I Am the Ocean: A Pleasant Surprise

When Samita Sarkar emailed me to ask if I’d be interested in reviewing her travel memoir, I initially hesitated.

Here is her description of what I Am the Ocean is about:

The memoir covers a backpacking trip along the east coast of the United States that I took during my early twenties. A Canadian traveler on a budget with a thirst for self-discovery, I slept on couches, buses, and in cramped hostels. I saw beautiful things and met many interesting people, but it was also a time of spiritual searching and personal development for me.

I wasn’t sure. Not another backpacking book! I’d kind of had my fill of those after reading Cheryl Strayed’s Wild and Susan Jane Gilman’s Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, but my intuition kicked in and I said yes. I am so glad I did - I Am the Ocean was a pleasant surprise.

After Sarkar graduated from the university with top grades she surprisingly can’t find a job. To pull herself out of her jobless funk she uses her savings to travel on a budget from Canada to Miami stopping in NYC, Washington D.C., Savannah and Miami along the way. Not to keep comparing her to Strayed, but her trip was well-planned, she trusted her intuition and used common sense. Though if she had asked me for advice, I would have told her to skip the couch surfing at single men’s apartments. 

I enjoyed her observations of traveling in the U.S., thoughts on Americans and our landmarks/tourist destinations. I also liked that she wasn’t afraid to travel off the beaten path. As a travel tip I’ve never considered visiting Miami, but am now sure it is not a place I want to visit; at least not while staying in a hostel.

I found her assessment of LiveMocha.com (an online community where people who wanted to learn different foreign languages and mark each other’s assignments) interesting: 

Because all good things most come to an end, their competitor, the language giant Rosetta Stone, eventually bought Live.Mocha.com and ran this amazing resource with a thriving community into the ground. (pg. 5)

I recommend this book to any 20-something going through a quarter-life crisis, those who want to learn what it is like to travel on a budget, readers who enjoy travel memoirs or want to read a well-written, light book. I Am the Ocean  would make a great nonfiction beach read.

Personally, I love Samita Sarkar’s writing voice and want to read everything she has written and am heading over to her website to do so now.

Have you read any books lately that were a pleasant surprise?

Note: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review and am an Amazon affiliate.

New Series: Staying Relevant over 50

It is official – my company will be converting our client-server business software to a new cloud based system later this year. The contract was signed this week. My boss and I knew our company’s owners would decide to make the conversion someday, but we thought (were hoping) it wouldn’t be quite so soon.

After the announcement was made, one of our company owners told me both my boss and I spend too much time entering and manipulating data.  There are more important things we should be working on. He also mentioned that 50% of our employees would not embrace this change and was hoping some of the curmudgeon’s would retire. (I wrote more about this in my post Do software conversions force older employees into retirement?)

My immediate reaction was skepticism and a fear of the unknown.  How will my job change?  Will I have enough work to do if the reports I spend hours creating are automatically produced?

Fortunately, I was comforted by Peter Thiel’s book Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future. He writes:

Americans fear technology in the near future because they see it as a replay of the globalization of the near past.  But the situations are very different: people compete for jobs and for resources; computers compete for neither. (pg. 141)

And

Computers are far more different from people than any two people are different from each other: men and machines are good at fundamentally different things.  People have intentionality – we form plans and make decisions in complicated situations.  We’re less good at making sense of enormous amounts of data.  Computers are exactly the opposite they excel at efficient data processing, but they struggle to make basic judgments that would be simple for any human. (pg. 143)

I wish my company’s owners would read this quote:

The most valuable businesses of coming decades will be built by entrepreneurs who seek to empower people rather than try to make them obsolete. (pg. 141)

It appears my job’s focus in the future will be on interpreting data which I do enjoy, rather than creating spreadsheets which I must admit at times can be mind-numbingly boring. I need to remember

Worry and regret never solves tomorrow’s problems and only drains away energy from today. James Altucher

This post is the first in a new series I am implementing called, “Staying relevant over 50.” A few years ago, I read a statement claiming advertisers don’t market to the over 54 age group because this group is no longer relevant.  My ultimate goal of this series, other than providing relevancy suggestions and tips, is to prove these advertisers are wrong.

How do you recommend staying relevant over 50?

Please note I am an Amazon Affiliate

Don't Believe Anyone Else's Fears

One of my favorite sections in Jenn Aubert's book Women Entrepreneur Revolution: Ready! Set! Launch!: 100+ Successful Women Entrepreneurs Share Their Best Tips on What Works, What Doesn't (and Why) ... a Business and Designing a Life You Love is the chapter titled Gems of Wisdom. It includes business advice from the over 100 female entrepreneurs Aubert interviewed for her book.

I especially enjoyed this gem from Michelle James the CEO of The Center for Creative Emergence:

Give yourself space, time, and attention to hear your inner source of guidance. Let it surprise you.  And don't believe anyone else's fears - the naysayers - it's a reflection of their fears. (Pg. 214)

I immediately thought of my brother and his never ending torrent of business ideas.  When he asks me to evaluate them I am almost always negative; he will lose his home, never find another day job and his family will end up living in a van by the river.   This quote helped me realize my objections are more about my fears and values - I value security - than his ideas.   

Shawne Duperon of Shawne TV provides an example of the advice I should be giving him:

Get cash flow handled.  BE sure to have at least 3 primary clients so you can generate and play in marketing. Don't borrow money for PR.  Cash flow is king and lowers fear so you can play.  (Pg. 218) 

Since I know he likes a good investment tip, this one is for you B:

At a recent seminar Bruce Johnstone, CFA was asked where he would invest $100,000 today:
He began by reminding the crowd interest rates will not remain as low as they are today, so first he would leverage his real estate.  Then he would use that money along with the $100k to invest in early stage venture capitalist projects such as purification of fracking water, developing insulation products and waste to energy products.  He would invest in all of these before solar and wind. 

There you have it younger brother, if you decide to go ahead with his plan don't ask my opinion because Johnstone lost me at the word leverage. 

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

Motivation for Reading:
Cheryl Strayed’s book Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail has been on my reading list since Oprah selected it for her revamped book club.

At 26 Cheryl Strayed was by her own admission a mess. She had lost her mother to cancer, was divorced from her young husband, dating a junkie and on her way to becoming an addict herself. Feeling lost she quits her waitressing job and sets out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The purpose for her journey according to Cheryl:

I had to change. I had to change was the thought that drove me in those months of planning. Not into a different person, but back to the person I used to be – strong and responsible, clear-eyed and driven, ethical and good. And the PCT would make me that way. There, I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. (pg. 57)

What better book to read for my Be Strong reading project - a reading challenge I created for myself to read one book about strength each month.

My thoughts:
I am glad I read Cheryl Strayed’s book Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, a book I had loved, prior to reading this one. If I hadn’t already been familiar with Cheryl’s work I doubt I'd have finished this book. I found Cheryl’s lack of adequate preparation for her hike (no backpacking experience to speak of, too heavy of a pack, one-size too small shoes, not enough money, etc.) irresponsible and dangerous. Also, I kept comparing this book to Bill Bryson’s book A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail about hiking the Appalachian Trail which I found funnier and thought he did a better job of actually writing about the trail. Once I stopped judging Cheryl and accepted this book for what it was – Cheryl’s journey - I began enjoying it. I realized Cheryl’s writing is just as beautiful as it was in Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar and I had to give her credit; she was no quitter.  She achieves both her goals to hike the Pacific Crest Trail and to find her strength.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

The father's job is to teach his children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse to ride into battle when it's necessary to do so. If you don't get that from your father, you have to teach yourself.

 And:

What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do?...What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?

Also, there is an excellent scene in the book where Cheryl uses the intuition skills Gavin de Becker writes about in his book The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence.  When approached by a suspicious pair of hunters on the trail and though tired and hungry Cheryl runs ‘til she can’t run anymore out of fear one of them will come back to find her.

Bottom Line:
If you are looking for a well-written memoir about a lost soul who embarks on a journey to find herself along the PCT this is a good book for you. If you are looking for a book about the trail itself, a professional guide to backpacking or a book about getting back to nature you probably will not enjoy this book. 

Have you read this book?  If so, what were your thoughts?

If you enjoyed this book you may also like:
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love From Dear Sugar
How Did You Get Into Nonfiction?
Nonfiction You Can't Put Down

Please Note I am an Amazon affiliate.

Strength Interview with Ran Zilca of 'Ride of Your Life'

Last summer, while researching inner-strength for my BE Strong Challenge –  a challenge I created for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year - I discovered a fantastic article on Building Inner Strength by Ran Zilca on Psychology Today. This article remains the best article I’ve read to-date on inner-strength, so you can imagine how excited I was to learn Ran is writing a book about his journey towards inner peace. I recently had the opportunity to interview Ran for my strength challenge:

What is your book - A coast to Coast Journey to Inner Peace about? And when will it be released?
The book is a guide to inner peace, composed over a 6,000 mile, coast-to-coast solo motorcycle ride I took in 2010. I started in New York and rode to California and then down the California coast line. On my way I interviewed different scientists and authors like Deepak Chopra, Phil Zimbardo, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and Byron Katie. The collective wisdom of these experts and of the many people I met on the road, along with the meditative experience of riding in solitude each day, yielded very interesting insights that form the guide.

I am running a Kickstarter Campaign (see below). If it’s successful the book will come out for the new year.

What motivated you to undertake this journey?
I was just turning 40, and being very successful in business and in my personal life, but unsure as to who I really am. I think that many people experience this type of feeling in midlife, where they know what they do and where they live, but not exactly sure who they are. It made me feel restless, so I went out to rediscover my identity, quiet the restlessness, and regain my inner peace.

What makes you feel strong?
When you lift weights you put a strain on your muscles, and in turn that builds muscle mass. Mental strength is built in the exact same way – by facing and meeting challenges, and going outside your comfort zone. I got my motorcycle license only a year before going on the road, and it was very hard for me to learn how to ride, and become good at it. It was also very hard, in many different ways, to go on the road and leave home for 5 weeks. I missed my wife and my kids, and even though my wife was very supportive of the project, it was very hard on her as well. I also did not have much riding experience, and most days were filled with risks. For that very reason though, the pride of actually doing it made me feel much stronger in a very profound way.

What detracts from your strength or what do you see others doing that detract from their strength?
All of us have known energy-drains. It could be the interaction with certain people, being in certain situations, or worries and thoughts. To remain strong, it’s crucial to identify those, so you can keep the drain of strength to a minimum. 

What do you know now that you did not know when you were 18?
At 18 my identity was still forming, and today I know who I am and how to make decisions irrespective of what may be good for others. At the same time, I would never want to lose my perspective at 18, where anything was possible, and everything was starting to happen and materialize. The sense of strength in youth can be tremendous. 

Do you have any lessons that you’ve learned from your journey that may help me in my strength challenge?To do one thing each day that scares you and makes you feel uncomfortable, to live life in service of others, to give others credit before they act, and forgive them when they default on that credit. The biggest hurdle on the way to happiness and inner strength is one’s ego and a sense of self-importance.

Are there any books that have influenced you or that you find yourself always recommending to others?
Many :) Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want The How of Happiness, and Barbara Fredrickson’s Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life (both authors that I was fortunate to interview) are great positive psychology guides for life. Deepak Chopra’s The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment The Ultimate Happiness Prescription is also a great read that is very practical. When I was on the road I read John’s Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, which is both a great travel story and a thought-provoker. But mostly – I find The Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching to be an executive summary of many texts on human happiness.

As I enter the second year of my challenge what should I focus on? I spent most of my first year gaining a better understanding of who I am.  
Here’s my advice: Make a list of things you want to do but feel uncomfortable doing, and start doing them! It could be small, daily things too. The pride you will feel will be a tremendous source of strength.

Tell me about your Kickstarter Project?
The Kickstarter Campaign allows everyone to pre-order the book, and also participate in its creation (!) by sending questions to the different experts. You can also get signed and dedicated copies, a coaching package, and other special rewards. The funding from the pre-orders will be then used to pay for the book’s production, but only if enough pre-orders are made.  

Is there anything else we should know about you?
Even though there’s some dose of adventure in my life, I live very normatively – house in the suburbs, take the kids to school and activities, etc. I love family life and the daily routine that comes with it.

Ran Zilca can be found at http://www.rideofyourlife.com/ and his Kickstarter Project can be found here.

Please Note, I am an Amazon Affiliate

The Gift of Fear

As part of my "Be Strong" project, I’ve challenged myself to read at least one book a month dealing with an aspect of inner strength such as confidence, communication skills, working with difficult people, self-knowledge, willpower, etc. My February read was Gavin De Becker’s book The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence. I chose this book after Maria of Redirecting Chaos recommended reading it in the comments of previous posts not once, but twice. 

What is The Gift of Fear about?
Gavin de Becker, a security specialist based in Los Angeles and the founder of Gavin de Becker and Associates a private security firm whose clients includes Hollywood stars and government agencies, has written a book exploring how fear is a gift that can be used to keep us safe. The book explains how we can spot even subtle signs of danger—before it’s too late.

My Thoughts:
Gavin de Becker’s intention in writing the book was to share factors his company considers when identifying and predicting violent people and their behaviors in simple to understand terms. He achieves this by including powerful real life stories that left me chilled knowing these examples actually occurred.

I am highlighting some of the major lessons I learned from this book:

He provides potential warning signs to watch for when confronted by a stranger or manipulative person. He calls these survival signals:

• Forced Teaming. Shown through the use of the word “we” a person tries to pretend he has something in common with you and that you are both in the same predicament when it isn’t really true.
• Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a person in order to manipulate them. Niceness does not equal goodness.
• Too many details. When people lie, even if what they say sounds credible, it doesn’t sound credible to them, so they keep talking.
• Typecasting. Always involves a slight insult and usually one that is easy to refute. For example: “You are probably too snobbish to talk to the likes of me.”
• Loan Sharking. Offers assistance, but is always calculating the debt. The fact that you owe a person something makes it harder to ask them to leave you alone.
• The Unsolicited Promise. This is one of the most reliable signals. It shows nothing more than the speaker’s desire to convince you of something. Ask yourself why does this person need to convince me? For example” “I’ll just put this stuff down and go. I promise.”
• Discounting the Word “No”. Refusing to accept the word no.

“No” is a word that must never be negotiated and was the most important lesson I took from this book. The person who chooses not to hear the word “no” is trying to control you. Don’t trust them. If you let someone talk you out of the word “no” you might as well wear a sign that reads, “You are in charge.” (Pg. 62)

A woman alone who needs assistance is actually far better off choosing someone and asking for help, as opposed to waiting for an unsolicited approach. The person you choose is nowhere near as likely to bring you hazard as the person who chooses you. (Pg. 63)

Never show fear:
Threats are never spoken from a position of power. Whatever power they have is derived from the fear instilled in the victim, for fear is the currency of the threatener. (Pg. 109)

Persistence only proves persistence:
It does not prove love. The fact that a romantic pursuer is relentless doesn’t mean you are special – it means he is troubled. (Pg. 196)

Women should never explain why they don’t want a relationship:
Mr. Wrong will challenge each reason she offers. Instead women should make it clear they have thought it over, that this is the decision and that they expect the man to respect it. (Pg. 199)

The problem with restraining orders:
Many batterers find intolerable the idea of being under the control of their victims, and with a court order, a woman seeks to control her husband’s conduct, thus turning the tables of their relationship. (Pg. 189)

Worry is the fear we manufacture – it is not authentic. (Pg. 286)

Anxiety, unlike real fear, is always caused by uncertainty. (Pg. 291)

Bottom Line:
The Gift of Fear may be the best self-help book I’ve ever read and is most likely going to be one of the most important reads of my strength challenge. It includes much more than the items I’ve highlighted above i.e. listening to and trusting your intuition. One thing I know for sure, I will never look at a person who challenges my “no” the same way ever again.

Have you read The Gift of Fear?  If so, what were your thoughts? Do you have any future books or topics suggestions for my "BE Strong" Reading Challenge?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Verbal Judo Communication
Learning about self-esteem
How to Avoid Being Conned on a Dating Site

How to become more courageous?

Last year I joined Classy Career Girl's Networking Challenge. To be honest I didn’t stick with the challenge for very long. My goal was to contact other bloggers and interview them about their careers for this blog. A couple of bloggers agreed to be interviewed then never responded to my questionnaire. After I was stood-up for a phone interview, I lost interest in the project altogether.

For my 2013 "Be Strong" project I would like to include a networking challenge, but if it is to be successful I have to figure out how to deal with rejection.
 

In Penelope Trunk's audio interview with the yoga teacher, Penelope tells her she acted courageously when she called Penelope. All of the things she does in yoga gives her the ability to deal with the feelings of hurt and crushed ego she may experience when calling someone who was known to rip off the heads of her interviewers. See my post Penelope Trunk gives wake-up call.
 

Penelope recommends everyone send an email every day to someone they think may not respond for an entire year. At the end of 365 days if you have two responses from two amazing people you will then have something to feel amazing about.  

After the audio interview Bettina (the yoga teacher) came up with the following courage challenge:
 

ACTION STEPS TO BEING COURAGEOUS:  

Do yoga to feel strong inside.

Take a risk like sending an email to someone you admire.

Forget about that email.

Repeat every day for an entire year.

Let me know what happens as a result.

I’ve already begun this challenge and have had some success. Not dwelling on whether the recipient will respond to my email has helped immensely. Please see my posts Three amazing books I read in 2012 along with Lisa Bloom's favorites and How to dress "strong" at work.

Also hearing how helpful yoga is in attaining courage I think 2013 will be the year I start practicing yoga.

In Anna Runyan’s post The Top 10 Networking Questions at Classycareergirl.com I gained insight into why I did not receive a response to my interview emails. Anna writes:

The other thing you might want to do is go back to the informational request email and examine if there might be something turning these people off. Is it too long? Does it say you only want 15 minutes of their time? Is the email specifically directed to them or their company and did you include some type of compliment or statement so they know it isn’t just a generic email you send to everyone?

Will you join me in Bettina's courage challenge?  What has helped you become more courageous?

I'm 50-Years Old and Still Can’t Think on My Feet

For most of July my boss, our company’s CFO, has been out of the office due to a family emergency. In the interim I've been covering for him. At first it was kind of fun – doing or delegating his work –  most of which he shouldn’t be doing anyway. But as the month drags on and I and our accounting department fall further behind, playing CFO has stopped being fun.

Then our HR Manager (regular readers may recall I've had issues with her in the past) decided our payroll person was incorrectly processing some of our payroll deductions. She called me into her office and began berating this employee behind her back telling me how stupid she was. Instead of standing up for my employee I offered to look into it. I went back to my office and searched how to process the specific deductions on the IRS.gov website. What our HR Manager had concluded didn’t make sense. I came up with a couple of examples as to why, braced myself and went back to her office to explain why she was mistaken. Of course I couldn't convince her and she ended up insisting she needed to check into the matter herself. It has been two days and I still haven't heard from her, so I assume her sources informed her she was wrong. If our CFO had been here this would have been a simple fix - I would have asked him, he would have said our payroll employee was correct and the HR Manager was wrong end of story.

This is such a minor incident why does it bother me?
Because here I am turning 50 this week and I still can’t think on my feet. I don't have a thick enough skin to stand up for my employee and articulate my thoughts when I am put on the spot.  When my boss retires in a few years I will never be strong enough to be the CFO on a permanent basis. Several years ago while re-reading my journals I discovered two years in a row I had written almost the identical entry on my birthday – in the upcoming year I am going to work on becoming a stronger person.

So here I am turning 50 and still challenging myself to becoming a stronger person in the upcoming year.

I didn't think I should blog about this. My challenge is so ordinary and there are others who have written about similar projects - Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia (I couldn't take all the crying),  Noelle Hancock's My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir (Her dialog was atrocious - like nails on a chalkboard) and Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (Happiness is her job how can the average person find time for this). Then I came across Danielle LaPorte’s post "The Biggest Threat to Your Creativity" where she writes:

... is the fear that it’s already been done, said, created.

(So why bother?)

Say it, do it, make it anyway —

but tell YOUR story along the way.

The story of how you came to know what you know.

The story of what you want to know more of.

The story of why you do what you do.

        The story of how you came to care.

And that’s how you create what’s never been created before

Danielle Laporte has inspired me. I’m going to do this. My 50th year is going to be all about:

Finding my Strength

For starters I have added Danielle Laporte's book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms to my reading list.

I have signed up for the Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge beginning July 16th. Guided by Deepak Chopra, and other master teachers I will learn practical techniques for becoming more calm, centered, and happy. The challenge is  21 days because studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one.

I am also challenging myself to read books about those who have persevered and succeeded despite having obstacles in their lives.

I have a few other ideas, but nothing definite.  Have you taken on a similar challenge? Do you have any suggestions for me? If so please share.

Love for Grown-Ups

Motivation for reading:
TLC Book Tours recommended I review the book Love for Grown-ups: The Garter Brides' Guide to Marrying for Life When You've Already Got a Life by Ann Jacobs, Patricia Lampi and Tish Rabe for this blog. Since I write about personal finance, finance for women, relationships, and also do book reviews, I decided to accept a review copy.

What is the book about?
The book offers advice for dating and getting married later in life and includes thoughts about combining finances with prospective partners, enjoying dating, blending families, and more.


Why do the authors call themselves Garter Belt Brides?
Because all three of them got married after the age of thirty-five and each bride wore the same lucky garter at their wedding.

My thoughts:
First off I was pleased the book was better than the fluffy gimmicky “How to find a man in 30 Days” books my old roommate used to read and leave lying all over our apartment.

This book, though, not as in depth as I would have liked did touch on important points and offer good advice.  For example: pay attention to how he treats his mother, be careful of over sharing (too soon), and introduce him to your friends at a large gathering (you can arrive and leave spontaneously). I especially agreed with the advice to read each other’s divorce agreements and to make out new wills before getting married.

I also realized since I married at thirty-five, I too was a garter bride and have to agree with what they say about grown up dating:

Grown up dating is different from dating in your twenties – in a good way! First, you’re a lot wiser about what you want in a relationship. Second, there’s only one rule: It should be fun. Both of you are looking for a new start, so give yourselves one!  (Pg.1)

In addition to advice from the authors, the book also includes anecdotes and experiences from other grown up brides.  I thought this was especially helpful in the chapters pertaining to couples with children; how to meet the kids and blend the families.

The book offered an entertaining look at dating as a grown up. I came away with the following suggestions for a successful relationship: both parties need to have an open mind, talk about their needs, be honest, willing to compromise and willing to change. Overall though I think the book makes "love for grownups" sound easier than it actually is.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
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Why Networking is Important

A guest post by Anna Runyan:

It’s not what you know, but who you know.  Who you know can mean the difference in whether or not your end up reaching your future dreams and goals. There are so many reasons why networking is important, personally and professionally.  Whether you want to stand out from the crowd during your job search, rise the ranks at your current company or just have a good support network to be there for you when you need it.  I know that I would not be where I am today in my professional journey if I had not made networking a top priority in my life when I was graduating from college and as I started working at my first job.  Networking helped me land an internship during college that turned into a full time job and helped me get promoted at my first job.  I also built a great support network at my church and that network helped me  through a tough time that I went through. No matter where you are in life, you can’t get around the fact that networking is crucial to your success and personal well being.

So what are the barriers that might be holding you back from networking?

1.     The first barrier that might be in your way is that you never know what to say.  I hate that awkward introduction and I not knowing what to say to people I don’t know.  The key here is to be genuine, not think about yourself and what you are going to talk about and instead think about what you want to ask and learn about other people instead.  People are just as scared as you in the room and why not make others feel better and take the focus off of you and onto them.

2.     Another barrier may be if you are an introvert. An introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.  If you are an introvert like me, it is hard to be open and let strangers into your life.  To network, you have to be open and curious.  You must also show up and be present in all conversations.  Sometimes the hardest part is getting to the event but you will be glad you did once you get there.  Meet one person and start speaking with them and asking questions.  This way, it will be easier to meet others since you know one person very well.  Also, don't be afraid to speak up if you have something to say. 

3.     Another barrier is thinking you are way too busy to network I know I am exhausted after work. This was my biggest pitfall.  I am often too busy with work and school to reach out and connect with someone over lunch or a quick dinner.  You have to make networking a priority, which is why I always scheduled networking events and meetings into my calendar so that I got in the habit of meeting people for lunch or dinner and not going directly home after work.

How did I get over my networking barriers?  It all stated at the beginning of 2011, when I was preparing to graduate from business school and trying to figure out the next step in my career. I knew that networking would be a key to success in the job search, but I also knew I was—and still am—an introvert, and the prospect of meeting new people has never been easy for me.  Still, I was determined to knock down my barriers to networking and meet the people who would help me reach my dreams and goals. So I decided to embark on a networking challenge where every month, I would meet with four people I already knew but would like to get to know even better, as well as four completely new people. I called it the 4×4 Networking Challenge.

And at the end of 2011, I added 48 new people to my network and strengthened relationships with 48 friends, co-workers, and family members. Not to mention, a year of networking like crazy gave me a lot of valuable insights on what it takes to be a good networker—something I never thought I’d be able to claim.

If you are ready to reach your dreams and goals and take your networking to the next level, challenge yourself to a networking challenge. Write it down, find an accountability partner and start today!

Classy Career Girl, a blog written by Anna Runyan, provides advice to young professionals on how to be classy as they climb the corporate ladder.  Her blog covers topics such as business chic fashion, career motivation, personal development, networking, and office etiquette. Connect with her at http://www.classycareergirl.com

Penelope Trunk gives wake-up call

I’ve fell for the promises “Find Your Passion,” “Get Unstuck,” “Follow your Bliss” all in five easy steps. Unfortunately, I’ve read the books, performed the exercises (well sort of) and attended the conferences. Where did they get me? Right back to where I started - stuck. That is until I listened to the interview Steven Roy had with Penelope Trunk. I learned more about goal setting in this one interview than with all the books and conferences combined.

Steven Roy is a 40-year old blogger who feels trapped in his day job. He hates working for someone else and wants to have his own business preferably something online. His goal is to be able to spend more time with his two young daughters. He writes the blog Ending the Grind and occasionally posts podcasts of his interviews with other bloggers.

Penelope Trunk is the author of the book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success and writes at the Penelope Trunk Blog. It was in her post how to know what to look for that she linked to her interview with Steven.

At first Penelope’s response to Steven’s lack of any real goal seemed a bit brazen. Then I read some of her old blog posts on goal setting. The questions she asked Steven were nothing new. She has given advice on how to set goals and how to know ourselves over and over again. She became frustrated with Steven's lack of insight into how he wanted to live his life. For me the success of the interview is hearing a real life example of what you need to do and the questions you need to ask yourself to define your goals.

Penelope points out these are not goals:
Doing whatever it takes
To be home to spend time with your children. (This is the end result of a goal)
Building a blog readership (Not a good way to make money)
To be independently wealthy (This is for 5th graders)

To start with you have to be honest with your self and know where your strongest skills are.

Know your Myers Briggs score:
You can take the test for free here and here.
Since I get a different Myers Briggs result with each new test I take, I prefer the StrengthsFinder 2.0 though you do need to purchase Tom Rath's book StrengthsFinder 2.0 to take the assessment (you need the access key provided in the book).

Determine if you are inwardly or outwardly motivated:
According to Wikipedia:
Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on any external pressure.

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards like money and grades, coercion and threat of punishment. Competition is in general extrinsic because it encourages the performer to win and beat others, not to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity.

Why is this important for Steve? Externally motivated people are not particularly good bloggers.

Determine what you want to do with your days:
Everyone has to work eight hours a day. If you have a family to support, you have to work eight hours a day. What do you want to do with your time? Talk to people, market, write? How can you make those eight hours good?

To determine what you want to do look at someone’s life:
Don’t look for a career look for a life. There is no way to know what career you’d be happy in without doing it. Look at people’s life. How can you do what they do to have their life? A business and a life go hand in hand.

When you own your own business you are actually trading employers for clients. Clients can be much more demanding than an employer. If you lose a big client you can be out of business.  Think about all the time spent marketing new clients; most entrepreneurs work many more hours than eight hours a day. Is this the life you want?

How much risk can you handle:
Steve has a family and a wife who stays home with the kids.  If he quits his day job he will no longer have employer sponsored medical insurance, sick days, holiday pay or vacation time. He will be responsible for self employment tax and paying quarterly income tax estimates. I have heard that before you quit your day job your side business should be generating double your current salary.  Plus, remember half of all businesses fail within the first four years. I have known business owners who have mortgaged their homes, drained their 401(k) accounts and charged up their credit cards to start a business that eventually failed.

Learn about yourself by looking at your actions:
Penelope thinks Steve likes his job, if he didn't like it he would change it right now.  This one really hit home with me.  I talk about changing careers and quitting my day job all the time, but I never do anything about it.  Why? I like certain aspects of my day job more than the thought of changing jobs or careers.  I've hated my job in the past and have done whatever it took to find a new job. I think Steve's situation is similar, if he really hated his job he would move in with his in-laws and quit his job right now.

Lastly, Penelope gave advice on how to be a successful blogger:
Nobody wants to know how great you are. To be successful you need to add value to people’s lives. People want to watch you change.  People want to watch how others live their life and learn from it. Don't spend time on a blog if you don't know why you are writing it.

Writing a blog is a lousy way to make money:
Penelope wrote for free for seven years before she was able to make enough money to support her family.  A better way to make money online is to have a great landing page and understand Google. All the markets are search driven right now.  Use adWords and adsense; sell something to people that is under-monetized.

After listening to the interview this is what I think Steven should do:
I couldn't help but think of all those hours he spends working on his blog; his goal is to spend more time with his daughters. Why doesn't he use this time to be with them? His gripes are that he is not able to walk them to the bus stop in the morning or take time off to attend their activities. It sounds to me like he needs a job that is flexible.  Once he determines how he wants to spend his days - talking to people, marketing, or writing, he should seek out people who do this type of work with a flexible schedule. Then determine how to do what they do. He could use his blog to brainstorm his ideas and to network.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
Discovering my strengths
How to pull yourself out of a slump
Who are you meant to be?

Talk of Doom & Gloom in the Workplace Upsets Co-worker

I have a co-worker who I will call Mr. Doom who does not handle negative economic news well. At the first sign of a stock market downturn or talk of a recession, he begins spreading rumors that the company is going under; we are all going to lose our jobs and end up living in a van down by the river. In the past, his negative talk has been so disruptive he received a warning from HR.

Needless to say, Mr. Doom did not handle this week’s stock market roller-coaster ride well. Beginning on Monday he began making his usual rounds spreading doom and gloom to co-workers. I don’t really listen to these ramblings or take his projections seriously, so I was surprised when Deb an employee from another department approached me saying Mr. Doom was upsetting her so much she never wanted him to talk to her about the economy again.

I told her not to listen to him he doesn’t know what he is talking about. I then quoted Clark Howard telling her Clark believed in capitalism, that our capitalist system was going to prevail and that government just needed to get its act together. By the look on her face my statements did not help at all.

Mr. Doom moved all his money to a dividend producing fund called BGY and told me and others we should do so as well. As the week progressed he followed me around giving me updates on how much money he had made and I had most likely lost. Finally in exasperation I told him to stop checking the market; there was nothing any of us could do about what is happening anyway. Then hearing my phone ring I told him we should all get back to work.

Later Deb approached me saying she had overheard my conversation with Mr. Doom and how much she had enjoyed it. I told her we should all stop panicking and concentrate on the positive aspects of the economy. I had just read Kent’s post Reality Check: Average Market Corrections and pointed out some of the positive items he listed in his post:

• The debt ceiling crisis has passed.
• 75% of companies beat earnings estimates.
• Oil is back under $90.
• Car sales are up 5.8% year over year.

I then told her our company had had positive year-to-date earnings at the end of June for the first time in three years, we had a positive July, and early August projections looked good. Also, that our company’s owners foresee good things happening for the remainder of the year and are not worried about what the market is doing.

She seemed satisfied and I realized that was what she was looking for. She needed to hear the company was okay and to be reassured her job was going to be safe.

As to Mr. Doom, he panicked and pulled all his money out of BGY Thursday morning. He was off on Friday, so I don’t have a final update, but I’m sure this move was a mistake. According to stock market results the Dow ended the week just 1.5 percent lower than it had started.

Do your co-workers panic during economic upheaval? What does your company do if anything to squelch their fears and keep employees focused on their work?