Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate Them

After last week’s episode with my company's HR Manager, I was taken by surprise to hear she had told another employee he needed to buck-up and be more like Savvy.* She told him, "She’s been doing both her job and the CFO’s since he’s been out and you don’t hear her complaining.” She even said something to the effect that I was doing a good job. I couldn’t believe it. My body immediately relaxed, I became calmer, more energized and more motivated. I was surprised after all these weeks of feeling stressed and as if I wasn’t measuring up my company’s management felt otherwise and by how much I needed to hear it.

Thursday our CFO returned. When he walked in the door I started cheering and our entire staff clapped. He said he hadn’t received this big of a welcome from his family when he returned home the previous day. I told him the old saying “Everyone is replaceable” did not apply to him.

Then on Friday, my big 50th birthday, I arrived to an office decorated in black and a little party that included a cake. The employees who work for me and one of our owners were laughing (something I haven’t seen in a long time) and making jokes. They posted neon green post-its with the number 50 on them all over the office (so I wouldn’t forget how old I am). We haven’t celebrated anyone’s birthday in the office in years.

In the midst of all this I accomplished more work than I had in a long time. When I left Friday night I was almost caught up. This was quite an accomplishment considering the previous week I had left the office fearing I may never be caught up again. I honestly think feeling appreciated made all the difference.

I try to make an effort to publicly thank or show appreciation for employees when the opportunity arises. It is easy to do if you are paying attention. Recently I have done the following:

• I publicly gave credit to an employee for providing new information on a manufacturer’s policy change to all employees via email. (As opposed to our HR Manager who recently touted this same employee’s idea as her own)
• Via email, I thanked an employee in another department for assisting me with an audit when I was in a bind. I cc’d her boss who later told me how much my email had meant to this employee.

*This comment which was so helpful to me was deflating to the employee who is supposed to buck-up. He was absent the next day, isn’t as sharp as he usually is and seems depressed. Telling someone to buck-up and be like someone else is probably some of the worst advice you can give an employee.

Speaking of advice, the comments I received on I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet may be the most helpful comments I’ve ever received on this blog. I sincerely thank and appreciate every one of my commenters.

How about you? Does your employer let you know they appreciate you?

Stop Talking About Sex at Work

Recently I received the following comment on my post: My Co-Worker Won't Stop Talking About Sex:


I'm having an issue at the moment. I work in a very small workplace with only women where I am the manager. Our oldest employee (29) has been describing her sex life in GRAPHIC detail to my youngest employee (15). I have NO idea how to handle this. I've already rang my area manager and he's getting onto HR about it. Anonymous




Dear Anonymous,

You are the manager. Pull this employee aside immediately and tell her she needs to stop talking about her sex life at work, her conversations are inappropriate and unprofessional and that HR has been contacted. HR will most likely perform an investigation and will at the very least place a note in her file and send her to harassment training. They also may give her a written warning. HR departments do not mess around with sexual harassment complaints.

A few weeks ago I had a question from a different anonymous commenter describing sadistic sexual activities a co-worker wanted to perform with her. (Her comment was too graphic to post). Her question for me was if she reported this harassment to HR, would they think she was a co-conspirator if she had initially played along.

My answer:

No. No. No. They will not. It sounds to me like you initially didn’t want to be mean, but your co-worker has now become bolder, you want him to stop and are afraid to tell him so yourself. Plus, the things he is saying (putting you in a cage, etc.) are scary and need to be taken seriously.  

While reading her question about playing along I couldn’t help but be reminded of the new male manager my company hired. In a casual conversation about getting his company vehicle repaired he asked me if I’d come along and sit on his lap. I don’t remember exactly what how I responded, I think I made up an excuse why I couldn’t. I didn’t play along, but I didn’t tell him he was out of line either. Unfortunately, these type of comments continued. I’m not sure what his motives are other than a boast to his ego, but I am offended. It bothers me that he thinks of me as a female, rather than the professional I worked so hard to be. No wonder women feel the need to dress in drab colors and not draw attention to their femininity. I now don’t acknowledge his flirtatious comments and stick to business when talking to him. As I write this post, I can’t remember the last time he made a suggestive comment.

As a follow up to my previous post, the co-worker I talked about has not talked about sex since I told him he was being inappropriate. As to the female who shared her favorite sexual positions with her co-worker was finally promoted – twenty years after the incident and with reservations from HR. 

Talking about sex at work is a major career blunder – knock it off.

How Not to Feel Trapped? Advice from Andre Agassi

One of my coworkers, I will call him Frank, is trapped in his job.  He is approaching 70 and forced to continue working to pay for his wife’s medical expenses. His wife has been bedridden for several years due to M.S. Frank is loud, abrasive and intimidating.  His constant complaining brings his entire department down.  Frank is also at the top of the list of employees my company hopes to force into retirement with our software conversion.

I read Andre Agassi’s book Open: An Autobiography earlier this year for my savvy reading challenge.  While thinking about my new series staying relevant over 50 I couldn’t help, but think of Andre Agassi.

The surprising thing you learn early in Agassi’s book is he hated playing tennis.  From an early age when his dad bought a fire breathing dragon contraption that shot tennis balls out of its mouth he hated tennis.  Tennis was his dad’s dream not his own.

Andre thinks a lot about what he can control in tennis and in life:

I tell Perry that I having no choice, having no say about what I do or who I am, makes me crazy.  That is why I put more thought, obsessive thought, into the few choices I do have – what I wear, what I eat, who I call my friends. (Pg. 66)

I obsess about the few things I can control and racket tension is one of them.  (Pg. 13)

The time has come.  I need to take control of my money.  I need to take control of my F***ing Life. (Pg. 114)

I find peace in his claim that perfectionism is voluntary.  Perfectionism is something I choose, and its ruining me, I can choose something else. (Pg. 189)

And lastly, his life and his tennis (he was losing a lot) didn’t improve until he chose tennis:

I play and keep playing because I choose to play. Even if it’s not your ideal life, you can always choose it. No matter what your life is choosing it is everything. (pg. 359)

Agassi also began using the money he made from tennis to make a difference. In 2001, Agassi opened the Andre Agassi College Preparatory Academy in Las Vegas, a tuition-free charter school for at-risk children in the area. According to Wikipedia, he personally donated $35 million to the school.

Do you feel trapped in your job?  According to Forbes, 52.3% of Americans are unhappy with their work.

From time-to-time I too feel trapped in my job.  My husband retired last year and ever since we’ve been bombarded with unexpected bills; ranging from helping a family member, to dental and medical expenses to a new vehicle for me. Plans of early retirement continue to get pushed further into the future.  

What can I do?
I can change my attitude and choose my job. I can remember why I decided to become an accountant – I thought it would be a reliable and lucrative career.  And be grateful that for the most part my career has been both.  I can try to stay present at work instead of writing blog posts in my head all day and I can help others.

From time to time I ask Frank how he is managing and he breaks down and tells me not good. That he never lets his wife see his anger or his fear.  I listen and suggest he look into signing his wife up for Medicare (she is 68) and a supplemental plan – and don’t judge why he hasn’t done this already or why our HR manager hasn’t suggested this.

I also find it helpful to leave work at a reasonable time, go to the gym and use my vacation days.

Frank has to choose his job too.  He has made the decision to continue working until his finances are under control and in the process has become difficult to work with.  Management will only put up with a difficult employee so long. If he truly wants to meet his goal he will have to change his attitude.   

Do you feel trapped in your job? How do you cope?

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Getting Back into Blogging

I received an email this week from a fellow blogger asking if I had quit blogging. My original plan was to take a week off. Somehow that week turned into two and the next thing I know I hadn’t blogged since August. To get back into the swing of things I’ve decided to provide an update. Here is my current status:

Work:

I am finally getting caught up at after an employee in my department resigned earlier this year. We were both working 40+ hours per week, so after she left my workload became overwhelming as I attempted to cover both positions. Initially, we brought in a temp who did not work out and were disappointed to learn she had asked the agency to be reassigned two full weeks before they felt the need to share that information with us. During that period she created an incredible mess; incorrect postings, duplicate payments and from what we surmise - throwing her mail away. We are still making corrections. We recently hired a full-time and a part-time employee who I am confident will be great hires.

Fitness:

I cancelled my gym membership and joined Jazzercise. With my increased work-load I was no longer able to attend the fitness classes I enjoyed at my old gym. Feeling depressed and lethargic, I asked a former gym member how she was liking Jazzercise. She loved it and invited me to a class. Impressed with the class variety, schedule, fitness instructors, location and the price (I receive a discount through my medical insurance) I joined and am back to working out consistently.

Reading:

Since my last post I finished reading Isabelle Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration. I had an “aha moment” when Wilkerson mentioned of the three lives she followed for the great migration she considered Ida Mae the happiest. Ida Mae also lived the longest. Instead of living with regrets or trying to be someone she was not she accepted who she was and lived in the moment. I have spent years living in the future – retired, self-employed or anywhere but at work. This book inspired me to read Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown. Both books helped pull me out of my workplace funk and back to a more balanced state mind.

Anticipating:
Travel the World in Books read-a-thon: The Travel the World in Book's team has chosen October 18-31st for this year’s read-a-thon. I’m already compiling a list of books and have chosen Rosemary Sullivan's book Stalin's Daughter: The Extraordinary and Tumultuous Life of Svetlana Alliluyeva as my first read. Stay tuned for more information on the read-a-thon and our challenge.

Dog Update:
Buck, our golden retriever, was diagnosed with lymphoma earlier this year. After deciding against chemotherapy, our vet prescribed a steroid regimen and told us to begin preparing for his demise. After a rocky couple of months, I am happy to report yesterday was Buck’s 12th birthday. We celebrated with lots of photos and birthday treats. He seemed to enjoy himself and now when someone says the word birthday he stands by the treat jar.

Watching:
In the spirit of a friend’s resent trip to Tuscany we watched Under the Tuscan Sun last night. This was one of those rare instances where I enjoyed the movie more than the book. The movie is quite different in that Francis is portrayed as single while in actuality she is married and bought the home in Tuscany with her husband.

Have you ever taken a lengthy break from blogging? Did you miss it? What brought you back?

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Corporate Career Interview

Have you ever considered a career in corporate America? Wondered what it would be like working for a large company? What it takes to be successful? Then you’ve come to the right place.

Today Adrian of Adrian's Crazy Life shares her career story while providing valuable insight into working for a corporation in today’s savvy career interview:

How did you get started working in corporate America?

Working in an office was the last thing I wanted.  I wanted a career in the performing arts, but one of my music teachers so squashed my dreams that I made a complete right turn, dropped all my music classes, and started taking computer classes instead.  I started at Kodak’s Corporate offices as a photocopy clerk and a receptionist when I was about 18.  I’m 53 now and I’ve worked pretty much continuously since then. 

What is your career history?

Even though I’ve worked for my current financial services company for 23 years, before that, I worked at a ton of different places.  I always had some kind of clerical or finance job, but I worked at Rockwell, Allergan, Rite-Aid, DeLorean, Coca-Cola, a real estate firm, a pharmaceutical company, all sorts of places.  Some were very small and some were the largest companies in the world.  Some of them I’ve quit, some I’ve been laid off, and some I’ve been fired from.  It’s been an interesting career. 

DeLorean was funny because all the executives had company cars and they were all these identical silver chrome cars, so they had to number the parking spaces, so each of them could find the correct car every night! 

What kind of experience and preparation helped you the most?

Nothing special, really.  My mother insisted I take a typing course in High School.  I disagreed bitterly with her at the time, but I can type 75 WPM, so I guess it came in handy.  I took a couple of very early programming courses, but the rest is pretty much self-taught.  I think it’s important to just have the idea that there is always a way to get what you want.  Even if you don’t think so in the beginning, if you are determined and stick with something long enough, you’ll find a way through, under, or over that obstacle to get what you really want. 

I do think that a college degree is over-hyped.  I hear so many people saying that they want to go back to school to do this thing or that thing.  I say, just find an entry-level spot doing it and work your way up from there.  School is such a tremendous expenditure of time and money and it doesn’t always pay off.  I know so many people who have a degree in something and work in a completely different field.  Almost no one in my family has a degree and we are all doing just fine. 

Would you recommend this same path to someone starting out today? Why or why not?

I don’t know.  It was kind of hit and miss, really.  I didn’t have any particular plan in mind, but things worked out pretty well – each job would be slightly better and pay more than the one before.  It was pretty tough sometimes.  I’ve had some really bad bosses and some really good ones.  I think I’ve stayed where I am for so long because I have good bosses and I’d be worried about getting with a bad boss again.  A 40 hour week is a long time when someone is making you miserable. 

I think the tough part was that I never felt like I could take a break, even when I had my children.  I had a brief maternity leave and then I needed to get right back to work because we had bills to pay that weren’t just going to disappear because I had a baby to take care of.  But it worked out just fine.  I found great babysitters and family members to watch my 3 sons and my bosses were always very good about allowing me flexibility to spend some time home with them.  And I would make the most of what time we did have.  I did a lot of homeschooling with my youngest, even while working a full time job.  I had him reading by age 4 and doing math and all sorts of stuff.  I would carry flash cards in my purse and we would listen to Spanish tapes in the car.  I even had special placemats at mealtimes and educational posters all over the walls.  It was really fun and rewarding for both of us.  And all 3 of my boys have turned out awesomely, so I guess it worked out very well. 

What do you like best about your work?

I am a button-pushing fool.  I love to do stuff with computers, particularly spreadsheets and huge databases.  A lot of my job is finding errors on phone bills and trying to find better ways to save money on our telecom services.  Being able to dig deep into the data and really understand it has helped me to do a good job with that.  Over the years, I have probably saved the company around five MILLION dollars, all by myself.  I definitely earn my keep! 

What is your biggest headache?

Office politics can be kind of tricky.  I can be outspoken sometimes and I’ve stepped on a few toes.  I have to learn to kind of keep to myself and focus on the work sometimes and not offer my opinion as much.  Friendships at work can be kind of interesting and sometimes it has a very “High School” feel with cliques, and teacher’s pets.  I try to stay positive and not get a lot of energy to negative stuff or negative people. 

What are the important personal qualities or abilities necessary for a person to be successful working in a large corporation?

Wow, good question!  Technical skills are important, but not nearly as much as interpersonal skills.  You have to be able to get along with people and be able to articulate your ideas well.  Being reliable is huge.  I am a complete stickler for meeting deadlines and keeping commitments, and many people aren’t.  If you get a reputation for being flaky and undependable, you aren’t going to do well.  Deliver what you promise – every time! 

How many hours do you work each week?

It depends.  I’m salaried, so I have a bit of flexibility and we also get one or two telecommute days per week, which are like gold!  But I average at least 40 hours in most weeks and up to 50 or so when I’m working on a big project.  I also do a lot of volunteer work and have been named one of my company’s top volunteers for the last two years, so I work probably another 20-30 hours a month as a Scout leader and helping with my son’s youth group. 

How has your work or company changed over the years?

It’s shocking to realize how much the technology has changed over the years.  Desktop computers simply didn’t exist when I started and when they came out, we would have like ONE that the whole department would share.  I literally found a switchboard that I’ve actually USED in a museum.  That’s just freaky.  Typewriters have gone completely extinct in my lifetime.  I can’t remember the last time I saw one.  I don’t know if someone starting out in an office today would know how to use one, yet they used to be in every home and every office.  You wonder what technology will be like 20 years from now? 

I see you have a passion for organization.  I have written before about my messy desk at work.  Do you have any suggestions to help me become more organized?

Part of it is understanding WHY your desk is messy.  Here’s a big secret – my desk is messy too, but it’s an organized messy.  I’m a very visual person and if I put work out of sight, I am likely to forget about it.  So I have different zones on my desk for different steps in my process.  If it needs to be logged in, it goes here, if it needs to be input, it goes there, if it needs research, it goes into this pile.  You have to respect the style that works best for you, but if you can set a time for even 5 minutes a day to organize yourself and maybe even make a quick to-do list, you’ll get a lot more done in a lot less time, and you’ll be able to lay your hands on any paper on your desk in 2 seconds.  I’m not there to have a pretty desk, I’m there to get stuff done! 

Is there anything else you would like readers to know about yourself or your career?

I guess I would say don’t believe everything people tell you.  People say you can’t get a good job without a college degree – bull!  You can’t do a good job of raising your children if you work – bull!  Women can’t get ahead in the workplace – bull!  I know a lot of smart and determined women who do just fine.  Look at the real situation and decide for yourself, and if you really want something, don’t let anything stand in your way.  And life is too short to put up with bad bosses – if you’re unhappy somewhere, there is a better place for you.  Put all your energy into finding it – rather than wasting your time putting up with some jerk who doesn’t believe in you.  I will work my heart out for someone who appreciates me, but someone who is critical and too controlling, they aren’t going to get my best effort.  Remember that if you are the boss. 

Where can we find you?

I’m always hanging out over at Adrian'sCrazyLife.com.  I’ve been blogging and posting several times a week since 2007.  Mostly organizing and financial tips with some parenting ideas and a hint of crafty stuff thrown into the mix. 
 

*Part of Financially Savvy Saturdays on Femme Frugality and brokeGIRLrich*

Career Reinvention at 52

Today is my Birthday, I am 52 years old.  When I graduated from high school my mother was 42, at that time I couldn't contemplate ever being 42 much less 52.  My goals at 18 were to get as far away from my family farm in western Wisconsin as possible and to live a life as unlike my mother's as I could.  I envisioned my life to be much like my high school French teacher's. She lived, what seemed to me, a cultured life in Madison, Wisconsin and traveled to Europe each summer. Unfortunately my life didn't turn out quite like that.

Instead all I do is work.  When I'm not working I'm thinking about work or not sleeping because I'm stressed about work.  As you may recall last year I didn't use nine of my earned vacation days and this year I'm heading in the same direction.  It is always something - a deadline I am required to meet, an audit that needs my attention or a meeting I am required to attend. This week I went in while sick to calculate commissions that were too difficult to explain over the phone. Part of the problem is my company's A-type work culture and part is my ingrained dairy farmer work ethic. A small dairy farmer never takes a vacation day and has to milk the cows even when sick.

My only plan of escape is to retire early.  If all goes well that will be six years from today.  One of my former co-workers retired early last November.  He too had an over-developed work ethic. As a stress reliever he began counting down his work days until retirement.  Instead of answering the phone with hello he would say "232 days."  The other day while commiserating with another co-worker about our heavy workloads I said, "6 years and 3 days."   He replied, "Don't start that."  He thought our retired co-worker's count down was super annoying.

I don't want to become the annoying co-worker with the bad attitude and besides 6 years is a long time to be miserable.  It is also a long time to never take a vacation day and to work while sick. Plus, I don't think I'm the type of person who could lounge in retirement bliss. I will want to do something. Instead I need to figure this out and somehow reinvent my career. Ever since I started blogging I've had visions of living where ever I want and making a living in some fashion from my laptop. Doing what is the question.

My favorite career reinvention post is James Altucher's The Ultimate Cheat Sheet For Reinventing Yourself. He says it takes five years to reinvent yourself.  Here is his recommended five-year plan:

• Year One: you’re flailing and reading everything and just starting to DO.
• Year Two: you know who you need to talk to and network with. You’re Doing every day. You finally know what the monopoly board looks like in your new endeavors.
• Year Three: you’re good enough to start making money. It might not be a living yet.
• Year Four: you’re making a good living
• Year Five: you’re making wealth

So in my 52nd year I plan to read everything and start to Do.  Altucher claims reading 200-500 books are equal to one good mentor. I'm not going to write about how difficult it is to find time to read.  I love reading, so I'm just going to get busy and read.  I will keep you informed about what I learn.

I also plan to continue my career interview series.  My interviewees have been informative, passionate and helpful. If you would like to be part of this series please email me at savvyworkinggal@gmail.com. 

Have you reinvented your career?  If so, what helped you the most? 

How to Compete With a Bully

It’s been awhile since I've written about the human resource manager (and family friend of our company's owners) who personally attacked me at work:

I had run into her as she was walking out of a heated meeting with my boss. Upon seeing me she went into a tirade about how I was the worst manager my company had. This incident along with continued difficulties working with her have plagued my career and self-esteem ever since. This was also the impetus behind my be strong challenge a couple of years ago.

As for the manager herself, she has slowly lost power in my company. After she recommended two of my employees be fired during last year's salary review I went to our President and complained. I learned she’d already informed him my employees weren't up to her expectations and he was now furious. He had told her he would never allow her to fire them and neither would his father or brother. He was angry she was still talking about this. From now on he wanted her focusing on the projects he assigned her and to stop causing trouble in my department. He must have talked to her because she avoided me for at least a month afterwards and hasn't complained about my employees since. I still find it difficult working with her and have to remain on guard or I am blind-sighted when she does whatever it takes including lying to make sure she looks good.

Then a couple of days ago we were both in the restroom at the same time. She told me she had injured her knee in a boot camp exercise program and could now barely walk. Looking at herself in the mirror she burst into tears. She said she never felt this frumpy before in her life. She asked if I ever felt frumpy. Careful not to provide details, I truthfully responded with yes - every day. She pointed out how my hair was not grey while hers, according to her son, could use a good coloring. We then had a real conversation about aging (we both turn 52 this year), dieting and exercise. I ended up recommending she make an appointment with my orthopedic.   

She is now visiting my office regularly giving me updates on her knee. I started thinking this is nice, if she were like this all the time I might actually be able to work with her. Then all of a sudden I was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. I’ve felt this way before. Growing up my parents used to fight every day. Eventually it would get so bad something big would happen – there would be a big scene, my mother would seriously threaten to leave or would leave. Then they would make up and life at home was calm. I would think this is nice, I wish it would stay like this. Of course it never did and I’d eventually wake up to the screaming again.  I then realized it won’t be long before this manager is back to her previous shenanigans.

I thought about her telling me how she was competing with the other members of her boot camp class when she hurt herself. I thought about all the conversations we've had over the years and realized most of them included a competition –  a competition where she did or said everything she could to come out on top.

I was thinking about this today as I read Carolyn Hax’s advice in her column Dad Can't Stop Daughter From Measuring Herself Against Sister. Carolyn responds with:

The only reasonable path Younger sister can take to feeling good about herself is to do the best job she can at being Younger. Using anything or anyone else as a point of reference is bound to fail. 

And so I decide how I’m going to compete with the HR Manager in the future - I am not. I’m going to work on being the best me (a 52-year old accounting manager) can be and not worry about her. She has her own demons to wrestle with. If I’m content with myself and my work she will not be able to rattle me. 
Have you ever competed with a bully at work?

The Professional Woman’s Guide to Managing Men Book Review and Giveaway

I first became acquainted with Anna Runyan, when she included my post 50 Books Every Young Woman Should Read in a Monday motivation roundup on her website ClassyCareerGirl.com. Since then I’ve participated in her networking challenge and watched her evolve into a successful leadership coach and now an author. It is only fitting that I would become part of the launch team for her new book The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men.

What is this book about?
Anna Runyan spent seven years working with and managing men as a consultant for the U.S. Navy.

She writes:

“I have managed men who were shocked to have a woman in charge, which wasn’t always easy. It took me a while to figure out how to best work with and manage men. There were many times that I had no idea what to do and tried many different things to see what worked. I treated men I managed in the same way I thought a man would treat them. That didn’t work. Then, I treated them how I treated other women. That didn’t work either. It wasn’t until I started to just be myself and lean on my own female leadership strengths that I began to successfully start gaining trust and respect from the men I managed.”

The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men is a compilation of what Anna has learned about managing men. It is written as a “how-to” guidebook and includes specific action steps you can take while reading.

The book is divided into five chapters:

Focus on you first
How to be a confident female manager
How to help the men on your team thrive
What not to do when managing men
Handling common management situations

Each chapter concludes with a self-evaluation.

My thoughts:
Anna Runyan has written a comprehensive, useful, well-written guide to working with and managing men. I’ve worked with men in male-dominated industries for over 20+ years. Many of the lessons Anna includes in this book I learned the hard way. In addition, I acquired several new insights and techniques from the book. For example, who knew having a sense of humor is an important factor in managing men. I even discovered a couple of new strategies to better manage my female staff. 

Bottom line:
I recommend reading this book if you are already in a career managing men, preparing yourself to work with men or work in a male-dominated industry. This book which warrants further discussion is a strong contender for a future Savvy Reader Book Club selection. 

Want to read it?
I have one eBook copy to give away. Simply share on Facebook, Twitter, G+ or Instagram and then post here on the blog that you did so. Feel free in include your biggest gripe of problem managing or working with men. Each share and comment gets you an entry. I’ll draw the name of the winner one week from today!

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

Terminated for Facebook Post

I recently read a blog post where a fellow blogger had been asked to resign from her job. Her offense - posting on her personal Facebook account that she wanted to make a career change.  One of her co-workers printed out the update and conveniently shared it with the blogger’s manager. This blogger who had been with her company for eight years was immediately forced into resigning and escorted out of the building.

Here are a few lessons from this story:

Work friends are not real friends
Do not share your inner most thoughts with your co-workers. They may not be good at keeping secrets or worse yet may use this information against you or to better their own career. 

Do not friend your co-workers on Facebook:
This includes clients, vendors and business associates.  Business and work-related contacts belong on LinkedIn, not Facebook.

You never know who will stumble across your posts:
Clients, vendors, neighbors, or your husband's ex-wife – you just never know. Your inner-most thoughts belong in your personal journal not on Facebook. I know of someone not hired for her dream job because her Facebook postings were not in line with the company’s mission.  Even charity work can be held against you if it is for the wrong political party, religious affiliation or agency.

Be careful what you write in an email:
Emails can be forwarded and archived. They can also be submitted as evidence in court cases.

In most states, employment is at will:
That means your employer can fire you at their discretion for any reason, even if there is no reason.

If at all possible do not sign anything:
If you sign a letter of resignation you may have difficulty collecting unemployment benefits.

Owners of small and family owned companies may take your displeasure with working at their company personal:
I know of more than one employee who was terminated after their boss learned they were looking for another job. I even know of one who was terminated when her manager overheard her telling a vendor her life (meaning her job) was a hellish nightmare. Keep your job-dissatisfaction to yourself until after you've secured a new position.  Even then never burn a bridge.  You never know where your boss or former co-workers may end up.

Always apply for unemployment:
Hating your job is not considered misconduct by most state’s unemployment panels. If you can prove you were coerced into resigning, you may be eligible to receive unemployment benefits.  Submit a claim to your state's employment security department. After receiving separation information from both you and your employer they will make a determination.  If gross conduct can't be proven typically benefits are granted.

Do you have any lessons to add? Do you know of anyone who was not hired or terminated because of Facebook?  

Why I can’t think on my feet?

In my post I'm 50 Year's Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet I wrote about how I was approaching 50 and still unable to think on my feet. I had recently been called into a meeting with another manager concerning a possible mistake one of my employees had made. Instead of standing up for this employee or articulating my thoughts on the spot, I had to go back to my office, research the issue and return to make my point. I was so disappointed with my response time I created a challenge for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year.

As part of my "Be Strong" project, I’ve been reading one book a month that deals with an aspect of inner strength.  My latest read was Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Never has a book summed up who I am more than this book.

I now understand why I don’t have the gift of gab, why words don’t magically roll off my tongue helping me through the tough conversations. I remember the countless closed door meetings I was called into with my company’s former VP of Sales. He would point to a number on one of my spreadsheets and ask why. Why was this number not what he had anticipated? Instead of coming up with the answer, my brain would freeze; I'd assume I had made a mistake and offer to look into it. It was only after I'd left his office and was returning to my own that the answer would come to me. Why wasn't I able to think on my feet?

I AM AN INTROVERT

 

Susan Cain describes introversion as a person’s response to stimulation, including social stimulation. Introverts prefer lower-stimulation environments, where they feel their most alive. Whereas extroverts crave stimulation in order to feel at their best.

Every personality test I've ever taken has pegged me as an introvert, but it wasn't until I read this book that I truly understood what being an introvert meant to my daily life.  When I'm put on the spot I need time, usually alone, to think through my answer. I like to methodically formulate a response, weigh all of my options making sure I give the best or most accurate response.  I need down time to replenish my energy after overstimulation.  I think of all the conferences I’ve attended where after a long day I've been tempted to skip the social mixer so I could go back to my room to read and decompress.

I've often been embarrassed by introverted personality:
For example, in my post Discovering My Strengths here are my thoughts upon initially learning of my five strengths:

I was not pleased with the results of my assessment. My first reaction was "I thought this assessment was going to teach me something I didn’t know." I was hoping my strengths would be a little more glamorous. The above so called talents were the same traits I’ve been trying to overcome since I was the geeky uncool nerd in high school. I shut my computer off in disgust.

We live in a world that values extroverts:
According to Susan Cain:

It makes sense that so many introverts hide from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal - the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to head-talking, certainty to doubt. He prefers quick decisions at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. (Pg. 4)

The Communication Gap:
Then there was the time my company's HR Manager attacked my management skills.  She told me I was the weakest manager our company had and that my career was going nowhere.  Now in hindsight I realize she is an extrovert who doesn't understand or respect the introverted personality. She considered my quiet manner weak and not management material.

In the book Susan, also an introvert writes about the first time she had to negotiate a deal for her client while working as a Wall Street lawyer:

Then she remembered what I'd told her again and again: she was an introvert and as such had unique powers in negotiation - perhaps less obvious but no less formidable.  She's probably prepared more than everyone else.  She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions - lots of them. And actually listen to the answers, which no matter what your personality, is crucial to strong negotiation. (Pg. 8)

Pretending to be an extrovert:
Now that I have a better understanding of who I am and what it means to be an introvert how can I reframe my strengths to shine in a world that values extroverts?

Pretend to be more confident:
When Susan was in law school she would force herself early on in class to raise her hand and say something.  Other people would sometimes refer to what she said giving her a greater presence in the classroom without her having to say much.  (I really could have used this tip when I was in college.)

Smile.

Be Prepared:
When in the classroom or work meetings figure out what you are going to say and say it early.

Look for opportunities to have one-on-one conversations.

Ask questions. Lots of them. Listen to the answers.

Carve out restorative niches into throughout your day:
Leave the office during lunch.  Find a quiet spot to read and reflect.

Manage your energy.

Get thru it - you will come out a little stronger:

Shortly after reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking I had to facilitate an eight hour training session at my organization. Twelve employees were in attendance including our President and VP of Operations both of which are extroverts.  I was the speaker for four of the eight hours. It was held two hours away and I was one of the drivers. Three employees piled into my car the morning of, so I did not have an opportunity to decompress before the training.  

I prepared for two full days prior to the training; practicing what I was going to say, preparing handouts and packets for everyone to review as I presented the information.  Despite my preparation my brain still froze a couple of times during my presentation. When I wasn't able to think of the interest term our vendor uses when we don't follow one of their procedures, our extroverted President jumped in and volunteered "exorbitant." Then the phrase came to me "past due." I asked lots of questions giving me a break from speaking and allowing everyone to provide input and learn from each other.  The training was deemed a success and our President has asked me to organize another one for October.

What is next?
So now I realize, "thinking on my feet" is never going to come natural to me and I will always have to work at it. I am now going to change the focus of my Be Strong" project to incorporating Susan's faking-it strategies into my life.

Are you an introvert?  Do you pretend to be an extrovert?  Do you have suggestions for carving out restorative niches or for helping me maintain my energy during the workday?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

 

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My Co-worker Won’t Stop Talking About Sex

I have this annoying co-worker, who over the years has shared too much information about his personal life. For the most part he’s harmless, but when he starts talking about his sex life I get uncomfortable. 

Early on when he began working for our company, he would look me up and down then ask me my dress size, overly compliment my wardrobe then tell me stories about how his wife wouldn’t have sex with him. One day when he started telling me about a dream he’d had about me the night before I lost it. I cut him off mid-sentence, rudely told him I didn’t want to hear about his dream, that I didn’t want him to ask me my dress size anymore and to stop talking to me about his sex life. I also told him some women would consider these actions sexual harassment. Looking back, his dream may not have been sexual, but at the time I didn’t want to risk hearing about it.

My co-worker didn’t talk to me again for almost a year which didn’t bother me a bit. Then slowly he began initiating conversation and before I knew it he was back to talking about sex again. Recently he’s added sexual jokes and comments about other employee’s sex lives to his topics of conversation.

At a recent going away party this employee made a joke about our President’s sex life in front of everyone including our President’s 70-year old father and our human resource manager. No one acknowledged the joke or laughed. Instead, someone quickly changed the subject.

It baffles me that no one sits this employee down and tells him to knock it off. Not only does he talk about sex with me, but when he thinks he has a funny story or joke he walks around the office sharing it with everyone.

Friday morning he was at it again, making the rounds telling his latest joke about our President’s sex life when I decided I’d had enough. I turned to him and said, “Fred, this isn’t appropriate conversation for the workplace.” He looked at me and repeated my comment, “This isn’t appropriate conversation for the workplace?” I think he got my message, but I’m sure he will be back at it in a few weeks. I’ve decided from now on every time I hear him talking about sex I’m going to repeat my previous comment or tell him he is being unprofessional.

And for those of you who talk about sex at work:

Doing so diminishes your credibility. This goes for women too:
There is this story about one of our female employees who traveled with a male co-worker to an out of state conference many years ago. According to the male co-worker, she talked about her favorite sexual positions the entire length of the trip. To this day, when this female employee’s name comes up for promotion her male co-worker who is now a VP shares this story along with his opinion this employee is not professional.

Not everyone will find your joke funny:
Not everyone has the same sense of humor. When you joke or talk about sex you always run the risk of offending someone. Plus, someone who laughed at your jokes last week may for no obvious reason find them offensive or not funny this week. I once worked with a guy who liked to tell a couple of his female co-workers he’d like to see their lips around a Pepsi bottle or a banana. Sure enough, he made this comment to a new temporary employee and she reported him to HR for sexual harassment.

You are a disruption:
Your jokes and stories are unproductive and disruptive. They stop work- flow and provide fodder for employee gossip. See next topic:

You are drawing unwanted attention to your appearance:
When talking about your sex life you may be providing a visual image to your co-workers they do not want to see. Let’s face it you may not actually be a “ten” and your co-workers may find these visual images repulsive.

Do your career a favor and remember conversations about sex are not appropriate for the workplace.

Have you had a co-worker who talked about sex in the workplace? How did you handle it?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

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Should Employee Report Sexual Harassment?

Using Humor During Phone Interview

The Biggest Money Mistake Women Make

I’ve recently read several articles revealing women’s money mistakes; not saving enough for retirement, incurring too much debt, giving money to family members, taking on children’s debts by co-signing their loans, and relying on the men in their lives to handle finances and investments. While spending too much on handbags and not knowing how much your husband’s 401(k) is worth are not smart money practices, I feel the biggest money mistake a woman can make is:

Not negotiating a higher salary
 

According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in their book Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change:

By not negotiating a first salary, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60—and men are more than four times as likely as women to negotiate a first salary.

$500,000 could have bought a lot of overpriced handbags over the course of a women’s life. In addition to earning less in wages, not negotiating a higher salary leads to women contributing less to their 401(k) plans, receiving smaller 401(k) matching contributions and earning smaller social security credits.

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever also reveal:

• Many women are so grateful to be offered a job that they accept what they are offered and don't negotiate their salaries.
• Women often don't know the market value of their work: Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs; men expect to earn 13 percent more than women during their first year of full-time work and 32 percent more at their career peaks.

This was certainly true in my case. I’ve never negotiated for a higher salary not once. When I started out in my career I had no idea what I was worth – my confidence was so low upon graduating from college I actually thought I was unemployable. When I was offered my first real job at $6.29 an hour in 1986 I was happy to just be employed.

 

I wasn’t the only woman not negotiating:

My second job a year later paid $14,500 a year. I thought this was low until my female co-worker hired a few months prior with similar qualifications disclosed she was earning even less.
 

As my career progressed I continued to avoid negotiating salary:

Once I became a CPA in the late 90’s, I relied on my credentials to ensure I was paid a fair wage. I was working at an engineering firm when I obtained my CPA license.  Shortly afterwards my employer fired my manager who they thought was lazy and offered me his job. My new annual salary would be $35,000, a 9% increase over my current salary of $32,000. My former lazy manager had been making $75,000 a year. I accepted this position without questioning my new salary, researching the market or negotiating for more.

 

Other attitudes at the time:

One of my female co-workers, ten years my senior and our company’s office manager offered the following advice:

She felt it was preferable to make a lower salary than what you were worth because in doing so you were insuring employment. Throughout her career she had witnessed numerous individuals who were underpaid be the first to be hired and the last to be let go when layoffs came around. In her opinion, the highest paid employee was always the first one fired.

Why this advice is so horrible?

Unfortunately, I think she mistook highest paid for overpaid. In the recent economic downturn, in addition to down-sizing every employee who wasn’t absolutely necessary many employers reduced the salaries of their remaining employees. Now an underpaid employee was earning even less. Salary-cuts at my current company remained in effect for three years. I lost $15,000 in gross wages. Already on the low end of the salary scale, during the salary reduction years I was substantially underpaid for my position and work experience.

 

Men in my circles do negotiate more often:

Last year my husband received the standard cost-of-living raise during his salary review. At the end of his meeting he expressed displeasure with his raise, reiterated his yearly accomplishments and told his manager he had been expecting more. His manager agreed to think over his decision and get back to him. I was astonished. Never in my life would I have asked for more money. His company was still struggling, despite my husband’s project going well; how could he expect more money. My husband felt differently. He was working on one of the most important projects of his career at this company. There was never a better time to ask for more money besides what did he have to lose. He was right and ended up receiving the raise he had been expecting.

 

While raises have been frozen at my company for four years:

Three male managers I know of have asked for more money. One was flat-out refused – he handled the negotiations so poorly he eventually was demoted; one was denied then given a surprise year-end bonus of $10,000 and the third received exactly what he asked for.

 

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever make the point that the male approach to negotiating isn’t actually superior to women’s:

Men are not better negotiators than women. Women more often than men take a "collaborative" or cooperative approach to negotiation that has been shown to produce agreements that are better for both sides. Women are more likely than men to listen to the needs and concerns of the other side, communicate their own priorities and pressures, and try to find solutions that benefit all parties—to find the win/win solutions. This approach not only leads to better outcomes for everyone, it often produces creative solutions to problems that might have been overlooked by men taking a more competitive or adversarial approach. Also, by looking for those win/win solutions, women tend to preserve and enhance long-term business relationships—they don't burn as many bridges as men who focus on short-term gains.

It is also important to note:

 

Failing to negotiate is not just a boomer problem:

Younger women may assume that things have changed far more than they have, but according to Babcock and Laschever studies among men and women in their 20s and early 30s, men are much more likely to initiate negotiations than women.

  

Don’t forget to negotiate your bonus:

In addition to negotiating salary, many jobs now come with a pre-negotiated bonus plan. Women may think they are being paid a fair salary, but are  unaware their male counterparts negotiated and are earning a much higher year-end bonus. While researching salaries with your networks don’t forget to collect information on bonus plans. 

 

Have you ever attempted to negotiate a higher salary? What was the result? What do you feel is the biggest money mistake women make?

 

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Tips for Dealing with a Bully at Work - Strength Challenge Interview #3

Created by Darlene B. Nemeth

This week I am running a series of posts resulting from my strength interview with Darlene B. Nemeth. About two years ago Darlene embarked on a journey to travel towards inner peace and happiness. Her quest reminded me of my own challenge to become a stronger person in my 50th year. Curious to learn more I emailed Darlene and requested an interview. Since Darlene works as a Human Resource Manager I wanted to be sure to cover how to deal with bullies at work. One of my most damaging conversations (and probably the impetus behind my strength challenge) occurred when a fellow manager told me I was the weakest manager my company had. Here is what Darlene had to say:

Do you have any tips for dealing with a bully at work?
In Ontario it is the law to have a “Workplace Violence and Harassment” policy and procedures. In that event you should follow protocol as outlined by the company you are working for.

That’s probably not the answer you were looking for. 

Let’s try it from a different perspective. Is this bully your superior? Coworker? Subordinate? Are you comfortable speaking to the bully in order to resolve the conflict? Or perhaps to your superior?

You need to talk to someone at work. If you can’t say it, write it.
You have the right to go to work and be treated with dignity and respect.

In addition to her website http://darlenebnemeth.blogspot.ca/, check out Darlene's pins on Pinterest and items for resale at LittleShopTreasures on Etsy.

Do you have any additional tips for dealing with bullies in the workplace?

Tune in tomorrow to learn how Darlene maintains a high energy level at work.

Previous posts in this series:
Strength Challenge Interview #1 - an Introduction
What Makes You Feel Strong? Strength Challenge Interview #2

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Things New Grads Should (But Never Do) Think About Come First-Time Employment

The newly graduated 20-somethings in the world today face a lot of struggles in the personal and professional realms. Of course, college grads have a long history of struggling with the transition from college dorm rooms and heated academic lectures to office politics and frenzied company meetings. While our college careers certainly prepare us for some aspects of adult life and self-preservation, there are some areas of becoming a true adult that college, term papers, and frat parties just can't teach us. With the added challenges facing college grads in today's society, most 20-somethings are simply thrilled to be employed at all. But, even after all the resume sending, cover letter writing, and eventual employment, there are still many aspects of becoming employed for the first time that newbie graduates need to consider. These three things are employment musts that many first-time employees overlook and underestimate.

The Retirement Plan

I know, I know. How can you possibly start to think about retirement, if you only just found a job after months of searching? Trust me—I shared your sentiments as well. But, as far away and dull as it sounds, retirement plans are a very important aspect of becoming a responsible, employed adult. Look into your company's retirement offerings. You want to begin thinking about the future right away. By starting to think about and plan out your retirement now, you can set yourself up for a very comfortable future. At the very least, when you start your first "real world" job out of college, look into the retirement options you have. What types of plans does your company offer? What options might make the most sense for your situation? By simply becoming better educated on the topics of retirement and IRA accounts, you can more responsibly plan for your future and manage your finances.

Actual Financial Planning
While retirement falls in place with financial planning, there is much more to the topic than just thinking about starting a retirement plan. For many newly employed college grads, "saving" is not necessarily at the top of our to-do list. This is the first time that you're making "real" money for yourself and have only yourself (and your college loans) to spend it on. With this freedom comes a lot of reckless or at least thoughtless spending. You want to celebrate the fact that you've actually graduated from college, landed a job, and survived. Spending is easy to do and it seems logical in the first few months. However (and this is a big however), it's a very wise idea to look into your financial situation very carefully after you get your first paycheck. Sit down and look through things. See exactly how much money you earn, learn where that money is going (loans, rent, groceries, gas, etc.), and try to create a financial plan. Divvy up your finances and try to make a plan as to where things will go. How much will you spend on necessities (rent, gas, food), how much goes to "fun", and how much will you put towards savings?

Professional* Networking

One of the most challenging aspects of entering the professional world is learning how to navigate the social world of an office. This is by far one of the things I struggled with most in the first few months of my first "real" job. The bottom line is that communication and friendships just can't be the same when you're in a professional office atmosphere. Though you may be surrounded by people your age day in and day out (much like college), you can't treat these colleagues the same way you would college dorm mates. Of course, you're going to make friends and build relationships with your coworkers after a period of time. It's good to be friends with your coworkers, but you want to be careful with your interactions. The professional world is different from any other realm. You need to keep things professional. Watch the way you talk about certain aspects of your work like. Try to compartmentalize to some degree. If you become close friends with a coworker, remain solely coworkers in the office and solely friends inside the office.

An education blogger by trade, Maria Rainer loves to explore the connections between the web and a college education. She writes for www.onlinedegrees.org on online student advice columns and substantive posts on the latest trends in online education. Please share your comments with Maria.

Do I need to attend a funeral for my co-worker’s family member?

Recently I read the following question on twitter:

 A co-worker's family member passed away and a lot of my department is going to the funeral to support her. But I don't want to go. Am I cold?

This employee began working at her company eight months ago and has worked with this person, who is actually her department manager, quite often. She doesn’t do well at funerals, has never met the family member and has SO MUCH STUFF to do at work... plus it's in the middle of a work day. It is a pretty big deal and she is getting pressure to attend.

What should she do?

Initially I suggested she just send a card, but when I mentioned my response to my husband he said I was wrong.

My husband, who is better at etiquette and office politics than I, says she needs to attend. He thinks working with someone for eight months is a sufficient amount of time to establish a relationship. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t know the family member, the purpose of a funeral service is to show support for the living. It appears as though her department plans to attend the funeral as a group to show support for their manager. It would be a good move on the part of this employee to attend as member of her team.

She doesn’t need to stay for the actual service:
From the employee's tweets I think she is considering attending the actual funeral service. She needs to only attend the visitation to express her condolences to her manager and if appropriate her manager’s immediate family. A fifteen minute visit would be sufficient. It is usually customary to view the deceased and if appropriate spend a few moments in silent prayer, but this isn’t mandatory. She should also make sure she signs the guest book. The service itself is usually an intimate ceremony attended by immediate family and close friends.

Since the service occurs during the work day she may need to take time off  without pay to attend. If so, she could stay late or work through her lunch to make up time and catch up with her work.

A few of my husband’s co-workers attended both of his parent's funeral visitations. They didn't stay for more than fifteen minutes. My husband was cognizant of and appreciated those who made an effort to attend.

Last month my manager’s mother passed away. Her funeral service was six hours away. All three of my company’s owners traveled the six hours to attend her visitation. They did not stay for the funeral service which was held the next day. If the visitation had been local, I am sure every person in my department would have attended and that our company would have allowed us to attend without docking our pay.

Instead, individually we sent sympathy cards to our manager’s home and a token memorial in our manager’s mother’s name to the private school where she had taught for many years.

When I was the tweeter's age (I think she is in her early twenties) I probably wouldn’t have wanted to attend either, but now that I am older I realize doing the appropriate thing is more important than our own wishes and conveniences.

What are your thoughts?