Modern Gypsy of Peddler of Dreams - finds India to be such a diverse country she doubts there is a book or two that would really give us a glimpse of Indian culture. As for women, she thinks the country really isn't as bad as it's made out to be online, though it admittedly can be difficult for those in the lower margins of society. She recommends Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Foundby Suketu Mehta a brilliant book on Mumbai and Sonia Falero's Beautiful Thing: Inside the Secret World of Bombay's Dance Bars. It's about the dance bar culture in the city and the women who work there. I am jotting both of these books down for future reads.

Have you read any of these books? If so, what were your thoughts? Do you have any other nonfiction books you can recommend that take place in India?

In other book club news, I want to let you know I have one more post planned for Debora Spar's book Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfectionbefore I close it out. Also, I am sorry to report I did not finish George Packer's book The Unwinding: An Inner History of the New America.  I read about three-quarters of this book and can't seem to go on. I am finding it to be disjointed and have no interest in writing further about it. If you've read it and would like to review it via a guest post, please contact me.

In order for you to plan accordingly, future book club selections I am considering are as follows:

March - for women's history month Madeleine Albright's Prague Winter: A Personal Story of Remembrance and War, 1937-1948

April - for financial literacy month Helaine Olen's Pound Foolish: Exposing the Dark Side of the Personal Finance Industry

May - open

June - books covering women's friendship - more on this to come

Do you have a nonfiction book or theme you would like to recommend for a future book club selection? I am looking for books/themes that will lead to great conversation.

Josh Hanagarne Revitalizes my “BE Strong” Project

When I selected Josh Hanagarne’s book The World's Strongest Librarian: A Memoir of Tourette's, Faith, Strength, and the Power of Family for the December Savvy Reader Book Club I thought it would be the perfect read to close out my Be Strong reading challenge.  To my surprise instead of wrapping up my project this book inspired me to revitalize it.  Josh’s story helped me realize procuring inner-strength is not something that can be accomplished in one year. It is a life-long project.

Josh who began experiencing symptoms of Tourette's syndrome at the age of six describes Tourette’s syndrome as follows:

In any language, the movement disorder comes down to two things: those with the disorder either move involuntarily, makes noises involuntarily, or both.

He writes:

The worst part of Tourette’s wasn’t the bodily harm or even my inability to go outside sometimes. It wasn’t that I was being driven toward increasing isolation. It was the uncertainty. It felt like driving at night, with headlights coming toward me, and every car seemed to be in my lane. I no longer had a destination. I only knew that everything coming toward me had the potential to wreck me, to derail any plan I could make.

To say Josh's journey towards controlling his Tourette's symptoms was difficult would be an understatement. He tried numerous methods from visiting questionable doctors, to ingesting drugs - Klonopin/Clonezepam, Tetrabenazine, Zyprexa, Risperol, Haldol, Clonidine, even a nicotine patch—none of which helped for more than a few days and most had side effects. After his involuntary outbursts turned to screams, he receives botulism toxin injections that paralyze his vocal chords. These injections reduce his speech to a whisper.

As Josh’s symptoms continue to worsen, they cause increasing turmoil in his life. He leaves his Mormon mission early; he is in and out of jobs as well as college. Eventually he ends up refusing to leave his parent’s couch suffering from a debilitating depression. Thinking his son has zero confidence his father convinces him to try weight training.

Eventually Josh’s strength training leads him to Adam Glass, a strongman and former Air Force tech sergeant. Adam describes a good trainer as someone who gets results and shows clients how to figure something out for themselves. Josh writes:

Working with Adam was the first time someone actually asked me to think about what was actually happening to me. My doctors they never asked how I felt. They treated symptoms.

After coming home from spending a week with Adam, Josh has a breakthrough epiphany - his breathing is the key to controlling his Tourette’s symptoms. He practices taking a lung-filling breath that does not result in a tic. These breaths turned into seconds, seconds into days, days into weeks and weeks.

Unfortunately, Josh’s life does not remain symptom free. While under stress after witnessing early signs of Tourette’s in his son Max, they return with a vengeance. Josh has to begin the process of taming them all over again.  

As I mentioned in my book selection post, The World's Strongest Librarian: A Memoir of Tourette's, Faith, Strength, and the Power of Family is about much more than Tourette’s, but for me, Josh's battle with Tourette’s is what resonated the most. His trainer Adam says it best:

I don’t know how you do it? Having control of my body is one of the only things that keeps me this sane, and I’m pretty wrecked.

This book has inspired me to improve upon my own inner-strength project. To dig deeper, seek out mentors and trainers that ask the right questions so I too can strengthen my inner core.

Bottom Line:
Despite enjoying The World’s Strongest Librarian and feeling it is a worthwhile read for a strength project it is not a perfect book. Even though - I think - I grasped the gist of the chapter covering the week Josh spent working with Adam it was a cumbersome read that did not improve with a re-reading. I particularly enjoyed learning about his family life, his take on reading, libraries and his experiences working in them. In addition, the section covering the difficulties he and his wife experienced conceiving a child are heartbreaking. Overall though, I am left with a feeling that something is missing.

Have you read this book? If so what were your thoughts?

Leymeah Gbowee’s Lessons on Domestic Abuse

Last month The Savvy Reader Book Club read Leymah Gbowee's book Mighty Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War.

There are so many lessons to be gleaned from this book. The very first being:

Life seldom goes according to plan:

When Leymah Gbowee was a young girl in Liberia she dreamed of becoming a doctor. Her plan was to study, work, marry, have children, and maybe someday live in one of the sprawling brick air-conditioned mansions that lined Payne Avenue. Six months after graduating from High School all of her dreams would be gone. By age 19 she found herself pregnant and in an abusive relationship with an older married man.

Gbowee is not afraid to write about her flaws and the mistakes she made in her early life. In doing so she shares important lessons she learned about domestic abuse. 20 years after meeting the father of her children she still has hard time thinking or talking about him. He almost destroyed her. She was never in love with him.

Why did she make such a bad choice?

• Financial security – At a time when almost everyone she knew was out of work and struggling from day to day, Daniel made eight hundred US dollars a month- the equivalent of tens of thousands of Liberian dollars – working as a logistics officer at the American embassy complex, and he freely spend money on her: gifts of jewelry and perfume from the Lebanese merchants, meals at Angel’s, his favorite restaurant. (Pg. 42)
• Intense and passionate sex.
• The war – without it she would have been in school and living at home. Rebellion – She was tired of being the good girl who took care of her parents’ house when relatives crowded in, who went out into dangerous streets to look for food so everyone could eat, and carried hungry kids on her back. She’d seen so much destruction and death, felt so much rage and misery. (Pg. 43) 
• She was only nineteen and wanted to have a little fun.

She shares what she has since learned about domestic abuse:

• Pregnancy never solves anything, and more often it makes things worse. Now that I was “his,” Daniel’s need for control tightened. He didn’t like my friends visiting. Which Boyfriend are they bringing a message from?” If we needed food, he had me wait for him to come home from work so we could shop together. A moment of rebellion, and now I was caught. It’s hard to explain. You start with fantastic sex; you give another person that power over your body, then gradually, you give him other powers, too. I’d always vowed never to be like some of the women I’d seen when I was growing up, who had babies with multiple fathers. The father of my children would be my husband, and I would stay with him. (Pg. 44)  
•  Men like him always want you to believe no one else wants you. (Pg. 47)

While still in her abusive relationship Gbowee enrolled in a program run by UNICEF training people to become social workers. She learns the following in a class on marriage and social life:
 

The Cycle of Domestic Violence:

In an abusive relationship there is a romantic honeymoon period followed by hitting, which led to apology and making up and another honeymoon period.

While working as a social worker with Sierra Leone refuges Gbowee meets women with troubles much worse than her own. Slowly she is able to build up her resolve; while pregnant with her fourth child she leaves her abuser for good.

 

Leymeh Gbowee's story provides an inspirational account of someone who was able to tap into her inner strength leave her abuser and go on to achieve great things.

Have you read this book? If so, what were your thoughts?

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The Savvy Reader Book Club Choices for October

The Savvy Reader Book Club is an online nonfiction book club created for the serious reader.  At the beginning of each month I select one or two books then host discussion posts covering the books throughout the month.  If you write a blog post about one of my selections I will be happy to include its link in my final post.

The Savvy Reader book club selections for October are:

Andrew Hacker and Claudia Dreifus book Higher Education?: How Colleges Are Wasting Our Money and Failing Our Kids---and What We Can Do About It

  

I decided to choose this book after talking to a recent college grad who after spending over $100,000 on a fashion merchandising degree can only find employment as a retail associate; a job that does not require a 4-year degree. This book promises to expose the truth about what is wrong with higher education and is guaranteed to provide interesting conversation.

 

I am also selecting Tina Fey's book Bossypants

 

 

 

I chose this book after learning it was the best book Sheryl Sandberg read last year. After reading a depressing book like the one above we will most likely be ready for a funny book. I've read mixed reviews about this book though.  Some reviewers have found it hilarious while others thought it wasn't funny at all.  Please join me if you would like to find out for yourself.   

 

Have you read either of these books? If so what were your thoughts?  Be sure to stop back in throughout the month to participate in the discussions. 

 

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Announcing "The Savvy Reader" Book Club

I've decided to start an online nonfiction book club for savvy readers.  My plan is to choose one or two books at the beginning of each month then host discussion posts throughout the month.  All you have to do is read the book and participate as you see fit.  If you write a blog post discussing one of my book selections I will be happy to add your link to a post.

The Savvy Reader book club selection for September is Sheryl Sandburg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead:

 

I am choosing this book as my first book club selection to motivate me to finally read it.  When Lean In was initially released I read so many negative reviews I couldn't bring myself to read it.   Then I realized it is time I find out what all the hoopla is about.

This month I am also recommending Leymah Gbowee's book Mighty Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War as a companion read.

 

 

Sheryl Sandberg mentions Leymah Gbowee and her memoir Mighty Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War in the beginning of her book.  Leymah won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize for helping to lead the women's protests that toppled Liberia's dictator. While attending a book party in Sheryl's home a guest asked Leymah how American women could help those who experienced the horrors and mass rapes of war in places like Liberia.  Her response was four simple words: "More women in power."  Her memoir should be an interesting read.

 

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Have you read either of these books? What were your thoughts?  Be sure to stop back in throughout the month to participate in the discussions.