How to Identify Your Female Leadership Strengths

This article was written by Anna Runyan, Leadership Coach and Founder of ClassyCareerGirl.com. Anna is also the author of the brand new book, The Professional Woman's Guide to Managing Men.   Anna helps professional women upgrade their leadership and accelerate their career success. 

Confidence in my strengths is not something that I always had as a manager. When I first started managing, I tried acting like the team’s previous manager and that didn’t work. Then, I tried to manage like how I thought a man would manage, that failed miserably. Each of these strategies failed because it was pretty obvious to those I was leading that I didn’t know myself very well and I wasn’t really confident in who I was. It wasn’t until I started discovering my own leadership strengths and that I started to feel more confident in who I was as a female manager.

There are many qualities that female managers inherently have that men appreciate. Men often have different strengths than women and that is why diverse teams of men and women work well together.  Remember, the goal is to be proud of the strengths you bring as a woman instead of trying to be like a man. Review this list of the 6 most common female leadership strengths and identify what strengths you have:

1) Collaboration: Women often request ideas from the entire team and get group buy-in. Women are also great at sharing information and delegating.

2) Calm Under Pressure: Women can handle tough situations with a sense of calm without getting aggressive.  Women can also appear less threatening by establishing trust quickly with the men they manage.

3) Attention to Detail: Women are known to be organized and detailed and can usually handle doing a lot of things at once.

4) Openness: Women can be open and honest and share a lot of information about tasks and results.

5) Intuition: From my experience, women can often tap into other people’s needs faster and more effectively than men. Women can often pick up very subtle clues about how the people around them are feeling.

6) Empathy: Women are often more capable than men of showing concern for other people’s feelings and connecting on a personal level.

Take some time to reflect on the above leadership strengths and write down 2 strengths that you have right now. Then, right down 2 leadership skills that you want to improve on and you will quickly become a more confident female leader around those you manage.

Why I can’t think on my feet?

In my post I'm 50 Year's Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet I wrote about how I was approaching 50 and still unable to think on my feet. I had recently been called into a meeting with another manager concerning a possible mistake one of my employees had made. Instead of standing up for this employee or articulating my thoughts on the spot, I had to go back to my office, research the issue and return to make my point. I was so disappointed with my response time I created a challenge for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year.

As part of my "Be Strong" project, I’ve been reading one book a month that deals with an aspect of inner strength.  My latest read was Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Never has a book summed up who I am more than this book.

I now understand why I don’t have the gift of gab, why words don’t magically roll off my tongue helping me through the tough conversations. I remember the countless closed door meetings I was called into with my company’s former VP of Sales. He would point to a number on one of my spreadsheets and ask why. Why was this number not what he had anticipated? Instead of coming up with the answer, my brain would freeze; I'd assume I had made a mistake and offer to look into it. It was only after I'd left his office and was returning to my own that the answer would come to me. Why wasn't I able to think on my feet?

I AM AN INTROVERT

 

Susan Cain describes introversion as a person’s response to stimulation, including social stimulation. Introverts prefer lower-stimulation environments, where they feel their most alive. Whereas extroverts crave stimulation in order to feel at their best.

Every personality test I've ever taken has pegged me as an introvert, but it wasn't until I read this book that I truly understood what being an introvert meant to my daily life.  When I'm put on the spot I need time, usually alone, to think through my answer. I like to methodically formulate a response, weigh all of my options making sure I give the best or most accurate response.  I need down time to replenish my energy after overstimulation.  I think of all the conferences I’ve attended where after a long day I've been tempted to skip the social mixer so I could go back to my room to read and decompress.

I've often been embarrassed by introverted personality:
For example, in my post Discovering My Strengths here are my thoughts upon initially learning of my five strengths:

I was not pleased with the results of my assessment. My first reaction was "I thought this assessment was going to teach me something I didn’t know." I was hoping my strengths would be a little more glamorous. The above so called talents were the same traits I’ve been trying to overcome since I was the geeky uncool nerd in high school. I shut my computer off in disgust.

We live in a world that values extroverts:
According to Susan Cain:

It makes sense that so many introverts hide from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal - the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to head-talking, certainty to doubt. He prefers quick decisions at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. (Pg. 4)

The Communication Gap:
Then there was the time my company's HR Manager attacked my management skills.  She told me I was the weakest manager our company had and that my career was going nowhere.  Now in hindsight I realize she is an extrovert who doesn't understand or respect the introverted personality. She considered my quiet manner weak and not management material.

In the book Susan, also an introvert writes about the first time she had to negotiate a deal for her client while working as a Wall Street lawyer:

Then she remembered what I'd told her again and again: she was an introvert and as such had unique powers in negotiation - perhaps less obvious but no less formidable.  She's probably prepared more than everyone else.  She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions - lots of them. And actually listen to the answers, which no matter what your personality, is crucial to strong negotiation. (Pg. 8)

Pretending to be an extrovert:
Now that I have a better understanding of who I am and what it means to be an introvert how can I reframe my strengths to shine in a world that values extroverts?

Pretend to be more confident:
When Susan was in law school she would force herself early on in class to raise her hand and say something.  Other people would sometimes refer to what she said giving her a greater presence in the classroom without her having to say much.  (I really could have used this tip when I was in college.)

Smile.

Be Prepared:
When in the classroom or work meetings figure out what you are going to say and say it early.

Look for opportunities to have one-on-one conversations.

Ask questions. Lots of them. Listen to the answers.

Carve out restorative niches into throughout your day:
Leave the office during lunch.  Find a quiet spot to read and reflect.

Manage your energy.

Get thru it - you will come out a little stronger:

Shortly after reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking I had to facilitate an eight hour training session at my organization. Twelve employees were in attendance including our President and VP of Operations both of which are extroverts.  I was the speaker for four of the eight hours. It was held two hours away and I was one of the drivers. Three employees piled into my car the morning of, so I did not have an opportunity to decompress before the training.  

I prepared for two full days prior to the training; practicing what I was going to say, preparing handouts and packets for everyone to review as I presented the information.  Despite my preparation my brain still froze a couple of times during my presentation. When I wasn't able to think of the interest term our vendor uses when we don't follow one of their procedures, our extroverted President jumped in and volunteered "exorbitant." Then the phrase came to me "past due." I asked lots of questions giving me a break from speaking and allowing everyone to provide input and learn from each other.  The training was deemed a success and our President has asked me to organize another one for October.

What is next?
So now I realize, "thinking on my feet" is never going to come natural to me and I will always have to work at it. I am now going to change the focus of my Be Strong" project to incorporating Susan's faking-it strategies into my life.

Are you an introvert?  Do you pretend to be an extrovert?  Do you have suggestions for carving out restorative niches or for helping me maintain my energy during the workday?

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

 

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
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The book “Sitting Kills, Moving Heals” changes my fitness routine

Motivation for reading:
JKS Communications recommended I review Dr. Joan Vernikos's book Sitting Kills, Moving Heals: How Everyday Movement Will Prevent Pain, Illness, and Early Death - and Exercise Alone Won't. This book answers one of the great puzzles of modern medicine: Americans have struggled for decades to exercise more and get healthy, but we’re still fatter, sicker, and more tired than ever before. Why isn’t exercise enough? What’s missing? Since this pretty much sums up my situation right now, I agreed to review the book.
    
What is the book about?
Dr. Joan Vernikos, former Director of NASA’s Life Sciences Division, has written a book that applies her research on Gravity Deprivation Syndrome to everyday health here on earth. She demonstrates how modern sedentary lifestyles contribute to poor health, obesity, and diabetes, and how health can be dramatically improved by continuous, low-intensity, movement that challenges the force of gravity. She cites her original NASA research on how weightlessness weakens astronauts' muscles, bones, and overall health, and presents a simple plan for maintaining good health throughout life by developing new lifestyle habits of frequent gravity-challenging movement. The book is divided into two parts. The first describes why you need gravity for good health while the second is about putting gravity to work for lifelong health.

My Thoughts:
Sitting Kills, Moving Heals has come along at the perfect time in my life. I’ve always been a regular exerciser attending aerobic and strength training classes 3 to 4 times a week. Over the past couple of years I’ve hurt myself 3 times – the last time experiencing shoulder pain that lasted six months. I am now in constant fear that I will hurt myself again and not be able to work out anymore. My fitness club and other clubs in my area are increasingly moving towards a high impact and boot camp type curriculum while offering fewer options for us older folks. Several of my fellow fitness club participants have also hurt themselves. Many of us tend to shy away from yoga classes thinking they won’t provide us with an intense enough workout for weight loss. Lately, I have been struggling with what classes to sign up for this fall. Should I risk injury and take the new kettlebell class my gym offers or should I search elsewhere for a yoga or stretching class?

Vernikos tells us traditional gym exercise isn’t enough and only partially improves health of people who, like me, sit all day long.

Exercise is not a substitute for activities that come naturally throughout the day, 365 days a year, for the rest of your life. (Pg. 52)

The most beneficial activity for your body is continuous, low-intensity, all-day, everyday movement that resists the force of gravity — simple habits like standing up, walking stretching, pacing and fidgeting. These activities are called non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT), Vernikos writes:

NEAT is a much greater component of your body’s total energy expenditures throughout a typical day than are structured high-intensity exercises such as walking, running, bicycling, or working out in a gym. NEAT is defined as the small brief, yet frequent muscular movements one makes throughout the day, of which, changing position is the most effective: standing, sitting, lying down, bending over to pick something up, squatting, stretching upward to take something off a shelf, getting dressed and undressed, playing a musical instrument, and stirring a pot; even movements as small as crossing and uncrossing one’s legs, waving one’s hands while talking and fidgeting are helpful. It is these types of small movements and activities that do not happen enough when a person is habitually inactive. Whenever we move around, calories we have consumed are converted into energy by contracting muscles and are measured as generated heat-thermogenesis- the “T” of the “NEAT” acronym. Thus, people who move around a lot all day, even if they don’t go to the gym or engage in intense exercise, burn up many more calories than people who are sedentary. They even expend more calories than those who do go to the gym, but then spend the rest of their day sitting around. Not surprisingly, the research on NEAT has shown a connection between the lack of NEAT and obesity and metabolic diseases, like diabetes. (Pg. 36)

I also enjoyed the nugget that sitting too long at work or in a car contributes to erectile dysfunction.

Changing my fitness routine:
After reading Sitting Kills, Moving Heals, I’ve decided to change my fitness routine. Dr. Vernikos includes an action plan listing habits, activities and exercises that will increase our gravity fitness. I have already implemented some of her ideas into action. Vernikos says the easiest and most important habit you can acquire is to stand up more frequently throughout the day. She recommends standing up from sitting 32+ times over a 24 hour period. Beginning this week I am going to keep track of the number of times I stand up a day. I will be writing about some of her other suggestions as part of my strength challenge.  

I decided to forgo the kettlebell class and take a beginning yoga class instead. The book also includes a health and fitness pyramid giving basic activities that provide the foundation for optimum G-habits as the base tier. Yoga is included as a base activity and its benefits are numerous. Over the long haul yoga will be more beneficial for me than the kettlebell class (especially if I were to hurt myself). Basic activities like yoga give you the most overall health return for your effort and are the least likely to result in injury.

A real life gravity example:
Last weekend I visited my 95-year old grandmother. For being 95 she still gets around pretty darn good; easily getting out of her chair and walking to the dining hall with her walker. My Grandma has never been to a gym or taken a formal exercise class, but she also has never sat still. She spent her life working in her yard and gardens or puttering in her kitchen. Compare that to my 70-year old neighbor whose favorite activity, since his 30’s has been sitting on the couch. (I did give him my old exercise bike, but am not sure if he ever used it). He fell over Memorial Day weekend and spent most of his summer in rehab. Last week my husband received a call from him – could he please help him out of his friend's vehicle - he didn’t have enough strength to lift himself out of the seat by himself and his friend wasn't strong enough to help him. My neighbor had to wait in a car for over an hour before my husband was able to get home from work and help him.

Bottom Line:
If you are seriously interested in improving your fitness and health you may benefit from reading this book.

Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate

 

Observing Purple Martins - Calming my Crazy

I’ve had problems with insomnia ever since I was a young girl. Growing up I spent many a school night starring out my bedroom window wondering if there was anyone else out there who was as wide awake as me. (I had been forbidden from waking-up my sister to talk when I couldn’t sleep). Now that I am fifty I’ve lost my tolerance for sleepless nights and have added discovering new ways to quiet my mind as part of my Finding my Strength challenge.

I have to admit Chopra Center's 21-Day Meditation Challenge has not worked out for me. I had a terrible bout of insomnia the night before the challenge was to begin and had all I could do just to make it through the next day let alone meditate. I skipped day one with every intention of catching up on day two. Well that never happened and when I received the “we’ve missed you email” from Deepak I didn’t bother opening it.

Which brings me to my new calming hobby – observing Purple Martins - which I discovered quite by accident. Earlier this year my neighbor took a fall and was spending time in a rehab center. His Father’s Day wish had been for his children to drive to his home and take a couple photos of the ‘flock” of Purple Martins nested in his yard. Since they were unable to comply, he called wondering if I wouldn’t mind taking a few snapshots. I was happy to oblige.

Those first Father’s Day photos weren’t very exciting, so my husband convinced me he could do better and spent the next several weeks observing and photographing the Purple Martins. He picked out his favorite photos and we put a book together. Last Saturday when my neighbor returned home I gave him the book as a welcome home gift. He said it was the most awesome gift he’d ever received. 

My neighbor has always had a passion for Purple Martins. His father had taught him when he was quite young to be on the lookout each spring for the arrival of Purple Martin “scouts” checking out the previous year’s nesting area. After spotting the scouts, the two of them would rush to put up their Purple Martin house. If the house went up too early they risked Sparrows taking residence and chasing off returning Martins. When his father passed away my neighbor inherited the Purple Martin house and continued the tradition. He was devastated a few years ago when the birds stopped using his house. He took it down and discovered the wood had rotted. The next year he erected a new house in the same spot, but still no birds. His colony had moved on. He then discovered The Purple Martin Conservation Association and added another new house with gourds based on Purple Martin Conservation guidelines. This new house did the trick; he now has a new ‘flock’ of birds that return each year.

Here are some of our photos:

 

The next day I filled my cup with coffee and took my two dogs outside. I sat on my bench next to my perennial garden with my dogs at my side. It was a beautiful crisp summer day. It had been another week of sleepless nights including one with a horrific wind storm that had downed a few major branches in our yard. The sailboats were out participating in a regatta and a lone duck was feeding on our shore line. I looked up and saw several Purple Martins flying overhead and really listened to their song. I counted ten birds. I put my head back and thought this is bliss. Several years ago after I had first moved into my husband's lake home, a friend had said, “Living on a lake you must feel as if you are always on vacation.” I had responded with, “No that is not what it is like, not at all.” As I sat there watching the Purple Martins, I knew this is what she had been talking about. At that moment I did feel as if I was on vacation. I sat there for another ten minutes taking it all in before I went back inside, back to my never ending to-do list. That night when it was time for sleep I thought about that moment; the beautiful day, sitting on the bench watching the Purple Martins. My mind was quieted and I slept.

Today the birds appear to be gone – left for their migration back to South America.  It is sad to see them leave so soon after my calming experience, but I am already looking forward to their return next spring.  I plan on joining my neighbor in his lookout for the Purple Martin scouts and anticipate observing them for the entire season and for many seasons to come. In the meantime, I will try to remember those ten minutes of bliss observing the Purple Martins from my garden bench when I need to quiet my mind and get a good night of sleep.