Want to Motivate Your Employees? Appreciate Them

After last week’s episode with my company's HR Manager, I was taken by surprise to hear she had told another employee he needed to buck-up and be more like Savvy.* She told him, "She’s been doing both her job and the CFO’s since he’s been out and you don’t hear her complaining.” She even said something to the effect that I was doing a good job. I couldn’t believe it. My body immediately relaxed, I became calmer, more energized and more motivated. I was surprised after all these weeks of feeling stressed and as if I wasn’t measuring up my company’s management felt otherwise and by how much I needed to hear it.

Thursday our CFO returned. When he walked in the door I started cheering and our entire staff clapped. He said he hadn’t received this big of a welcome from his family when he returned home the previous day. I told him the old saying “Everyone is replaceable” did not apply to him.

Then on Friday, my big 50th birthday, I arrived to an office decorated in black and a little party that included a cake. The employees who work for me and one of our owners were laughing (something I haven’t seen in a long time) and making jokes. They posted neon green post-its with the number 50 on them all over the office (so I wouldn’t forget how old I am). We haven’t celebrated anyone’s birthday in the office in years.

In the midst of all this I accomplished more work than I had in a long time. When I left Friday night I was almost caught up. This was quite an accomplishment considering the previous week I had left the office fearing I may never be caught up again. I honestly think feeling appreciated made all the difference.

I try to make an effort to publicly thank or show appreciation for employees when the opportunity arises. It is easy to do if you are paying attention. Recently I have done the following:

• I publicly gave credit to an employee for providing new information on a manufacturer’s policy change to all employees via email. (As opposed to our HR Manager who recently touted this same employee’s idea as her own)
• Via email, I thanked an employee in another department for assisting me with an audit when I was in a bind. I cc’d her boss who later told me how much my email had meant to this employee.

*This comment which was so helpful to me was deflating to the employee who is supposed to buck-up. He was absent the next day, isn’t as sharp as he usually is and seems depressed. Telling someone to buck-up and be like someone else is probably some of the worst advice you can give an employee.

Speaking of advice, the comments I received on I'm 50 Years Old and Still Can't Think On My Feet may be the most helpful comments I’ve ever received on this blog. I sincerely thank and appreciate every one of my commenters.

How about you? Does your employer let you know they appreciate you?

Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us by Seth Godin

This month one of The Savvy Reader Book Club selections was Seth Godin’s book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us. I chose this book after learning Molly Ford of Smart, Pretty and Awkward recommended reading it.

What is this book about?
Seth Godin describes a tribe as any group of people, large or small, who are connected to one another, a leader or an idea. In this short book, only 147 pages long, Godin inspires us to embrace our leadership potential and challenge the status quo.

My Thoughts:
I love a good business book. For me a “good” business book helps me understand the current state of business and provides new ideas I can use to improve the organization where I work or to write about on this blog.

Tribes is strong on helping me understand where business is today. Godin feels many organizations are trapped in maintaining the status quo. By doing so they fail to adapt or innovate and end up dying. Think Kodak or the music industry. Much of this is due to companies having a management problem. Godin writes:

Management is about manipulating resources to get a known job done. Burger franchises hire managers. They know exactly what they need to deliver and they are given resources to do it at low cost. Managers manage a process they’ve seen before, and they react to the outside world striving to make the process as fast and as cheap as possible.

Leadership, on the other hand is about creating change that you believe in. (Pgs. 13 - 14) 

This is where this book begins to fall short for me. I can’t exactly march into my manager’s office tomorrow and recommend he get rid of our managers and begin looking for leaders.

What the book does do is provide encouragement and inspiration to those who have an idea or wish to create a tribe and need a push to do so. Godin spends a fair amount of time writing about fear and thinking your way out of it. He also writes about the naysayers and heretics and how they are ultimately the ones who end up demoted, fired, disgraced and unhappy.

Bottom Line:

It’s possible you missed the checklists, the detailed how-to lists, and the For Dummies style instruction manual that shows you exactly what to do to find a tribe and lead it. (Pg. 146) 

That is because there aren’t any. If that is what you are looking for you will be disappointed with this book. This book is actually more of a motivational guide to inspire you to become a leader or to contribute to a tribe. If that is what you are looking for this book will be perfect for you.

Have you read this book? If so what were your thoughts? What business books do your recommend reading?

5 Effective Ways to Find Your Best Second Career

I recently had a conversation with a former hair stylist who’d been forced to make a career change after developing a severe allergy to hair care products. Once her workman’s compensation ended she returned to school to earn a degree in marketing. Since graduating, the only work this woman has been able to procure is as a retail clerk. She tells me employers won’t hire her because she‘s too old (over 50) and that her skills aren’t strong enough. After rejecting my ideas to improve her skills, I began to wonder if perhaps marketing was not the best choice for this woman. There has to be a more effective way to choose a second career. To answer this question I’ve turned to Ruth Richards a writer for All The Top Bananas.

With the job market being more turbulent than ever before, many people are looking towards ‘second careers’ to bolster their incomes or see them through retirement. A change of direction can be interesting and exciting, though it’s not always easy to know where to start.

Here, we look at five effective ways to find the best second career for you.

Work out your skills and strengths

It should go without saying, but it’s important that you know what you’re good at and make choices accordingly. If you hate talking to large groups of people, for example, you probably shouldn’t be a lecturer. On the other hand, it could be the perfect choice if you’re good at coaching and have a patient manner. Identify what you’re good at and work through your options from there.

Look for something you have a true passion for

We spend an awful lot of time in the workplace, so it makes sense to choose something that you love. If you have a creative streak, you might enjoy a role that deals with the arts. If you enjoy cooking, you may consider a job in catering. Work doesn’t have to be dull and boring, and you can take immense personal satisfaction from it if you choose something you truly care about.

Find out what training is available to you

If you’re looking at a totally new field, you may need some training to get your skills up to scratch. Many local communities offer free or reduced priced courses to their residents, so look out for what’s available close to you. Of course, trainee roles are quite often available, and this could be a viable option for you.

Make a list of what your priorities are

The world of work is sometimes about making sacrifices and working out what you really want. If pay is your main goal, you might have to be willing to work long hours and deal with pressure. On the other hand, if doing something you love is your priority, you may have to travel further to your place of work. Establish what’s important to you and think about how you’ll balance the various aspects.

Can you go it alone?

If you’ve never considered entrepreneurship, now could be the time. After all, what could be better than working for yourself on your own terms? With advances in the World Wide Web, pretty much anyone can start their own venture from the comfort of their own home. Freelancing is a popular route, and you could do anything from writing to web development.

Are you currently considering a change in career direction? Do you think you’ve found the best option for you?

This article was brought to you by Ruth Richards on behalf of All The Top Bananas. All The Top Bananas helps job seekers find new opportunities with their online job search facilities.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
How To Find Work When You Don't Have Experience?
Can Passion Exist Without Mastery?
Job Disillusionment

Are You Wearing Jeans Today?

Today is International Denim Day:

This is a day in which people around the world wear denim in honor of those who have been raped and to educate society about rape.  This campaign came about after an 18-year old girl in Italy was raped by her 45-year old driving instructor in the 1990’s.  Her rapist was initially arrested, prosecuted, convicted and sentenced to jail, but his conviction was overturned on appeal.  Why? Because the woman was wearing really tight jeans! The Italian Supreme Court presumed since the woman’s jeans were tight she must have assisted him with their removal concluding their sexual encounter had to have been consensual. Enraged by this verdict, the women of the Italian Parliament protested that very day by wearing jeans to work.  This protest evolved into the first Denim Day in LA in April 1999 and has continued every year since.

I only recently became aware of Denim Day:

I learned of it when reading, Student McKenna Nerone is generating support for rape victims through Denim Day, an article on JS Online about McKenna Nerone’s project Share a Pair. Nerone, a high school senior, created Share a Pair as a project for a senior’s honors seminar. Her goal is to raise awareness of sexual assault and the dangers of blaming victims. She hopes to collect 1,050 pairs of jeans for Denim Day.

Why 1,050 pairs of jeans?
Nerone calculated during the time she spends each week in class 1,050 individuals are sexually assaulted. According to denimdayusa.org, every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

Nobody wants to talk about rape:
Not everyone was in favor of Nerone’s project.  She encountered objectors who felt rape was a taboo topic.  This taboo is precisely why Nerone went ahead with her project. She feels it will benefit both her high school and the greater community.  She is quoted in the article as saying:

“I want to make people start talking about it. Nobody wants to talk about rape.”

The topic of rape and sexual assault is rarely addressed in school, Nerone said and she wants to change that, along with a common misconception.

“Many people think that if you’re going to be raped you need to have this criteria,” she said listing weight, physical attributes and tight jeans. “But no that is just not true.”

Thank you McKenna for making me aware of International Denim Day and for the awareness you have created. Knowledge and education is the first step in fighting the rape culture that continues to be prevalent in our society.

McKenna Nerone is donating all of the jeans she collects to Pathfinders, a local nonprofit that helps youths and young adults who are survivors of sexual assault, homelessness and mental illness.

I’m wearing jeans today.  Are you?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Muslim Women Reformers
Interview with Gloria Steinem
"In the Name of Honor" is an Important Book that Deserves to be Read

Life is not about perfection

A few years ago, I had the pleasure of attending a presentation given by Eliz Greene of Embrace Your Heart. She shared her miraculous story with us:

Eliz Greene was seven-months pregnant with twins when she suffered a massive heart attack. Her life changed — not only did she survive a ten-minute cardiac arrest, the cesarean delivery of her daughters and open-heart surgery, all on the same day — she gained new perspective and passion for life.

Eliz is this teeny tiny woman who shook her booty across the stage as she persuaded her audience to exercise in ten minute increments when we were unable to fit a 30 minute workout into our schedule. She also told us how she had lost 80 pounds after the birth of her daughters and is now motivated to live a healthy lifestyle.   She wants to be here to watch them grow up. 

I was so impressed with her presentation I went home and signed up for her newsletter. Yesterday the following appeared in my in-box:  

This year make a small, simple daily goal instead of a resolution!

 

Life is not about perfection.

 

It's about moving in the right direction!

This was just what I needed on the last day of 2012.  After reading your comments on my post Continuing to Struggle with Work-Life Balance in 2012, I’ve been thinking perhaps I am too hard on myself.  Instead of focusing on my failed 2012 challenges, in 2013 I am going to concentrate on accomplishing one small task each day. My ultimate goal is to eventually become a stronger person, but I realize with all the hassles of daily life this is not going to happen overnight. As Eliz writes:   

-  Don't beat yourself up. The beauty of a daily goal is it resets every day. If you missed today, start again tomorrow.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

The book "Sitting Kills, Moving Heals" changes my fitness routine

 

Flirting, My Employee Left a Mess and Other Questions

Since one of my favorite things to do is to answer your questions, I've selected a few recent blog search questions/phrases to provide answers. I hope you enjoy them:

How to get my boyfriend to work?
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work there is nothing you can do including bribery, coercion, manipulation or trickery to get him to work. If he were to find a job and lacks real motivation, he will most likely quit or be terminated in a few months anyway.

I lost my job. Should I cancel my gym membership?
Can you cover your monthly bills and still afford the gym membership? Is there a termination fee? If yes, consider keeping it. If no, you better cancel. Without a job you will have time to run, walk, ride your bike or find some other form of free exercise you can do from home. Also, you will save gas money working out at home rather than driving to the gym.

Do all girls like to flirt?
No, not all girls.

Why do older women flirt with me?
You are a hottie, they enjoy watching you blush or both.

My employee left a mess:
My boss has a theory that no matter how good the employee a skeleton or two always surfaces after they leave the company. If your employee left a "huge" mess they most likely checked out mentally several months ago. You should have been monitoring their work more closely, and then performed a thorough review of any unfinished work once they submitted their notice. You cannot pursue legal action against them, withhold their final paycheck or force them to return and clean up their mess. Your best bet is to bring in temporary employees to assist, hire an able and competent replacement as soon as possible or come up with a plan to delegate this mess to existing staff.

Did Coco Chanel do an internship?
Nope - there was no internship for Coco Chanel. She learned to sew at the orphanage where she was raised. She got into fashion by becoming a milliner and opening up her own hat shop.

That was fun. If you have a question you would like featured please email savvyworkinggal@gmail.com. I will do my best to post an answer.

 

Be Strong Challenge: September Update

On my 50th birthday I challenged myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year. This challenge got off to a slow start due to a bout with insomnia, but I think I made up for it in September. Here is a roundup of my progress:
 

Be Strong:

I named my challenge Be Strong and set a few goals:

1 - To continue to work on knowing myself.
2 - To work on both my physical and mental strength.
3 - Each month I need to come up with one activity or challenge that leads to more effective communication, since becoming a better communicator is my ultimate goal.

I realize I have to start with baby steps. If I step too far out of my comfort zone too soon – with a public speaking class or by joining toastmasters - I know myself well enough to know I will abandon this project altogether.

 

Push-up challenge:

I joined a push-up challenge. Each day I am to do 1 more push up than I did the day before. I’ve split them into two sessions and am now up to 17 at one time, with a total of 25 in one day. This is more push-ups than I’ve ever done before in one day. A couple of years ago I stopped working out my upper body entirely when I injured my shoulder. After the shoulder pain subsided I experienced a clicking sound and pain in my elbows while working out with resistance bands, so I was leery of push-ups. My elbows do click occasionally while doing push-ups, but there is no pain and since I began this challenge my elbows no longer click when working out with resistance bands.

 

Clean my desk challenge:

I challenged myself to clean my desk at work. My desk is still not perfectly clean and organized, but I have made progress. I completed several outstanding projects and now spend time each day tackling new paperwork so it doesn’t pile up. I also organize my desk before leaving on Fridays which has done wonders for my Monday morning mood. Thanks to all who left comments and suggestions on my post, you’ve helped keep me motivated.

 

I attended a seminar on assertive communication:

The seminar’s presenter teaches this course at a local college, so she attempted to pack an entire semester’s worth of knowledge into one hour. She did an excellent job of describing the six different types of motivators (a positive or negative need for power, achievement or affiliation) and how to communicate with each type. I referred to one of these communication techniques in my post Do I listen to my manager or the boss. For further study on communication between the sexes, she suggests reading Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships and Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work.
 

I read inspiring blog posts:

I read Always the Planner's post What Kind of Life do I Want? where she recommended viewing a TEDx video by Priya Parker and watched Marie Forleo’s video How to Reprogram your Subconscious Mind to Get What You Really Want on the same day. Both helped my realize the one thing I want is to be as physically active in my life for as long as possible; not being able to walk or wear shoes will severely impact that life. Lately, I’ve experiencing foot pain during most physical activity including walking and while wearing shoes. I decided it was time I considered foot surgery, so I made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon the very next day.

 

I visited an orthopedic surgeon to inquire about bunion surgery:

I learned the bunion on my right foot is between moderate and severe and the left one isn’t too bad. The surgeon doesn’t feel I need immediate surgery, but made it clear my foot will never get any better. Recovery from this surgery will require me to be on crutches for 5-6 weeks, which rules out having the surgery in winter. The last thing I need is to walk with crutches down a hill to my unattached garage on snow and ice. If possible I'd like to put off surgery until fall of next year.  In the mean time I’ve been wearing the flattest, widest shoes I own and modifying workout activities (especially lunges) that bother my feet.

 

I have added one small challenge for October:

I have challenged myself to stop eating the popcorn from my company’s popcorn machine. First, the popcorn is really for customers not employees. Second, it is covered in salt and is most likely made with the cheapest, unhealthiest oil they can buy. For the rest of this year I am challenging myself to not eat anymore of this popcorn.

That is it for September. October is going to be a short month, since my husband and I are traveling to California for a ten day vacation. This will be the longest vacation I’ve taken, since I began work in 1986. I am not sure how active I will be on this blog or if I will be able to maintain a clean desk during October – perhaps that will be the ultimate challenge.

What makes you feel strong?
If you have a Be Strong suggestion or are interested in writing a guest post about how you've achieved greater strength please leave a comment below or email me at savvyworkinggal@gmail.com.

Joining Classy Career Girl’s Networking Challenge

Ever since I read Frau Tech's post Blaming Women Entrepreneurs, I haven't been able to stop thinking about networking.  Here is the section of her post that had the greatest impact on me:

Starting a business is like getting a job. It’s more about who you know than what you know. Many of my male colleagues have networks and contacts built up within the industry. Their opinions are trusted more on technical matters than mine are.

I even asked Anna Runyan of Classy Career Girl to write a guest post for me on Why Networking is Important which ran earlier this week.  Anna mentions some interesting points about barriers that hold you back from networking. I could relate to all of them. Her post also got me thinking about another networking fallacy:

Networking is only important when you are looking for a new job

The truth is you should be developing and nurturing your network on an ongoing basis. And networking is a two-way process. The most successful networks are ones where you give your network more than you receive.

I realized I have been neglecting my own network. Over the past couple of years I have become increasingly disillusioned with my accounting career. So much so, that I have been contemplating a career change.  The practical side of me, however, realizes I still need to support myself and a career change is most likely a pipe dream.  Not wanting my accounting network to know I want out I have been ignoring it. Also being an introvert, it is easy for me to sit in the corner allowing others to sit at the table.

It is time I get back in the game:
I have decided to join Anna Runyan's Networking Challenge. Here is the challenge Anna created for herself:

Every month I would meet with four people I already knew but would like to get to know even better. I also made a point of meeting with four new people.  My goal was to learn from each person I talked to and ask questions about how I to get to the next step in my career.

Anna says we don't have to start with 4 people right away she recommends we begin with just a couple of people the first month and grow from there.  Her most important tip is to plan ahead, write down who we want to meet with and email them before the month starts. Her second tip is to find someone to keep us accountable.  For her accountability, she shares her progress with us on her blog and we keep her accountable.

My Networking Challenge:
I am going to begin with meeting two people I already know and two that I don't each month. These will be people in my community. I too, am going to use my blog audience to keep me accountable. I am also going to try to attend two local events each week.  These could be meetings at trade associations or book events at book stores or libraries.  Lisa Bloom author of the book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World (which I wrote about here) has challenged us to attend one book event a month.  I am going to take her up on it.  On a side note you may be interested in the following offer Lisa made to her twitter followers @LisaBloom:

Special Offer! Anyone who goes to an author event at your local bookstore or library and tells me about it gets a retweet.

My new blog series:
I am starting a new series on my blog - interviews with other female bloggers who have interesting or unusual careers they are passionate about.  My first interview will appear later this week. My ultimate goal will be to run two interviews each month. In order to achieve this I will have to establish several new social contacts each week in addition to maintaining my current network. My biggest fear is that without prior contact my interview email requests will be considered spam. My challenge will be to make 4 new social contacts each week in addition to keeping up with 4 current contacts.

On being accountable:
As part of this post, I was going to link to Getting my Ducks in a Row, a previous blog post where I introduced a similar challenge. In rereading that post, I noticed how similar it was to this one. As I recall, that particular challenge did not last very long, which just goes to show how hard networking can be for people like me. I think by actually joining Anna’s challenge and having this post listed on her site I will feel much more accountable this go-round.

Do you need a networking challenge to push you out of your comfort zone?  If so head over to Classy Career Girls' site and join us.

Saturday Inspiration: Ruth Stout

Thanks to Ann Daly for posting this video of Ruth Stout on her website earlier this week.  I watched it over my lunch break and I must say it took the edge off my day. Ruth is a genuine free spirit who has inspired me to rethink how I live.  Or if nothing else has inspired me to get out and work in my garden. Enjoy:

Biography of Fannie Lou Hamer: A study in strength and leadership

Motivation for Reading:

I selected Kay Mills book This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer for my Women's History Month read when Sarah at Citizen Reader wrote the following comment about the book in her post 100 Best-ish Nonfiction Titles: Biography :

Fannie Lou Hamer, born in 1917 to a sharecropping family with 20 children, lived through enormous hardship and poverty and still overcame to become a leading figure in the fight for civil rights. THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

My Thoughts:
If every biography was as good as This Little Light of Mine: The Life of Fannie Lou Hamer, I would definitely read more biographies. The life of Fannie Lou Hamer is an amazing story.  What makes it so remarkable is that from the outside this poor, short black woman seemed like an unlikely candidate to become a civil rights icon. How did this woman who risked everything including her life become so fearless? Kay Mills provides an excellent study of the factors contributing to Fannie Lou Hamer’s strength to carry on despite so many obstacles, set backs and ill health.  Fannie Lou's sources of strength included:

Her mother:
Fannie Lou’s mother was one of the strongest influences of her life. My mother was a great woman.

She went through a lot of suffering to bring us up, but she still taught us to be decent and to respect ourselves. (Pg. 17)

Her faith:
One of the most important principles she was taught was that hating made one as weak as those filled with hatred. The church in Mississippi was one of the most segregated institutions in the state, and still is. Fannie Lou sought to understand, expose and destroy the root cause of oppression. She questioned many things about the misuse of power in this land.

Fannie Lou had learned how to reach down to some deep consciousness, a deeper place inside her in order to survive. As June Sugarman recalled:

I have never been in the presence of someone where I felt that person was so connected to her faith and that was her stability. (Pg. 178)

She loved her country:
Fannie Lou had this knowledge of the constitution, what this country was supposed to be. She believed in her countries promise despite her personal experiences.

Music:
There are many examples throughout the book where at just the right moment Fannie Lou would start singing. Music helped her overcome her fears and calm those of others. One of her favorite songs was “This Little Light of Mine.”

Anger:
Her anger was touched with sorrow, about her lack of control over her life. Her anger after her arrest and subsequent beating at the jail in Winona made her even more determined to become a first-class citizen

Another teaching point of the book is her role as a leader:
Fannie Lou Hamer was also a natural leader with the ability to rally people around her. She was an organizer. She delivered. She prodded people to take an extra step, to think for themselves about their own problems.

When you are talking about important roles, you have to ask which person has the most important role – the one who speaks or the one who got the people there? Fannie Lou Hamer could do both. (Pg. 202)

Bottom Line:
In addition to being an excellent choice for Women’s History Month, this book provides a study of the civil rights movement, the history, culture and politics of Mississippi, and the economic programs and human rights Fannie Lou fought so tirelessly for. Sarah was correct: THIS is a book they should be teaching in history and women's studies courses.

What are you reading for Women's History Month?  Can you recommend additional female biographies that provide a study of strength and leadership?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
A Perfect Book for Women's History Month
Nonfiction Books Every Woman Should Read

Determining my Myers-Briggs Score

In my post Penelope Trunk Gives a Wake-Up Call I mentioned one of the first steps to achieving career satisfaction is to know your Myers-Briggs score. My problem was I had taken six different on-line Myers-Briggs assessments and had received six different scores.

How I discovered my real score?
I googled "best" Myers-Briggs book and discovered Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger's book Do What You Are. Unfortunately this book does not include the assessment. Apparently the authentic Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test is copyrighted and available only through organizations, counselors and therapists approved by the Myers and Briggs Foundation. The book does describe each of the 8 personality traits in detail along with providing examples. After a process that included comparing my previous six Myers-Briggs scores with the examples in the book and asking my husband for his opinion I came up with ISFJ.

The book includes profiles of people who enjoy their jobs for each personality type. While reading Monty’s profile (a stressed 44-year old ISFJ who was an over-worked tax accountant with an inability to say no until he became a sole practitioner CPA, working exclusively for nonprofit organizations), I had an aha moment I am an ISFJ. In addition to reading the strengths and weaknesses for ISFJ in the book I found Portrait of an ISFJ on the Personality Page website to be quite helpful.

What did I learn?
I discovered I prefer working in a highly structured, traditional organization with a clear mission. I am more comfortable working one-on-one, helping others or with other people who share my personal values and beliefs. I am hard working, loyal sometimes to a fault and prefer staying in my comfort zone. I also don't like presenting my work to a group without adequate time to prepare well in advance, have a hard time saying no and am a reluctant manager.

I found it interesting how many of the above items I touched on in previous blog posts:

• I am a reluctant manager who got upset when my management skills were attacked in A Personal Attack at Work.
• I discuss wanting to break out of my comfort zone in Getting my Ducks in a Row.
• I write about my inability to say no in Know your limits and learn to say no.
• In both Anger in the Workplace and Weekend Wisdom I get stressed and agitated when I don't have ample time to complete my work.

What is next?
I am considering getting a certified professional to interpret my score. I’d like to discuss whether I should pursue an alternative job in accounting that better fits my personality, make a complete career change or just stay where I am at. Have you done this? Did you find it helpful? Do you feel knowing your Myers-Briggs score has made a difference in your life and career?

Penelope Trunk gives wake-up call

I’ve fell for the promises “Find Your Passion,” “Get Unstuck,” “Follow your Bliss” all in five easy steps. Unfortunately, I’ve read the books, performed the exercises (well sort of) and attended the conferences. Where did they get me? Right back to where I started - stuck. That is until I listened to the interview Steven Roy had with Penelope Trunk. I learned more about goal setting in this one interview than with all the books and conferences combined.

Steven Roy is a 40-year old blogger who feels trapped in his day job. He hates working for someone else and wants to have his own business preferably something online. His goal is to be able to spend more time with his two young daughters. He writes the blog Ending the Grind and occasionally posts podcasts of his interviews with other bloggers.

Penelope Trunk is the author of the book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success and writes at the Penelope Trunk Blog. It was in her post how to know what to look for that she linked to her interview with Steven.

At first Penelope’s response to Steven’s lack of any real goal seemed a bit brazen. Then I read some of her old blog posts on goal setting. The questions she asked Steven were nothing new. She has given advice on how to set goals and how to know ourselves over and over again. She became frustrated with Steven's lack of insight into how he wanted to live his life. For me the success of the interview is hearing a real life example of what you need to do and the questions you need to ask yourself to define your goals.

Penelope points out these are not goals:
Doing whatever it takes
To be home to spend time with your children. (This is the end result of a goal)
Building a blog readership (Not a good way to make money)
To be independently wealthy (This is for 5th graders)

To start with you have to be honest with your self and know where your strongest skills are.

Know your Myers Briggs score:
You can take the test for free here and here.
Since I get a different Myers Briggs result with each new test I take, I prefer the StrengthsFinder 2.0 though you do need to purchase Tom Rath's book StrengthsFinder 2.0 to take the assessment (you need the access key provided in the book).

Determine if you are inwardly or outwardly motivated:
According to Wikipedia:
Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on any external pressure.

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards like money and grades, coercion and threat of punishment. Competition is in general extrinsic because it encourages the performer to win and beat others, not to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity.

Why is this important for Steve? Externally motivated people are not particularly good bloggers.

Determine what you want to do with your days:
Everyone has to work eight hours a day. If you have a family to support, you have to work eight hours a day. What do you want to do with your time? Talk to people, market, write? How can you make those eight hours good?

To determine what you want to do look at someone’s life:
Don’t look for a career look for a life. There is no way to know what career you’d be happy in without doing it. Look at people’s life. How can you do what they do to have their life? A business and a life go hand in hand.

When you own your own business you are actually trading employers for clients. Clients can be much more demanding than an employer. If you lose a big client you can be out of business.  Think about all the time spent marketing new clients; most entrepreneurs work many more hours than eight hours a day. Is this the life you want?

How much risk can you handle:
Steve has a family and a wife who stays home with the kids.  If he quits his day job he will no longer have employer sponsored medical insurance, sick days, holiday pay or vacation time. He will be responsible for self employment tax and paying quarterly income tax estimates. I have heard that before you quit your day job your side business should be generating double your current salary.  Plus, remember half of all businesses fail within the first four years. I have known business owners who have mortgaged their homes, drained their 401(k) accounts and charged up their credit cards to start a business that eventually failed.

Learn about yourself by looking at your actions:
Penelope thinks Steve likes his job, if he didn't like it he would change it right now.  This one really hit home with me.  I talk about changing careers and quitting my day job all the time, but I never do anything about it.  Why? I like certain aspects of my day job more than the thought of changing jobs or careers.  I've hated my job in the past and have done whatever it took to find a new job. I think Steve's situation is similar, if he really hated his job he would move in with his in-laws and quit his job right now.

Lastly, Penelope gave advice on how to be a successful blogger:
Nobody wants to know how great you are. To be successful you need to add value to people’s lives. People want to watch you change.  People want to watch how others live their life and learn from it. Don't spend time on a blog if you don't know why you are writing it.

Writing a blog is a lousy way to make money:
Penelope wrote for free for seven years before she was able to make enough money to support her family.  A better way to make money online is to have a great landing page and understand Google. All the markets are search driven right now.  Use adWords and adsense; sell something to people that is under-monetized.

After listening to the interview this is what I think Steven should do:
I couldn't help but think of all those hours he spends working on his blog; his goal is to spend more time with his daughters. Why doesn't he use this time to be with them? His gripes are that he is not able to walk them to the bus stop in the morning or take time off to attend their activities. It sounds to me like he needs a job that is flexible.  Once he determines how he wants to spend his days - talking to people, marketing, or writing, he should seek out people who do this type of work with a flexible schedule. Then determine how to do what they do. He could use his blog to brainstorm his ideas and to network.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
Discovering my strengths
How to pull yourself out of a slump
Who are you meant to be?

Know your limits and learn to say “NO”

If I were to write “A letter to my 18 year old self” I would need to include:

Know your limits and learn to say “NO”

Last summer, my friend Jess asked if I would help her run a charity event to be held in February. She had received a tip for a cheaper venue and was certain her company would sponsor the event. We came up with some great ideas to “change it up” and attract a larger crowd. Typically, January is a busy month for me; I work as an accountant and have spent many Januarys working 50+ hours a week closing the books and preparing for the year-end audit. Jess was persuasive and I agreed thinking I’ll find a way to make it all work.

The venue fell through; Jess’s company waited ‘til the last possible minute to commit to the sponsorship forcing us to hold off publicity ‘til early February. Everything was more work than anticipated. My year-end audit was a week earlier than usual, a co-worker became seriously ill and I had to cover for her. Much of the communication regarding the event needed to be completed during work hours. My manager pointed out volunteer work pays the same regardless of contribution. I ended up telling Jess I had to scale back my participation during the month of January. I know she was perturbed and I was overwhelmed with guilt.

The event wasn’t well attended and despite making money we don’t consider it a success. My relationship with Jess has changed and all I keep thinking is why did I say yes. I knew last summer working on an event in January would be difficult in the best of years. If only I had realized my limits and learned to say no back when I was 18 imagine how much aggravation I would have saved myself over the years.

I had always thought learning to say “NO” was a “woman” problem or a problem for young adults. Then I came across this post on Satisfying Retirement's blog. One of the things he has learned after a decade of retirement is he is Much Better at Saying "No." His lesson is so good I have to include it in its entirety. He writes:

When someone first retires there is often a rush of requests for that person's time. Volunteering for this or that, heading a committee, helping with the Boy Scout meeting..... the lack of a full time job must mean you are constantly available to help others. But, as the years pass by the ability to filter out the things you don't want to do becomes greater. The ability to say "No" to everything comes more easily. You find the strength to say "Yes" to the things that are meaningful to you and most helpful to others.

Surprisingly, this adjustment has been as difficult as any. Saying "no" is not part of our nature. We all want to be needed, liked, appreciated, and desired. The more things you are asked to help with the more you are validated. To turn someone down is to risk being seen as standoffish or aloof or selfish.

But, just as an awareness of the passage of time grows as you age, so does the understanding of protecting yourself. Spread too thin, saying "yes" too many times, and you will drown in all that validation. By becoming more selective you will do a better job at whatever you do agree to do, and be happier in the process.

As for me, I feel as I did at the end of a semester when I was attending college while working full-time. I need to take some time to kick back and take care of myself for awhile. In the future I will consider my limits before committing to volunteer work and I will never volunteer for anything that requires me to work during the month of January again.

Words to remember

If this is the worst thing that happens in life it will be a good life.
-Author Unknown

Trying to remember this as I work through my company’s year-end mess, the tax problem from 2006 still not resolved (not my error) and the phone calls from vendors screaming for money.

Making Women Count

I recently read, Susan Bulkeley Butler's Women Count: A Guide to Changing the World, a little book (only 131 pages long) that has succeeded in changing my thinking about women and equality.

Motivation for reading: I was familiar with Susan Bulkeley Butler's previous book Become the CEO of You Inc and receive her newsletter which is filled with insight and book recommendations. So when I was offered an advance copy of Women Count to review, I happily accepted.

Susan’s background:
Susan Bulkeley Butler was the first female partner of a major consulting firm. Susan has experienced the discrimination women face in the workplace. She has gone from a self-described “man in a skirt” at Accenture to the CEO of the Susan Bulkeley Butler Institute for the Development of Women Leaders, and has used her experiences to write a book that highlights the successes of women in the world. Butler believes in personal responsibility and advocates mentoring as a way to help the next generation of women leaders. Women Count gives examples of how every woman can change the world and how communities can remove obstacles to equality and success.

My thoughts:
Women Count: A Guide to Changing the World is packed with inspiring, eye-opening revelations. Here are some of the major points that resonated with me:

Susan’s explanation of “Women Count:”

For as long as I can remember, the world first ignored, then focused on counting women’s accomplishments. Each time a barrier is broken, another marker is posted along the way.

I experienced this firsthand. In 1965, I became the first professional female employee at Arthur Andersen & Co. Fourteen years later, I was the first woman partner at Andersen Consulting, a division of Arthur Andersen & Co. that became Accenture, one of the world’s largest management consulting, technology services, and outsourcing companies.

Make no doubt about it: The accomplishments of women in recent years are truly astounding and well worth celebrating. But tallying numbers is no longer enough. We’ve done that. It’s no longer enough to count women – it’s time to ensure that we are all women who count. Change our way of thinking. (Pg. 1)

Women Count?
Of course they do, but not like they should in the roles that matter most in today’s world. Consider some numbers:

-Less than 3 percent of the top executives in America’s biggest companies are women.

-Less than 16 percent of the directors of Fortune 500 companies in America are woman.

- Only 17 percent of members of Congress are women. As of early 2010, only six of the nation’s fifty governors are women.

-Four decades after Congress passed the Equal Pay Act; women still earn an average of seventy- eight cents for every one dollar a man earns. (Pg. 9)

Why don’t the numbers add up for Women?

Partly it has to do with basic discrimination that still exists today, despite the introduction of numerous laws over the years. Partly it’s because there aren’t enough women who strive to be CEO’s and members of Boards of Directors and not enough people are mentoring and supporting others to help women reach such heights. Partly it’s because there just aren’t that many of these sorts of positions available, due to lack of turnover. (Pg. 13)

Also, women continue to think about others before themselves.

Susan goes back in history revealing the incredible progress women have made in a relatively short period of time. I was astonished to learn Catherine Littlefield Greene invented the cotton gin. It wasn’t considered proper at the time to hold patents, so she passed her idea along to an aspiring young inventor named Eli Whitney.

To move from being counted to counting, Susan feels every woman has to figure out her own way to make all the disparate pieces of her life add up to success and happiness.

So where do we begin?
We begin by changing our organizations. We must all ensure that women and men are represented equally in our companies, our government and elsewhere. Diversity, we have learned, fosters change.

At first I had difficulty with this point.
Susan suggests that if company leaders promote diversity and increase the ranks of women in their top management, those top managers will in turn promote diversity and women who work for them.

I was skeptical. How is this going to happen? If men hold the majority of leadership positions in our companies what will magically change their way of thinking and persuade them to begin promoting women. I went back and reread the chapter “Change our Organization.” I discovered this is the key to change:

Women need to do more to promote women on our own teams. Be their advocates and help them get the visibility they need. When I ask women why there aren’t more women in the senior ranks of any organization the answer I frequently hear is, “The woman at the top likes being the only woman.” They are not helping others climb the career ladder and join them in leading the organization to new heights. Others say “I did it on my own merit, so others can too.” Actually none of us – women or men –made it to the top on our own. (Pg. 82)

Women need to do more to promote other women. More often than not I hear women backstabbing and gossiping about other women at their company rather than promoting them. I’ve even witnessed women trying to rally male company officers to their side against other women. Believe me this behavior will not lead to men promoting women; no officer male or female wants this kind of drama managing their organization.

I loved Susan’s chapter on community service. Here are her thoughts on why it is important:

Community service makes a difference, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Just like your organization, changing your community changes the world.

I remember when my company first stressed the importance of “giving back.” The idea that stuck with me was that the people in the city where I lived helped make my company profitable and helped pay my salary, so I should support them, too. There was clear incentive to volunteer in the community, because without the community, my company might not exist. I learned the importance of giving back (or as I like to say it, “giving forward”) and making a better place for my having been there. (Pg. 88)

And let’s not forget the international community:

As secretary of State, Hillary Clinton has made women’s rights one of her signature issues. As columnist Ellen Goodman put it: “Clinton’s role is a boon for women around the world.” In her push to improve the social and political status of women, Secretary Clinton says, “Democracy means nothing if half the people can’t vote or it the vote doesn’t count, or if the literacy rate is so low that their vote is in question. The transformation of women’s roles is the last great impediment to universal progress. (Pg. 92)

Susan has inspired me to change my way of giving:
Although we are changing, women typically have had a different giving pattern than men. Since we have a hard time saying “no” to anyone, we have a real tendency to give our money to a lot of organizations and consequently to give smaller amounts of money. And in many cases, we do not consider what we want to see happen as a result of the donation. Men typically do just the opposite giving more to fewer causes and probably saying “no” more often. (Pg. 94)

This is true in my household. I have no giving plan, my donations consist of contributing small dollar amounts to every request I receive from friends and colleagues throughout the year. My husband on the other hand has three causes he is passionate about and concentrates all of his giving on those causes. When he receives additional donation requests he simply says, “No, I concentrate my donation dollars on X, Y and Z.” And doesn’t feel guilty or look back.

Bottom line: Women Count: A Guide to Changing the World is packed with information and guidelines guaranteed to motivate you to change your own thoughts and behavior. Butler gives numerous examples and inspiring stories to get you started. In addition, to recommending books throughout Women Count she includes a guide for further reading at the end.

I am going to close by quoting her final paragraphs:

But remember that as long as we dream big, beginning with the end in mind; take our teams along with us, mentoring others along the way; make and follow our plans; and navigate our way to a successful outcome, every one of us will be a woman who make a difference.  We will be women who count.

And together, we will change the world. (Pg. 124)

Difficult Co-workers, Supervisors & Managers

This week while dining out with friends I had an epiphany moment; I realized previous, “girl’s night out” conversations tended to focus on how to find a boyfriend, difficult boyfriends and quirky husbands. We would ruminate over whether we should stay in or leave a particular relationship. I’m not sure if it is a sign of the times or if it’s because we are a little bit older and happily married, but the focus of this week’s conversation was how to find a new job and the challenges of working with difficult co-workers, supervisors and quirky managers. The question of the night was should we stay or leave a particular job. We came to the conclusion we are all happy to have a job and it is impossible to change our co-workers/managers, so we need to either accept these people the way they are and learn how to work with them or leave.

It appears many of my blog readers also have issues with the people they work with. According to my blog stats, “Working with a difficult co-worker, supervisor or manager,” I hate my supervisor,” Manipulative co-workers,” and “ A personal attack at work” are all popular searches bringing traffic to my blog. I’ve written about all of these topics in the past and have decided to create a “difficult co-workers post” linking all of my previous posts covering these topics. I am also including links from other blogs and book recommendations I have found helpful.

My posts:
Alyssa's new supervisor tries to get her fired in I hate my supervisor. She asks me if she should continue to endure her supervisor's abuse or return to her old job which is less prestigious.

I wrote about how things turned out for Alyssa in an Update to I hate my supervisor. 
 
In A personal attack at work, I write about my HR manager personally attacking me.
 
Here are my experiences Working with a Master Manipulator.
 
In Verbal Judo Communication I try to assist a reader who is having difficulty communicating with her manager by providing tips from George Thompson's book Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion.

In Moving on after a personal attack by a co-worker a reader asks just that, "How to move on after a personal attack by a co-worker."

Here are some of my favorite posts dealing with difficult co-workers written by other bloggers:
 
Penelope Trunk's post Do you have a good job? Take the test helped me realize maybe my job isn't so bad after all. Sometimes the crappiest job isn’t bad when your co-workers are your friends. 

Suzanne Lucas of "Evil HR Lady" has written before about working with bullies. In Petty Tyrant she links all of her workplace bully posts onto one.

Anita Bruzzese's post Five ways to handle being personally attacked at work is the post I read shortly before my own personal attack at work. This post became a life-saver in the days following my attack.

If you are like me and can't think quickly on your feet you need to read Anita's Learn to handle verbal smackdowns. She provides tips to help us respond to snide comments from colleagues.
 
Miss Minchin’s post Workplace dangers - manipulate people helped me understand what the motivation was behind the master manipulator I work with.
 
Books mentioned in the above posts:
For a good book dealing with jerks in the workplace, check out Robert Sutton's The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving.
 
George Thompson's book Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion was recommended by my favorite librarian.  He attended an entire seminar on this book; apparently library patrons can be just as difficult to work with as co-workers.

Megan Hustad's How to Be Useful: A Beginner's Guide to Not Hating Work.  In addition to providing ways to make work not suck, she provides the most helpful networking tips I've ever read.

In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph. D. is a useful guide to help identify tactics used by manipulators. Once you recognize their tactics you can change the game and control the outcome.

Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation by Kathleen Kelley Reardon and Christopher T. Noblet offers advice for handling difficult conversations. This is the book Anita Bruzzese sites in her post Learn to handle verbal smackdowns.

If you have a book or blog post you've found helpful in dealing with "Difficult co-workers" let me know; I'd be happy to add a link.

Why do all the pretty girls flirt with me now that I’m married?

Jack, a thirty-something former co-worker, has been married for two years. He recently stated, “Now that I wear a wedding ring pretty girls flirt with me all the time whereas when I was single and ring less they wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

He has surmised women like a challenge and prefer stealing a married man to dating a single guy.

It is true women do like a challenge, but I know Jack and frankly when he was single he was obnoxious. He came on way too strong and scared many a girl off, forcing them to be rude when he wouldn’t take the hint. Now, that he is married and less desperate they are more comfortable being nice to him. Sometimes, I think guys misread girls who are just being nice for flirting.

In Penelope Trunk's blog workplace situations we don't talk about Penelope discusses, "Not knowing whether a meeting is a date." Personally, I have encountered this dilemma once when I was single and once after I was married. In both situations, I thought I was being nice and not flirting. In both situations, I think the guy thought otherwise.

David attempts to enlighten women with this comment he left on Penelope's post:

Dinner "date," or not??
I'm going to lose my "playa" card for telling you this, but most men like to keep their options open no matter what even when they're married. Ladies, your man will deny every word of this so don't ask… Anyway, men are hunters by nature. The smarter hunters, not only do we sharpen our weapons daily, we also love to fill the forest with traps just in case we have a bad hunting day/week/month/year.

Examples of traps would be one on one lunch/after-hours meetings. We set up small "meetings" to get a good lay of the land (no pun intended). The tendency is to set up small friendly meetings sometimes cloaked in business agendas, but placed in more intimate settings so that you let down your guard to coax you out of your business mind and reveal more of who you really are. If it leads to something, then great, but we usually don't expect anything to happen on the first run…some of us get off on the control and others use it to set up the chase. And for others it’s the control and the chase.

So my advice, just assume it's the set up every time, especially if they know you are single. There are random men who don't have this ulterior motive in mind, but that would be 1-2% of the time…they are the exception to the rule.

To those who disagree adamantly with me here…It may sound seedy, but once you accept that humans are sexual beings and realize that true unwavering fidelity is a figment of your imagination placed upon you by the lifelong marketing of marriage. Then you'll not be so devastatingly shocked when someone disappoints you in the future. Everyone cheats in their mind…it's the ones that act that give us entertainment for our reality TV show curiosity.

The bottom line is: Be careful what messages you are sending/receiving when you communicate with the opposite sex in the workplace. Conversation and behavior that crosses the professional line can only lead to problems.