Ride of Your Life by Ran Zilca

I first discovered Ran Zilca author of Ride of Your Life: A Coast-to-Coast Guide to Finding Inner Peacewhile researching my Be Strong Project (a project I created to help me become stronger in my 50th year). He had written a great article on building inner strength for Psychology Today which I used as the foundation for my project. Later, I had the opportunity to interview Zilca about inner strength. You can read that interview here. Recently, I was offered a free copy of Ride of Your Lifefor review. Below are my thoughts.

What is Ride of Your Life about?
In Zilca’s own words:
The book is a guide to inner peace, composed over a 6,000 mile, coast-to-coast solo motorcycle ride I took in 2010. I started in New York and rode to California and then down the California coast line. On my way I interviewed different scientists and authors like Deepak Chopra, Phil Zimbardo, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and Byron Katie. The collective wisdom of these experts and of the many people I met on the road, along with the meditative experience of riding in solitude each day, yielded very interesting insights that form the guide.

What was his motivation for this project?

Also in Zilca's words:
I was just turning 40, and being very successful in business and in my personal life, but unsure as to who I really am. I think that many people experience this type of feeling in midlife, where they know what they do and where they live, but not exactly sure who they are. It made me feel restless, so I went out to rediscover my identity, quiet the restlessness, and regain my inner peace.

My Thoughts:
This book is a little bit travelogue, a little bit self-help/self-discovery and a little bit memoir. If you sum up the three parts it is a great little book packed with wisdom. Here are some of my favorite nuggets:

From Dr. Barbara Frederickson Zilca learns bad experiences affect us more than good, but good is more frequent than bad. 

Her first book, Positivity, describes various research studies on positive emotions. The findings are astounding in their simplicity and have to do with the number of positive emotions a person experiences during a day compared with the number of negative emotions, a ratio that is simply called  “the positivity ratio.” If that ratio equals three or higher, you eventually go into an “upward spiral” – a state of flourishing. If your daily dose of positive emotion is less than three times the negative, you risk going into a negative state. Simply put, to flourish, you need to experience three times the good for anything bad. (Pg. 45)

This makes so much sense to me. On days when I come home from work thinking what a lousy day, yet can’t name the reason for my bad day – just a lot of small negative events this study explains it.  My bad day is due to my positivity ratio being upside down. I am not experiencing enough positive emotions to counteract all of my negative encounters.

An effective strategy to become happier:

Cultivate openness so that a person can recognize, notice, and appreciate the good that is already taking place in his or her life, and this way, tip the positivity ratio in his or her favor. (Pg. 45)

Instead of using “be positive” as a motto she prefers “be open,” or be appreciative and kind.

From Deepak Chopra he learns flexibility is the very source of inner strength: “Infinite flexibility is the secret of immortality.”

Flexibility is an attitude more than anything else. It means that I don’t need to always be rigidly attached to anything: a situation, a relationship, a point of view, or an outcome. If you are flexible, the challenge is gone. (Pg. 165)
 

Lastly, I am adding traveling between Routes 61 and 152 to my bucket list. Zilca describes this landscape as surprisingly Mediterranean. I am also adding the Gila National Forest to the list which reminded Zilca of Switzerland. 

Bottom Line:
Ride of Your Life is a great little book packed with nuggets of wisdom. I recommend it for mid-lifers experiencing a crises or anyone at any stage of life who is looking for more. My only negative is the book seemed to end rather abruptly. I get it the ride was over and Zilca went home, but I would have preferred more exploration of what he learned and how he applied these new ideas once he returned home.

Have you read this book?  What were your thoughts?

I Admit It – I Am a Nervous Nellie

I’m not sure when my husband began referring to me as a “Nervous Nellie,” but he has been doing so for quite a while now. I mostly ignore him when he does this not allowing him to deflect my anxiousness. That is until my mom got cancer. 

Last March, my mom was diagnosed with clear-cell carcinoma, an aggressive form of uterine cancer. She required in home care after undergoing a radical hysterectomy, so I volunteered to stay with her for a few days post-surgery.  Before sending her home from the hospital, a nurse spent a few minutes with the two of us demonstrating how to change my mom’s catheter, teaching her how to inject a syringe containing blood thinner into her stomach and giving me a breathing tube she was to breath into every hour to alleviate her coughing.

That evening my sister who works in health care pointed out I had not changed my mother’s catheter properly, my mom was refusing to eat and managing all of her medications was turning out to be a more daunting task than I had anticipated.

To say I was nervous when the visiting nurse called to check on us the following morning was probably an understatement. She asked me a few questions, recommended I purchase a probiotic and offered to stop in. After meeting my mom and talking to her, this nurse turned to me and said, “You are a Nervous Nellie aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but be amused, perhaps my husband has been right all along; a fact he enjoyed immensely when I shared her comment with him when I returned home.

The remainder of the year did not ease my Nervous Nellie tendencies. In August my Mom was in a car-accident on her way to a family get-together to celebrate her cancer-free diagnosis. No one was hurt and the accident had not been her fault, but this party may have been the worst family celebration I have ever attended. As the year progressed we learned my mom now has two hernias resulting from her radiation treatments and will most likely have to wear Depends for the rest of her life; apparently the radiation also damaged her bowel. The good news is my mom continues to remain cancer free.

As I re-read my 2014 goals, I realize other than keeping a gratitude journal (the only resolution I managed to stick to) they were all focused on trying to be more perfect – don’t eat sugar, be organized, suffer for 15 minutes, find my Calcutta – no wonder I am so nervous. Perhaps my 2015 resolutions should be to kayak more, spend more time playing with my dogs, going to movies and reading for pleasure.  

Are you a “Nervous Nellie?” If so, what do you do to relax?

Why I Will Never Be a Homesteader

I discovered Melissa Coleman's book This Life Is in Your Hands: One Dream, Sixty Acres, and a Family Undoneon Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness’s site when she included it in her Nonfiction Recommendation Engine: Memorable Memoirs. She describes this book as just stunning… ominous, elegant, honest and evocative and was able to read it in a single sitting. 

What is the This Life Is in Your Hands: One Dream, Sixty Acres, and a Family Undone about?
In the fall of 1968 Melissa’s parents Elliot and Sue Coleman buy a small piece of property on a remote peninsula on the coast of Maine from Helen and Scott Nearing, authors of the homesteading bible Living the good Life how to Live Sanely and Simply in a Troubled World.  Their dream is to build a home with their own hands then live off the land. They become part of the back-to-land movement of the 70’s. All does not go well and eventually their family becomes undone. Melissa’s memoir explores her early childhood growing up on the homestead while learning to better understand her past.
      
Motivation for reading:
I grew up on a dairy farm in rural western Wisconsin in the 70’s. When I graduated from high school my goal was to get as far away from the farm as possible. My husband on the other hand is an avid fly fisherman, loves the outdoors and dreams of owning a log home on a couple of acres in Wisconsin's driftless area in our retirement years. I thought reading this book might help me determine whether I was judging my former life too harshly.

My thoughts:
I was not disappointed with this book. Like Kim, I found it to be an engrossing read and would categorize it as a nonfiction book that reads like fiction. Coleman’s story reminded me of Jeanette Well’s book The Glass Castle especially in her ability to write about her parents without bitterness.

I was impressed with how the book accurately portrays the difficulties that come with living off the land:

The reality of this way of life is that you have got to keep at it even when you don’t feel like it. Otherwise you won’t make it. It’s no life for dabblers. You have to dig it wholeheartedly, for if you don’t you just simply won’t be happy nor successful at what you do. (Pg. 111)

Coleman also does an excellent job of describing how isolating this life can be. In an article featured in the New York Times covering the Coleman’s reporter Roy Reed wrote:

“Self-sufficiency proves too difficult for many. Marital stresses, for example, are exaggerated in isolated areas around the country.” (Pg. 205)

I was happy to see her mention the problems of living without health insurance. Many of the books I’ve read (both fiction and nonfiction) covering “dropping out” or “living off the land” fail to discuss medical insurance. Elliott Coleman develops Graves' disease despite his strict vegetarian diet. Lack of medical insurance delays treatment and his health and stamina continue to decline. An underlying fear develops - what happens if Elliot becomes too sick to work.

I came away with a better understanding of organic farming.
Elliot Coleman ultimately becomes an organic farming guru. Here is one of his early influences:

It wasn't until the second summer of 1970 that I really began to understand gardening. That was the summer I read Sir Albert’s classic, An Agricultural Testament,  in which Howard claims that if plants are healthy there is no role for insects. (Pg. 66)

I won’t reveal what happens, but will say I did shed a tear of two. 

Bottom Line:  
If you are interested in self-sufficiency or the homestead movement and enjoy a good story this book is for you.  It would also make a good selection for a nonfiction book club. My only criticism is Coleman’s use of the first person in writing about events and conversations that occurred before she was born and when she was very young. Plus, her thoughts are too advanced for her age. In addition, I would have preferred more analysis of her parent’s actions and a discussion of her life after she left the homestead. Perhaps she will write a sequel. 

As to my own recollections of the farming life – I believe they are accurate. I foresee myself visiting western Wisconsin for a vacation or two, but I will never again live there permanently.
  
Have you ever considered leaving the corporate world to live off the land?

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Why I’ll Never Be a Food Blogger

A couple of months ago a woman I know signed up for a six-week boot camp program to lose weight before an upcoming family wedding. She prefers participating in intense exercise programs over crash dieting when trying to lose weight quickly. Unfortunately this time around she injured her knee during a running exercise two weeks in. Her orthopedic reluctantly agreed to give her a cortisone shot before the wedding, so she'd be able to walk without pain. Since she still wanted to lose weight, she asked when she could rejoin her boot camp class. To her surprise he said, "Never."  Considering her age - 52 and her physical condition he would never recommend she participate in let alone begin an exercise program with a boot camp.  Instead he suggested she change her diet and once her knee healed - walk for 30 minutes every day.  If she did these two things he guaranteed she'd lose weight.

What diet changes did he recommend?
The majority of her diet should consist of fruits, vegetables and proteins.  A serving of protein should be the size of her fist with the remainder of her plate being filled with fruits and vegetables.  

An idea for a food blog is born:
Almost immediately she began complaining about her new diet: fruits and vegetables were expensive, they spoiled too quickly, her husband and son wouldn't eat them, it was only week two and she was already tired of salads.

I came up with an idea for a food blog - The Savvy Diet - it would be based on meals consisting of vegetables, fruits and proteins.  I began researching seasonal foods and planning healthy menus with families and budgets in mind.  I took photos of my meals and jotted down post ideas. I began reading Dianne Jacob's book Will Write for Food: The Complete Guide to Writing Cookbooks, Blogs, Reviews, Memoir, and More (Will Write for Food: The Complete Guide to Writing Blogs,).

Why I'll never be a food blogger:
While reading about good writing and a food writer's voice in Will Write for Food I became overwhelmed with feelings of imposter syndrome not only for food writing, but for all writing.  (Note my absence from this blog).  I set the book aside.

Then while perusing a recipe for peaches and cream cake given to me by the above woman I noticed she had written in the margin next to the ingredients, "I use raspberry flavored peaches (Del Monte)."  At that moment I knew I was not a foodie and would never be a food blogger.  I would never, not ever in this life time, have thought to add a raspberry flavored peaches to this recipe or to any recipe.  I returned my copy of Will Write for Food to the library without ever reading the chapter on food blogging.

What does this mean for my Career Reinvention Challenge?
According to James Altucher in his post The Ultimate Cheat Sheet For Reinventing Yourself to discover your "it" you should go to the bookstore and find 500 books about it. If you get bored three months later go back to the bookstore. As to my career reinvention I've ruled out food blogging/writing and I'm heading back to the library.

What qualities do you think make a successful food writer/blogger?

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Why I Need To Be More Optimistic

I admit it I prefer cynicism and a good negative rant over Pollyannaism any day. My rejection of the happiness movement began when I attended a positivity lecture with a friend at her church while in my twenties. The minister proclaimed acquiring a positive attitude along with donating money to his church would attract good things to our lives. If we believed we would become a millionaire we would become one. If we believed we would find true love we would find it. I remained skeptical while my friend got out her checkbook. Reading Barbara Ehrenreich’s book Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America probably did not help my pessimistic tendencies.

Last year while traveling with a co-worker I mentioned I had never read and didn’t believe in the premise of Rhonda Byrne's book The Secret. She spent the next two hours trying to persuade me I was wrong insisting changing her attitude had changed her life. The day after she had decided to become a more positive person an unexpected check arrived in her mailbox. I was not convinced.  

It took Jenn Aubert and her book Women Entrepreneur Revolution: Ready! Set! Launch!: 100+ Successful Women Entrepreneurs Share Their Best Tips on What Works, What Doesn't (and Why) ... a Business and Designing a Life You Loveto help me understand the deeper benefits of a positive attitude. She writes:

One of the main traits seen time and again in powerful leaders at all levels is positive framing. It should be no surprise that to manage the roller coaster that is running your own business, you have to keep an outlook that looks for the silver lining in situations. But it goes beyond just having a rose-colored perspective. It is also about seeing things for the way they are and taking the facts as facts rather than spinning stories that are not true or – for that matter – useful. (Pg. 47)

People who frame things in a positive light don’t let negative feelings paint their reality in a negative way. They see things for what they are and learn from them. They understand that they’re in control of their future and can influence future outcomes, learn and grow. (Pg. 48)

During the 2002 recession the company where I work was hit incredibly hard. The owner had been on leave caring for his sick wife and had left the management of his company with his two inexperienced sons. After our company’s bank refused to renew our contract he returned to save his company. Over the next month he contracted a new bank to provide a line of credit and to take over our existing loans all at more favorable interest rates than we had previously. He negotiated long-term notes with five of our major vendors to pay off outstanding payable balances over the next two years. He downsized and cut costs in every area possible. Ultimately he saved his company. I am not sure if any of this could have been achieved if he were not an optimist. A more negative person would have just sold the company’s assets to the highest bidder.

During the great recession my company was again hit hard. Our owners again down sized and cut costs. They mentioned several times how they never would have made in through the great recession if they hadn’t experienced almost losing their company in 2002. They are convinced the changes they made in 2002 had made the company stronger and better able to withstand future financial set-backs. Talk about a silver-lining.

While Jenn Aubert was interviewing Stella Grizont the founder of WOOPAAH she learned:

Maintaining a positive attitude is deeper than just being optimistic and looking on the bright side. According to Stella what is most important is a belief in your vision and seeing ways to maneuver difficult situations and challenges. While a leader within the Ladies Who Launch organization she worked with thousands of women helping them maintain a positive frame by seeing the possibilities, taking the next step and taking account of one’s previous successes. This valuable tool of reframing situations, challenges and obstacles is a skill that can take you far. (Pg. 48)

I had been missing the true benefit of optimism. I had realized people prefer spending time with positive people and those with a positive attitude were more likely to be hired, make friends and find a mate. But I also thought those who believed in the happiness movement had been brain-washed into thinking all they had to do was be positive and good things would miraculously appear into their life. In reality ridding yourself of negative, trapped and I hate myself thoughts frees up your mind to come up with real solutions.

Perhaps it is time I let go of my own negative attitudes and work towards becoming a more optimistic person.

If you would like to learn more about Jenn Aubert and her book Women Entrepreneur Revolution please see my interview with Jenn Aubert.

Have you embraced the happiness movement?  Why or why not?

 

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Lean Back and Thrive

In Arianna Huffington’s book Thrive she describes a new definition of success, one that focuses not only on career advancement, but on the equally important goals of health and wellbeing, personal fulfillment, giving back and living a life of purpose and meaning.

She writes:

Our current notion of success, one in which we drive ourselves into the ground, if not the grave – in which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is considered a badge of honor – was put in place by men, in a workplace culture dominated by men.

And:

Women are paying an even higher price than men for their participation in a work culture fueled by stress, sleep deprivation, and burnout. 

Instead of focusing on the two traditional metrics of success, she recommends adding a third metric. This third metric includes our well-being, our ability to draw on our intuition and inner wisdom, our sense of wonder and our capacity for compassion and giving.

I find it interesting how as I've gotten older my goals and aspirations are leaning more towards the third metric.  My twenties were all about making money and working as many hours as possible.  In my thirties I returned to college, passed the CPA exam, found a new job and again worked long hours.  In my forties, I began burning out and dreamed of vacations and early retirement.  I started exercising and taking better care of myself to help combat chronic insomnia. Now that I'm over fifty I dream of mentoring and giving back. Instead of leaning-in to my career I long to lean back and have a more well-rounded life.

Finding the time to add this third metric - meditation, yoga, getting enough sleep, renewing ourselves and giving back - to my life can be challenging especially while working full-time and attempting to maintain this blog. (By the way I consider this blog part of my third metric). For me, the only way I can make this all work is to schedule everything. Cleaning my house, cooking, shopping, blogging, exercising, work meetings and deadlines, spending time with my family and friends – everything is scheduled. I am also someone who doesn’t work well under tight deadlines, so anything that upsets my schedule also upsets this third metric.  

Another thing I’ve noticed as I’ve become more involved with social media I’ve been staying up later and sleeping less.  I’ve even been known to bring my electronic devices to the dinner table much to my husband’s displeasure. The problem with social media is I’m never finished. I could always write one more comment or schedule one more tweet.  It’s time I take a step back.  I need to cut-back on my social media participation.  My social media activity is now scheduled from 8:00 pm to 9:30 pm allowing me a half hour downtime before falling asleep.

This past week I read three blog posts from three different women about how their career goals have changed as they got older.  All three wanted to lean back rather than lean into their career.  One wanted to spend more time with her family, one wanted a different career from the one she's been working towards since she was sixteen, and the third wanted to spend more time giving back.

Have your career goals changed over time?  Do you dream of leaning-back?

This post was inspired by Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington who encourages everyone to sleep their way to the top. Join From Left to Write on May 1 we discuss Thrive. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Esthetician Interview - Q & A with The Esthetic Goddess

After reading Susie of The Esthetic Goddess's post What I Have Learned (So Far) As An Esthetician, I knew I had to interview her about her career.  In the following interview Susie provides an insider’s look into her career as an esthetician while offering advice and tips to help the consumer. Enjoy:  

I have been a licensed esthetician for over 10 years in a wonderful medical spa. When I go to work every day I get to do facials, chemical peels, micro current, skin tightening treatments, and micro dermabrasion. My job is not only fun but rewarding and I love sharing what I have learned in the esthetics field!

What is an esthetician?
An esthetician is someone who works on the skin. This can include facials, waxing, chemical peels, body wraps, make-up and lasers. Estheticians cannot diagnose or treat skin diseases. If I see something suspicious on a client I recommend them to my favorite dermatologist who I know will take good care of them.

What motivated you to become an esthetician?
I started getting chemical peels at the age of 28. I thought it was so cool that just by applying something to someone’s skin you could change their skin tone and texture for the better.

When I was 37 my 17 year marriage came to an end. I had always been a stay at home mom and need a career. I had such a love for esthetics that it was a meant to be for me! We have no esthetic schooling around me so I drove 180 miles a day for school. I was extremely determined to make it happen and it was extremely worth it in the end!

What kind of experience and preparation helped you the most?
I feel like I got an exceptionally education from my esthetics teacher. She was a tough teacher. At first she didn’t even like me. (Hello?! I’m really lovable!) She gave me the hardest clients to work on and I was determined (There’s that word again. It describes me well!) To not let her break me. By the time I graduated her heart softened. She’d seen me working hard and exceeding education wise. She adored me by the end and I her! I owe so much to her. I felt very well prepared when I graduated.

In Illinois where I live Estheticians are required to have 750 hours of schooling. Once you graduate you have to get a state license by passing a written exam. After passing you can go on to more advanced training since you only learn basics in school. Every two years you need to complete 10 hours of continuing educating. This is for Illinois. All states have different requirements for estheticians.

What do you like best about your work?
Helping clients gain confidence! When a client comes to me with sun damage, acne, wrinkles, or whatever the skin problem is. I not only will help treat their skin but teach them what they need to be doing at home to maintain their skin in between the time till I see them again for another treatment. My goal is to always get my client skin looking great without make up.

What is your biggest headache?
Clients who think everything can be corrected in one treatment. It took a long time for their skin to get to the condition it is so it will take time to get it in good shape. Sometimes it can take several months. If you want your complexion looking beautiful for a wedding, reunion, etc. then start working on it a year before the special day.

What are the important personal qualities or abilities necessary for a person to be a successful esthetician?
Patience is a biggie! Not just treatment wise but you must have patience with the client themselves. For many of them they have never been taught to use the proper skin care. Often times I will baby step them into using the correct skin care. Starting with a good cleanser and working from there. This way they will not be overwhelmed with a lot of products at once.

I also think you must always be professional. I have a ton of fun with my clients but I would never bad mouth my completion. Even if a client is telling me of a bad experience they had with them.

Always do your job with integrity. Don’t sell a client a product or treatment you know will not work for them.

For someone who is considering this field, what would be you advice?
Find what you love in this field and specialize in it and never ever stop learning!

What do you wish you would have known before entering this field?
I can honestly say I have no surprises when I enter this field of work. I went into it with my eyes wide open and have never regretted it for a second!

How much can an esthetician expect to earn?
As a licensed esthetician you can make anywhere from $20,000-$50,000. It will all depend on experience and were you are working as well as what field you’re in. Working in a medical spa will pay more than working in a in a hair salon. You can also work from your own home or become a make-up artist. Salary will also depend on geo graphics. Do you live in a small town or big city? There are so many different variables.

Are there any scams or pitfalls to watch out for (phony opportunities, uncomfortable or scary situations, etc.)?
Oh there’s a ton of skin care out there that doesn’t really work. That’s why I will try out products for 3 months when trying a new product line. You cannot expect skin care to change your skin in 2 weeks and if they advertise that I would be very leery of that company. You also have to be careful of salesman selling machines. Lasers, skin tightening, microderm machines or any machine really. They all have limitations but sales people will say anything sometimes to make a sale. Not all sales people of course but they better have clinical studies to back up what they are claiming.

You mention on your blog that this is an ever changing field, what is the biggest change you’ve seen over the years?
There are definitely more machines then ever out now. So many different types of lasers and you can treat everything from sun damage to sagging skin to wrinkles with them. This is why it’s so important to stay on your toes. You have to figure out what really works and how well it will work for your clients.

I am a 51-year old woman with extremely oily yet sensitive skin. I recently noticed fine lines on my forehead and in the corner of my eyes. I have a drawer full of free samples of over-the-counter anti-aging products which I never remember to use. When I do remember, I either end up with a rash or don’t see any noticeable difference. If I were to visit your salon what would you recommend for my skin?
First and foremost we would sit down and discuss everything you are using on your skin and figure out what you should be using. Many times client believe there skin to be sensitive when it truly is not. It may have to do with two products they are using that are interacting with each other or it is an anti-aging ingredient, like retinol or glycolic acid, which when you first start using causes your skin to get red, itchy, or flaky. When used correctly, your skin will get acclimated to the products and all that will stop. After that we would discuss some of the treatments I can do on you to help address these issues. Like a chemical peel to help with fine lines and your oily skin. You may also be a candidate for the Venus Freeze treatment which helps tighten the skin. However I think your best bet is Botox to erase those wrinkles. Botox is a muscle relaxer. It’s perfect for forehead lines and crow’s-feet. I have been getting Botox done for over 20 years and think its da bomb!!

Also, I know a woman who had a skin treatment to remove acne scars from her chin at a prestige skin-salon. She ended up with second degree burns on her face and a settlement of $3,000 to pay her medical expenses. I’m not sure what happened; if a mistake was made with the procedure or if she didn’t understand the potential side-effects. What questions should consumers ask or potential problems should we be aware of before choosing a skin-treatment product or procedure?     
This really is dependent on the type of treatment. I think the biggest thing for the client would be to know how often they are preforming this procedure. What kind of training was involved and what is the reputation of the facility they are planning on going to.

Is there anything else you would like readers to know about yourself, skin care or your career?
If anyone is think of going into esthetics it is an incredible rewarding field and I feel blessed every day to not only have a wonderful clientele but to work in a medical spa with the a fantastic group of people ever!

Where can we find you?
If anyone has any concern about their skin I am always happy to help. I can be found at http://www.estheticgoddess.com.

48 Days To The Work You Love

What is Dan Miller's book 48 Days To The Work You Loveabout?
Dan Miller, a life coach, has written a book not about finding a new job, but about discovering what you are going to “be.” According to Miller, failing to make that fundamental discovery is why so many people find themselves in jobs they hate. His book is to help lead you to the vocation you will love.

Motivation for reading:
This book has been included on several must-read career book lists, but it wasn’t until Sarah Ingle mentioned it in her post things I wish I'd been told in college that I decided to read this book. She wrote:

I wish someone had made me read 48 Days To The Work You Love.  I know I talk about this book all the time, but it was the first thing I ever read that actually helped point me in a direction. I think every college freshman or sophomore should be REQUIRED to read something like this before they waste thousands of dollars on classes that are useless and have no direction. 

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may have noticed I’ve been feeling trapped in my career as an accounting manager for some time now. I’ve worked in accounting for 25 years and would like to do something more fulfilling in the next stage of my life. I was hoping this book would provide some insight.

My thoughts:
This book is not a step-by-step how-to-guide to finding a new career in 48 days; instead it is a book filled with anecdotes and stories from Miller’s coaching practice, the bible and quotations from other books. Each chapter does end with a list of questions designed to get you thinking about your own life and its purpose. Overall, I thought the book was a bit repetitive. I would have preferred a more logically organized step-by-step book, but reading it was not an entire waste I came away with several invaluable insights. Here is a sampling:

Not only know yourself, but know what is changeless about you:
The power of knowing yourself acts as a compass through change. Popular writer Steven Covey says the only way we can handle change is to know what is changeless about ourselves. You need that changeless core, knowing how God has uniquely gifted you and what you value. With that knowledge you can forge through change with clear direction and unshakeable purpose. (Pg. 31)

On having action plans and setting goals:
A plan of action will separate you from 97% of the people you meet. Everyone has dreams, but very few ever turn those into goals. The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a timeframe of action attached. (Pg. 48)

Only 8% of the general population can identify goals and only about 3% ever actually write them down. (Pg. 56)

Goals are not written in concrete terms but certainly give you a starting point and a destination. The important thing is you are working on your goals; your life has meaning only when you are working towards goals through with your achieve meaning. After all, success is the progressive realization of worthwhile goals. (Pg. 57)

Indecision is the greatest thief of opportunity:
A recent Harvard Business School Study asked, “What are the top characteristics of high achievers?” At the very top of the list, one characteristic stood out: speed of implementation – having the ability to act quickly. Eighty percent of decisions should be made immediately. (Pg. 55)

When confronted with a decision Dan and his wife allow a 2-week maximum for arriving at a decision. Here is their approach to the process:

1. State the problem
2. Get the advice and opinions of others
3. List alternatives
4. Choose the best alternative
5. Act

Look for what you love first:
Looking for the best opportunities in career and jobs often leads to disillusionment and frustration. Look for what you love first. Then you will have the confidence and enthusiasm to find success in places others overlook. (Pg. 188)

I enjoyed the chapter on entrepreneurship. It contained one of the best “Do you have what it takes to be an entrepreneur questionnaire” I’ve seen. It is extensive – at 18 questions and does not include your typical are you a risk taker type question.

The chapter on interviewing pointed out how important it is to appear energetic and enthusiastic during the interview process.

Bottom line:
I may not have determined what my next career will be, but I did gain valuable insights from reading this book. I recommend it to anyone just starting out or searching for a new vocation with this caveat - Miller writes this book from a Christian point of view. If this will bother you, you may want to skip this book.

What is the best career book you’ve ever read?

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You Don’t Seem Happy Anymore

It was December 23^rd and I was exhausted from both work and holiday preparations when my husband asked if I’d like to have a glass of wine by the fire.  I half-heartedly said, “Sure” and grabbed the book I’ve been reading - Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon Self-Control, and My Other Experiments in Everyday Life. I wanted to read (I am an introvert and need down time when confronted with a lot of social activity) while my husband was looking forward to a nostalgic conversation about the Christmas’s of our past.  His sister is moving to a new home this January and we would be celebrating the holidays in her old home for the last time. No one in the family was interested in having this conversation including myself.  After several failed conversation attempts he finally said:

"You don’t seem happy anymore.  You don’t laugh or joke or want to have fun.  All you do is work and when you are home you are either reading or working on the computer.  When you do engage in conversation you are usually negative. You never used to be this way.  When I met you, you were happy, laughed easily and had a carefree positive attitude. What can I do to help you change back to the person you used to be?"  

This was somewhat of a wake-up call. He is right and the reasons are numerous. Since my bunion surgery last summer, I’ve gained back all of the weight I lost two years ago and still am not back to my normal workout routine.  I feel lethargic and remain continuously behind both at work and at home and from time to time I feel mildly depressed. I don’t take enough time off – nine of my earned vacation days went unused in 2013 - the most vacation I’ve lost ever. In addition, I’m feeling old and trapped in my current life and job.  

My reading of Gretchen’s book Happier at Home suddenly took on new meaning, “How can I be happier at home in 2014.”  One thing I know for sure is my husband can’t do anything to change me.  If I want to change my life I have to do it myself. Here are my goals for 2014:

Interior Design:
I am re-committing to keeping a gratitude journal:
I’ve kept journals in the past and they’ve been helpful especially when going through a rough time.  This year, in addition to writing what I am grateful for, my focus is going to be on writing about the positive aspects of my day and if it includes working with someone who is difficult or annoying I need to write something positive about that person. Also as a way to know myself better, I am going to pay attention to what I envy and what I lie about.  I found it interesting that I was envious of a friend when others commented on how efficient she is. 

Control over possessions and time

Make to-do lists:
I’ve never been a big list maker.  I like to keep things in my head and only write down an important deadline or two on my calendar. Last fall I attended a seminar called “Getting Things Done” based on a book of the same title written by David Allen. At the seminar we were required to do a “Mind Sweep” a process where we were required to write everything we needed to get done both at work and at home on a piece of paper. The idea is to get these tasks out of our minds. I used this list during the month of December and it helped tremendously.  One of my biggest sources of unhappiness is missing appointments or remembering a deadline when it is too late.   

Implement a new filing system both at work and at home.
This was also covered in the “Getting Things Done” seminar. Lost and misplaced items are a huge source of unhappiness for me.  I’ve previously written about my messy desk at work and my files at home are currently packed so tight I couldn’t possibly place another piece of paper in them let alone find anything.  After having difficulty finding financial papers at the end of the year, I began implementing a new filing system both at home and at work.

Suffer for 15 minutes:
I’ve started taking a dreaded task from my above to-do list and spending 15 minutes a day on it.  This is so much better than tackling the entire list on a Saturday.  Setting up a credit-card payment or renewing our DOT fleet license at work are never fun tasks, but ones that can easily be accomplished in 15 minutes or less. It is also much better than waiting ‘til the due date and then frantically searching for passwords.

Teach and delegate:
When asked a question at work I need to teach others where to find the information or how to do the work themselves or delegate it. Taking on too much at work is one of my major sources of inefficiency.

Buy what I need and get rid of what I don’t:
I tend to be an under-buyer and a slight hoarder. This basically means I have a lot of stuff people have given me, I’ve gotten for free, are obsolete, I no longer need and not what I do need.  I find myself scrambling when I run out of printer ink or don’t have warm clothes that fit adequately when the temperatures go below zero. 

Body:
Stop eating sugar:
I am an abstainer. I’ve known this since reading Gretchen's previous book The Happiness Project. She describes an abstainer as someone who finds it easier to abstain from something than to indulge moderately.  Abstainers aren’t tempted by things that are off limits, but once started have trouble stopping.

Moderators, by contrast do better when they act with moderation, because they feel trapped and rebellious at the thought of never “getting” or doing something. Occasional indulgence heightens their pleasure and strengthens their resolve. (Pg. 122)  

I’ve given up sugar in the past and find that completely abstaining is the only way I can keep from binging. Effective immediately I am no longer going to eat any sugary treats.

Seek out a workout that works for me:
I’m still searching for a workout that I enjoy that isn’t too strenuous.   I plan to try a Barre class in the coming weeks and will continue to look for new workouts after my foot heals completely.  I would like to meet with a fitness consultant to help map a workout routine that is tailored to my fitness needs and abilities.

Finding my Calcutta:
One of my major sources of unhappiness comes from my life not “being” about anything.  I feel as if life is passing me by as I sit in my office fixing accounting entries all day. I had a conversation with another male co-worker who feels similar.  He is the manager of one of our company stores and feels he makes a difference in about 30 people’s lives, but that is it.  He thinks the items his store sells are no longer made well and are a huge headache to sell and service. After he retires in a few years he hopes to do something more meaningful with his life.

Lighten-up:
In 2014, I need to stop being so hard on myself.  Perhaps I too can wait until I retire and have more free time to make my life be about something.  I still have this blog which I am attempting to turn into a mentoring club for women.  I started The Savvy Reader Book Club last year and try to write regular posts that hopefully help women.  One of my friends suggests I work on this blog only when I have they time and not to feel guilty when I don't have time. Family and work come first.

Give gold stars:
For me, this means paying more attention to my husband.  Closing my book when he wants to have a conversation or moving away from the computer for a few minutes to actively listen when he tells me about his day.  Acknowledge and thank him for doing something that makes my life easier or better – for having an incredible meal ready when I get home from work on New Year’s Eve or helping with the cleaning when I have to work on Saturdays during January. Or just going outside and spending time with him and our dogs in the back yard instead of checking my twitter feed for the umpteenth time.  

Have you made any resolutions to be happier at home in 2014? 

This post was inspired by Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin where she runs a nine month experiment to create happier surroundings. Join From Left to Write on January 6 we discuss Happier at Home. You can also chat live with Gretchen Rubin on January 7 on Facebook! As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

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The Savvy Reader Book Club Selection for December

The Savvy Reader Book Club is an online nonfiction book club created for the serious reader. At the beginning of each month I select one or two books; then host discussion posts covering the books throughout the month.  

Since December will most likely be a busy month, I’ve decided to choose just one book this month. The Savvy Reader Book Club selection for December is:

Josh Hanagarne’s book The World's Strongest Librarian: A Memoir of Tourette's, Faith, Strength, and the Power of Family

The title of this book is deceiving. Josh may work as a librarian, but this book is about much more than libraries.  As a young boy playing the role of a “tree” in a school play Josh begins twitching uncontrollably. It turns out he has Tourette Syndrome. Eventually he learns to control his tics by lifting weights. This book is a memoir that includes Josh's thoughts and experiences with Tourette’s, faith, strength the power of family, reading and yes occasionally libraries. 

Since I too have been on a strength challenge – attempting to become a stronger person in my 50th year – this book should be the perfect read to close out my Be Strong Reading Challenge. Be Strong was a reading challenge I created for myself to read books covering topics related to inner strength such as confidence, communication skills, working with difficult people, self-knowledge, willpower, etc.

On another note, as a follow-up to last month’s book club selection Seth Godin's Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, I would like to highlight additional books recommended by readers:

Catherine Gacad is currently reading Randi Zuckerberg's book Dot Complicated: Untangling Our Wired Lives:
Randi Zuckerberg is the sister of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Her book which is part memoir, part how-to manual addresses issues of privacy, online presence, networking, etiquette, and the future of social change. Hmm… this book sounds like a possible future Savvy Reader book club selection.

Mel of brokeGirlrich likes leadership/business books a lot. She loves the One Minute Manager books, especially The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkeyfor delegating. She also loves "personality" books like Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger's book The Art of SpeedReading People: How to Size People Up and Speak Their Language and David Keirsey's Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence which are both Briggs-Meyers related books. I am already a fan of Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. Their book Do What You Are was instrumental in helping me discover my Myers-Briggs personality type.  I am adding all of these books to my reading list.

Raina Kropp of San Diego HR Mom recommends an alternative book to Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us. She likes Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization by Dave Logan. According to Amazon:

In Tribal Leadership, Dave Logan, John King, and Halee Fischer-Wright show corporate leaders how to first assess their company’s tribal culture and then raise their companies’ tribes to unprecedented heights of success. In a rigorous eight-year study of approximately 24,000 people in over two dozen corporations, Logan, King, and Fischer-Wright discovered a common theme: the success of a company depends on its tribes, the strength of its tribes is determined by the tribal culture, and a thriving corporate culture can be established by an effective tribal leader. Tribal Leadership will show leaders how to employ their companies’ tribes to maximize productivity and profit: the author’s research, backed up with interviews ranging from Brian France (CEO of NASCAR) to “Dilbert” creator Scott Adams, shows that over three quarters of the organizations they’ve studied have tribal cultures that are adequate at best.

This book would have made an excellent companion read to Tribes.

Have you read any of these books? If so, what were your thoughts? Do you have any recommendations for future Savvy Reader Book Club selections?

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Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Motivation for reading:
I decided to read Cheryl Strayed’s book Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar after Rebecca Joines Schinsky included it on a list of books to read through your quarter life crisis over on Book Riot.

Rebecca wrote:

Strayed pushes us to know that we make ourselves, and it’s up to us to make ourselves whole. Someone in these pages will have the problem you have had or are having. Many someones will have it much worse. You will get perspective and reassurance and at least one that’s-exactly-what-I-needed-to-hear moment.

At 50, I’m not going through a quarter-life crisis, but a mid-life one and could certainly use a little perspective as I continue to make my way, so I decided to give the book a try.

What is Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar about?
Cheryl Strayed, the author of Dear Sugar an online advice column at The Rumpus, has put together a book of her best Dear Sugar columns along with a few that have never before been published.

My Thoughts:
Before reading this book, I was concerned an entire book of columns might be advice overload, so when I packed it for a recent vacation it was almost as an afterthought; perhaps I’d read a column or two. Once I began reading, I was so taken with Cheryl’s writing and her advice I couldn’t put the book down. I will warn you though Cheryl includes a story from her own life in every column instead of just giving advice. While I enjoyed this, some of you may not. 

Here is some of the advice I am taking to heart:
To the husband whose wife lost her mother:

Say Oh honey, I’m so sorry for your loss over and over again. (Page 98)

I’ve been in several situations where someone I know has lost a loved one and I’m never sure what I should say or do. Cheryl suggests being there and saying you are sorry over and over is what you need to do. It doesn’t make it okay, but it makes it better.

The guidance Cheryl gives the wife whose husband had an affair with a young woman the wife hired for the family business is perfect. Instead of forgiving the young woman Cheryl suggests she first accept the situation.

“Acceptance asks only that you embrace what is true.” (Pg. 113)

She recommends the wife neutralize her negative thoughts with a breath. Calm your mind. Breathe in deeply with intention, and then breathe out. Cheryl has breathed her way through many people she feels wronged by.

Then there is the Dear Sugar column I wrote about in my post Is It Possible to Change the Course of a Young Girl's Life. In this column, Cheryl writes about her experiences working as a youth advocate. Initially she tries to help the teens by getting the authorities to intervene. When no one comes to their aid and she’s told there is no money for kids over the age of 12, Cheryl changes her advice. She tells the girls to survive it. To endure it. This column gives me goose bumps every time I read it.

And lastly, the mental vision I have of the ‘rain” song Cheryl sings with the children in 'Ten Angry Boys' has stayed with me long after reading the book.

Bottom Line:
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar isn’t what I would call a light vacation read. I had been feeling a bit down prior to my vacation and this book didn’t exactly bring me up. I spent a couple of days wallowing in my dysfunctional childhood, but the book did help me see things from a different point of view. I came away able to forgive someone from long ago and also to feel reassured I did the right thing in distancing someone else. All in all reading the book was good for me and I gained perspective. I can only imagine how much I'd have gotten out of it if I had read it during my quarter-life crisis.

Have your read this book?  If so what were your thoughts?

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
New Perspectives
Life is Not About Perfection
Career Book Recommendations and Advice From FrauTech
How Not to Lose Your Cool When Your Manager Screams at You

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Strength Interview with Ran Zilca of 'Ride of Your Life'

Last summer, while researching inner-strength for my BE Strong Challenge –  a challenge I created for myself to become a stronger person in my 50th year - I discovered a fantastic article on Building Inner Strength by Ran Zilca on Psychology Today. This article remains the best article I’ve read to-date on inner-strength, so you can imagine how excited I was to learn Ran is writing a book about his journey towards inner peace. I recently had the opportunity to interview Ran for my strength challenge:

What is your book - A coast to Coast Journey to Inner Peace about? And when will it be released?
The book is a guide to inner peace, composed over a 6,000 mile, coast-to-coast solo motorcycle ride I took in 2010. I started in New York and rode to California and then down the California coast line. On my way I interviewed different scientists and authors like Deepak Chopra, Phil Zimbardo, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and Byron Katie. The collective wisdom of these experts and of the many people I met on the road, along with the meditative experience of riding in solitude each day, yielded very interesting insights that form the guide.

I am running a Kickstarter Campaign (see below). If it’s successful the book will come out for the new year.

What motivated you to undertake this journey?
I was just turning 40, and being very successful in business and in my personal life, but unsure as to who I really am. I think that many people experience this type of feeling in midlife, where they know what they do and where they live, but not exactly sure who they are. It made me feel restless, so I went out to rediscover my identity, quiet the restlessness, and regain my inner peace.

What makes you feel strong?
When you lift weights you put a strain on your muscles, and in turn that builds muscle mass. Mental strength is built in the exact same way – by facing and meeting challenges, and going outside your comfort zone. I got my motorcycle license only a year before going on the road, and it was very hard for me to learn how to ride, and become good at it. It was also very hard, in many different ways, to go on the road and leave home for 5 weeks. I missed my wife and my kids, and even though my wife was very supportive of the project, it was very hard on her as well. I also did not have much riding experience, and most days were filled with risks. For that very reason though, the pride of actually doing it made me feel much stronger in a very profound way.

What detracts from your strength or what do you see others doing that detract from their strength?
All of us have known energy-drains. It could be the interaction with certain people, being in certain situations, or worries and thoughts. To remain strong, it’s crucial to identify those, so you can keep the drain of strength to a minimum. 

What do you know now that you did not know when you were 18?
At 18 my identity was still forming, and today I know who I am and how to make decisions irrespective of what may be good for others. At the same time, I would never want to lose my perspective at 18, where anything was possible, and everything was starting to happen and materialize. The sense of strength in youth can be tremendous. 

Do you have any lessons that you’ve learned from your journey that may help me in my strength challenge?To do one thing each day that scares you and makes you feel uncomfortable, to live life in service of others, to give others credit before they act, and forgive them when they default on that credit. The biggest hurdle on the way to happiness and inner strength is one’s ego and a sense of self-importance.

Are there any books that have influenced you or that you find yourself always recommending to others?
Many :) Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want The How of Happiness, and Barbara Fredrickson’s Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life (both authors that I was fortunate to interview) are great positive psychology guides for life. Deepak Chopra’s The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment The Ultimate Happiness Prescription is also a great read that is very practical. When I was on the road I read John’s Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, which is both a great travel story and a thought-provoker. But mostly – I find The Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching to be an executive summary of many texts on human happiness.

As I enter the second year of my challenge what should I focus on? I spent most of my first year gaining a better understanding of who I am.  
Here’s my advice: Make a list of things you want to do but feel uncomfortable doing, and start doing them! It could be small, daily things too. The pride you will feel will be a tremendous source of strength.

Tell me about your Kickstarter Project?
The Kickstarter Campaign allows everyone to pre-order the book, and also participate in its creation (!) by sending questions to the different experts. You can also get signed and dedicated copies, a coaching package, and other special rewards. The funding from the pre-orders will be then used to pay for the book’s production, but only if enough pre-orders are made.  

Is there anything else we should know about you?
Even though there’s some dose of adventure in my life, I live very normatively – house in the suburbs, take the kids to school and activities, etc. I love family life and the daily routine that comes with it.

Ran Zilca can be found at http://www.rideofyourlife.com/ and his Kickstarter Project can be found here.

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